One Of Many Questions

[Danicd]

Hello again all,
Ok, so sometimes I over think things or obsess a little but I am curious as to what attracts us to cross dressing to begin with. Is it nature or nuture that makes us need to cross dress. I mean do we have have some genetic make up that makes us need to feel totally feminine. Or does it have to do with how we are raised? I personally struggle with myself over this overwelming urge to be as totally feminine as I can and since I've only started fully dressing the last few month's and it seems to come so naturally that it sorta scares me a little bit. So, if some of you who have been through some sort of thearapy or have researched this at all will help explain this to me I would be forever greatfull.

Dani

[jessielee]

hi Dani,
sorry, no insight from therapy experience.
but i often ponder nature vs. nurture.
wish i could go back and listen to all the things my mother told my pre-remembering self. but the past is past. what's real and here and now is what i first realized as a three year old. i liked girls much more than boys. they turned my crank, non sexually. so i wished i was that neat and with it and together and attractive!
plain and simple.
but,
spent my whole life till now figuring what is, is how it should be and to deal with it, to be rational and realistic and pragmantic.
ah, but i've always been such a dreamer.
and the dream is stronger than my mind.
not to be mystical, but perhaps what i always knew is more real than these molecules and atoms.
cowed into someone elses "normalcy."
yes, it is frightening. goes against everything we'd had crammed into us.
i'm with you sister.
let's see where this goes.
as we spread our wings...
jessie

[melissaK]

Pursue the references in the sticky notes. And obsess up a storm. I did. At the end of the path you will find no one knows why we are, and the only one who knows what to do about it is you.

hugs,
'lissa

[Kate Simmons]

Put simply, it's part of who we are, nature and nurture notwithstanding. The extent to which we choose to express it and explore the feelings associated with it is totally up to us.

[Stargirl]

Put simply, it's part of who we are, nature and nurture notwithstanding. The extent to which we choose to express it and explore the feelings associated with it is totally up to us.

I knew I could count on you. If things are too easy to understand, I get worried. I like at least a bit of a challenge. In the end, it's my inner being, and a costume box. If other people join me, all the better. If they do not, I keep scanning the horizon, and remember where I have been. That counts for something, too.

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Dani!! I,ve tried therapy and self analysis to discover why this this such an important thing to me.
I grew up as an average boy [c/ding apart], and no matter what i do the urge to dress always returns. I guess we either learn to accept it or fight it!
I,ve tried fighting it and it didn,t really work, so now i,m going with acceptance.

[Kate Simmons]

I knew I could count on you. If things are too easy to understand, I get worried. I like at least a bit of a challenge. In the end, it's my inner being, and a costume box. If other people join me, all the better. If they do not, I keep scanning the horizon, and remember where I have been. That counts for something, too.

Yup Stargirl, I've learned that my core essense is feminine while my human genetics are masculine. Makes for an infinate number of interesting combinations. The Vulcan philosophy IDIC (Infinate Diversity with Infinate Combinations) comes to mind.

[Sapphire]

Hi Dani,
If there is one thing that posts on this forum suggest it is that most of us experienced transgendered inclinations from early childhood and that these manifested themselves in an attraction to crossdressing. Some crossdressers have psychological and physical physical characteristics that seem to point to a possibly pre-natal event or predisposition that caused them to develop differently. Then again there are crossdressers who are very manly in appearance and who love Formula 1 racing. Equally there are among us heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, the bi-curious, possibly some asexuals, and of course those of us who have “transitioned” or are in the course of doing so, and those of us who have no problem with being labelled male Lesbians. And the list does not end there. In short we are a very mixed bunch united by one common characteristic – a love of crossdressing and usually a need to reassure ourselves that we are not unique. How we manage the unusual instinct that we are host to is of course what matters most. Nature likes diversity and we are part of that diversity. A community composed entirely of alpha males might well not be in the long term interest of our species. Nature or nurture or whatever, we have our lives to lead and we must make the decisions that best suit our circumstances and not neglect the sensitivities and needs of others.

[deja true]

Yup, like they all said, all you can do is just 'go with the flow' on this. We've all obsessed. Obsessed to the point of thinking we needed therapy. From the hundreds of threads I've read so far, it's usually not been as helpful as a lot of calm introspection and a lot of talk with other normal people, like many of the people here.

The 'why am I like this' question is one we're never gonna answer to our own satisfaction. Why do you like the color green above all others? Why do you hate broccoli, even though you know it tastes good? Who cares? That's just the way it is.

You're not crazy, you're not dangerous, you're not cracking up.

Many here think our 'affliction' is actually a blessing. Think about that. You can experience more of humanity, get more insight into all other's feelings, and become a more tender and accepting person yourself in the process.

It's nature and nurture that brings us here. 100% natural! And you'll never untangle those complicated threads.

Don't waste the mental energy trying. There are better things to obsess about. Things that'll help others and make the world a better place. Obsess about AIDS or Darfur or discrimination or hunger or global warming. Those you can do something about.

respect & love

deja

[Paula_S]

In my case, my father has at some point(s) had silky-smooth legs and I once inadvertently found tights and stockings in a drawer when I lived in his house. Go figure, as Americans would say. His son (i.e. me) from a young age was jealous of women and girls getting to wear glamorous outfits (think I was about 7 or 8 when I first wished I could dress like that). That father-and-son link suggests a genetic basis.

Then again, I at currently 30 years old was an impressionable young child in the 1980s, when high stilettos were popular and beautiful nails were not unusual (which they certainly are nowadays!). And that sort of look is the only thing I want to wear when dressing myself, so obviously it made an impression on me. Which suggests nurture rather than nature.

But then again...my male friends would have had seen similar things, but are not CD. So that would suggest genetic..?

Whichever it is, none of us chose to have these strong urges, but we can choose to accept them and start to enjoy fulfilling them...

[Sugar]

Hi Dani,
I too am an over thinker and sometimes I obsess a little bit. Nature vs. nurture...I lean toward genetics. I wasn't pampered as a child, quite the opposite. I was taught how to fight ( stand up for myself ) when I was very young. Never let anyone see you cry, cause boy's don't cry. I used to have that struggle with who I am, too. Still do sometimes...to the point that I need to put it all away. I've learned not to purge, it's thrifty to just put it all away for a time. It comes back.

While I was out today I stopped at the mall and bought myself some very sexy panties. Man!! They feel great!! I feel great!!

I hope to have helped you,


Sugar

[Sandi jo]

I don't think we could ever know for sure but I lean toward nature,why would there be so many of us?

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I used to obsess about the same thing asking "Why Me?" Lately I've come to take the simple nature answer. Being TG is a part of who I am, and I will always be this way, nothing will ever change this, no need to for me to ask any further questions.

[PatriciaT]

This topic has come up on forums before and I would like to summarize what I seem to have learned from the discussions.
1. Most CDs find out at a very early age, around when perception begins. The 5-12 year age bracket is failry common, although there are late starters.
2. Since it seems that most of us would not have chosen this, it is probably a part of our genetic makeup, akthough it seems no one really knows where it comes from. We don't choose it, but it chooses us, so to speak.
3. It seems that a CD has both a male and female aspect. They may be equally strong or one might be stonger than the other. The female aspect needs to be expressed.
4. It will not go away and there is no known cure.
5. Early on, a lot of CDs try to suppress the CD urge because they feel it's wrong or unnatural. This leads to a great deal of misery.
6. Once a CD comes to terms with this, and realizes it for what it is, a normal part of her makeup, and expresses it by doning female attire, among other things she becomes happy and enjoys life better. The degree of happiness and enjoyment seems to depend on the extent the CD drive can be expressed.

There are probably a lot more aspects to this but these are what pops into mind right now. Simply put, we have a female aspect that needs to be expressed and this is why we have the urge to CD. I know what you mean when you say that you find being dressed natural. Cds often state that they feel vey natural en femme. I think is stems from the need to express this female aspect which is as much a part of us as our male asepct. If we feel natural, more or less, in boys clothing, we should also feel natural in girl's clothing. In my case,I feel more natural in girl's clothing. Being en femme is so natural that much of the time I am no more aware of being en femme that I am when in drab.

Patricia

[Angie G]

I was born with it installed in me and love it. I never thought I want to do this I just stared dressing when I was 11 or 12 And never looked back.
Anfie

[chipster block]

Hi Dani!! I,ve tried therapy and self analysis to discover why this this such an important thing to me.
I grew up as an average boy [c/ding apart], and no matter what i do the urge to dress always returns. I guess we either learn to accept it or fight it!
I,ve tried fighting it and it didn,t really work, so now i,m going with acceptance.

My SO is learning to accept and I am in the same boat. Sometimes rough seas when I am feeling freaky about, sometimes ok when explains to me he's the same guy, just dressed in close that make him look prettier. He' very patient with me and I am greatful of our love.
chip

[Joy Carter]

Took some time for me to accept who I am. Now other things in my life have come together. Wish I hadn't waited so long. Now if I could find acceptance at home, I'd be really happy.

[Suzy Harrison]

I don't think it's nurture but nature - the way we're born.

I've never seen the need for therapy - I just accept that's the way things are.... and I'm pretty happy about it so I don't worry.

[KayR]

I discovered my cd side when playing innocent "bedroom games" with my wife. To say the floodgates were opened is an understatement! I until that point was a "proper man" - anything considered girly was not for me!
I anguished for months, believing that I was turning "queer". Any minute I expected to start mincing my way around and kissing men. This was the extent of my hangup.
Eventually I found the Northern Concord and met and spoke with one of the founder members, who was also a psychiatric nurse. She pointed out that in both nature and history the male has had a highly decorative side to him - the peacock is a great example. 14th century men had more frills and flounces on their clothes than did the women, and so on. She also taught me that societys moral judgements ebb and flow as a fashion, and are not set in stone - look at how women wearing trousers was considered obscene during the 1920's. We are conditioned to suit these fashions.
Understanding all these things, together with a lot of discussion with my long-suffering wife, I came to the one conclusion that I am content with:
I am a CDer because I like to do it.
My gender is not in dispute. I am a full blooded male heterosexual. I love women, and like to think that my hobby has given me fresh insight into the way women "are". The enormous attention to detail, the care that even underwear is selected to co-ordinate, knowing that no-one will see it. These are the things which I enjoy learning about.
That is me, and I'm sure that every one of us has a different story.

[Angela Burke]

I spent years thinking about why I am a crossdresser and the only conclusion I've come to that makes any sense to me is that I'm a male who likes dressing as a female,viz.a crossdresser.
Stop analysing it and just enjoy it.

[dominique]

I totally agree with Angela on this. Less thinking about it and go with the flow.

[Vicky_Scot]

I don't think it's nurture but nature - the way we're born.

I've never seen the need for therapy - I just accept that's the way things are.... and I'm pretty happy about it so I don't worry.

I could not have said it any better Suzy.

I agree 100%

Xx Vicky xX

[Danicd]

Wow, Thanks to all who responded!
I am a very fortunate person to have found a SO (GG) who is so completly accepting of my feminine side. It was one of our conversations some time ago when I came out to her that prompted the question. I really started dressing around 11 or 12 years old and my mother passed when iwas 12 going on 13.We were very close and she suggested that my desire to dress might have something to do with that loss. As I look back I can see now that I have always had a strong fem side albiet maybe not expressed by cding but always there. Anyhow thanks to all who responded I am getting alot more comfortable with myself having found this forum.

Dani

[Annie D]

Hi Dani! I can't remember one reply to any thread posed as a why question that hasn't tried to reasonably tried to explain why we are the way we are. Our male side tries to be analytical while our female side is emotional. I, too, used to spend a lot of time thinking why am I this way and in a previous thread I asked, "Are you afraid of being thought of as gay?"

I am of the opinion that we over think because we want to explain to the world why we crossdress and kind of put the blame on something and somehow not take responsibility for our own actions. Does this sound like the educator in me? I am always telling kids, "Take responsibility for what you are doing and don't tell me that Johnny made you do it! If Johnny told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" That last part came out of my mom's mouth.

I dress because I like to and it doesn't hurt anyone in the general public. It could possibly damage relationships with people in my family so I therefore am prepared to say, "I have been like this for 50 years, it is nature." Laying blame on my actions on something no one can control and absolving myself of my responsibility for my actions.

I quit trying to overthink why, I just do it.

I apologize for anything I have said that might offend anyone. I have trouble typing as fast as I think. I love all the replies and enjoy discussing these "thinking" questions.

[DemonicDaughter]

You know, you can look at this an entirely different way... sort of, lol! Its called passion.

You have a genuine passion for something. My passion is art. And if you think you obsess over CDing... hunnie, you ain't seen nothing yet!

Just because my passion is more accepted on a social level (though not so easily accepted on personal/relationship levels) doesn't mean its any less so. And just because yours isn't considered "mainstream" doesn't mean there's a damn thing wrong with it!

You are creative, your body is your canvas and you are expressing yourself in ways most people never even dare to try!

Don't let society make you think that there is anything wrong with who you are just because its not the norm. For THOUSANDS of years man has crossdressed! Men wore female apparel all throughout history. From corsets to tights to skirts and because it was the fashion at the time, no one breathed a word. Just because it isn't now (though more and more unisex clothing is coming to the forefront) doesn't mean there's a damn thing wrong with it!

I find it funny that people will tell me to not listen to anyone, to express myself, to keep creating my paintings because I can carry the label artist and they can fantasize about my "Bohemian" life. Pfft! No lifestyle is "oh so easy".

Everything has its challenges and you CDers really don't need more added to it with wondering about whether there is something "wrong" or not. Its who you are. You were made this way and its a beautiful thing!

*Steps off soapbox* I have spoken... probably too much. lol