if you knew you could pass ?

[shirley1]

is anyone like me in the fact that if you knew you could go out and pass ie no odd looks off people no sniggers ect you'd be prepared to give it a go - i mean lets face it as a single person which i am living alone if i really looked that convincing non of the people in the neighbourhood would recognise me and would probably think i'm just a girl visiting the guy that lives there - one of the reasons i want to go to a tg meeting is to get an opinion on how good i really look - caus i think i look convincing (well almost !) when i look at my reflection in the mirror but it can be deceiving - i think for most of us who havnt ventured out yet the main reason is fear of ridicule, drawing attention to yourself, even fear of bullying being beat up ect - i feel sure from some of the people on this forum that go out and dont get any problems in this respect prooves a lot of it is knowing how to present yourself in public and having confidence and god knows you need superstrength confidence to go out dressed on your own for the first time - i cant do it need to meet others go out in a group first need to be reasured i guess i can pass first !

[nancyjtv]

Getting together with a CD support group is a good start. The first time I went out dressed was to a group meeting. It was scary but the group made me feel at home. They have also been helpful in giving me the courage to go out more. After the meeting I started slowly by going to a CD club and some gay clubs with members of my group. I've been able to work up the courage to go to a mall dressed.

I've found that I'm not as concerned with passing since I don't think I ever could. But I try to blend in. I'm finding that as long as you present as a woman would most people won't pay any attention. I'm sure the sales people read me. But they treated me as any customer.

Nancy

[slamddoger]

how true you make sent

[susie evans]

i don't worry about passing i only worry about me and how i feel some days on one even gives me a second look and others are not as friendly but thats life and afert doing this for forty years and going out for the last twenty five are so i just act like i belong and keep going

susie

[docrobbysherry]

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and see a VERY convincing incarnation of Sherry. Then I look at the pics of her later. That quickly ends my delusions!
RS
The closet is my friend!

[danam]

I got a lot of good feedback by posting pictures. And I got some REALLY good feedback by making videos and posting them, asking for sincere advice. That would be a good "safe" start. I think baby steps are perfectly good approach. A little here, a little there. Start by going to the mailbox when no one is around!! Then gradually go a little more, a little more....

[AmandaM]

About 20 yrs ago I went out dressed. I was mostly passable except when I talked to people or if I hung around somewhere too long. Walking around I was fine. The advice of going to a gender friendly location is best when you are getting your wings. I think that I do not pass now, not even a bit, because of an unfortunate accident with some weights which was compounded by some beer. I am getting back in "thin" shape now and could be convinced to give it a go in a bit. If you find a friendly meeting, go!

[Dita_B]

It has been said already many times and I'll say it again: It is all in your attitude...

Go out and act as if you belong there, claim your place among the people out there as any woman would do...and as you would do in male mode...

Act self confident and nobody will bother you... When you duck and cower, people will pick up on your insecurity and you'll attract their attention...

Here is a link to a very good article written by Tami, a member of this forum, about attitude when going out and about... I strongly advise you to read it:

http://www.apparentlyfemale.com/Tami%20stuff/HTM%20files/how_to's.htm

Of course you'll have to do your homework first. Stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself with your male eyes... Do you see a woman or do you see a guy in a dress? Be honest and critical... Make sure you have studied the movements of women, their mannerisms... You can just have had the finest make over, but if you move like a guy, you'll be read in no time flat...

There is a good computerized male to female movement study available on: http://www.biomotionlab.ca/Demos/BMLwalker.html
just click on "lines" and move the male/female slider to see how the movements clearly change from male to female...I am still learning to apply the movements learned from this computer animated model. It helped me tremendously...

I have gone out all by myself from the first time on because there were no groups where I live... and because of that I started one myself... Sure it takes courage to go out for the first time, but go out in plain daylight to a place where many women come and go, like a Mall... That is my honest advise... I did!

You don't want to go somewhere where you are the only woman around, like alone late at night because than you attract way more attention than among the women in the Mall...Think about it: How many women do you see late at night walking the street alone?

IMHO it is an absolute NO NO...

Once you have made your first trip in and out of the Mall, you'll say to yourself that in hindsight you made way too big of a deal out of it... as many posts in this forum will confirm...

Be prepared to be read, it happens and it will sharpen your skills... It is all part of the game...

Hopefully this helps a bit... Going out en femme is perhaps the greatest thing I have ever done in my life and I am sure it will be for you too...

Let me know how it went and if I can help you, just PM me...

Dita.

[Deborah Jane]

If i thought i could pass i,d go out in an instant! Like you Shirley i live alone and the only thing holding me back is me. I think i look good in the mirror and some photos, but sometimes reality kicks in and i know i don,t pass. Like others say it,s a self confidence thing, but how do you get self confidence when you are unsure of your looks to start with. I,ve tried posting photos and even been told i,d pass by the only 2 people who i have come out to [my mum and my daughter], but i think it,s just people being nice and telling "white lies" to make me feel better about myself. Good luck in your attempts Shirley BTW i think you,d pass judging by your avatar pic..Debs

[Kate Simmons]

Bah, "passing" is over rated at best and if that is the only thing holding you back , that is silly. I think we are our own worst enemies in that respect. I used to try to get every hair in place and have the makeup "perfect" before going anywhere but after awhile appearance became the least of it for me. Just being yourself and having a good time works better because it puts you in touch with the feelings that drive us to do this in the first place. Go out and enjoy Hon.

[LACD]

I know how you feel Shirley1. One of my greatest wishes is to go out dressed. I would love to go shopping, dining etc. dressed. I disscussed this with my wife to no end. The ladies here have given me some great advice, so read and try to understand what they say. I would like to find a support group near home, but the closest one is two hours away and meetings are during the week. Just go with your heart and be very confident and you will be OK. Best wishes for you.

[mike47]

Shirley,
I can understand what you are saying. I have been to a few gay bars dressed. The one even has a show and all. For the most part the employees accept me and alot of the customers do also. But alot of single women go there to more or less be left alone and therefore it does attract single guys. Those are the ones that have real issues I would have to say. Some women do but for the most part they do not. For the most part though I would have to say the looks are funny. On a few occasions I have had a few negative comments but for the most part it has been okay. I have even had some rather nice conversations with women that is.

[Angie G]

Thing being what they are today even if you can pass going out on your own can be a real danger. A woman out alone can be a easy mark for a mugging or rape it's always best if you can go out with someone or in a group
Angie

[Ruth]

I know I can pass because I've been out a few times. Looking back over my experience I would say passing is part confidence and part observing a few elementary negatives (i.e. things not to do). You don't have to look like a beautiful woman (in fact most GGs don't) but you have to avoid wearing things that the average Ms would not be seen dead in, in your chosen arena. (And by the way, shopping malls or shopping centres are a good place to start. They are a woman's natural environment (hehe).) Also you have to tone down the make-up, just enough to conceal beard shadow I would say.
You might end up looking less feminine than you'd like, but on the other hand you'll pass.
Though as Salandra said, passing is over-rated. It is in itself an interesting project, but don't let it rule you.

[Mitch23]

the advice you have been given is superb and is similar to what the girls said to me before i first ventured out. It's like being on a diving board with yr knees knocking and shaking with fear. you can either climb back down again and wonder what it would have been like or throw yourself in the water

I dont pass for a minute - but i walk down the highstreet with confidence wearing the clothes that i choose to wear and knowing that the rest of the world doesnt give hoot

from the look of yr avatar you seemed dressed very appropriately

mitch

[Kaitlyn Michele]

of course i pass so i wouldnt know!!!! LOL !!!!

kidding aside....my experience has been that going out and doing things, niteclubs, malls etc..has been a godsend for me.

i've had a cop talk to me for 10 minutes outside my car before he realized ...the OHMYGOD from him was priceless...once he figured it out..he said to be careful and be good! lol

i have definitley gotten looks ..other times i've got compliments...

i've had women ask me what i thought about a coat...i've had women ask me if i played basketball..i've had salegirls call me sir, maam, miss, and stumble over what to call me..

the thing is...YOU ARE LIVING YOUR LIFE FOR YOU!!! if not...then you are either living it for someone else or for nothing!!! so you have to balance out your "needs" with your "desires" they are different!!! and work out what you enjoy and what makes you happy...both with your so and with the "outside world"...i live in philly pa....i've been out 100 times..

90 percent its great...5 so so...5 i've been made fun of or mocked or just not accepted...

those 5 are worth it for me to have the other moments..its very fulfilling to feel like i need to go out and get some clothes for a party or makeup remover or nails or hose or whatever...

so to each her own and i hope you find your way sweetie!!

take care
michele

[Tina Dixon]

Passing not a big deal to me, I think if I take my time I can look pretty good, going to CD friendly groups or clubs is a small goal of mine, now getting dressed up and going to the mall no, people will see a 6'3" 250 pd red head and ether laugh or run for the lives.

[Niya W]

I've passing is more of attitude. THe more you pass.

[Sherlyn]

Going to a mall as a first time experience is over rated..scared the hell out of me...wasn't good ....I got my vibe going after that experience ...just daytime walks in parks etc just to find myself and how to develop my public outings ...back to the mall again and easy ...not a real mall crawler tho.... meeting ppl as Sher and getting my personality developed with them has been my biggest boost

[MJ]

passing is over rated .. just be yourself relax my biggest boost was meeting sher and Di and rose and Sam .. being around other sisters helps .. just relax you'll do fine

[Nicole Erin]

Yes for going to a TG convention you need to pass. They are very stringent about it and those who do not pass by at least 95% will be turned away.

OK joking joking!

Serious tho, trust me, when you are out at a meeting or whatever with other CD, they are not going to be judgemental. Even tho you have your face covered with your hair, I would say you probably will look better than most of them. You will notice everything from Divas to Dragzillas in the community.
GLBT clubs are more fun than support groups, but you will find other CD/TS at both.

My first ever meeting with other CD/TS, I was worried they would all look like supermodels but trust me sis, that is NOT the case.

And to add to what Sherlyn said - going to the mall is something you should work up to. That is the acid test of passing. The mall is where a bunch of horn-dog young men and giggly obnoxious young women hang out and they DO notice other people and they DO judge.

So to get started, just get out there en femme and start enjoying yourself. Tg groups and clubs first, maybe later doing your normal running around en femme, and if you really get confident and do know you can pass, then maybe hit the mall [but like I said, the mall has no mercy as far as judgemental people.]

[charllote34]

Hi good topic think passing is the icing on the cake we are all looking at .In our minds we all have a idea of the kind of girl we try and acheive to be, albeit some of us do pass better than others and i dont count myself in that . I remember the first time i posted that was one of the first things i asked!! but has others have said its not the be all and end all of who we are just relax ( easier said than done) and be yourself .

[windycissy]

I know exactly how you feel, I went through the same emotions, doubts etc before I ventured out for the first time. Of course, you have to be honest with yourself: if you think you might be passable, then I agree with the other girls that attitude is everything. A suggestion: for your first time, pick a crowded place like a city sidewalk during rush hour and wear sunglasses, that way you can study the faces of the people in the crowd, once you realize that nobody is staring at you you are on your way...good luck!

[Kristen Kelly]

[SIZE="3"]GG's don't take offence go out one night in drab to the mall or high traffic place find a seat and watch the show go by. How many GGs do you see that could be CDs, the way they walk, the way they dress or act, not very feminine looking. There is no cookie cutter that produces the perfect woman. The key is to give them as few clues of your correct gender and attract their attention from those that can't be hidden. As many have said blend, wouldn't find a GG in a mini skirt doing grocery shopping.
I have had fun going out in "drab" and seeing the reaction of people, my hair is long and highlighted wear small hoop earrings, women’s jeans all the time, I carry a small messenger bag, neutral gender tops. I was out to dinner with my GG GF no makeup,the waitress took our order, brought it to the table, asked us for dessert, as well as gave us the check and on the top was written “Have a good night ladies”. Yes my mannerisms are now naturally more feminine; my voice does switch back from male to fem in “drab” without me noticing. People see what they want to see ask David Copperfield he made a career out of illusion. [/SIZE]

[Sweet Susan]

passing is over rated .. just be yourself relax my biggest boost was meeting sher and Di and rose and Sam .. being around other sisters helps .. just relax you'll do fine

It's probably not over-rated, but it is definitely something the individual should decide for herself. Passing is the creme' de la creme of crossdressing. The advice about going to a cd group is very good. There is nothing like being in a room full of men in dresses. It's an absolute must do. (When you're ready, of course)

Passing is also relative. There have been times in my career as a cd, that I knew I was passable, and other times that I realized that it was only an illusion in my own head. When you decide to go out, make sure that you are mentally, as well as physically, prepared.