What If Some GGs Desired a CD???

[RikkiOfLA]

Some of the recent posts on the "Dating GGs" thread got me thinking. It's so easy to approach the whole question of relationships with women as if being a crossdresser was automatically a liability--as if no woman would find a CDer desirable, exciting, or sensitive.

If you have a trait that no woman finds attractive, naturally you're going to be ashamed of it, and try to hide it.

The biggest problem with that is that I've found most people (this includes women) find SHAME to be unattractive. A person who is ashamed of something and hides it, comes across as ooky, devious, complex, and unapproachable. Not Gothically dark, but pervertedly scary.

A person who thinks they're a pervert comes across as a pervert.

Now what happens if we present our crossdressing to new people as something secret but exciting? Something positive, but maybe not something we are going to discuss with just everybody.

How might we do that, you might ask?

Maybe unlike most men, we're unafraid of standard gender boundaries. Call me gay, and I just laugh and say, "Well, not exactly" with a big grin.

Maybe we carry a purse. Wear some women's things now and then.

The week after Halloween we pass around pictures of ourselves en femme and talk about where we went and what we did.

That kind of thing. Get the idea?

Exude confidence. Show that you have fun. Let women try to figure out what makes you tick.

In other words, what would happen if we assumed that some women were looking for, or at least open to, a relationship with a crossdresser.

Couldn't possibly be true, right?

Hey wait, it is true! My wife Bonnie was looking for a relationship with a transgendered person. She found me and we're very happy together! There are a couple of single women on this very board who are looking for a CDer. Yes, there really are! I have known lots of women who have had relationships with CDers or TGs and want another one. Maybe they were just friends, and now they want more. (Most of them have found happy, exciting relationships with CDers, by the way. But there are new ones all the time...)

Now I'm not saying that every woman secretly wants a CDer. We know that's not true. I'm not even saying most women. I'm not even saying there are enough to go around.

But if you're unattached, maybe, just maybe, the woman of your dreams is dreaming of you!

Could it possibly be? Stranger things have happened!

Blessings,
Rikki

[TrekGirl1701]

You're very right. I've come to find out recently that if you're a confident person then you become more approachable.

My whole life I've been ashamed of being a crossdresser. As a result I've managed to push away many people who might've become good friends or even a girlfriend. I tried not to get close to people because I didn't want them to find out about my secret. I'm pretty sure people have taken it as an insult to them and now I regret the many relationships that might've been. I know at least a few girls that probably wanted to get to know me better, but I couldn't help but push them away.

I now accept that I will always be a CD. You're right that some women find CDing to be exciting. There are women out there who don't follow the trends and are themselves, even if it isn't average. The woman I end up with will know about my crossdressing. She will accept me as me and I will do the same for her.

[Pandora]

Great observations Rikki. And I'm in the same boat with you Trekgirl as you can read in my long winded post in the other thread about dating GGs.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=78513

Even though I've dressed since a young age I never came to terms with it as I am trying to do now. So far so good, because I feel better than I've felt in a long time.

[Stargirl]

It isn't simply the fact for me that I desire a man who crossdresses. I find the whole experience multi dimensional. Going beyond clothing, and into the emotional, and psychological aspects of life, and each other, adds a special twist. Being able to dress up together, or not, might enable me see what it's like to have a wife. As a woman, I have never had a wife. I could have a wife and husband without the legalities, and worries about putting my honey or myself through a divorce.

It would be good for me to have such a relationship one day. I want to be a good husband. I know it sounds quirky, but role reversal might open my eyes to another life, had I actually been born male.

I would love watching my honey blossom. But I would also blossom. If we get into trouble in the relationship, and "the bloom falls off the rose," we will promise not to blame it on clothing, but look deeper. I want happiness all around with a healthy attitude toward reality as we see it. I have no intention of putting him in chains. Garter belts are more fun. And I would always treat his gender variables with respect, and never as a "novelty" or "trophy'.

[Kieron Andrew]

In other words, what would happen if we assumed that some women were looking for, or at least open to, a relationship with a crossdresser.

Couldn't possibly be true, right?

oh its true...i know of UK girls who actively seek to date girls who are crossdressers/TS

just as I being FtM would definitely date a MtF TS and have done

[Julia Welch]

Rikki,

A very interesting spin on things which I've never thought of before now.

Of course there are women who want guys like us, and they must think along the same lines as we do but instead of thinking "How do I tell her I like to wear skirts and panties?" as we do, their train of thought goes something like "Wow, he's hot....just how do I get him in a skirt and panties?"

This is a great thread and one I'm sure to follow.

Julia.

[Jilmac]

My new SO wasn't looking to hook up with a CDer when she met me but when I told her about it she was curious enough to ask about it. I was straight with her from the get go and told her what she wanted to know. We now have a great sexual relationship and it's gaining momentum every day. She's not ready to see Jill in full dress yet but we're progressing in baby steps. On March 9th, I made love to her in lingerie at her suggestion It was great. I'm wearing panties in front of her and loving it. I won't rush her, I'll only come out to her when she's ready, and when that day comes I'll embrace her unconditional love with open arms. Luv and Jill

[vivianann]

I think there are GG's out there that disire a cder, but they do not know where to find us, we have been too elusive in the past. hopefully as time goes on we might be out and not so rare anymore. up until recently spotting a cder was as rare as a bigfoot sighting. We all need to get out more and more, so that those GG's who disire a femme male will find us. A week and a half ago I met a real GG who was attracted to me as a cder, she told me that she always wanted to meet a cder, but could never find one until we met at a drag show in salt lake. she was very pretty 30 yr old from san diego visiting her sister who lives in the salt lake area, her name is amber, we became very close that night, she was real sweet, she asked for my ph# and she gave me hers, and asked me to come to san diego to visit her, her sister seemed to be annoyed about us and wanted to leave, amber did not want to leave, but she had to go with her sister, I offered to take her home but her sister insisted no way. I dont know what happened but amber will not anwer my calls, so I dont even try calling her anymore. I think her family probably scared her away from having anything to do with a crossdresser.
My avatar pic was taken that night I met amber.

[Huntress]

Yeppers. If lots of GG's knew what was under that frock...

Someone not hidebound by old, hackneyed roles. People who know many (not all) of the complexities of living on both sides of the divide. Empathetic, sympathetic, sexual. Able to ride fast, shoot straight, and tell the truth. Able to provide for a family far beyond the average earner. Easily able to navigate stock options, or FMP's. A protector, and a nurturer.
I was at a very nice dinner party the other evening. The GG progenitor of that bash figured it out sometimes past. Whoowee! You should see how she's living now, in love with a great Man/Grrl in a home of wonder.
Hope the GG's who settle for the "beer & superbowl" man, who "doesn't wear my clothes", get exactly what comes home to sit on the sofa. "Honey, can you get me a beer?" May as well inscribe the L on their forehead, now.

Take charge and move out,
Huntress

[chipster block]

Thank you JiFemm
My SO is alot like you. He will never do anything to make me feel uncomfortable which I truley admire. I realize that it is aconstant struggle not to be who you truley want to be, but with all the social standards that are condusive to cding it must be very difficult. So I admire him and realize how much he loves me for taking my feelings in consideration. We have make progress likeone day we went shopping justfor me and that night we dressed up together. Was fun, but alchohol was involved!:

He's awonderful man that I love very much and will be with him always
In time I pray that I find him as attracted in a dress as I do his Levis and T shirt. Love that!
Chip

[tricia_uktv]

Wonderful thread. I have noticed that a lot of GG's are extremely interested in us. I've had many a natter, both with them individually and in groups. Once met a GG who described herself as trisexual - she loved men and she loved women, but particularly loved men dressed as woman. I suspect, like us, it may take them a while to get used to the idea of fancying a crossdresser.

Oh and one more thing. Always smile and look happy. That is far, far more important for a GG than for a man.

[Shelly67]

I know of many gg,s who swoon over the suggestion of feminate men . Think about it ....how many girls do you know who find the prettyness of Johnny Depp adorable . Then theres the lead singer from Placebo. I could strike up a list here , but I wont .
It seems as tho regardless of gender , all of us can be attracted to something beautiful and perhaps even strangely exotic .
We are after all creatures of many tastes ......
So , all I,ve ever considered , if you are hungry , then no matter ......go feast ...

[Sandi jo]

With the amount of people in the world you will find someone who is looking for things out of the normal sphere,thats why there is someone for everyone,its just being honest and to look out there,you Will find that special partner

[Shelly Preston]

For A GG I would say finding us is the easy bit

Finding the right person is still going to be difficult as not everyone is compatable

But I do know there are some who are activly looking for a CD so there could be some very lucky people

[DemonicDaughter]

I'll happily admit that I purposely seek CDers though I often find them so introverted (and as you can tell... I'm far from that) that its nearly impossible to get them to talk about it. I met my SO without knowing about her CDing and tried to find a way to suggest it. If only I had said something before, we could have been having all this fun for months!!!!!

[JessieB]

They're definitely out there, as this forum can attest, but the chances of any one of us finding one for herself is about like lottery odds. I haven't yet had the good fortune of having a relationship with a CD-friendly GG, but I have corresponded with a couple who professed to be receptive to the idea, and as the dialog progressed it became increasingly obvious that their real attitude was more tolerance than genuine interest. I can see how that would be a viable situation for someone already in a marriage, but as a single CD evaluating prospects, that doesn't really work for me.

[Alicia_lynn419]

Good Point Rikki! This is the one I struggle most with - especially during those lonely times. Those feelings come and go - from feeling hopeful to hopeless. And most often when I'm wishing I was anyone but me, someone on here posts something to re-encourage me!

Thanks sweetie!

[Carrie f]

[QUOTE=RikkiOfLA;1221732]Some of the recent posts on the "Dating GGs" thread got me thinking. The biggest problem with that is that I've found most people (this includes women) find SHAME to be unattractive. A person who is ashamed of something and hides it, comes across as ooky, devious, complex, and unapproachable. Not Gothically dark, but pervertedly scary.
A person who thinks they're a pervert comes across as a pervert.


I agree 100%. You are or become what you think you are. And I've never thought of myself as a pervert. Your points are all excellent and I hope you're right. Actually, I'm counting on your being right.

I'm just beginning to look for someone I can share and grow with and I'm not at all sure I'll find her. Your letter gives hope. I know I'll never go through another relationship without my partner knowing I crossdress, that I love doing it and that I want her to share in it with me.

PS, I have to ask, what is 'ooky'?

[Deborah Jane]

But if you're unattached, maybe, just maybe, the woman of your dreams is dreaming of you!

Could it possibly be? Stranger things have happened!

Blessings,
Rikki

If thats true i wish i knew where to find her!!
I don,t even have a clue where to start looking!!

[deja true]

I am sooo happy with this thread. It's specifically what I've been thinking about while on a short vacation the past few days.

Rikki's explanation of the SHAME factor is right on the mark. Thank you, dear girl.

There's a tangential question, too.

Would an accepting and participating SO, after knowing the sensitivity and calmness that dressing brings to her man, refer other GGs to CDs that she knows? Do our open SOs know other women who could think about us as they do?

Women talk to women more openly than men do to men. Their conversations are more personal and intimate and secret laden than ours. Can they help us? Can we ask them to? Do they want to?

deja

[Julie York]

Everyone loves an Alpha transvestite.

[Carrie]

Hi,

I am a single GG who is accepting, supportive and encouraging of CD.

One thing that I have learned is that you must like yourself and be comfortable with who you are before you can expect someone else to like you and to be comfortable with you.

I am 47 and the CD that I was with (My Girl) is 61 years young. She is at a point in her life that she is comfortable with who she is and realizes that being a part-time girl actually brings balance to her life. If she hadn’t been so comfortable with herself, I may have been turned off by it and I wouldn’t be here on these forums. Before her, I didn’t know anything about CD.

My Girl and I split up about a month ago. While I was faithful to her, the week that we split up I had 3 dates with 3 different men (all non-CDs; nobody’s perfect). I have had several dates since then (all non-CDs). I have actually found myself disappointed several times when I find out the men that I’m talking to/dating are not CD.

While I have never thought that I was looking specifically for a CD, it seems I find so many faults with non-CDs now, they are just unattractive to me. One of my TG friends says that I am so hooked; I will never go back to vanilla – I think she’s right. Shhh… My secret wish is to start dating a terrific guy and have him confide in me that he is a CD – OMG I would love that.

I have many TG friends; most are out-of-state so I have not met any of them – yet. On the phone or e-mail, we fantasize about many fetishes and scenarios together. I have even written sexual fantasies (can I say that on this forum?) for my CD lover that I have shared with some of my friends; they really like them. Unfortunately, I have not found a CD here in CO who is seriously looking for a relationship beyond just sex with a GG or “girl talk”. So l will just stay by the phone and e-mail until I do find someone closer to home that I connect with.

So, where does a GG actively look for CD? I’m on some dating sites and I say that “I’m TG friendly” – should I say something else?

Hugs to all and thanks for listening!
~C

[heidi99]

Rikki,

That is a superb postulate for us to have!!! Truly an outstanding way of looking at things.

[DemonicDaughter]

Would an accepting and participating SO, after knowing the sensitivity and calmness that dressing brings to her man, refer other GGs to CDs that she knows? Do our open SOs know other women who could think about us as they do?...Can they help us? Can we ask them to? Do they want to?

Did you just ask if women would want to play match makers? Duh, hunnie! LOL!

Okay, in all seriousness. Is it possible? Of course! But there's a factor here that makes it difficult. Without embarrassing or outing your SO (assuming the need for privacy is there), how do you explain to your female friends about CDing? See, its one thing to discuss certain matters regarding your sex life and its another entirely to divulge your mates tendencies. And its not like all SO's of CDers are into the alternative lifestyle scene. So its a bit odd to go about asking all your friends if they think crossdressing is hot or not.

I am a single GG who is accepting, supportive and encouraging of CD...

While I have never thought that I was looking specifically for a CD, it seems I find so many faults with non-CDs now, they are just unattractive to me. One of my TG friends says that I am so hooked; I will never go back to vanilla – I think she’s right. Shhh… My secret wish is to start dating a terrific guy and have him confide in me that he is a CD – OMG I would love that...

So, where does a GG actively look for CD? I’m on some dating sites and I say that “I’m TG friendly” – should I say something else?

My ex-husband was a CDer and I helped introduce him to the lifestyle. Why? Because I had friends that were into it and really wanted to get more into it myself. Truth is... I'm addicted to CDers! Why? Endless reasons but mostly because there can be an intimacy there that just doesn't seem to exist with non-CDers. So I hear you completely hun.

I met my current SO while just looking for friends locally. I never told him I actively date CDers and that was my "issue" with a full commitment. When I incidentally outed him (I think I knew in the back of my mind he was) it was like a dream come true.

Don't give up hope. You can find someone, its just harder for us is all.

[RebeccaLynne]

Shhh… My secret wish is to start dating a terrific guy and have him confide in me that he is a CD – OMG I would love that.

I’m on some dating sites and I say that “I’m TG friendly” – should I say something else?

Carrie, you might consider modifying the "I'm TG friendly" statement to include CD's specifically; i.e., " I'm CD and TG-friendly", clarifying your preference.

Maybe that'll work. Might be worth a try.