I have no chopice but to control it. My wife would leave me and my business associates cut me out. So I dress when I can. I met another CD in a bar once (we were both in all our finery) and he told me that he only dresses for two weeks a year when he visits his TG friend in Phoenix. He leaves all of his clothes there and for those two weeks never is out of his female persona. He lives on the East coast and never dresses except when he is in Arizona. NOW, THAT IS CONTROL!
Controlling an aspect of yourself that has been suppressed or denied at some point is a major part of growing up.
I have learnt a lot from this site in the few months I have been a member and reflecting upon my development - as a person overall and as a crossdresser - I am realising ...
If you do not acknowledge and express a major part of yourself, you are storing up trouble.
If the reason you do so is to protect other people or put their interests first it can actually be more harmful in the long-run than expressing yourself more openly.
All of life is about balance, of one sort or another.
I am now paying for the fact that I gave into the fear that my cross-dressing made me somehow unworthy.
Although I have mostly received rejection when I have revealed my cross-dressing to people, I now realise that I must express it or suffer greatly.
Because I denied it for so long, and successfully suppressed it for 10 years, I have now upset my wife, who was very shocked when I told her that the urge had 'returned'.
In my fifties, I am now facing the sort of challenges that I might have addressed much more boldy in my twenties or thirties.
Whatever we are, whatever we do, we need to find some peace with ourselves and balance that with the environment we live in.
There are guidelines, and wonderful sites like this where people share their situations, but ultimately it is an individual's task to express themselves.
Good Luck! - and Merry Christmas.
I control it only to the point that my wife doesn't find out. Before I was married and I had a female roomate,I had not control and dressed pretty much 24/7, and believe it or not it was when I was most happy with myself.
Striving for acceptance.
Ok Marina Cding is just unbelievably strong in me...i hate it ..i love it... it makes me angry.....sad sometimes, that am less than the "standard man" even though am better than the "standard man" (in ma own opinion)...........this control i want to have is to be able to do it when i feel like because it appears as if CDing has a "mind of its own" cos this days it appears to me every where i go...not only i want to dress but inside of me something like a voice keeps on pressurising me to do something more permanent to my body e.g growing long hair...having wide hips (not by hormones but by special aerobic regimes)...to have a very feminine voice or wear girly tatoes that can "out me" i hate the feelings cos by allowing them they might take me to "total femme" which i dont think am ready for.
Hey i think i said enough marina, i feel like sobbing (really)
You don't have to be totally fem. You can find you're middle ground and be happy with it while you explore you. Maybe you can replace the word control with release. If you shake a bottle you can control the pressure by just cracking the lid a bit. Thats how it is for me .I release the pressure,and only as much as I want. Try to let go of your fear as to where this may take you,the worry will take away the fun. It might take you somewhere you always needed to be anyway.
HI All: SoSoft, darling U R all worked up in a state. The best thing is to get a new pair of heels or a lace brassiere with matching panties.
Here is the thing; when U R a crossdresser it is much like being left handed or extra sensitive hearing or sight.
U will see and hear things slightly different than your "standard Man", so in many ways your intuition that U R superior by certain parameters is correct.
The reference to being left handed is not that LH people R superior, but rather we R often perceived to be different than we really R, and so we adapt to a R handed world.
Control is not really the question here. I think sosoft is asking more how to gain a decent balance between the male and CD aspects of life. The question asked is "would you prefer CDing the way it is e.g "burging on us anytime it feels like" or for us to have some level of control like a control valve for CDing" In my mind, I interpret this to mean I want to balance my life out so there is not so much imbalance.
I being a married male CD who has a loving wife and daughter can dress when I want to at home. Now, there are times when this is not possible such as the past two weeks as my daughters brother has been visiting us from SD CA so I have not been able to dress as openly or other than while going to bed. Now, in a perfect world, we would all be able to wear what we want when we want without worrying about what others will say. This obviously is not the world we all live in.
I guess what I am saying is that our having "control" is all open to each individuals interpretation of what the word "control" means. I feel I have a great balance of control on my dressing. While I would enjoy more freedom to dress more often, there are times when that is just not a possiblity all the time.
Kandis
Someone once told me "Put on Your big girl panties and deal with it". If they only knew, I WAS ALREADY WEARING THEM.
I wear the bras and panties so my wife doesn't have to.
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I busted the dam and let it flood on out
I go with the flow, loving every minute of it
For me the key word in my life is "balance". Being married and having children put all kinds of controls on my life. When I cant dress for extended periods of time , which is often, I just look forward to the time I will be able to dress again. I also look back at the wonderful times I had when I was dressed. I used to put it this way. I love pizza, I could eat a whole pie in a sitting, but I dont because I dont want to weigh 300lbs. As the years go by there are less controls, kids move out, hopefully retirement, etc. I hope that in the future I will be able to get out more, but until then I just "Balance" that part of me in my life.
Yours Terri
I'd like to control the urge a bit more, but I realize that I'm probably dealing with an addiction. Fact of the matter is that I like this addiction and will continue to grow as a woman.
These are some good points. For me, proper balance is important. I am a husband (I have a supportive wife) dad and employee. I have a very full and busy life. When I was young and single, it was much more difficult to keep a proper balance. I think if I would have let it, CDing could have controlled my life much like drugs do a drug adicts life.Originally Posted by Marina Twelve
I have found my proper balance, and really look forward to the times I am able to dress (6-8 weekends a year). The times I am not able to dress are rewarding as well. I dress 100% or nothing.
Thank you for all your input. I must say its quite refreshing.
KandisTX, Celeste, Terrim, Samantha43 and other ladies on this post your advice is well taken and am goin to try them.....am not married am scared of "it" cos of all the stories i've seen in real life and some of the ones i read in this forum. I must find that balance before i get married.....i must find an accepting GG before i get married.......cos the way things are going at this moment i dont think am ready to commit, even though i have an accepting GF, am still sceptical about her "acceptance" cos of the stories i've heard (GGs SOs bailing out on u after marriege) so thats my plan and again we are not getting any younger and Cding has been "puzzling" (stressing) me for many years.
I have to move on with Cding but it has to be in that "Jinnee bottle".
Thanx.
from my point of view i cannot control the urge, it,s part of who i am, i can only control the dressing part when situations dont really allow for it but it never goes, if left for too long it builds and makes everyone involved unhappy in some way or another, i personally get really frustrated
try to go with it and not to swim against the tide, lifes too short
I am going to AMEN AMANDA JANE, not because she looks so cute, but because I agree.... I have been off a whole week and as soon as the family left and the wife went to work, bam..... there is Phyllis.... Three days in a row and one all night....... With a little love making from wife to Phyllis..... girls... thats living..
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Dressing as a women is the most fun.
Love: Phyllis
Yeah i need more advice on the "control" more inputs ladies
I don't know that control is something that is going to be useful. I mean, aside from not dressing because you have to get milk and smokes, or go to the bank, or whatever time it is you must be your man self. That to me is not control, that is simply wearing the appropriate mask to get the job done.
Control is a funny thing and I believe fear often takes that role to make us feel safe. I'm guessing here, but are you afraid of these feelings that you have about having out grown your man mask? Maybe you have. I believe one of the parts of transition is living as a female for a year before any surgery is done. They do that to ensure that the transition is right for the person. Maybe it would be good for you to dress as frequently as you want and see what happens. Nothing bad can happen, right? Either you will gain balance, and you will be okay, or perhaps you are meant to make the journey into a full time fem life, and you will be okay.
Cding stresses me out too, very much, but all we can do is trust that we will be okay and go in the direction we are supposed too.
love
orchard
Nobody in their right mind can control crossdressing (its genetic) period.. The first given opportunity even if it is a risky one of being exposed, a CD presumeably takes it to crossdress, or to feel and enjoy the dress against his skin. It can happen in a store, secretly, even if his family is around. Its a bodily urge unstoppable. The urge can only get reduced if the community accepts it and dont bother giving a second glance towards a CD to make him feel abnormal, or with a release in my case for few hours atleast. I have to go with the tide as someone said. If Try to contain , it attacks viciously.
And in my case with age I am becoming more than addicted to crossdressing, life would be so suffocating without it.
Last edited by MeraLehanga; 01-03-2008 at 03:47 AM. Reason: repeated words
Orchad when ever i get painful but REALISTIC comments/posts like urs i become depressed and afraid cos CDing is going to take me to total femme if am not careful....cos like i said am sinking into the "PINK FOG" faster than i can imagine.
Meralehanger thank u too.
Once a CD always a CD. You might be able to stop but it can start up again at anytime. I know I have stopped many times I'm stopped now but I know it can start again anytime. So you control it one day at a time. Or it will control you.
GLENDA
I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN
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