needing a little advice

[cdjenny]

i will keep this short...my wife has a friend, who knows a couple of ladies, and yes they are a couple..i am fine with that. so tonight her friend wanted them to come over..no big deal i took them over..here is where i need help..
how do i keep from offending them? by that i mean do i call the one who looks like a man sir? when i droped them off i didn't say a word to either of them not because i did not want to i just dont know their names or anything about them..and we all know everybody wants to be treated with respect..i just dont want to offend anyone, and at the same time i want them to feel ok around me...any advice would be nice..as i have to pick them up in 1 hr..


thanks,
confussed
jenny

[kerrianna]

Just stay away from anything that is gender or sexually identifying. You don't need to sprinkle all those words into conversation. Just treat them as you would anyone else because that's exactly who they are.

Find out their names and use them if you must use an identifier. If you don't know their names, introduce yourself and politely ask their names.

It's no big deal, so don't act like it is. Just relax and be accepting - you'll probably find them to be cool and interesting people as you get to know them.

Have fun!

[Raychel]

Sounds very simple, Walk up to them, Shake there hands and introduce yourself. That will break the ice and with any kind of luck they will also tell you thier names. Very simple, treat them like you would anyone else, and have a great time.

[Phoebe Reece]

I agree with Kerrianna. Just ask their names and be polite. And just because a lesbian is a bit on the masculine side does not mean she is transgendered. I have met butch lesbians that would be very much offended if referred to with masculine pronouns. Likewise there are others that don't care one way or the other. Best to avoid the use of "he" or "she" if possible until you get to know them a bit and find out in conversation how they refer to each other.

[battybattybats]

So it's a lesbian couple?
Is the one who 'looks like a man' clearly transgender? If so you could tentatively try sir but you could really offend them if you were wrong.

I'd suggest either casual-polite like 'Hi' and 'there you go' or 'have a nice day/evening' without any honorifics like Sir or Maam.

Or, as politely as possible if you feel you need to be formal, ask.

[Holly]

How about, "Hi my name is Jenny. Who do have the priviledge of giving a lift to tonight?"

[jenniferhotcd]

just say whats up..and how ya doing..notting wrong with that..and wont offend anyone.

[corrinediane]

Be yourself. Polite. Hi, my names Jen,. Whats yours? You know she's a female and she knows she's a female. Her partner knows she's a female or she wouldn't be with her. Any one see the show on LOGO the other nite about masculine lesbians? They have a sense of humor. Ask them for gas money! Was her gf cute?

[cdjenny]

thanks for the advice....interducing myself as jen...jenny or any of the like want work tonight...here is why...i just dont have the time to get all dressed up right now.....simply because i need to leave right now to pick them back up..but you do have me thinking..i just might see them again and when i do i just might be all dressed up...but really i will take the advice and avoid using anything gender related..i will post back and let you know how the rest of the evening goes...i am going to leave a open door for them to come over to my house...oh yea is her girlfriend cute? well yes she is
she would make a trophy wife...just not first place..kidding hahaha.. yes she is cute...see yall in a bit

[Billijo49504]

Try Hi y'all...BJ

[Kate Simmons]

The folks have given good advice. This is why I usually just call everyone by their name. Sometimes when I go to the club as Rich folks will not recognize me. I just tell them , well I'm usually Sal but am taking the night off. Believe it or not, this has helped most to accept me as an overall person, especially when I get out there and dance and they see there is no "magic button' pushed when I throw on a dress. It's all me, all fun and all part of being a person. Getting in touch with that is what it's all about.

[Kris]

When in doubt stay with non gender identifiers. I also am very blunt and would say, " I don't know you and don't want to offend anyone so how do I refer to you? Are either of you transgendered? " I find, well 100% of the time in my life that coming straight out and asking a blunt question relieves a LOT of stress and it is much appreciated!
You haven't reposted.. so how did the evening go?

Hugs,
Kris

[María José]

In Spanish, I live in Spain, we have a bigger problem. Most words have a masculine and a femenine form. In English you can ask: "are you married?" to a man or a woman. It is also possible to say that John or Jane are "fat" or "tall". In Spanish is always necesary to use a masculine or a femenine form. Married: "casado" or "casada". Tall: "alto" or "alta".

For that reason, in a conversation it´s not possilble to avoid the use of femenine or masculine. What we do? We ask the other person what gender he or she is confortable. Nobody is ofended. But most times it´s not neccesary. When we meet someone we use a femenine or a masculine form. In Englihs I say: "Nice to meet you". Nobody knows if I´m boy or a girl. But in Spanish I say "encantado de conocerte", masculine, if I´m a boy, or "encantada de concerte", femenine, if I´m a girl. In that moment, the other person knows what gender must use in the conversation.

When I go to the therapist she uses femenine or masculine when she speaks to me. I go to the therapist dressed as a boy. She use masculine. But when we talk about my femenine side she uses femenine: "¿Fuiste vestida?" femenine for "Did you go dressed?".