Does anyone ever feel like they are pretending to be a man for others?
As I become more acceptant of my femininity, I find that there are times when I need to be my male self, that on the inside, I haven't made the switch. In essence, I pretend to be masculine or at least the man they have become accustomed to..
This ads to my general gender confusion. Fortunatly it doesn't detract from the gender experience.
I may be approaching a gender crisis. We can call it genderpause!
yin/yang
I think it is only a problem for people who spend long periods dressed. Though I have been put in the situation where I've had to pretend to be more crude and 'macho' than I felt comfortable with, just to fit in.
Basically the solution for myself was to integrate all of the feelings and balance it all. Now it matters little what I look like as I'm always the same person regardless. Just plain too much work the other way.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
When I go to visit my family (next time is next month), I pretend to be male for the duration of my trip. I cope by trying to look upon it as playing a role. I can do it for a few days, but I wouldn't like to do it for any length of time. It is quite easy to do actually, I just think back to how my behaviour was before I left home (when I was well and truly in the closet) and the way I was always acting a role just comes flooding back.
No, i am just a poor excuse of a mancome to think of it am a poor excuse of anythig
joanne
Yup. Been doing it all of my life. It's called role playing OR Going along to get along.
I'm not very good at playing the part of a man, but then, I never quite got it in the first place. I can be just as crude as the next person, but that's not a male trait, it's just the direction of the jokes that determines the point of view. Some of the crudest people I know have been women all their lives, that's just environmental conditioning. Telling dirty jokes was about the only thing that helped me fit in with other men in social situations, so that still comes naturally to me. It does get hard for me when I'm in a social situation and the conversation turns to them running down the women in their lives because, after all, they're just dumb, emotional women. That's typical male behavior when in groups, but it really bugs the crap out of me, I usually just have to walk away. You don't want to start defending women if you want to come out of the encounter undamaged. Of course, I've bee in the room when groups of women start running down the men in their lives too, so I guess it's no different on that end of it either.
"I see your true colors shining through, your true colors, and that's why I love you,
so don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors, true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow"
"Without change,something sleeps deep inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken!"[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I've felt like I was pretending my whole life. Then I realized I'm not pretending, I am lying. Lying to myself, my friends and my family. To keep from hurting my family I lie and act like a MAN. To keep from being ridiculed and keep from losing my friends I have lied to them and acted like a MAN. I habe lied to myself my whole life. I have told myself that I am a MAN and not what I truly am, a transgender male.
[SIZE="2"]Melissa[/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"]I'm still standin'
Better than I ever did
Lookin' like a true survivor
Feeling like a little kid[/SIZE]
Originally Posted by bgirl
...you took the words right out of my mouth
Pretending to be a man, that's me these day. But no, I don't really pretend. I've never been that macho or manly to begin with and there's very little difference in personality between "Pete" and "Caroline". I'm a long haired, liberal, artist type, so a lot of people accept me for being a little eccentric or effeminate, so there's very little acting for me to do.
Last edited by SweetCaroline; 03-25-2008 at 03:36 PM.
Caroline Emily
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Family is the most important thing in the World.
Been a F2M most of my life, so yes, I know exactly how you feel.
Emily Ann
Living with a heel in each world.
know the feeling...still wish i was a woman
bgirl, we all slip into roles in everyday life. It's the way we function socially. So yes, all individuals who present as men in their social situation are pretending to a degree - it's just that some have to pretend more than others.
Since I've been dressing more and bringing out my femme self, I've had to be more self-conscious whilst in man mode, to make sure I don't deviate too much from the male norm. It's not a question of right or wrong, just wishing to keep the established identity in place until such time as I may want to go public.
[SIZE="2"]Always be true to yourself because the people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.[/SIZE]
I presented myself in what I call a hypermasculine role for many years. As a child and teen my parents ridiculed and chastised me when I exhibited any time of cross gender behavior. When I CD'd as teen my parents lost it. So, I spent 11 years in the military and played numerous sports. I credit my wife with helping me and opening my mind. The self acceptance part has been the hardest part. In male mode though I don't feel I am pretending, it is my other half. I still need that as much as I do my fem half. And, I need to express them both or suffer.
Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale.
I don't pretend that I am a man, I am a man... However, I feel more and more stange when in drab mode...
But even in drab mode, I feel more and more like a woman. Unfortunately I am more often dressed as a man than "en femme"...
Actually, I've never been very manly in my attitudes... Several women friends who didn't know about my crossdressing, have told me that I didn't react like a man. This has helped me to come out to some of them...
Eugenie
It really hit me late last year. I had spent three days fully enfemme - 24 hours a day. The pink mist had well and truly settled into my life.
The very next day I had to go to a techinical dept in a hospital to give a brief 'in-service' to half a dozen guys on how our equipment works. Well it felt very strange. I was still feeling very girly and found it difficult to concentrate.
I always feel at home if I'm talking to the female nurses, but feel uncomfortable in front of guys. I really did feel like a girl pretending she was a guy - I felt silly.
When I dressed almost everyday 5-6 days a week a few years back for 1 year (wife does not know, she worked allot back then) I had that feeling but now that I dress about 3 to 4 days a month I do not have it anymore. At that time I had to think not to do any gestures that was not male which I practice a few then.
I'm usually a "manly" truck driver out in public, but definitely more fem in private and vey "girly" when dressed en femme. Doesn't seem to be a black or white situation.
Hugs and kisses,
Debbee!
I find myself sometimes being more macho than usual sometimes after I've been dressed for a while and have to get back into the male mode. It's almost like my mouth is trying to make up for being en femme. I catch myself most of the time and I'm working on it, But it is aggrevating when it happens.
Jasmine
Sometimes it feels like a thin shell that could crack at any minute. I'm just not too sure what's inside that shell.
I can fully agree with you on this. It is sometimes hard to be that way. Even at work when people are talking. I find it really hard when I am around family and friends. It seems almost like a test or something. I can't really explain it except that my kids would have a really hard time with it to say the least. Especially my daughter. I always thought that she would be easier than my son but he actually caught me and took it rather well. He did say that I might not won't my daughter to know though. I would have to concur with that statement.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I'm not a man or a woman. I'm living in freaksville but it's OK.
I know exactly what you're saying, as I wrestled with that issue myself. I finally came to the conclusion that I'd been living a lie as a man. The more in touch I get with the woman inside, the more I realize the she is really who I am.
I think males and females both possess masculine and feminine traits. A man who isn't very masculine does not make him any less of a man, likewise for a woman. So I tend not to read too much into it, because it can be dangerous when we pick up vague masculinity/femininity within ourselves and act on it.
My 2 cents.
Trying to be myself..
DITTO! You took the words right out of my mouth
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