He knows

[wannabie]

Well it was bound to happen. My boss walked in and asked me to help him with a project. We had worked most of the day and when we were finished he patted me on the back saying Good Job. Ok, one pat was ok but he patted me on the back again repeatedly and gave me an odd look and walked away. I think he felt my bra. I wasn't wearing my jogging bra today but instead wore a basic one. The guy is usually with alot of women and I guess that the feel was familiar, not to mention I noticed the strap was showing through my shirt. The guy is usually a bit of a gossip and now I'm afraid that more people will know on Monday. I have to work with him again next week and I know the awkwardness will be there.

Any suggestions on how to act?

I know the answer is to just do your job and act if nothing had happened, but how many times has that worked for people?

[Eva Marie]

Act anyway you please. "Sticks and stones may break (your) bones, . . .", but words (gossip) shouldn't be allowed to harm you. Or, say it's your suspenders he's feeling. Exhibit humor.

[Nicole Erin]

Look him firm in the eye and say "and don't be snapping my bra strap!"

[Sally2005]

No he doesn't. Can he prove it? Be prepared with a good comeback "...ya, I wear a bra and matching panties! you need a girlfriend buddy!".

[Sandra]

Maybe hard but just act asyou would normally do. As a boss he should also know better than to gossip especially over something like this.

[MAJESTYK]

If you feel you need to hide it from him or cover the incident, tell him you had to wear a holter monitor( for the heart). Cover it even more if need be by bringing that up first, before he can mention it or ask if he has one like it too! Devious? Perhaps. Yet fun too. Of course, you can ignore it too I suppose.

[TG-Taru]

Could always say you were dared to do it, and you won the bet. That is, if he doesn't find you "dared to it" every (other) day

[Deborah Jane]

Just grab him hard between the legs and say "You won,t mention this to anyone else will you"

[Cara Allen]

probably best to ignore it, but only you can determine a need for a cover story. Best one might be to tell him, offhandedly that you are "really impressed with Aleve! What a wonderful pain med! You know, I had to wear a back brace for years, and now? I don't need it any more! Wonderful stuff! You should try it!" This cover appraoch is also very good at being retroactive...

It also has the advantage of explaining, in the future, why you wear your bra again..."damn pain meds...feeling a little tension today..."

[Annie D]

Maybe he did feel it and maybe he didn't. What is done is done and you can't take it back. Next week when you work together again, one of two possibilities will happen: 1. he will ask you about it, or 2. he won't. If the first happens be prepared with an answer that you can live with, not a smart a** comment. Take a deep breath and say what you want to say on the subject and a lie is okay or not admitting to the obvious is okay too. Whatever your reply, it may be followed with more questions that you need to be prepared to answer or evade. Try to think of all the possible scenerios that you can. Smile when you try to think about them because you will be less anxious and be able to think more clearly.

Choose your bra for next week based upon what your answer to possibility #1 may be. Good luck!

[Amy Hepker]

Don't lie to him, he is your BOSS. Tell him the truth, you maybe surprised at his response. If it is a big company there won't be much he can do to get rid of you, a small company that's a different story. I would not lie to him, if you do he may never trust you again and that maybe more important to him than the fact you are wearing it. I too wear a Bra to work and I know sooner or later that they will find out. It is obvious that I wear one too. As you say, he could see it if he looked hard and I bet he did. DON'T LIE!!! Be ready to answer all the questions.

[breanna53]

i would act like you normally do.

[MJ]

Here is a good one ... How About being truthful after all your transgendered to some degree use it .. don't lie ..if you do then in the end it makes things worse

[tommi]

A quick yes if asked and move on this is on reason I wore tanks with shelf bras when I was doing so not nearly as noticeable.
Depending on the type of work you do and the value you have to your company lying about could only make matters worse.

[Cara Allen]

I have to comment on some of the responses that you shouldn't lie.

I totally sympathize with the others who think you shouldn't lie. However, unless you have a job that is in demand, or you hate the place you work, think again.

You cannot fix the world. In a perfect world, honesty is repaid with understanding and support. In reality, outing yourself to anyone at work has huge risk. Don't do it. If you plan to transition, go for it. Otherwise, consider a plausible cover story. Feel no guilt about little white lies. We are not mainstreamed in society. For a higher cause, out yourself. To keep your job, tell him you have a bad back.

We didn't create this society, and it largely does not yet understand us. We have to be stealth to work within it. Until the day you become rich, you might have to occasionaly put up with superiors who are bigots, philanderers, liars, immoral, amoral, and worse. If the situation becomes untennable, you might decide to change workplaces...but only after you have another job. Most of us do not have the luxury of being allowed to be ourselves. We are not valuable enough to be irreplaceable. Often we are expected to fit the rigid norms of the workplace.

Do the lie if you think you have to, and without remorse. What we are talking about is not company policy, proceedure, legality. We are talking about private lives. You can tell anyone anything about your nature, your beliefs, your opinions, true or not. In itself, it is not grounds for dismissal. In fact, they can fire you, grounds or not. Pass this bullet. It does not have your name on it, dear. What you do is your own business. If you have no desire to have this known, that is also your business. There is still some integrity in life. If you are not ready to out yourself, don't. What you are is not illegal, or wrong. No one has a moral imperitive to know. Life, Liberty, and the Persuit of Happiness still means something.

And... I just have to add this. Everyone should respect others. If he had respect for you, he wouldn't ask. If he does, he is not asking from a company need to know, not because the mission depends on it. He is asking out of some purient need. At that point, he is putting his nose where it does not belong. If he has a brain, he would know better than to ask. If he does ask, do not assume that he is strepping down from his superior position and becoming a friend. Bosses are not friends, they are bosses. The day he took the position, he removed himself from that. If he thinks he has the right to ask, you then have the right to lie.

[Barb Valentine]

If he starts to spread rumors about you
Just say that the only way he found out
Is after he had sex with you

[Jocelyn Quivers]

No he doesn't. Can he prove it? Be prepared with a good comeback "...ya, I wear a bra and matching panties! you need a girlfriend buddy!".

I think this is your best bet. It's probably what I would do.

[MJ]

We didn't create this society, and it largely does not yet understand us. We have to be stealth to work within it. Until the day you become rich, you might have to occasionaly put up with superiors who are bigots, philanderers, liars, immoral, amoral, and worse. If the situation becomes untennable, you might decide to change workplaces...but only after you have another job. Most of us do not have the luxury of being allowed to be ourselves. We are not valuable enough to be irreplaceable. Often we are expected to fit the rigid norms of the workplace.

How on earth are we going to expect the world to change it's views about us if we keep hiding and telling lies ..

so can we say that in fact cross-dressers are sneaky tell lies and are not trust worthy

i mean no disrespect in my last statement but if you want your freedom you got to start somewhere ... or forever hold your peace

we all know this is not easy but we have to start some were

[Deborah Jane]

How on earth are we going to expect the world to change it's views about us if we keep hiding and telling lies ..

so can we say that in fact cross-dressers are sneaky tell lies and are not trust worthy

i mean no disrespect in my last statement but if you want your freedom you got to start somewhere ... or forever hold your peace

Good point MJ..I agree with you!!

[tammysuetv]

I read a lot of good advise here. I go along with the "just act normal". If he asks then you can choose to either lie or tell a story or even tell the truth. If it were me I thing I would go with the back support story.

Good Luck

Tammy

[Cara Allen]

How on earth are we going to expect the world to change it's views about us if we keep hiding and telling lies ..

so can we say that in fact cross-dressers are sneaky tell lies and are not trust worthy

i mean no disrespect in my last statement but if you want your freedom you got to start somewhere ... or forever hold your peace

we all know this is not easy but we have to start some were

MJ,

One has to pick one's battles. One size does not fit all, especially when it comes to making a living. You might be right to defend the cause, but the result might be that you're starving with no money to pay the bills.

Employees have no rights, for the most part. If ENDA passed with the TG inclusion, we wouldn't be having this conversation. We would be able to say, "I am Transgendered and I am Proud!" That alone would take some guts, but at least we'd have rights, and a relative assurance that there is a paycheck coming.

If you want to make a stand, write your congressman to support ENDA, next time around...with the gender inclusion. That is a place to make a stand, not at work, with people who will forget you, 15 minutes after you leave. Except for an occasional anecdotal story about that weird guy who used to wear a bra. Call your shots, dear.

The boss, if he asks, is out of line. The fact that he would pry this way is disrespectful. He does not deserve the respect of a truthful response. If he is coming from a place that just wants to help, then he should understand if you lie. If he asks from a weird place, then he deserves a lie.

[janet1234]

if he makes a comment, "personal", smile and go on with business.

[Nadia-Maria]

MJ,

One has to pick one's battles. One size does not fit all, especially when it comes to making a living. You might be right to defend the cause, but the result might be that you're starving with no money to pay the bills.

Employees have no rights, for the most part. If ENDA passed with the TG inclusion, we wouldn't be having this conversation. We would be able to say, "I am Transgendered and I am Proud!" That alone would take some guts, but at least we'd have rights, and a relative assurance that there is a paycheck coming.

If you want to make a stand, write your congressman to support ENDA, next time around...with the gender inclusion. That is a place to make a stand, not at work, with people who will forget you, 15 minutes after you leave. Except for an occasional anecdotal story about that weird guy who used to wear a bra. Call your shots, dear.

The boss, if he asks, is out of line. The fact that he would pry this way is disrespectful. He does not deserve the respect of a truthful response. If he is coming from a place that just wants to help, then he should understand if you lie. If he asks from a weird place, then he deserves a lie.

After having read with interest the whole thread, Cara, I must say the high level of quality of all your posts is impressive ! Congratulations.

Hugs

Nadia

[MJ]

Quote Cara:- MJ,
One has to pick one's battles. One size does not fit all, especially when it comes to making a living. You might be right to defend the cause,

but the result might be that you're starving with no money to pay the bills

.

how you say :--- your not just whistling Dixie sister

you are right .. but honesty is the best policy .. yes i lost everything *i posted my nightmare somewhere* but the bottom line is i won't go back to being a guy and changing my appearance for some friends or some family or for a employer .. trying to keep track of what lies i told to whom trying to fit in to other peoples views ..
you have a valid point .. but if we keep hiding and do nothing .. nothing will ever change

Quote wannabie :- and when we were finished he patted me on the back saying Good Job. OK, one pat was OK but he patted me on the back again repeatedly and gave me an odd look and walked away. I think he felt my bra.

Hey who are we kidding we know what a bra feels like .. and get real . Real woman know what makeup looks like we are not fooling anybody . so why lie none of us have to be c.s.i 's to figure it out ...examples
this thread about the bra and then there the thread about makeup be honest , you are busted in more ways than one.. the bottom line is do we tell the truth or tell a lie

[Scotty]

My boss does this as well, I kinda flinched the first few times, either he knows and doesn't do it an ymore or my inside out block worked LOL