Advice for going out!..

[Deborah Jane]

I did it!! I went out!!
I,ve posted a thread in the "Out and about" section for anyone who wants to know how it went!!
Thanks for the encouragementDebs

[Nicole Erin]

YOu could go to a gay or drag club. Yes people will notice [we are loved ] but the attention is almost always positive.

It is a start and will get you used to being around others.
Or is there a support group? Most groups will have a place you can change clothes.

Things like walking around the mall [the acid test of confidence], maybe save that for later times when your confidence has grown drastically.

Finally, maybe carry your male clothes in a bag with other things in case you need to bail out later.

[Sam-antha]

Now you have arrived you can do it to your own choice when you like, almost.
congrats

[Laurelanne]

take small steps, spend a few moments just in view on your balcony or porch, try it at night first just run to the store at the corner etc.,
My first I was 14 yrs old I went three houses down the street then I went to the corner, then around the block then the corner staore.. the rest is history good luck let me know YOU CAN DO IT !

[Nicki B]

So......

What was the secret, Debs? :winking:

'Just Do It'?

[slamddoger]

is there a suport group in yor are that you can call . and hook up whith you and help you out

[Sarah Doepner]

That sounds so odd and mystical, but that's how it worked for me. I'd been dressing for several years and knew I wanted to go out, but the chance never developed on it's own. I had to create the correct circumstances so I would be as comfortable as possible. I thought a lot about what I was doing and what aspects of my appearance and behavior made me the most paranoid and I worked to change them. It took a long time, a lot of dreaming and visualization and a lot of work.

Regardless, I can't count the number of times I was frozen in my room. Finally the day came when I knew I wouldn't be able to face that woman in the mirror again if I didn't stepped out as planned. It wasn't a good trip, but I haven't stopped getting out since that trip. So, there is no single secret beyond being patient and keeping your goal in mind. The magic builds every time you try and eventually you know you are ready. You may not be perfect, but you are ready.

[shirley1]

i have the same problem - i have been to a tg meeting a couple of times but havnt yet mastered the courage to go out dressed from where i live - have to change when i get there - annoying to say the least - especially when so many you meet just go out dressed - for me i think its just the thought of going out on my own - with others i feel safer - like i am not the only guy dressed

but i read someones post on a british forum about how they took their first steps by going to a dressing service and they took them out with them - i had that oppotunity a few years back and god i wish i had done it - see for me its just a case of confidence and if i could spend a few hours out and not get a bad response of people i think it would just boost my confidence no end - its just the thought of going out alone getting no further than half way down the road and someone shout "thats a guy dressed as a women" that really puts me off - i know that plenty have said passing not that important but if you are worried about how you look to people its not going to help your confidence to go out in the first place is it

[Missy Anne]

Deborah,

Although I am relatively new at going out, it began to get easier for me once I decided that I really don't care what anyone thinks.

I believe I was actually hoping for an encounter last time out so I could prove to myself that it is not the end of the world if I get read.

Missy Anne

[Jilmac]

Deborah, dutch courage will never do it but keep trying girl because if you give up it may end up being a step backwards. It may be best to find another girl from your area to help boost your confidence. I did just that for my own confidence and went to a jazz club for a night of entertainment a month ago. My biggest fear now is being read by my neighbors and when the weather breaks and the days get longer there will be more of them outdoors. I think that will be my ultimate test of courage. Let me say I'm pulling for you girl, I hope you will find the courage and pride to go out. Luv and Jill

[suspender]

Suzy from WA and Tamarav, thanks for what you have said on this subject. some of the stuff on this site over the years has helped me heaps, so much so it has assisted me in other areas in coming out. Suzy, you sound like a great aussie chic - thanks alot again.

[Christine Kelly]

What is the secret to going out?
Confidence!
Not really caring what anyone will think and just doing it.
(At least that has been my experience.)
After your nervousness dies down a bit,
you learn to enjoy yourself!

[Deborah Jane]

I,ve been out twice since starting this thread and for me it was determination and the advice and support of my friends here that finally got me out!!
I hope some of the other gurls in the closet can also benefit from the good advice given here
Thanks everyone

[lucya_od]

Ok i need to ask this as stupid as it sounds!!
What is the secret to going out?
I keep getting myself ready to go out for my first time but just can,t manage to leave the house. I plan what i,m going to wear so that i don,t attract unwanted attention, i spend ages getting my makeup "just so". I,ve been practising how i walk and developing feminine mannerisms and i spend ages trying to convince myself i look ok.
I plan where i,m going to go and how i should react if people look at me.
Even a walk around the block seems impossible to manage, i just get to my front door and "freeze"!!
I,m sorry to have to ask this as i feel really stupid about it, but i really want to try going out!!
Plenty of others manage it, why can,t i?
I even tried a bit of "dutch courage", but by the time i was confident enough i could barely walk!!
Should i just accept i,ll never manage it and just give up!!

you got nothing to say sorry about, i am also in the same boat as you, why not go out side at night 12pm where this is no-one around. and you can get used to walking out side. i am going to do the same as soon is i find a wig that suits me. at the end of the day us girls have to stick together. is that right? love ya girl friends. xxxxxx lucya xxxxxx

[Nicki B]

Perhaps you need a mod to change the thread title...

Lucya, are you in Plymouth UK? If so, you're the second Lucy I know who lives there? (The other one goes clubbing in Plymouth, but often comes up to Bristol, for nights out..) There is a friendly group at Exeter, too, that some of the girls from here go to?

[Deborah Jane]

Perhaps you need a mod to change the thread title

Great idea Nicki!! There is a lot of good advice here [it got me out] and i would like to think others could also benefit from it.

Over to to you mods!!

[Sam-antha]

I would like to take this thread a step further with your help, Debs (and others). I did chat with you considerably before and during your run-up to the key of the door and I like to think that helped.
Now that you are out, committed and happy I would like to know :
Do you think that going out to a club would have helped you to get through the door and onto the public pavement ? Or is it possible that the club would have simply been a postponment of the pavement walking ?
Your ~Samm

[CharleneT]

This is a great thread !!! Many wonderful suggestions and encouragement. I especially recommend that you read yms's comments on her website. Very well written and helpful.

[jessielee]

Deborah,
so happy for you!
thank you for sharing the entire process with us chickens step by step!
you are an inspiration!
hugs,
jessie

[slamddoger]

is there a suport group in your aer that you call on for help. is ther a place that dose makeover that you can is appment whith in your are. mabee thay can help you out

[Deborah Jane]

I,m glad others are also benefitting from the advice i got from this thread!!

It got me out, so hopefully it will help others too!!

[KimberlyS]

Advice for going out really depends on who you are as a person.
Many will say start small like go for a drive.
Some will say get a friend to go with you.
Some say you first need to perfect your looks, walk, talk, and everything else femme.

For me it was different. It was a decision and being out of town. Because I certainly did not do everything right. In fact I do not think I did much right.

I was going out of town on business. Way out of town to Milwaukee and would not know anyone. All I had was a few under things and a wig. So I picked up some clothes and shoes at a second hand store on the way to the airport. The first night I was there I bought my first makeup, picked up some PH, and scoped out a route to take a walk. The second night was to be the night of my outing. I put on makeup for the first time ever. Put on the clothes that I got which were too tight and used some socks to fill the bra. The wig, bra, and PH were about the only things that fit or looked right. Then after about 20 minutes of going from the door back to the mirror, to the door, then check if I had my room key, then .... I finally opened the door and out I went. I know I did not look good but I was going to do it and it did not matter what other people thought. I said that over and over as I went on my walk. And even more as someone approached. "It did not matter what others thought". My route ended up going through a night club area which the night before, Thursday, was not very busy, but that night being Friday was busy with couples and groups of people coming and going. But I stuck to my route and kept repeating to my self "it did not matter what others thought".

After I got through the club area I realized yes I got some looks, some laughs, and a couple of "IT'S A GUY" comments, but that was it. And most did not seem to notice me like they were too involved in their group. Yes they seen me enough to avoid me when walking. But most people really really did not look at me in detail it seemed. I finished my almost hour walk with a slow stroll back to the hotel with my feet getting sore from the heels that were also too small.

So my advice is get out of town and just do it.

p.s. Deborah Jane I am glad you made it out.

[Carly D.]

Speaking as a closet crossdresser I can only think that CAUTION and research should be two things to think of.. go to where you think it would be safe, ether a park or beach or walkway.. and be ever so careful...

[Megan (VA)]

Congratulations Deb! Each time you walk out the door it will get easier and easier!

There is a lot of good advice in thie thread. One thing I would like to add is when I venture out I try my best to pass but if I don't I am happy to settle for people seeing me as a respectable looking transgender woman. If they see that then I generally know things will be okay because they will see me as a person, not a joke.

[Janet Bern]

Some advice for going out
1. Get away from home
2. First time wear partial female clothes womans jeans, flats, sweater. and see how it goes. Malls are good out of town, noone cares they are busy
3. Second time work with the wig and makeup
4. try a long skirt and flats
slowly you will get used to it
I have found that noone really cares