Reality Check

[Mirani]

I was going to post this in answer to another thread, but didnt want to sound critical of the individual. So these are my thoughts which were initialised after reading someone being disappointed/aggrieved/insulted by being described as a guy in a dress.

But we ARE guys in dresses .... it is not an insult .. its the truth!
The camera is kind to me - in "real life" . out there in the world (where I now spend 50% time en femme) although I get very little hassle .. I am what I am - a guy in a dress.

Now add into the equation that an SO recently "dumped on" (been told or found out after being deceived - and lets be honest - lied to) knows "the man" then no matter how you present she will always see YOU under the wig/makeup etc.

I didn/t mean this to sound harsh or a criticism of anyone here. I am making a general statement that:
1) because we ARE built differently,
2) because we might not be able to afford a really good wig,
3) because we have big feet and big hands
4) because we have broader shoulders, thicker arms,
5) because we have a waist in the wrong place and quite often boobs that are too big and too high ....
6) because our makeup skills may be lacking at times
7) because (add your own here .... )

well its no surprise that no matter how good I feel about myself, no matter how kind a camera is,no matter my mirror may lie to me - others will see "a guy in a dress".

I am comfortable with that and just get on with being me. Its nice to be "ignored" or not noticed and treated with respect. I even am called "madam/miss" and treated as if I were a female - BUT I am not a woman as much as I like to present as one.

Some of us are blessed with enough money to buy well, makeup skills honed over time, a figure to die for and a femme demeanour. Most if us aren't.

I just feel we might do better as crossdressers to be happy to be happy whilst dressed. To enjoy feeling womanly or feminine. To sometimes look in a mirror and feel good about ourselves - but to be Ok about the fact we are "guys in dresses and ... so what!

(I recognise that issues may be different for TG/TS girls who feel they ARE a woman and live as a woman rather than a CD who enjoys his femininity from time to time).

No offence intended to anyone.

[vivianann]

you are right, oh well I am not affended, that is life.

[Dalece]

Good post

[ania83cd]

It's sad but true.

[Amy Hepker]

I am a girl trapped in a mans body that wears a dress.

[yms]

Could not have said it better.

[melissacd]

I absolutely agree, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is one of accepting who we are and then being able to walk confidently in society as that person. That is the biggest challenge that we face. Once we can get past that then the rest becomes easier.

[deja true]

Coming out to ourselves is certainly the hardest coming out of all.

[Carly D.]

I think dresses were never made for the man form and so we show the shortcoming when we wear them.. I am not offended in the least by the statement that I am a man in a dress because I am.. and really anymore what I really wish could happen is that everybody could just wear what they want to, gender be damned.. but I'm not sure how I would even feel about that because there is a certain rush of excitement towards dressing in womens clothes that if the isles were mixed might not be there for me anymore...

[annekathleen]

[SIZE="4"] AGREE! 100%[/SIZE]

[Kate-May]

Nothing to add except thanks for posting such a realistic appraisal.

[Michelle-NC]

Very good post!

[MJ]

And so true . but if i may add even some ts hold the same thought as you i was born a guy . the only difference between me and you is about $20.000.00 + +

[victoriamwilliams1]

1) because we ARE built differently,
2) because we might not be able to afford a really good wig,

True

3) because we have big feet and big hands

Not 100% true, I live in an area where women of another culter actually have big feet and hands.

4) because we have broader shoulders, thicker arms,

I have seen GG's with broad shoulders.

5) because we have a waist in the wrong place and quite often boobs that are too big and too high ....

1/2 true, some GG's have big ones too

6) because our makeup skills may be lacking at times

I think GG's even lack in this area too.


Though I agree with you, I also believe that womens body types are based on genetics and cannot be generalized. I had this same conversation with a GG a while back because she kept calling another GG a TS because she had the same traits listed above, and yet she was a GG 100%

For me I know who I am and I am only asking to be accepted. I think that many women use this argument and even they know that it is not a valid argument. I have seen men who are not TG with so called female hands and even one who had to wear womens pants because of his hips where the same as a womans.

Most women do not know this because men tend to hide our in perfections with our bodies.

[TGMarla]

Victoria points out that there are exceptions to every generalization. She is also correct that African-American women, for example, may well have larger hands (remember, these are generalizations!!!) shoulders, and feet. This can be true for any people, and all people are built differently. But my wife has small, feminine hands, slender shoulders, and her weight is distributed to her hips, not her gut. Her sisters, however, have their weight distributed to their midsections as well.

As for me, I have guy hands, guy feet, guy arms, and a guy waist. It is only with a generous amount of cover-up that I manage to pull off looking like a woman. So the premise as presented by Mirani at the top of this thread still stands. I am a guy in a dress. Heck, that's why I'm here!

[Annie D]

I agree with your thread; most of us are men in a dress. Most of us are not really fooling anybody because several of us are over 6' tall and over 200 lbs. Like you said, we have size 13 or 14 women's shoes and can palm a basketball. Our arms are longer and more muscular; did you know that the distance from your elbow to your wrist is the length of your foot? Talk about a giveaway! Because we are women at heart, we want to communicate with people and talk and share ideas about a multitude of topics other than sports but when we open our mouths, we give ourselves away. I am not being cynical but real.

I have been out several times in daylight wearing women's clothing without a wig or make up. I am not trying to fool anyone but I am trying in a small way to demonstrate that I like wearing women's clothing and not trying to hide who I am. When I share with other CD's that I do this, I don't get any comments but their silence speaks volumes about their disapproval. Like I said another time; women who dress as men don't try to hide their gender and they are accepted. When I dress, I sometimes too, don't want to hide my gender because when you come down to it, I really can't do it.

When I go out with other CD's, I do try to present myself as a woman, I would never try to jeopordize the other ladies but when I go out to get my nails done or get my arms or chest waxed, I present myself differently.

[victoriamwilliams1]

did you know that the distance from your elbow to your wrist is the length of your foot?

I just measured my feet are smaller by 1/3 inch . I guess all I have to do now is place the shoes in my arms. I did not know that one. The funny part to me on this topic is that FtM's pass better as men and no woman bats an eye.

[Maria2004]

Well said Mirani. Being pretty on the outside is chance and transitory, being pretty on the inside is choice and will form a more lasting impression from those we meet when we are able to project it. I feel my greatest blessing is being able to accept myself as I am and reject my perceived limitations, like manly hands and arms and face, and once I was told years ago that I had "the ugliest feet ever seen", still I go to the salon and get my manicure and pedicure, I enjoy wearing open toed shoes, I don't dress down so I attract attention, which doesn't matter to me because I am very happy, I dress for myself and no one else. And by and large the rest of the world doesn't seem to have a problem with that and I'm left alone to be content.

[Sandi jo]

If i were to guess very few of us could pass upon a close inspection but its what it does for you that is the main point

[Tree GG]

...knows "the man" then no matter how you present she will always see YOU under the wig/makeup etc....

...BUT I am not a woman as much as I like to present as one....

Very, very well said.

[Michelle 51]

I,m trying to think if you missed anything but i guess you pretty well said it all girl.
justabit

[crusadergirl]

I didn/t mean this to sound harsh or a criticism of anyone here. I am making a general statement that:
1) because we ARE built differently,
2) because we might not be able to afford a really good wig,
3) because we have big feet and big hands
4) because we have broader shoulders, thicker arms,
5) because we have a waist in the wrong place and quite often boobs that are too big and too high ....
6) because our makeup skills may be lacking at times
7) The statements are mostly wrong.
I have to say this i don't agree with most of what you have said. That man in a dress stuff is just another way of saying you can't be who you want to be b/c you don't have the look of most women.
I could of said it way better.
So what if you have big hands and feet are thicker arms. I agree with you 10% at most thats not much.

[PatriciaT]

Hi Mirani

"I just feel we might do better as crossdressers to be happy to be happy whilst dressed. To enjoy feeling womanly or feminine. To sometimes look in a mirror and feel good about ourselves - but to be Ok about the fact we are "guys in dresses and ... so what!"


YES, WAY TO GO!

Some CDs may have a high passing ratio, but probably most of us just consider ourselves lucky to ignored and perhaps accepted. If you feel good about yourself and make an effort to look reasonably good, you should have very few problems at all. The vast majority of the time people will ignore or even accept you for what you are, a "man in a dress." This is borne out by a lot of the postings describing outings out and about en femme.

The important thing is to enjoy expresssing the feminine aspect we have and to do this with an air of confidence. Our long term goal should be eventually to win acceptence by society.

Patricia

[Mirani]

Hi Crusader girl.
Of course its OK that you hold an alternative view - but I would like to say in response to: "That man in a dress stuff is just another way of saying you can't be who you want to be b/c you don't have the look of most women."

Oh yes - I can be all of who I want to be. I want to be an individual who can choose his/her presentation to the world. I am a man - I do NOT want to be a woman. I just want to express my femininity and relate to the world from my feminine perspective. So I "wear a dress".
Simple maths: Man + Dress = Man in a dress.
I understand that on our spectrum of crossdressing there are many who want to BE a woman and are frustrated about their position.

Many of us just want the freedom to express the level of femininity within us.

[sandra-leigh]

Our arms are longer and more muscular; did you know that the distance from your elbow to your wrist is the length of your foot? Talk about a giveaway!

Inside elbow or outside elbow? My foot is a couple of inches longer than my inside elbow to my wrist.

I do not recall even once having examined a GG's elbow-wrist to foot length ratio. Is the ratio in GGs such well-known knowledge that no-one ever bothers to talk about it, more pervasive even than the knowledge that we have to breath to survive (which -does- get talked about) ? As I haven't heard of this before, and my wife doesn't happen to be home tonight for me to measure: what is the corresponding ratio for GG's?