Child Abused CDs

[ricki mtz cd]

Hey Ladies,
After browsing your (now our) website for a while, I'm finally posting something. The question I have is: How many of you (us) CrossDressers or Transsexuals where victims of child abuse?

I was only eleven years old when I was sodomized by three older guys (15-19 years old) It was pretty scary and I didn't like it at first, I guess you can call it rape, but I didn't know any better at the time so I just went along with it because I was scared. This went on for about a year, every time they could catch me I got screwed. To make a long story short, I eventually began to like it, and thus the question.

What I don't understand and probably never will is: How in the world did this kind of abusive and degenerate treatment, turn into something so pleasurable and even desirable. My best answer to this is: If I had not made the best of those bad situations, I could have probably become a very troubled person, and even possibly the type who either commits suicide or becomes a pedophile that preys on other children.

I love this website and feel at home here, thank god I found it.

Ricki

[celeste26]

While there were many things that happened that I didn't like, I was never abused.

Granted there are many notorious cases lately about abused children. I dont think there is a larger percentage of abused children that show up later as CD's than there are in the general population. Yes abuse is horrible and it does cause great problems in the future of any child but CD or TV I dont think it is generaly true.

[silkstockings71]

i was never abused and choose to do this for my own sexuality. my feelings are with you for what has happened

[Teddie]

Same here. I was never abused. In fact it was a very loving home, same with all the relatives. You should have added another selection to your poll, never.

[pantylover1]

I 'm with teddy, I came from a strong loving family Got my but kicked by my dad for screwing up you know the usual stuff no abuse here

[DonnaT]

No abuse here either.

[melissacd]

Ricki,

First I want to say that I am so sorry that you had to go through such a terrible thing. I can only imagine how horrible it must have been. It sounds like it happened in an era when coming home and telling your parents would have been just as bad as the bullying.

It is sad that kids can be so mean. It is a travesty that these kids took it way beyond that. You ask if it was rape...the answer is it yes. Anytime an adult is sexually violated it is rape. This is way beyond rape, this is child abuse. It is appalling. Childhood should be about loving protective parents and sweet memories of exploring the world and learning about its wonders. Not something like this. Now I realize that many childhoods unfortunately are puntuated with horrible things. But it is a tragedy that anyone should have to go through anything like this. It makes me feel so so sad inside.

I believe that you went along with it for the same reason as a child goes along with someone stealing their lunch money. Because you were afraid. I can remember many times when I was a child being very fearful of bullies. Thankfully it never reached this level and I can say that I did not have an abusive childhood, however, I can still appreciate how horrible this must have been and feel bad for what has happened to you.

Why it is that you took something that was abusive and turned it into something that you later enjoyed? I wonder if that was a coping strategy on your part. You took a situation that you had no cannot control over and found a way to deal with it. A way to survive the ordeal. I realize that it seems strange that that would happen. But I suspect it is no different than the situation of why it is that battered wives stay with abusive husbands. They say that they love their husbands and you scratch your head and say why? But when you have not been in a situation like this you don't appreciate the psycological pay offs that a horrible situation may have. I don't know about the rest of your life so I cannot see how this may fit in with how the rest of it played out, however, it sounds like you adapted in the best way that you could.

I am sure that the experience has changed your life in many profound ways. One wonders how different things may have been for you if this had not happened. For what it is worth, I hope that the rest of your life has been happier than this horrible experience.

Melissa

[Katie Ashe]

I was 5 Y/O and good at sucking, when he pissed in my mouth I said no more.
The SOB still taunts me till today, My dad had his butt kick once, after he found out, years ago. I'd still like to shoot him with a .50 cal from point blank... Ass O !!

Katie

[Cathe TV]

I don't believe there is any data out there that correlates abuse with crossdressing. Propensity towards violence - yes. Dressing girly ... emphatically NO.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

As a social worker and one who has experienced abuse, I see, and have myself experienced, underreporting of abuse. For instance, though I grew to love and respect my father he was one of the most sadistic SOB's on the planet. Someone who could make Hitler look good on a bad day. Now, what you need to know is that I was well into my 20's before I could admit I was abused. I used to answer this same question with "no, I was never abused". And I answered it that way for the most ****ed up reason around, HE told me he wasn't abusing me, that I deserved it. And being a gullible lil' grrl I believed him. So, maybe it's still true for you that answered no but consider the following:

1) Were you screamed at, berated, put down in any way?

2) Were you hit, threatened to be hit to the point you feared your parents? (Be aware though, fear is not necessary for it to be abuse)

3) Were you touched in ways that made you uncomfortable, did anyone touch your 'private areas'?

I was abused, though obviously I'm not a CD but like/love cd's. What does that mean, I don't know.

hugs
kew

[KewTnCurvy GG]

And Ricki, I too am very sorry to hear of your experiences. HOWEVER, I want to say I don't think it was because you came to like what was done to you--make the best of the situation as you put it--that prevented you from becoming depressed or a pedophile. Firstly, it is not unusual for abused children to receive pleasure from the experience of the abuse. Don't chaulk that up to you turning a bad situation good. Also, I would be VERY SURPRISED if you survived such abuse without it leaving a 'mark' on you somehow/somewhere. Abuse tends to affect self-esteem. We can also become 'gluttons for punishment' so to speak by believing our abusers that we deserved it or brought it on ourselves. Anyhoo, tis all for now, I'm still waking up and me brain is cloudy.
hugs
kew

[Cheri K]

I think the mental abuse at the hands of my mother had lots to do with with my crossdressing. Living within myself and living a double life as a child....my at home self and the person hiding the insane conditions at my home from others. I think this made it easy to live as another person.....to fantisize and pretend.

[Robertacd]

Your poll is a bit slanted don't you think?

It assumes we ALL were abused as children:mad:

[ricki mtz cd]

Hey Robertacd,
Yes my poll is totoly screwed up, and shouldn't have been included, chalk that up to inexperiance. Thanks to all who paticipated, nearly all of my questions are answered.

Ricki

[Cissy Suzie]

I started dressing up when I was around nine years old. I was caught by an older neighbor kid about two years later, he raped me, then told me he would tell everyone about me dressing in girly clothes, and that I would do as he told me from then on.

His visits lasted for a couple of years, maybe twice a week. I hated him, but at the same time I was strangely drawn to enjoy what he did to me. At first I really didn't realize we were having sex, then when I did understand that, the shame and embarrassment was multlpied to the extreme.

I believe being able to adapt, learning to enjoy the act, saved me. I do however wish I had never laid eyes on that asshole, and I do even now know exactly where he lives.

[taressa]

My experience was somewhat slanted by the fact that I was already a crossdressing little flirt when it happened. One Spring my parents for some reason left me alone in the care of a 20 year old male. The very first time they left me for a whole week! Now I and my sister have always been very competitive concerning the attentions of others. And everyone seemed to think it was cute until I got too old to sit in another male's lap. Seeing I had him all to myself, i began vamping disgracefully for him. And it wasn't long until he asked if I wanted to sit on his lap one night as we watched TV. Well, not only did I have the second sexual experience of my young life that night but by the end of the week it was all over town the kind of sissyboy I was. I've always been kind of ashamed of the way I acted those few months but it was more because my relatives never let me forget it than I felt abused or exploited.

[Bernadina]

Sorry. Can't vote. The no abuse option is missing.

[AbbyLee]

I too was abused to the extent that I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and clinical depression. At the same time, I had been quasidressing. I love to dress and love everything it provides. In some ways, I think the question is 'which came first the chicken or egg' My dressing has given me alot of what the abuse took. Like so many others, I do not think the abuse contributed significantly to my dressing. Also, I have felt your pain and will continue to. Finally, you are absolutely right when you said. "Thank god for this site!!"

Contra Campa,
Love, Jean1

[Maddie Knight]

My step sister was abused by my dad but i don't ever remember being abused.
However I don't remember much about my childhood, i burried it a long time ago.

[RainyHaze GG]

In my own experience, I was abused in many forms by many people in my childhood. I thought that I had escaped the abuse, when I entered into a relationship at the age of 18, only to find it just another form of abuse by another set of abusers.

Sometimes people try to find the same type of connection between sexual abuse and being gay. But it puzzles me that a man abusing a girl makes her a lesbian, and a man abusing a boy also makes the boy gay?

I am always amazed by the depths of cruelity in the world.

I do know, I think at least that if you are abused you become conditioned to the abuse. It makes it very difficult to realize it as abuse, and difficult to avoid future abuse without some form of help.

Rainy

[Shecil]

I was abused. its that simple. but it had no bearing on my crossdressing what so ever. that came from me and who i am...
Ive just lerned this fact recently.
if you need to know the details of my story please read my post
True-Crime True-Story
love
Shecil

[Wenda]

I was never abused per se. My mom got progressively more eccentric as I got older, and was a relentless nag on my dad. Later in life I realized that mom's actions were controlling and abusive. I don't think it had anything to do with my dressing now. this is very recent. My parents and my neighbourhood loved us and cheered us on. Looking back though, I think I knew kids who were abused or molested. They had a certain 'worn' look about them and seemed to have a secret. They were the kids at the sidelines of life. Really sad. wenda.

[biddy]

My experience was somewhat slanted by the fact that I was already a crossdressing little flirt when it happened. One Spring my parents for some reason left me alone in the care of a 20 year old male. The very first time they left me for a whole week! Now I and my sister have always been very competitive concerning the attentions of others. And everyone seemed to think it was cute until I got too old to sit in another male's lap. Seeing I had him all to myself, i began vamping disgracefully for him. And it wasn't long until he asked if I wanted to sit on his lap one night as we watched TV. Well, not only did I have the second sexual experience of my young life that night but by the end of the week it was all over town the kind of sissyboy I was. I've always been kind of ashamed of the way I acted those few months but it was more because my relatives never let me forget it than I felt abused or exploited.

Ifeel you were abused the guilt you admitt is abuse, you can't FEEL GUILT unless you are bought into question ? If you are bought into Question then Judgements or Assumpyions are made ? Then you are treated with what is CONSIDED appropiate by the Questioner's ?
There for in my eyes you are ABUSED
I too feel relunctant to vote in the Poll, I'd love to see the results of a broader version of the same issue

[Natasha Anne]

I can't say I was ever sexually abused, but I was physically abused from a young age.

I don't think my crossdressing has anything to do with that though. I've got 3 brothers who went through the same and definitely are not crossdressers.

In case you're wondering still, my whole family knows about my crossdressing and I'm close enough to my brothers for them to have told me if they were.

So I don't think (and it's just my opinion) that the two can be related.

[Natasha Anne]

This subject matter intrigues me, so I did some research on the Internet. I found quite a good article at http://www.mccmanchester.co.uk/resou...er22verse5.doc
You will need Microsoft Word, a Word compatible programme or a viewer to open it.

The paragraph that intrigued me most was the one pasted below, it was in a section called Unsustainable Assumptions:

1) ‘The condition can be cured’. Depending on the degree of control and (presumably) the intensity

of the individual condition it can be suppressed for a time. The longer-term result can be nervous breakdown, substance dependency, and sometimes violence. Increasing the level of male hormone has led to suicide. Chemical and other aversion techniques are medically increasingly unacceptable, and by the evidence unsuccessful. Psychotherapy can help someone to come to terms with the condition but I am not aware that this stops the behaviour, although it may help the person to better balance it with the rest of his life. Sometimes age and frailty makes it impossible, but without removing the inner desire! There are blind, disabled and very old people who are transgendered. I know of a few people who claim to have been ‘healed’, sadly including more than one who continue in secret. The only sustained ‘cures’ for transgender behaviour that I am comfortable with are related to rejection of the birth sex after severe childhood homosexual abuse (and which needed years of help and support!)