You can't handle the truth

[Charlotte Cross]

Hello girls. You'll probably all hate me by the time you finish reading this post, but I can't take it any more.

I'm flabbergasted when one of you can't understand why you cannot pass in public as a woman.
I'm even more amazed at the amount of support you receive from other members here.

I know this is a support group, but where does fantasy end and reality begin?

Isn't it about time we all quit being so nice and try being a little more honest with our opinions?
Why is it that most everyone is is so afraid to hurt someone's feelings? Or is it that by you telling someone they look good when they really don't, it will make you feel better about yourself?

I would think that if you told someone the truth, they might think twice before going out and getting embarrassed, or beat up, or even worse.

Our hands, our feet and our shoulders are too big. Our faces are too square. We have no boobs, we have no arses, we have no hips and our knees are too knobby.
We certainly don't have the correct plumbing.

We're NOT women.

We're guys in dresses looking for an answer that does not exist.

[GypsyKaren]

Speak for yourself, because you're sure as hell not speaking for me.

Karen Starlene

[deja true]

Indeed! Maybe we're dreaming, but truthfully, I don't think most of us really care. The thrill is as much in the chase as in the final win. Girls who know they can't pass either don't go out or only go out with friends. Girls who think they can eventually pass keep trying and trying and trying to get better at it. That's the prize, just being in the race!

I was a defeatist, too, for a long time. But now I'm back in the race. I don't care if I win. I just want to run! Try and catch me!

deja

[Michelle-NC]

Charlotte, I have seen quite a few girls on this site that could easily pass, and I have looked twice at some of their pictures, not even sure it was a guy in a dress. Can all of us? No..That is true, but your thinking is we all need to hide in the closet? That we will all get beaten up if we dare show our faces out in public? Sorry, and don't mean to offend, but that is exactly the closed minded thinking that sends most of over the edge. No one is asking you to send support to any of the girls who go out, but at the same time, no one should push them further into the closet. If you choose to hide in your closet, then that is fine. Your choice, just don't force your choice onto others.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I disagree with the majority of the post for one thing...

You are lumping all of us into one solid category and that is something that simply cannot be applied to us as a whole.

Each of us is different
Each of us is at a different stage of what we do.
Each of us has different reasons for doing it.

Some want to blend right in with society and not be noticed. despite what you have written here, some of us actually DO. So what if some of us do not?? Its always someone else that does not understand who we are, why were here, and where we are going that has an "issue" with us.

Now, what I DO agree with is the honesty issue.

I've posted here about my personal take on people who ask me for my opinion, and that is... I will tell you truthfully and constructively, but don't give me grief if you don't appreciate the answer. Its really that simple.

Passing is a subjective issue. Even the best of us get read every so often. No one is perfect and I've seen real girls out there get pegged as men when they weren't. Its a cruel world and if one is going to put on the warpaint, the garb, and go out in public... one also needs to put on their BIG-GIRL Panties and roll with the punches.

My two cents, you're mileage may vary

*hugs*

Zara

[Angela Burke]

Where does fantasy end and reality begin?
Well how about having a picture of yourself as an avatar and not some dead film star? That could be a start.

[Emily Ann Brown]

My mother taught me if I couldn't say something nice then don't say anything....so I'm not gonna reply to this!


Emily Ann

[breanna53]

Charlotte, I have seen quite a few girls on this site that could easily pass, and I have looked twice at some of their pictures, not even sure it was a guy in a dress. Can all of us? No..That is true, but your thinking is we all need to hide in the closet? That we will all get beaten up if we dare show our faces out in public? Sorry, and don't mean to offend, but that is exactly the closed minded thinking that sends most of over the edge. No one is asking you to send support to any of the girls who go out, but at the same time, no one should push them further into the closet. If you choose to hide in your closet, then that is fine. Your choice, just don't force your choice onto others.

Thanks Michelle, you have said most of what was on my mind after reading the post. Closed minded people that think everything should be thier way is the reason we have all the trouble in the world today. THEY should stay in the closet , and thats as nice as i can be

[TGMarla]

I've been told that I can pass. And I've looked at myself in pictures and in person and thought to myself that I can pass.....but really, I can't. At least I think I would never pass upon any close inspection. And it's frustrating at times. But this is the hand I'm dealt. When I first posted pictures on this site, I got a huge response from many friendly folks who told me that I was pretty! I'd never been told that before, and it felt good. Were they lying? Maybe a little, but I don't care. Their response did not push me out the door. They didn't fill me with a bunch of false illusions. But it made me feel accepted, wanted, feminine, and pretty. There's nothing wrong with that. I'll take that any day.

[Kate Simmons]

Well Charlotte, let me put it succinctly. How do you answer a question from a woman like:"Does this dress make me look fat?" While I will not out and out lie to my friends here, I nonetheless attempt to be tactful when they ask for advice appearance wise. I have a vested (no pun intended) interest here with my friends. While I realize that such a question from a genetic woman is a no win situation, the feelings of CD's is pretty much terra incognita, so it's best to tread lightly sometimes. Besides, I can't say much as I looked like something akin to the Devil's Grandma when I first started dressing. At least now I maybe look more like the Devil's sister, which has got to be an improvement.

[Littlej10]

I love thge fantasy. We all have our own slice of hell but don't push it off onto others. Most of us who go out don't expect to pass, we are not stupid, just sympathetic.

Sorry, that was a bit strong.

[Brianna1]

I agree with Zara on the honesty issue and I do believe that we can offer each other support by constructive evaluation of others and that there is usually a way to help others to be better at dressing than they are currently achieving. I kinda thought that's why we were all here...to learn. Blindly saying you look great doesn't help. I for one would welcome people helping me to look better. I like the way I look in my clothes and will ask for advice when I want to move on to the next stage. That for me will be make up and wigs plus breast forms. Yes we have to accept that there will be people who recognise what we are doing if we go out in public and we need to be ready to take it in our stride if the reaction is negative. Most people are too busy with their own problems to care what you or I do. Being bitchy amongst ourselves is not the way forward but neither is the wrong kind of support.
Hugs,
Brianna

[MJ]

Our hands, our feet and our shoulders are too big. Our faces are too square. We have no boobs, we have no arses, we have no hips and our knees are too knobby.

We certainly don't have the correct plumbing.
We're NOT women.

We're guys in dresses looking for an answer that does not exist.

next time your at the mall take a good look around i can look just a good as the woman there and as confident as them ..

unless i get naked in public no one can tell what plumbing i have

My mother taught me if I couldn't say something nice then don't say anything....so I'm not gonna reply to this!
Emily Ann

My mum taught me the same thing ..

i Guess we have to try a little harder

[bEEb]

Awwwww.... Sniff sniff... snivel ... ack.. choke...
bwaaaaa!

Now look what ya done!

And I was certain that I was gonna win the Miss America pageant before my first social security check arives in "2015"

[Sheila]

Hello girls. You'll probably all hate me by the time you finish reading this post, but I can't take it any more.

I'm flabbergasted when one of you can't understand why you cannot pass in public as a woman.
I'm even more amazed at the amount of support you receive from other members here.

I know this is a support group, but where does fantasy end and reality begin?

Isn't it about time we all quit being so nice and try being a little more honest with our opinions?
Why is it that most everyone is is so afraid to hurt someone's feelings? Or is it that by you telling someone they look good when they really don't, it will make you feel better about yourself?

I would think that if you told someone the truth, they might think twice before going out and getting embarrassed, or beat up, or even worse.

Our hands, our feet and our shoulders are too big. Our faces are too square. We have no boobs, we have no arses, we have no hips and our knees are too knobby.
We certainly don't have the correct plumbing.

We're NOT women.

We're guys in dresses looking for an answer that does not exist.

Yup, you are probably right .................. this thread ain't gonna make you the most popular person around ............ but I for one appluad your stance is speaking honestly from your point of view .

Now't wrong in speaking the truth as you see it, though unless you sugar coat it sometimes until it is unrecognisable you tend to hurt others feelings.

Some of the anger directed at you in this thread I feel comes from the uncoated truth that dispels illusions.

Me I like the unsugared truth ............ know where I stand then .......

cos I think by the time this thread is finished you are sure gonna need em

[carolinebrookes]

Who decides what the truth of what we do is?

The truth is that most times any of us go out, we most probably are "read" at some point. Most times we are out we are also not "read" because when all said and done, no one really cares what for instance, I look like and unless they come up really close then they will most likely have no clue.

99% of trying to "pass" is about confidence and how we hold ourselves rather than how we look. Obviously if I were to go out and about sporting a beard and handlebar moustache whilst wearing a dress, then I may get looked at a little more often, but who is to say I can't do it if I want to?

From what I have seen on this site since joining, A good slice of the girls around would, the majority of times, be able to go out and enjoy themselves without "Being beaten up". I don't think that there is anyone round here silly enough to say that they would "pass" all of the time, but we sure will give it a damn good try!

As for telling someone that they look good. Would you honestly tell your wife she looked horrid in that new dress she so obviously likes? A very brave man would do so! Diplomacy rules and sometimes you have to be a little more understanding.
I know that if someone from here mails me to say that I look good in a picture I have posted, then I take it with a pinch of salt as I know that I shall NEVER look like a gg. In the same vein, if someone mails me and tells me that I look dreadful then I also take that with a pinch of salt as I know that I am not too ugly when scrubbed up! lol

Can I handle the truth? I'd say I have a firly good handle on it and know my own limitations.

Interesting post by the way.

[Suzy Harrison]

I guess she's talking about me ....

[Stacye Rose]

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Charlotte,
While some of the things you say are indeed the unsugared truth. much of your post sounds like negativity directed at the universe in general and yourself in particular.Yes, in many cases our hands, feet, arms etc. are too large, however, you miss the point. What we look like is less important than how we feel.

I can speak only for myself but it's in the trying that the challenge exists. I don't care if I pass when I dress at home. I enjoy the process of crossdressing: I love the smell of the make-up, the feel of the clothing, the sound of my heels on the floor, the smile on my face when i twirl my skirt in the mirror.These are the pleasures I get from crossdressing.
When I do go out in public the same pleasures exist in an altered way. If I pass so much the better, if I don't at least I looked good and had a good time trying.

As usual my wonderful sisters respond with love, friendlyness, love, and acceptance. Thanks as always Girls.

[annekathleen]

REALITY CHECK!

I love this site!
I love to dress like a woman!
I'll never pass as a woman!!
I'm still a man!

[Lisa Golightly]

I would think that if you told someone the truth, they might think twice before going out and getting embarrassed, or beat up, or even worse.

So you'd prefer it if our people hid away like some kind of third class citizen circling the drain too afraid to open the curtains? What's so great about that? It's wrong to project your personal fears on the rest of us.

Our hands, our feet and our shoulders are too big. Our faces are too square. We have no boobs, we have no arses, we have no hips and our knees are too knobby.

Speak for yourself Darling!

We certainly don't have the correct plumbing.

So what? You tell my brain that's all there is to it...

We're NOT women.

We're guys in dresses looking for an answer that does not exist.

I like to think there is more to being a woman than mere plumbing... Ever try reading the Wasp Factory?

[StacyCD]

There are about as many reasons for crossdressing as there are crossdressers! It's very hard to generalize about something that is so poorly understood.

Each person dresses for different reasons and the reasons may change throughout our lives. For some, they can move through the world and be mistaken as gg. For some, it may be a pure fantasy never to see the light of day. For others, it may be to just have a wider choice in clothing. But as for passing, walk around Walmart and you'll quickly see a number of women who look very manly! So if upon close inspection someone sees me as a man in a dress (which I am), as long as they treat me appropriately, I don't care what they see! I dress for myself.

[Daintre]

So you are looking for the unsugared truth. lets start with why you wear frocks, from what I got from a previous thread you wrote.

"I have dressed prior to puberty, but since I became of age, I realized the sexual satisfaction I achieved and still do. I am approaching 60, and it still turns me on. My motivation, first and foremost, is the sexual rush I get from dressing, and feeling those silks and satins against my body, imagining that I am a submissive and beautiful female, ready to be taken and ravished."

For you dressing is mainly sexual which is only one of many reasons why we dress, because we all don't get off sexually by dressing does not diminish why we dress. Some of us pass and it is important to those who do. Me I don't pass, however I did still go out with friends. If I ask for advice I would appreciate getting a post which was honest but above all one which will give me positive criticism..not a negative slap in the face.

My responses are honest, that does not mean they are negative, I try and be as positive as possible, after all this is a support group.

[windycissy]

Sweetheart, you just can't generalize like that...like most things in nature, it's a bell-shaped curve: on either ends of the curve are those who are drop-dead passable or hopeless, and in the middle are the rest, who might be able to pull it off with the right makeup, clothes and bearing.

[Angela Burke]

Oh Charlotte!
You've certainly put a pigeon amongst the cats!
"I think this one will run and and run."

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Makes me wonder though...

Is it just me or does it seem like there have been a lot of angry people posting in here lately?

Zara