Kimberly, I'm so sorry for your troubles, and I know you feel especially bad about the situation it has created for your wife. There is no fix to this. Keep talking to your wife, treat her special, take her away somewhere and be wonderful to her!
Kimberly, I'm so sorry for your troubles, and I know you feel especially bad about the situation it has created for your wife. There is no fix to this. Keep talking to your wife, treat her special, take her away somewhere and be wonderful to her!
Rachel Denise
[SIZE="2"]“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. His response was a question: “Where do you want to go?’ ‘I don’t know,’ answered Alice. ‘Then,’ said the cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.' "
- Lewis Carroll[/SIZE]
When I was a kid I recall seeing a movie, where some rich guy to another guy (commoner) that he needs to know who his BETTERS are. I recall at the time how unfair and mean that statement was.
I think the WITCH suffers from the "I'm Better Than You Syndrome."
What does she really mean in you and your wife's lives ? I'd say nothing.
Thank God YOU ALL are my kind of people .. sad to say but education and acceptance is the key ..
Kim you are amazing inspiring wonderful person your amazing wife is so accepting .. lets face it .. this means you don't have to get that couple a gift .. more for you and yours ... my heart goes out to you both ..
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I once had a very similar thing happen in my life. When I first started going out with my wife, we had some relationship issues. My then friends knew all about what was going on.
My then girlfriend and I went to a party at their house and I over heard the wife say "I don't want that bitch at my house"
That night I found out what they were really like. True friends don't say things like that. They accept you for who you are and what you do.
That was the last I saw them.
I married that girl 14 years ago, now have a good house with a white picket fence, 3 great kids, and overall a good life.
They have divorced after the wife found him cheating on her for the third time. He has had probably 20 differant jobs and is living out of some old trailer somewhere, hooked on cocaine a whole host of other drugs along with his drinking problem.
Moral to the story, Friends like that are not real friends. You are better off without them in your life. Enjoy the person you value the most. That is your wife. She is the true friend, She is by your side no matter what, and I would bet that she will never say anything like that.
Raychel
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
I can't add anything that would be more worth while than what has been said above. We are all here for you and we will do all we can to help!
Those People
Kim,
I haven't been on this forum very long, but you are an inspiration to me and obviously to many others here as well. Your MIL sounds like a nasty bit of work, you have no choice but to put up with her as in-laws come as a package deal with your wonderful and loving spouse. (tell her to go fly a kite)
As far as the Witch at work etc/ she must be a very, very small person with nothing better to than sew discontent about things she is to ignorant to understand.
I have a suggestion: Get T-shirts made that say THOSE PEOPLE in big letters and wear them to work. Get a bumper-sticker that says "I'm the person your mother warned you about". Round up everyone where you work that's at all open-minded and have a non-shower. But first formost and most of all do something incredible for that wonderful wife of your's; take her to the islands, buy her a BIG diamond, get her new furniture, paint the house. Do whatever it is she most wants and desires. She deserves it and you will both enjoy the experience.
Best of luck, hang in there
Non Illegitemi Carborundum
[SIZE=3]Stacye Rose[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Cleverly disguised as a normal contributing member of society[/SIZE]
After all the work you do trying to keep it all together and doing the best you can, it is a shame to have to go through this. The important thing is to not let this get in between you and your wife. It sounds like she loves you much.
You can always make new friends. More of the type that will make good friends. There is someone always out there talking about you because you are too liberal or you drive an old car or you are fat or you live in a certain neighborhood...You might want to work on finding new friends that will fill the void for your wife - if possible.
Do not feel guilty. You are a good person and husband. And your wife knows this.
Kimberly, I am sorry for your wife and I'm equally sorry that there are so many uncaring, unfeeling people in the world. When I got out of the Army in 1971, I attended a few holiday parties with my wife's work acquaintances. When asked what I did for a living, I stated that I was not yet employed, that I had just gotten out of the service. My wife and I were immediately cut from the herd. Later when I began my career in law enforcement, we were again cut from the herd. Seems people only want soldiers and cops when they personally need them. Anyway stuff happens. I imagine that you both have many friends and that is where you both should focus. I'd love to take away all of my families pains, and certainly not cause any new ones, but I'm afraid the best I can do is be there to care and console when something happens that I cannot control. My best to you both. Hugs, Mary Louise
Hi Kimberly,
Hope you don't mind, but I'd like to add my 2-cents worth of pop-psychology. Don't know if it's appropriate, but maybe it can give you and your wife another perspective on the situation.
You see, I think you're fighting an uphill battle and it's not primarily related to the crossdressing, but it's more to do with the mother-in-law. I've asked myself how she justifies to herself what she is doing. No doubt she'll say "I only want what's best for my daughter". But in the meantime she might be motivated by a (most likely unconscious) feeling of intense jealousy for the deep love between you and your wife, a love that she may never have experienced herself. The only way she can deal with the jealousy is by destroying your love, and your crossdressing provides her with the perfect weapon. Your wife is like Cinderella (or Snowwhite, I always get those mixed up), who's found her Prince Charming (yep, that's you), and your m-i-l is like the evil witch intent on destroying goodness. In this analogy your crossdressing is the apple: a sweet, innocent and delicious fruit in itself, but a poisonous murder weapon in the hands of the wrong people. So the main issue may not be about crossdressing at all, if she hadn't found out about that she probably would've poisoned some other apple to make you miserable.
Seems to me like a heck of a battle, but I know there's a happy ending somewhere.
Good luck !!
Shaquani
Kimberly, it's sad to hear stories like yours. I can't imagine the turmoil in your household and workplace, it must be awesome. It's a shame that people can't see beyond the tip of their nose. I hope and pray that this incedent won't cause a rift between you and your spouse. I understand what it's like to have a blabbermouthtell the world about your alternate lifestyle. My ex told everyone in her office. You have my deepest sympathy and prayers
. Hang in there hon,
Jill
You know, women are tough. We can survive petty gossip pretty well - learn to do it early on. Slumber parties....blech
Your empathy for your wife's feelings....you genuine awareness of what she's going thru and sympathy for her speaks volumes about you as a person and your relationship. Your wife knows what kind of person she married - like most of us do. Responsible CDing is rarely a major problem. It's the lack of these qualities you're exhibiting that makes it a deal breaker.
I'm sorry you feel so lousy and low. Take heart in that the situation prevented you from being invited to a place you didn't really need to be anyway - could've been worse to be there and then ridiculed. Keep on being that good person and let the rest go. I know your wife appreciates it.
Any one who can play guitar and record as well as you doesn't deserve this.
It is time for you to leave the "little minded" people and their activities behind. This includes inlaws, which I suspect had reservations about you before they knew of your hobby.
You are an intelligent caring person, who needs to seek out other intelligent caring persons who can accept your entire personality. The others who are critical of your part time lifestyle should be minimized.
My wife's greatest fear is that my crossdressing will become common knowledge. It has led to much soul searching between us, in the end she decided I was worth more to her than her small minded friends and relatives.
She also realizes that she is not responsible for my actions, and if her friends don't undershand that she really doesn't need them.
Karen Francis
Kimberly, You are NOT the problem in this situation, rather you are the solution to your wifes understanding and acceptance of who you really are together! Rely on each other, get strength from each other, and continue to remain far above those in your shadow.
Hugs2U, Chari
Kimberly
You are a wonderful caring person with some amazing talent too
I know its hard not to feel pain because of what your wife is going through
She knows the real you and not what someone has no idea thinks
I would be very tempted to invite this woman to a "narrow minded party"
she can have in a phone booth
Using the term "those people" just makes my blood boil
I feel like slapping her and telling her to go crawl back under a rock
She is most likely jealous of your relationship with your wife
As for your mother in law maybe if she hears that story and how it has hurt her daughter she think twice before saying anything more
Give your wife a big hug from all of us
Kimberly hi,
You are not alone on this issue,my wifes family is large lots of partys etc,we used to be invited but that seems to have stopped,hmmm i wonder why,its sad you try to be good careing, loving and in return some people wish to destroy you,it seems crazy, these people who wish to put us into the same category as criminals do not count as humans.
Many times i have felt such torture knowing my wife will have to endure alot of the grief that comes our way,we have spoken about it and she seems ok with the hate some people can give those people do not matter together we are strong,it seems they will allways find something or someone to run down.I feel your pain tho, its a problem that raises its head from time to time
and during these times despair,anger, shame etc seem to fill my heart with nowhere to turn only inward and negitive that is if you let it eat away at you.
I do not know your wife but she sounds like a nice person,i hope this all blows over for you both,please dont let the spiteful spineless cauldren stiring hags get to you they will never beat you be strong both xxx
"Let them hate as long as they fear"
A Member of the Revolution.
Kimberly,
I just wanted to say that I am in total shock at how others in this world can be SO uncaring and mean-spirited as to ostracize those they really know nothing about. My mother always told me when I was young about people as you have encountered that were in her workplace. Her advice to me was, "give them enough rope and they will hang themselves". In other words, their ignorance will eventually show to those they are trying to impress and you will be the beneficiary in the end!
As for your dear Wife, she seems to really care for you and that is something rare in our community. I'm sure this is devastating to her though on a personal level, being shunned from those she thought were friends. Give her (as I am sure you already are) all the love and understanding possible. Tell her that my family will be preying for and keeping your family in our thoughts.
Dawn
"Courage is being scared to death.............and saddling up anyway" John Wayne
".......the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression." -Thomas Jefferson
"I ain't here for a long time; I'm here for a good time......." George Strait
God, I hate people! This has happened to me a few times. Once, I was in a house with some friends, a girl was interested in me and was asking another girl about me in another room, and she said, "Oh, he's a fag". F* B*. Then, an old girlfriend told my friends about me. Lost twelve friends that day. Now, I don't want friends. Except those here. People totally suck. I think you and your wife ought to use that witch's terminology about her, "Oh, we don't associate with those kind of people". If someone inquires, you can state they're lying and deceitful. I find that if you don't give a rat's as*, that neither will others.
Thanks everyone for your interest and your kind words. Believe it or not, it does help
I suppose I posted this for several reasons, among them the fact that when something hurts, it some times helps to share it with others that have an understanding. I really do thank you all.
Another reason I think is as a warning. Six or seven years ago I was riding high on being TG, didn't really care much who might or might not know. When I found out "Witch" was going to be going out with a lesbian co-worker/friend of mine, and they were going to be at the same club I had already planned to be at, I should have used my common sense. I should have either not gone or at least stayed away from her. Instead, I assumed that her being willing to be at that club with a gay co-worker implied that she would be open minded - I was wrong. I should have used my best judgement about her to decide if it was something I should share, I shouldn't have let circumstances encourage me to do something I hadn't planned on.
I saw a response to my post, telling of the terrible night another person had. I see that the post has disappeared so I will assume this person decided to remove it and I wont mention her name. The First thing I want to say is what a bummer, SHE most definitely had a terrible night. Loved ones hurt, and loved one's hurting each other - now THAT'S a bad night
The second thing I wanted to say to her was thank you. Thank you for putting things into perspective. Yeah this sucks, and yeah my wife gets to pay a price for loving me, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not worth being crushed over. Many people have much more serious problems they have to confront and deal with.
Take care,
Kim
Hi Kimberly,
Wow, that's a tough one to deal with.
However, judging by your postings here, it seems to me that you're the sort of person that most people really like, and I'd bet that your wife is too. Hopefully, there are enough people in your family and your work place who like you so much that your secret getting out won't matter to them. I'll bet that the "Witch" and her ilk are a tiny minority who won't matter in the long run.
Hang in there!
Carol
Sounds to me like you shouldn't associate with 'that kind of people' TeeHeeHee.
Some people really have a narrow understanding of us and don't want to broaden it by reading or talking to us.
So look at all that they will miss. Why not go out to a nice restaurant using the money that would have gone to a gift for them. Bet your wife would like that, and I'll bet you would too.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Hey Kim,
Buck up, little cowgirl! (I've always wanted to say that to a texas lady). You have a wonderful friend and mate in your wife and she will help you through all of this. Be very good to her - she is a gem. Try to finish painting the house (I understand - my house needs a new roof) and then take her for a romantic weekend in the Mustang (ditto - my Fiat hasn't run in 3 years).
1. The mother-in-law issue is in your wife's control; since the lovely woman apparantly has a burr under her saddle regarding you, it is up to your wife to assert that you two are a package deal. If MIL is not nice to you, she is not being nice to your wife - and your wife can show her displeasure. If it is unpleasant enough, just don't acknowledge the sweet thing (hag). If she persists, the two of you should just reduce your contact with her. Be nice to everyone else in the family, but be classy. (I know that I don't need to tell you that)
My MIL knows nothing of JJ, but she still has very little use (other than as a gardener/handyman/driver/servant) for me after 35 years of marriage with her daughter. Who is, BTW, the only one of the three sisters with her original hubby. It is relatively easy to just let it slide off, if you let it.
2. The rest of the family needs to accept you as you are. Don't flaunt your differences (I don't recommend showing up at Xmas in a Mrs.Claus miniskirt) and just don't let it be an issue. If they make it one, do your best to ignore it. I doubt that everyone will shun you - even in Texas.
3. I do see a potential problem at work - since people (stupid, mean people) are gossiping, the word will spread. I recommend that you put your big-girl panties on, screw up all of your courage, and discuss this with your supervisor. He/she is going to hear about it eventually, under less than ideal circumstances. I don't know the degree of legal protection you have in Texas, but chances are that they can't directly discriminate against you for this; by bringing it to the forefront, it makes it more difficult for them to harm you for "other reasons". And you will feel so much better.
4. As for those "friends" who don't want to associate with "your kind" - do you really want to associate with "their kind"? Don't let the CDing define you in the world (Don't go to PTA meetings dressed like June Cleaver) and most folks will only know about this through gossip. People who can't see beyond the gossip are really just looking for ways to be mean, and they will always find one.
Kim, you are one of the flowers and shining stars of this forum and it hurts us all to see you unhappy. Do happy things with you wife, and buy yourself a new pair of shoes!
My very best,
-jj
Last edited by jenniferj; 11-30-2007 at 03:05 PM. Reason: omission
Kim, this vacuums big time.
Neither you or your wife did anything wrong or to deserve this kind of venom sprouting from a small and ignorant mind. Your wife has been a supporter and you two have walked this path together. Dont loose sight of that; either of you.
Both of you have more reason to hold your heads up than these other snakes do. You have each other, a deeper understanding of one another than most couples and THAT is what counts. Dont lose sight of that.
Show the idiots what REAL love is.
Kimberley
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
www.transgenderlondon.com
Venus and Mars are not aligned; Good thing.
Where are all the rumballs?
I may not soar with eagles, but then weasels dont get sucked into jet engines...
Kim -- I wish I could wave a magic wand and say something profound and healing, but I can't. I'm just so sorry that this is happening to you and your wife. I know I would be devastated if it happened to me or my family. Just take care!
Sherrie Lynn Pall
Sometimes I make sense and that frightens me.
Please don't let me be the last post on this thread
Hey Kim my 2 cents is that you can hold your head up high and be proud of who you are, you are not hurting anyone, although as your wife has stated it is tough on her. I am in somewhat the same situation as you are and my take is that true friends see you for who you really are and your crossdressing is a plus in my opinion, it makes you "who you are". Hold your wife close as she is a definate "keeper". Good luck with Life. P.S. I wish I looked as hot as your picture, is that for real, I am jelous.
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