Originally Posted by
Stephanie Scott
And just to follow up:
My kids saw "Stephanie" by accident, when my wife forgot to "phone home" first (!), although I had told them I liked to sometimes pretend to be a girl by dressing up. I didn't quite make it to my room before my daughter saw a glimpse of me.
When we sat down to talk to them about it, the ONLY problem they expressed having with it was that I wanted to dress secretly and NOT include THEM! (My wife dressed up in one of my suits and came into my son's bedroom for this talk with me! I LOVE that woman!).
They don't care about the dressing; when young, I think they understand it better anyway, and the sooner it is incorporated into their lives, the easier it is for them to live with it always and have it just be a "normal" part of their lives. Plus, it's a great way to teach them about acceptance of others regardless of their quirks, clothing, color of skin, gender, and other immutable, amoral characteristics.
I have taken great pains to tell them that while it is fun to dress up and pretend, men and women and boys and girls are different and often have different functions in life. There is a right time and place for everything (including playing dress up and pretending), and a wrong time for things as well. I try to show my son (and daughter) that a man is very important to his family by protecting and providing for them and leading them spiritually. We are teaching him to be a gentleman and respect women.
My wife and I take turns having "dates" with each of our kids to demonstrate how they should act in those situations. When I take my son to a football game, it's ok to act differently than he would would he goes with his mom to dinner. Same thing with my daughter. (This will hopefully serve them well in their later actual dating lives).
It's all about balance and acting approriately for a given situation. They know there are people who don't approve of what I do, too (which they don't like/agree with), but I tell them that that disapproval of others is more often attributable to ignorance and misunderstanding than to evil or malicious intent (but not always).
So I actually think it's a GREAT idea to tell your kids (in the 6-10 yr old age range) (assuming your spouse knows and accepts this and also agrees with you on this subject of telling your kids). You'll be surprised I think about how easy it is, how well they will react, and how much it will enrich your life.
Every few weeks my daughter asks me to "dress up," I can talk to her about clothes and makeup and jewelry with some understanding/authority (how many other dads can do that?), and I think it will increase our closeness when she is older as a result.
I always ask my wife and kids if it's ok w/them if I dress before I do so, so they will know I respect how they might happen to feelabout it at the moment. It's all about respecting and loving one another unconditionally.
Ironically, I think the disclosure about my crossdressing has helped in my relationship with my wife AND with my kids, and even more importantly, it has enriched my relationship with God now that I am no longer ashamed and guilt ridden about it and now accept it as a gift He gave me to use to glorify Him.
