Would you really want to be a woman?

[Kate Simmons]

This may sound like a dumb question and some will say, well of course but think about it. We are always asking questions about what would we do if we were a woman for a day or a week, etc. I know we have some gals here who are 24/7 and live as women basically and seem to do quite well and have adjusted to living like that but how many of us could really pass a real life trial test, given the opportunity? I tried this last year when I first retired and pretty much did it 24/7 for 3 weeks. I had to stop and look at things realistically and quite honestly was happy to get back to my "safe haven" as a guy. There's a lot more to it than dressing nice and looking pretty.

I know the shopping, clubbing, going out and glitter are nice but that is only part of it. Even if one is adept to all the mundane household chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. you still have shopping and errands to run, grocery shopping, etc. Nothing glamourous about that stuff for sure. That's not even thinking about taking care of little ones,monthly stuff, appointments and the like. It takes a special type of fortitude to do all of this. Is it any wonder that our SO gets that "look" on her face when we say we are tired because we "worked" all day?

Bottom line like my wife told me years ago when I first came out to her, there is nothing "glamourous" about being a woman. It's really about hard work, dedication and caring for your loved ones. How women do it is beyond me and it takes a special person indeed to really want to transition and fulfill all of this criteria. It's not as easy as it may seem.This is why I have to think twice these days before answering that question.

[DAVIDA]

Hi Sal!
Leave it to you to get deep on us!
I have actually thought about this same question before. I would love to be a woman. But, I would not want to transition from male to female to achive it. Does that make sence? The reason I say that is because I would have a hard time convincing myself I was a woman if I was to transition much less anybody else. On the other hand, if I were born female, that would not be of any concern. I personally think that I would welcome(maybe not enjoy) all of the aspects of being a woman that you brought up.

[battybattybats]

Nope, at least not at the moment. Because I like my male expression as much as my female. But then I rarely used to dress fully and used to be content just mixing femininity into my masculinity so one day that may change.

Living alone right now I still have all the housework and shopping to do no matter the clothes. Some aspects of womanhood I will never be able to experience without giant leaps of science: I might be able to carry a child with substantial medical intervention but not have a natural birth or other associated things.

But my only reason right now is simply that I like being a guy too. If I could be a 'were woman' or have a gender-change potion where I could switch back and forth to match how I felt inside at any time I'd take that option for certain.

[erickka]

Hi, Sal
You, again , have given us some good food for thought. I, personally , am 100% guy who just enjoys wearing skirts and heels. I would not want to endure the stresses of everyday life in which a GG goes through. That is why I have developed a very deep respect for the opposite sex, and continuously strive to keep in touch with their world, so that I can be a better person towards ALL people.

[Charlotte Cross]

Hi Sal
A full time female? Only if I could "play" all the time, dressing to the nines, shopping, clubbing, etc.

Being married to a wonderful gal, I realize just how much she has done for our family and the sacrifices she made and some of the bad times she endured.
I gotta tell you, I couldn't have done it and kept my sanity.

The way I figure it, I can still play golf, have a beer with the guys, work around the house and get my hands dirty, be a slob when I want to, you know, guy stuff.
But then I can get showered, pull on my stockings, strap on my heels, get dressed, and spend some real quality time with my better half.

I have the best of both worlds and I wouldn't change a thing, except maybe how that new sweater dress fits me.

Charlotte

[Ashley Williams]

Ah - the ultimate question.

Surely this separates the TVs amongst us from the TGs?

When I was younger I loved the 'accoutrements' of being feminine but was never in any doubt that I wanted to stay male - chiefly because I had and still have male sexual responses and would certainly not have wanted to have periods etc!!

However, I also have lived for extended periods on my own when I have had to fulfill all the household tasks including looking out for an elderly mother as none of my sisters would or could do that.

At my age now (52) your post causes me to seriously think about it - never having done so before.

Much of it depends on what happens with my wife and I. She has stated that she sees my refusal to promise to stop dressing as jeopardising our marriage.

One of the things I think she fails to take into account is how many traditionally female things I do already and that I thought she valued, including helping very much to look after her father, the reason for our most recent house move.

But back to the physical reality. Having been prompted by your question I can see no area of my life right now that is better as a man than as a woman - apart from sex and depending on how much effort it takes to become 'passable', would really not dismiss out of hand.

Hopefully, though, I will be spared the decision because I will come to a compromise that is workable with Rosemarie and will be happy to keep myself 'split.'

Do you think it is significant, thought, that my femme name and real name are the same - just spelt differently?

Again, it is not something I had every really thought about - but hmmm. That's what happens when you read such a good thread!!

Thanks.

All the Best

Lesley (ie)

[Kate Simmons]

My thinking exactly Charlotte. It's nice to be able to put the stuff back in the drawer or closet after having some fun. The SO's don't have that option, which is why we have to treat them right and be there for them as well.

[Charleen]

Short answer-yes.
Long answer-In a way, I am. I am now adrogynous. I live alone, and dress as I like. When I go out, It's all woman's clothing. Yes, I have to do all the mundane things, but I am true to how I feel inside. Yes, getting dressed to the nines is great! In life though those times are the exception rather then the rule. Going to a club ect. Everyday life it's jeans and a blouse.
Even when I have to be Charlie at work, on the outside, I still wear my proper under things, though I leave the bra off as it really accents my bcup bust, a blouse, womans boots, mascara, and my earrings which are definitely womans.
I have gotten past the point where I feel I gotta pass. When I go shopping and such, I am addressed as both Ma'am, and Sir in the day. Even at work, I am called Ma'am occasionally.
We talk about balance here alot. For now I feel I've achieved a good balance of who I know I am inside, and the outside I was born with.
Good question Sal.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Eugenie]

"Would you really want to be a woman?"

Well, had I known what I know now about 30 years ago, I would have answered yes...

But now, being already 61 years old, I don't think it would be worth going through a lengthy, costly and often painful process...

I had that discussion with my wife and she is of the same opinion as I am...


Eugenie

[Joy Carter]

Who says being a man is easy or glamorous ? I have worked long hours to put my family in a comfortable home. Sent one to collage and helped move her countless times. I shed many tears over my son who is multi handicapped. As well as worked to educate him on his daily living skills. My lovely wife has never left wanting for help or support from her husband.
Their are just some of us who it's not about the clothes. There are some of us who really know they should have been female. There just is no way I will ever change, because my loved ones depend on me for more than monetary support. I, whether you call it selfishness or not, do dress and expierence some aspects of being a female. Id truly like to do more. It's just not possible for me to do in my life.

Bottom line like my wife told me years ago when I first came out to her, there is nothing "glamorous" about being a woman. It's really about hard work, dedication and caring for your loved ones. How women do it is beyond me and it takes a special person indeed to really want to transition and fulfill all of this criteria. It's not as easy as it may seem.This is why I have to think twice these days before answering that question.

[Kate Simmons]

Great answers all. Sometimes it takes a bit of settling in. Many of us work hard at balance and even when we have a relationship, we can make things work. Who we are inside is pretty much reflected on the outside and when we are indeed true to ourselves, it seems to pay off in more ways than one and that is part of what life is really about.

[Dita_B]

YES, YES, and YES!!!

I just have to look into the mirror, and look myself in the eyes to know the answer...

I don't like the guy in the mirror, but I LOVE the woman I see there...

And I have told her many times that I love her...

Dita.

[Rita B]

Salandra, I have done all the things that women are normally responsible for except for having children and caring for young ones. I agree that it is not all glamourous and fun. Granted, there is a lot to be said to just being a guy and hanging around in your boxers and drinking beer and watching football. Still, if I could be transformed into a woman ( nice figure, no beard, etc. etc. ) I would be very happy. I would just love being pretty without having to put on makeup and all the rest of the stuff.

[il.dso]

Thanks for asking this thought-provoking and profound question.
For me, I LOVE getting completely dressed up and have been doing so for over 40 years. I certainly wish that I could spend more time dressed up and had a more supportive wife and a more tolerant society. Despite these issues, at the end of the day, I do not wish to change completely to a woman. I am a man despite my unwavering passion and devotion to crossdressing.
Thanks again for all of your posts and understanding.

[Ashly]

....had I known what I know now about 30 years ago, I would have answered yes...
But now, being already 61 years old, I don't think it would be worth going through a lengthy, costly and often painful process......

I feel the same way

[Lisa Rose]

Yes, Yes, and Yes,. Joy and Dita reflect what I feel about myself. I've stated this before, I would have luved to be the mother of my children. As the father I was, in general, denied the role of care giver when it came to my children. I was viewed as strange when it came to changing diapers, wiping tears, and giving hugs when the kids were small. I luved those chores.

The only thing I would have missed was the opportunities for sports participation. Didn't really like the competition as a guy but would have relished the challange as a girl. In the '50's it was deemed butch to be an athletic female but as we evolve thru the 60's and beyond we found the value and potential of athletic females. If the feminist movement did anything it gave women the opportunity to ''be all' and not be retricted to the kitchen and bedroom.

Yes, Yes, and Yes. I would luv to be a women.

[Kate Simmons]

This is really much more than a thinking question and I am seriously interested in all your answers. Most of you I know pretty well and your heartfelt answers are greatly appreciated. One of the reasons I am asking is that my current personal situation can go one way or the other, depending on how things work out. I want to keep my options open though and it is not entirely out of the realm of possibility for me to transition or live 24/7.

I'm just wondering if it's worth it due to my age. Does it really matter if I'm a man or a woman? Seems like I have the best of both worlds right now and would it even pay to rock the boat? Even en femme, I'm kind of a tomboy, so really what's the diff? In any case, it's a lot to think about and just because I bailed on it last year doesn't mean I would never try it again (I'm a glutton for punishment sometimes ).

The point is, if I really wanted to do it, I could. It is a lot to think about though in any case and as Joy said, we work hard in life regardless of who or what we are.

[melissacd]

To add to the complexity of all of this, is it about wanting to be a woman or is it about wanting to express yourself in a way that most resonates with what you like.

I am in a state of total confusion about who I am at this point in my life and have no idea yet where this is all taking me, however, I know that a big part of what cross dressing is for me is a form of creative expression that dressing as a (culturally defined) standard male mode does not allow for.

If I were to dress in female clothing 7/24 and use makeup and do my hair and in all ways present a visual expression of femininity does that mean that I am trying to be a woman or am I dressing in a way that is more in sync with who I feel most comfortable dressing as?

Is it more a matter of creative expression perhaps? I absolutely know 100% that I am not a woman and have/could/would never be able to measure up to many of the women that I know. There is a level of sacrifice that so many women give that are outside of the scope of what I feel that I can achieve. There is a very strong element of masculinity within me and it manifests itself in ways that would cause many women to say, there is a typical male. I know that. That does not mean that my self expression in how I dress cannot still be feminine. It is not female (biological) but rather it is feminine (gender - which is a cultural construct). There is a big difference.

My 2 cents worth.

[Angie G]

I think I like being a part timer But it is a thought.
Angie

[MJ]

This may sound like a dumb question and some will say, well of course but think about it. We are always asking questions about what would we do if we were a woman for a day or a week, etc.

I know we have some gals here who are 24/7 and live as women basically and seem to do quite well and have adjusted to living like that

but how many of us could really pass a real life trial test, given the opportunity? I tried this last year when I first retired and pretty much did it 24/7 for 3 weeks.

I had to stop and look at things realistically and quite honestly was happy to get back to my "safe haven" as a guy. There's a lot more to it than dressing nice and looking pretty.

I know the shopping, clubbing, going out and glitter are nice but that is only part of it. Even if one is adept to all the mundane household chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. you still have shopping and errands to run, grocery shopping, etc. Nothing glamourous about that stuff for sure. That's not even thinking about taking care of little ones,monthly stuff, appointments and the like. It takes a special type of fortitude to do all of this. Is it any wonder that our SO gets that "look" on her face when we say we are tired because we "worked" all day?

Bottom line like my wife told me years ago when I first came out to her, there is nothing "glamouous" about being a woman. It's really about hard work, dedication and caring for your loved ones. How women do it is beyond me and it takes a special person indeed to really want to transition and fulfill all of this criteria. It's not as easy as it may seem.This is why I have to think twice these days before answering that question.

to answer your question Sal Hell no
i am glad you tried as now you understand the complexities in being a woman apart from living full time try finding a job .. and if you don't look perfect when you leave your house / apartment you can leave yourself open for a very bad day !!! , it's the other people we have to worry about if one gets read .. you never know how they will react.. and this passing thing is over rated the best i can hope for is to blend in ..

And at what cost... my wife ,kids ,family ,friends , myjob ...if i had not done this it may have been my life

[Teresa Amina]

The trouble with both "man" and "woman" is we're dealing with cultural expectations and assumed roles. I will Be and am Becoming, yet I've no intention (even if such we're possible) to take on those culturally stereotypical expectations. Wasn't there a fairly disruptive movement to end such oppression? I think they called it women's liberation, didn't they? But all it seems to have done is pile another burden on women- to go out and have a career, too, with no lessening of the other expectations.
We restructure our bodies, why not our assumptions? To Be a Woman it is not necessary to be Burdened as women often are.

[Julogden]

If I han't turned so #@!!* tall, and didn't have kids, I would definitely at least taken a shot at living as a woman 24/7 when I was young. I still think about giving it a try, but that would require me to develop a much thicker skin, as I know I'm not going to pass.

I wouldn't be all girly-girl all the time, other than makeup and a feminine hair style, as I'm most comfortable in jeans and a casual top or comparably comfortable clothing, but I would definitely get dressier, and enjoy it, when the occasion called for it. I think it would be exhausting to be in heels-and-hose mode all the time, and it's just not practical.

Carol

[Jilmac]

Hi Sal, Very profound but right on as well. I think many of us (myself included) wish secretly that we had been born female. But I also know from being close to all the women in my life, that it can be much more difficult than being a genetic male. As you stated, we can always revert back to our safe haven of masculinity, but genetic women are women forever.
Jill

[tommi]

20 years ago while living on my own I wish I knew then what I know now.
Married 15yrs with an 11 year old that I love more than anything else no
but dressing in the closet has still put levels of stress on my life and marriage.

[Maggie Kay]

Do I want to be a woman? Do I want to be a millionaire? Do I want to be famous?
Sure, yes to all of the above. Now for the brass tacks. Like it or not, I realized I am a woman and can only find peace if I start transitioning to be myself. Am I a famous millionaire? Heck no. Will I be despondent and consider suicide if I can't be a famous millionaire? No! However, if I am prevented from becoming my true self, I am despondent, I cannot work and I am a wreck.
For me it is so far past wanting. However, sometimes, I wish that it would all go away and that I could function as a male. No chance of that now. A tough road for sure.