Hi Steph, I agree with you. I, too, am intersted in friendship only. It is disheartening ( I could use a stronger term) to find so many that have other thoughts foremost in their minds.
Hi Steph, I agree with you. I, too, am intersted in friendship only. It is disheartening ( I could use a stronger term) to find so many that have other thoughts foremost in their minds.
Hugs, Carole
Hi Stef, CD'ing is mostly sexual for me. I mean not completely and all the time but an awful lot. But my asociations with other CD's are all on a freindship basis and enjoyment of things like the latest fashions and spending time together at a coffee shop. Eventually I'd love to go to a CD convention. In my situation I found out that it wasn't the other CD's who want sex and in my life up to the present I've had a lot of CD freinds. No,it wasn't the other CD's. It was old freinds who have an infantile curiousity about TG/TS/CD stuff and expect a "Transvestite" to do certain things.
There was this guy who I knew since Junior High and he was,frankly,a braggart and he told wild stories and outright lies about big money dealings he was involved in and I got kinda mad at him and I went ahead and hit him up to buy me some clothes and a wig and stuff. This guy was kinda stupid and I couldn't explain to him that even though I CD men don't turn me on. After all,"transvestites" are all "queers" according to the good old boy rule book manual(pocket edition)
So I was stuck in several situations with this guy where we drove out into the middle of nowhere and we did it. It was about as much fun as installing a hot water heater or putting up siding in August. Part of this was my own fault. I was reluctant about it ,but I've had a very happy ,but strange life and stuff like that, while men DON'T turn me on it doesn't put me too far out of shape. But I didn't enjoy it and I got sick of this guy not delivering on his braggy promises.
So Stef,the best I could tell you is that is that in my case the crossdressers weren't looking for sex. Just their aproving mentors.
to learn that there is so much sexual interest and contention among CD's. I have met a few CD's, found them to be very nice, normal folks who happen to like, as I do, dressing as women.
But fair warning, I will try to be more discerning as I continue to meet other CD's.
I feel the same. Do I take a chance on a contact? It kinda scares me. While I "could" have sex given the right circumstances, I am married. Friends would be cool. I don't know.
I'm another who is genuinely looking for friends, be they male or female. I've had more none CDs hit on me than CDs.
I've got to add my name to the roster here! I am no where even remotely interested in sex with anyone other than my beautiful wife. While, like many of you, I do get hit on both while out and while on the computer I usually just ignore them or deflate their egos
I have been lucky to find a few CD'ers that really are just friends! Gurls like Tiffany, Louann, Petra, Ericaleigh, Mixie and some others are all really great people that just want to be friends and have fun being themselves, without having to resort to the bedroom!
So I think that we are all proof that we are out there, you just have to do a little sifting to find the gems.
I think part of the problem is that after all these years, "common folk" still associate crossdressing with being gay. Look at how "transgender" became tacked onto GLBT. "What do you mean you're not gay? It says it right there... GLBT."
When I first started going out to one of my local transgender group club meetings, I was very honest with my wife about what I was doing and where I was going. I didn't want to lie and I wanted to build trust between us about my crossdressing. The conversation sort of went like this....
"So where does this transgender group meet?"
"They meet at a club near downtown."
"And this club doesn't mind having all these crossdressers?"
"No, not really..."
"I find that kind of unusual. What kind of club is this?"
"Well, ummm, it is a gay club. They are very accepting there..."
"You mean to tell me my husband who looks like a woman is going to a gay club?"
"Yes... but there is no sex stuff going on..."
"Yeah, right!"
"If you don't believe me, you can come with me if you wish."
"No, I think I'll pass. I'm not into gay bars..."
It took a LONG time for my wife to trust me after that...
We, as a community, send out very mixed signals about our sexual orientation and sexual activity. And I think that some of the tranny chasers cannot tell the difference between us even when we say "No men!", "Men get lost", or "I am happily married." What do they have to lose to ask us to have sex? Nothing. What do they have to gain? A few moments of pleasure and maybe an STD or two... So what if they piss off those of us who really mean NO?
Robyn P.
I have found much success in groups and social clubs. I have ignored request from both men and women and a few CD/TG.
Could it be that the term Cross-dresser is too broad? I have visited two local New Zealand CD and TG website forums and found them little more than free soliciting markets for fetish panty wearers who appear to be gay or bi men wanting "sex & fun".
That's fine, let them go to it. But I wonder how much damage is being done to general perceptions regarding the term CD and TG? Having sex with another man, dressed or undressed is definitely gay sex IMHO. Like I said, fine if that's what you are about.
It might be time to distance ourselves a little from the sex connotations associated now with being a CD. I quite like the term CD but I don't feel inclined to use the word to describe what I do as a lady.
The term CD just describes what we do. It doesn't describe what we are about. If the term CD insists we all cross-dress and have sex with men and each other, then I'm no longer a CD!
Just my thoughts
Hugs Jazzmine
I'm happy being male but happier in a skirt!
I'm a strong man on the outside and a strong woman on the inside.
The problem is not that we are associated with Gays and Lesbiens, the problem is the dramatic discrimination and prejudice against Gays and Lesbiens.Originally Posted by RobynP
And by always putting up front statements such as "you know I'm a crossdresser but I'm not homosexual." we just fuel even more that anti gay discrimination.
With regard to Crossdressing having a sexual content, that should be every one's private choice.
I aggree however that rude sexually oriented language is a real problem...
But since I also participate to forums for "Female at Birth", let me tell you, in this "Women international Day" that unfortunately GGs are also victims of sexual harasment throughout the net...
Eugenie
Last edited by Eugenie; 03-08-2008 at 04:45 AM. Reason: spelling... :-(
when you a cd, you are 'fair game' ... thats the perception. but in my experiance, it is no single group, it applies to just people in general, men, women and cds.
actually, i have found cds to be by far the worse... 8 out of 10 that contact me are clearly in some state of arousal and seem somewhat bemused that i dont feel the same way.
and btw, being gay dosnt mean you any more up for it either. I am a gay transvestite, but im attracted only to MEN, and guess what, i still not looking to get off with anybody.
Hi Stef I agree with you and a lot of our sisters. I have several friends here on this site and I don't want sex with them. I want to be able to go out and be a lady have tea go shopping, go to abig event and meet some of you in person to laugh, cry and enjoy each other as the ladies we want tobe and what is inside us.
What we have is a "sexual revolution meets the internet" mentality.... Used to be, boy met girl for dating and courtship which ultimately led to engagement, marriage and then ... sex.
Of course after WWII all that went by the wayside and premarital sex... boy meets boy... sex, drugs-n-rocknroll,... boys will be girls,... etc prevails ... out in the great wide open.
Along comes the internet, and the whole schtick goes to another level of moral abandonment. Me personally... won't even talk to a moron incapable of conducting a civil and respectful up front dialogue devoid of innuendo. Just because we have the anonymity of the web shielding us doesn't mean that common civility and decorum does not apply to meeting someone. For gosh sakes, all one needs do is picture themselves in a public room with onlookers being introduced to someone for the first time..... Does one USUALLY compliment a lady on her nice tits and ask if she wants to get a room?..... It would be laughable if there were not so many web trolls that do exactly that.
Having said that. I try to make acquaintences with no pretensions. Nothing expected and nothing promised.
On the other hand, I keep an open mind and never bring along preconceived notions.
My sexuality is my own personal business. And I expect that anybody I meet is entitled to their own prurient privacy as well.
Discussion about things of this nature comes an awful long while after meeting somebody for the first time.
The short answer is "Yes". In my 4 plus decades of trying to "pass as a guy" it has always amazed me what idiots most men are; as some one else said, always thinking with their "little head".
But as to the common problem of finding friends, even here in the US you might have to travel far. I have made two very good friends here on CD.com, but each were 300 miles away- in opposite directions! Hard to just casually get together at that distance!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
<cynic>
I know that this thread, this forum even, is somewhat self-selecting but it seems that these sexual predators are somewhat rare in here.
</cynic>
"...but each were 300 miles away- in opposite directions! Hard to just casually get together at that distance!"
You bet! Our 'wide open spaces' work against many of us getting together and meeting new people.
This is where the UK girls have it a lot better than North American girls. Europeans, too. Their major cities, where you'd expect the most girls, are pretty close together. Getting together for an evening might only be a hour or two train ride away.
And, too, because their cities are generally much more crowded than ours, there has grown up a better acceptance of 'aberrant' behaviour, because so many people live so close together. That kind of 'living cheek by jowl' fosters more tolerance for non-threatening quirkiness.
Check out the UK girls on their flickr sites. They always look like they're having a lot of fun, especially out in the open. Less threat from the crowd means more confidence for the individual.
The ideas we got about Brits being eccentric from Monty Python and other comedy shows isn't just a stereotype. They are more open to 'strangeness' .
deja
Those who are not interested in a sexual relationship but crossdress and enjoy meeting others in a positive atmosphere should do what I did--join TRIESS. TRIESS is an oganization for heterosexual crossdressers, their significant others and family. Hanky panky is not tolerated. The ladies are great fun and activities are varied. I do not enjoy endeavors where personal safety and my enjoyment of CDing is at risk. The trick is to find a TRIESS chapter near you by going to www.triess.org. Stef, Dubai is out of my realm of help.
Hugs, Deena
OK, a couple of things to say here.
Yes, some low life's on the Internet WILL behave that way. Somehow they figure this is the internet, no one will know who they are, why bother with decency, tact, or respect?
Next thing I will tell you is that you CAN find good TG friends. Not sure about where your at right now (Clearly not a real good place for being open and out as TG), but I have tgirl friends all over the USA and even a few outside the US. No kidding and no exaggerating - these are really good people that you would be proud to introduce to your family and say "These are my friends, aren't they great?!"
This forum is a great place to meet people and I'll tell you why. You find someone your interested in and you do a search for all of their posts. Reading what they have written over the months and years will very quickly give you an idea of what kind of person they are and if they are someone you are interested in meeting.
So don't give up, there are other Tgirls out there that share your interests and your values and I'm sure you WILL meet some of them! Let me know if your gonna visit the States - odds are pretty fair I may know someone you would be proud to meet where ever you end up.
dear Steph,
so sorry you're in such a small-headed backwater. i sincerely hope you find some communion there, smeday, or can hold out till you're here in the good ol' predator free states. as was warned above, yikes! perhaps its much more cut and dry to live under "nothing is allowed, at least no fun things!" than here with so many shades of gray? being fecicious.
i feel for you, truly. from afar or when you're here, you have friends in this family who will not look up your skirts, as well as some who will. sad but true.
i won't.
but call me naive, i feel a lot of trust for the kind ladies i have met here in my short time. i hope i can trust my instincts, my newly liberated femme instincts, that is.
and the other instincts i'll subdue, like the impulse to call a member in common "babe!", only rarely, even as we were subdued and subjected for so long and will continue to be. except that now we have each other!
and, having awakened, life will never again be the same!
please pardon my gushing.
i feel so young! but am pretty new here.
vivaciously!
jessie
butterfly girl,
[SIZE="3"]Jessie[/SIZE]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
when i have a brand new hairdo
with my eyelashes all in curls
i float as the clouds on air do
i enjoy being a girl!
o. hammerstein - flower drum song
I have known ans still know. A lot of Crossdressers and none of them. Has never had sex with me or any other Crossdressers. As we do not believe in having sex with each other. However. I and some of the other Girls. Have had sex with other Men, but I never had sex with a Female. As we were taught to do. [At a young age.] So if a Man wants to get into my panties. He is welcome to do so. Also I know. There are a lot of Crossdressers. That do not believe in having sex with men. In which is okay.
Last edited by EDNA; 03-08-2008 at 06:09 PM.
Hi stef, I too have had a hard time meeting someone to just be friends with. I live in Maine and it is so far from any real population center that it is real hard to find a friend to hang out with. I am not sure where my nearest tri-ess chapter is. I think it is still out of state. I want to go to meet up with the sisters of Boston, that is a six hour trip for me. Money is kinda tight right now but I have enough saved up for the trip. I just need the time to do it. I also need to have the ambition to do it. A friend to make the trip with would be a great help. At least I could do it if I wanted too. It would really suck living in Dubai. It looks like a cool place when you see it on TV. But still not the good old USA that's for sure. I bet you can't wait to get home. good luck.
keep on gurlin everyone. paula may
I've only met 3 other TG people in person so far. One was about 7-8 years ago and she was in the middle of transition. The other two are Joy and Teresa. I can tell you that there are people out there that are interested in genuine friendship and not "games". I'm hoping to meet a few other like-minded TGs out there this summer, just to get to know a few more people like me who have similar interests.
I have zero interest in sex at this time, transition drugs have a tendency to do that to you, but I wasn't much interested in sex before I started transition. I'd much rather have friends, male, female, or TG, that I have shared interests with and can enjoy the company of, rather then a sex partner of any kind.
"I see your true colors shining through, your true colors, and that's why I love you,
so don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors, true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow"
"Without change,something sleeps deep inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken!"[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Now you know what a lot of GGs go through trying to find someone who just wants them for them and not sex. Yes, most guys and Gays are that way.
Ladies have a GREAT time!
Smile GOD LOVES you!!!
GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY Hepker
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
I'LL BE ME
AND YOU BE YOU
I don't think there are. That is one reason why the internet is nice you can filter first then work toward a telephone meeting and then maybe a regular or boy mode meeting. That will usually filter out the ones looking for sex it shoots their fantasy right to nothing when they see you in boy mode.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
Indeed Amy,
That's what I was trying to say in my previous post on this discussion. Unfortunately there are men around who have a bad image of Women that participate in forums, be they GGs or CDs.
And it is true that for a woman (and for some men too...) what is most important ias building a relationship based upon mutual trust. Sex doesn't have to be excluded, but it is to be the result of a very profound relationship. At least, that's how it is for me... I could never have an intimate sexual relation with someone whom I wouldn't respect and who wouldn't respect me.
Unfortunately some men (again not all of them) tend to be ready and eager to do just that: make love as quickly as possible, not realizing that it isn't like this that women react... At least the ones that I know around me...
Eugenie
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