I have known for some time that I was approaching the date of my death. But before you shed tears and reach for you handkerchief, it’s only at a rate of 24 hours every day, just like you! No, apart from my feet, I am in perfect health, as far as I know. My little joke!
However, I have decided that the time has come to try again to re-open the dialogue with my wife regarding my CD “hobby”. If you’ve read any of my posts, you will remember, when I first mentioned the subject to her about 15 years ago, she said “I don’t not want to know” anything about it, and the subject has been off limits for much of the time since. I don’t know if she is aware that I am still dressing when she is out of the house, I didn’t say I wouldn’t, but I’m very discreet, and she is not aware that I am a member here. I can only guess what she would think if she knew how much of my female self I have exposed to the rest of you here! But I don’t regret that, I feel a weight I have been carrying alone for the last 50 years has been lifted off my shoulders.
Since I got to know many of you, read your posts, listened to your advice to me and others, I have renewed confidence. I intend to purchase “My Husband Betty”, read it myself, ask my wife to read it, and attempt to discuss it a chapter at a time. I have to say, I have found it very very difficult to get her to open up on any subject remotely concerning sex, so I travel more in hope than in expectation. I will tell her I have found a great place on the ‘net at “crossdressers.com” where I have been posting, but I do not want her (yet) to see everything I have posted as ToniB, and apart from deleting it all, I have decided to let ToniB die off, by not posting under that name again, in the hope that after a week or so, my input will be buried under new stuff. She may very well make the connection between my real name and a Cheshire location if she sees it (maybe I can edit out Cheshire!), it’s pretty obvious to me (but then I know!). I don’t want to go away, so I’ll re-invent myself with a new name and start posting things I’d be happier for her to see at this stage, and I’ll ask her to look in or join in on the GGs section. I don’t know what they say to one another, because, as a CD, I’m excluded, but I assume the GGs who post there must be pretty supportive (I hope!). I will take it very softly-softly of course. I know that harping on the subject or trying to ram it down my wife's throat will have the opposite effect to what I want, and any further words of encouragement or advice will be most welcome on this thread for about a week. Then I hope it will quietly slip over the horizon and out of sight.
It really has been a pleasure to have known all of you. I gratefully thank those of you who have answered my questions honestly and thoughtfully. In as little as 10 weeks, you really have helped me to come to terms with what I am, and even though I’m not particularly sure myself, at least I know that many of you are turned on in the same way I am. It’s very reassuring to know that I’m not alone, and there are many who share the same pleasures and frustrations. I’ve also enjoyed the friendly banter that I’ve shared with some of you (Good Friday’s Wigan win over St.Helens was a mere glitch Sandra!). I sincerely hope that some of my posts have proved equally as useful and reassuring to others, as yours have to me; we are after all here to help one another, and have a little fun while we are at it.
So, it’s good-bye from ToniB. I won’t post again for a week or so, and then re-join as “Dragster”. I’ll also sign off with my real name (a femme name may not go down too well yet!) until I see how the land lies. My posts will be written as though I’m new to the site, and I apologise if some of you are taken in and treat me as a new member in need of initial reassurance, I’m not trying to fool you, just trying to ensure that my wife does not see too much too soon. And please, please, please do not refer to ToniB in any of your future posts, it would rather defeat the objective of this act of deception. I’ve hated the deceit and secrecy for the whole of my married life (and before). Let’s hope this is successful, and everything can be brought into the open at last. I will keep you posted of progress of course.
So long, not good bye.
ToniB is dead. Long live Dragster!