Feeling femme?

[Kate Simmons]

We see it often written here when some get gussied up with the full femme presentation (clothes, wig, makeup, etc.) they say they feel really feminine. I'm still trying to figure out what that means. I used to think I felt that way as if a "magic button" was pushed when I got dressed up and went out but when I thought it over, I really don't. How could I "feel" femme or feminine when I have no clue what it is to feel like being a woman? Mind over matter? Mindset? Self hypnosis?

After pondering this a bit, I've come to the conclusion that I really do not feel "femme". What I do feel when I dress and go out is total freedom for expressing myself and my feelings and the fact I'm not ashamed to express myself this way. Actually, these days, I can feel this freedom whether I decide to dress or not. My core self never did and never does change but my outlook on life and my appreciation for others has. I see beyond the physical image and accept everyone for who they are and their true spirit. What I really feel is the freedom to be myself. Saying I feel "femme" doesn't come close to describing the real feeling.

[carolinebrookes]

Very interesting points Salandra.

Perhaps "Feeling fem" should really mean "feeling different" ?

I know that I feel very different when all dressed up with the makeup etc. I'm thinking that may be because as males we are all conditioned as to how we feel and look. Break out of that conditioning and we can and mostly do feel different.

[Cara Allen]

Hi, Salandra!

I agree with you. I don't feel femme when I dress. I think I feel an intense sense of right-ness.

I am of the belief that we here are femme (perhaps to different degrees,) to begin with. That is what drives this behavior. This is the plum-perfect way for us to play out the cards that biology has dealt us.

Many years ago, before I came out, I had a whole week on my own to dress. I went to a depth of awareness that I had not experienced before, during that week. I remember the extreme and utter peace and happiness that I felt. It was such an intense rightness, accepting, not resisting, and being happy. Nothing could convince me that this was anything other than an intensely self validating moment.

Every time I get to be myself now, I experience some of this joy...at least when I am not being self critical that my hips are too small, jaw too big, etc. When I look in the mirror, I see myself, and there is this, "This is the way that I was meant to be" moment, every time.

There are not two of me, just me. I never question that. That me is female. I don't doubt that it might be different for others here. This is how it is, for me.

[docrobbysherry]

I have never really gotten the " feeling fem" thing, that I've read about in so many posts. I know what it feels like to be wearing a bra, forms, girdle/corset, hose, heels, and a sexy outfit. I suspect GG's feel the same tactile things I feel, when they r wearing the same items. I wonder if that is what many writers mean? But it is the same old "me", just wearing different clothes, etc.

Maybe it's the "look". When I look in the mirror, I see a woman. I don't see "me", at all! I see her moving, strutting, shaking it, and more! I feel her doing those things, too. Is that what many mean by "feeling like a woman"?

I don't think so, but I'm really not sure?
RS

[Bobby Anne]

Not sure I know what feeling femme is either, since the GG's of today have not a clue either.
I do feel tingly and bubbly, like I am walking on air when in a pretty dress and heels.I love the feel of my curls touching my cheek and back of neck. There is s zip in my step when strutting about is silk tap panties under my silk dress. These are all things I do not sense while en drab. They are very different and I like them, but I very much like returning back to the lumber jack I am as well.

[Wendy me]

Salandra good thread very true we can't feel like any thing or any one we are not ..... lol i read some of the stuff and go yar right ..... i think some times we show that their's a lot of GM here and at times it sounds like a BS session .... always one upping the next ..... CD'S are a funny group .....thay want what they don't have ..... yet can't risk loosing what they have ....... and need that sense of accompaniment ... or that level of were they are ......


lol so much happier finding i am not a CD ..... i am just happy being me ...... and that sisters and brothers feels wonderfull.........

[akaCathy]

Hi Salandra,

When I read your post, it went straight to what I feel also. I don't feel masculine or feminine and cannot describe either, I feel like me. When dressed, I feel right and complete, along with a measure of excitement. This is who I really am and I am resisting labels. I'm Cathy through and through, whether I'm in a suit and tie, jeans and a sweatshirt or a dress, pantyhose and heels. Clothes don't make the man or woman, it's what's in your heart that makes you who you are.

I am Cathy

[charlie]

I still stick with "feeling fem". At work in my male mode I feel a bit macho. It is my own business and I am in charge doing all my manly things. When I dress and go out I am bucking society. I am a bit shy and the weaker sex. I feel pampered in my silky clothes and I act ladylike. I feel pretty and ....well fem!

[crunchysoda]

What a great post! I always wondered too, what does it mean for a cd'er to say "I *FEEL* so femme", I mean what does that even mean, how do you know, how do you quantify that.

Crap, I am a woman and I dont even know what it means to feel "feminine" and Im fairly girly w/just a smidge of tom boy so the girlyness isnt obnoxious.

[Sinthia]

I agree! You cannot feel what you are not. BUT you can feel good about yourself. You can feel that you have more than one side to your well being, and go to whatever side you want when you have the time to enjoy it. Just be sure to leave time for other aspects in your life, such as SO, children, extended family, friends, neighbors, job, etc. Do not forget, they also mak you feel good about yourself.

[Edwina]

Great post Salandra. I have no idea what feeling feminine is about. All I know is that when I ventured out (see Out and About if you are interested.) I felt fantastic.



Edwina

[MaidInCan]

Good points made by all. "Feeling femme" to me is to feel the feminine side of me. Like was said before, there is a male and female side, perhaps due to biology, perhaps due to other factors. I have a male side with all normal male feelings, emotions, sexual desires etc. When I'm dressed which is when my feminine side comes out-I appreciate the feeling of having breasts, the feel of feminine clothing on my skin, the happiness of being a different personality (no, I'm normal, no split personality, for all you psychologists out there!) and the joy of looking in a mirror and seeing that personality enlivened. I know, whatever our reasons, we enjoy "feeling femme".

[Deborah Jane]

I don,t know about feeling femme. I do know i feel happier when dressed and madeup, Sort of me but happier!!

[MonicaDD]

I think you are on the right track, of all the times I have said I feel very femm when dressed, I have to go back to what it really is to dress up all girl. I have talked to many real girls, I have many real girl friends, and ask them what they feel like when they dress up I almost always get the same answer, when they wear jeans or just casual shorts and casual tops they dont feel anything, just every day normal, but if they get all dolled up for a night out, formals, cocktail dress, miniskirts, then even they say they feel very femminen and sexy, why? because its different even for them and they get treated different from all men even their spouse or date and get admired or stared at by men, its a whole different feeling for them, and for me its pretty much the same, I work as a man, but as soon as Im home I become Monica and if I want to work around the house or on my car or help someone with some kind of work I wear my jeans (girl jeans of course) or casual shorts with casual top and smaller forms and I dont feel all femm, I just feel like the real normal me, but when I get dressed up, which is often, for dates or parties or clubing, I do feel very very femm, and try to dress as sexy as I can, it makes me feel femm because its a little different from my "normal" girl clothes and men look at me different and respond and flirt with me different than when I wear my normal girl clothes.
So, I have to say I agree and disagree with you, some of the time Im just normal girl and some of the time Im feeling sexy and femm girl, but for all the time I am who I am and Im happy with me and how I feel and you should be happy with you no mater how you feel. Monica

[Littlej10]

It is not really posible to know how anyone else feels, especially someone of a different gender. They can attempt to vocalise their feelings but it is remarkably crude. The impression I get is that most of the feeling is of fulfilment for indulging an "addiction" which is made more intense if the dressing is fully made upa nd the result makes you "pretty" in the way that you desire. Perhaps the usrge to go out is an attempt to receive approval for your efforts and to elicit the feeling that you have achieved something special with your "art".

[Nicki B]

Perhaps "Feeling fem" should really mean "feeling different" ?

I think it's more about 'feeling right', at last. It's the boy bit that doesn't, for me?

But I don't think anyone, genetic woman or otherwise, knows what feeling 'femme' is - they just know how they feel?

[Fab Karen]

You're assuming a biological definition for the word/phrase, which misses the mark. As Benny Hill said, "how do you define the in-tangerine?" ( the word is intangible ). It's a convenient label. Crossdresser doesn't accurately explain the complexity of what & why we are what we are, but it is convenient to explain to others in a quick way.
I suspect many of us relate to "being girly with a bit of tomboy as well"

[Nicole Erin]

Feeling femme -
If someone has to ask, they would never get it anyways.

Why would a GM waste time running around in women's garb only to feel nothing?

[AnotherSarah]

When dressed, I feel like the way I should be, a female. Paint me fem.

[Nikki A.]

I guess that this feeling depends on the individual. As for me I enjoy the transformation in look, and the feel of the soft and often more vibrant colors and the more options that I have in dressing. Do I feel that I am now a woman? No, but I feel that I am letting a different side of me out to be me.

[Eugenie]

Pretty philosophical subject Salandra...

Indeed what does "felling femme" means? What do "female at birth" feel about their condition? Does what we feel, even if we are among those who have had complete surgical reassignment, when we are dressed as women

In that respect what does it mean feeling like someone else?

We human being are equiped to internalise other's feelings (This is called having a "theory of mind"), probably linked to the development of mirror neurones.

So we can always have at least a vague idea of what the feelings of others are. Of course our difference in anatomy with female at Birth doesn't help us to imagine the body experiences they may be having. Yet as members of a same specie we still have some ideas...

In my case I feel "femme" even when I am not dressed as one... Well, that is as far as I can tell what a real woman feels


Eugenie

[Angie G]

You hit the nail on the head Salandra
Angie

[melissacd]

We do not know what it feels like to be a woman. We also do not know what it feels like to be anyone else. Feeling femme in my opinion is a label that describes, based on a lifetime of experiences and observations, whatever we project, construct, fantasize femininity to be.

I agree wholeheartedly with what you and others say here. For me it is feeling in a zone where there is a rightness about who I am as a person. I am not fighting myself anymore, I am not pretending to be something else, I am being free to enjoy anything and everything around me whether labelled suitable for a man or a woman. The gender labels do not matter, I just allow myself to flow towards and appreciate the things that resonate with my soul. I am just being me without all that cultural judgement overrriding my choices.

That means that if I want to get all dressed up in soft sensual frill and lacey and playful and flirty things then that is what I do because it feels so wonderful to me and it feels so right, no shame, no anger, no guilt, just a peaceful rightness like I am exactly where and whom I should be.

Thanks Salandra for this wonderful topic.

Huggs
Melissa

[Vicky_Scot]

Its like when they say about a GG "She felt very feminie". Of course she would she is a woman.

Never understood that one.

[Emma England]

It used to be thought that only women were allowed to show any emotion or compassion. If a man cried, that would be wrong.

I have never had this opinion as I think it is crazy.

The concept of feminine or masculine is crazy too.

Men can have the same feelings as a woman (and vice versa). There is no logic to what is manly or what is womanly - we are all just different.

Maybe the best thing is do is to ask someone who is French.
They always say that a table is masculine and a chair is feminine (or is it the other way around? I do not have a clue!)

The idea of feminine traits often relates to stereotypical views of how a woman should behave. Another crazy opinion to me.

As I write this, I am neither feminine nor masculine. I am me!!