Ive been reading alot of the posts and also being straight. i dont understand why girlfriends wifes etc sometimes break up with us when they find out that we cd. if they fell for us without knowing it doesnt change us as a person. i think it makes us more aware of women i know that i can help pick out the cutest clothes when i shop with my girl and i understand more of her female isues going on then any one my friend so in some ways doesnt it make us better people.
The main issue I am assuming that most GGs have is the lie. If we "lied" (or didn't tell them) about this, what else have we lied or not told them about.
Trust is a HUGE part of making a successful relationship and if they feel that trust has been broken because of this issue they are not going to be comfortable enough in that relationship so breaking up is the logical step to take.
Just my honest opinion.
Kandis
Someone once told me "Put on Your big girl panties and deal with it". If they only knew, I WAS ALREADY WEARING THEM.
I wear the bras and panties so my wife doesn't have to.
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I think Kandis has hit the nail on the head....If we hide that, what else do we hide? Not only are we hiding, but we are sneaking around doing it...finding time to post on this forum, posting ads on CL, buying things and hiding receipts from them.
You have to also take into consideration that CDers are different people, and while we are the same person who married them, there is some additional baggage to some GGs just are not prepared to handle, and I for one cannot blame them. That is why I have the upmost respect for those that do accept them, and support their SO's...such as my wonderful MSJanGG, Bunny, Tamara, and DD.
The "lying" part is huge to a woman. They start wondering (with good reason I suppose) what else we have lied about....then trust goes out the window. I for one understood that part of my EX's attitude.
Emily Ann
Living with a heel in each world.
I have to agree that "trust" extremely important in a marriage, without trust, the seeds of doubt are sown. On the most part we have lived with our cross dressing for years, we know what kind of person we are. Let us switch to our spouse, if she was told before the marriage and she was accepting then the trust issue is a moot one. If however you choose to come clean and admit this secret part of you, then trust becomes a major issue. I have gone through a failed marriage and that is all I can base my opinion on. The act of omission was a killer, my ex felt lied to and was extremely hurt, wondered what the hell she was married to and a host of other thoughts.
With a marriage turning toxic and with little or no trust, I can certainly see why a marriage can fail. I have the utmost admiration for those couples that were able to work through this.
*** As I stated, this is just my opinion
Super Mod
Oh God, Thy sea is so great and my boat is so small
The Breton Fisherman's Prayer was engraved on a brass plaque and presented to President John F. Kennedy by US Navy Admiral Hyman Rickover.
Daintre, gone but not forgotten, R.I.P. Angel xx
Tamara
There are many reasons why they reject this. Part of it is the "lie" and I won't get into that any further here.
Here are some other reasons that I feel they reject it:
1. By not revealing this in the beginning we took away their choice to reject or accept it, we wait until after they have fallen for us and then break the news. It is a part of the lie but it extends to our making a decision for them rather than allowing them to make up their own mind on the matter. We have in effect decided that they will reject it (which they may) before we have given them a chance to decide that for themelves.
2. I believe that they are afraid that this will reflect badly on them, people will look negatively on them if they are in a relationship with a less than masculine man.
3. They have religious beliefs that prevent them from accepting variances in gender definitions.
4. They are afraid of how it might affect the children or their relationships with friends and family.
5. They like men, not women, that is why they were attracted to a man not a woman in the first place.
6. They are afraid that it is a challenge to their sexuality.
7. They feel that it is a challenge to their femininity.
8. They feel that it is competition.
9. They just plain feel, for any reason they can come up with that it is wrong.
It takes a strong, self confident, open minded person to be able to walk into this whole area without some level of discomfort. Think of something that you are uncomfortable with, think of all of the reasons that it makes you uncomfortable, check the rationality of those fears and then see what it takes to get past all of those fears and concerns. This is no different. Some women can deal with it right away, some can deal with it in time and some cannot deal with it at all. That is just the way that it is.
Now the trick to all of this is to know right from the start who you are and then be honest and up front with a potential partner right from the beginning. That may not consistently get you success but at least it starts you on an honest footing right at the beginning. The rest you have to work through a day at a time.
Huggs
Melissa
What stop do I get off at? Hmmm...
Hello All.
I think that the lie is ONE of the important reasons, as others have stated.
Another, equally large factor, is that by revealing our inner selves after a time, we aren't living up to the image that our S/O's have built up about us. For many, they self-criticise themselves wondering how they didn't realize 'something' about us beforehand. Most women, when they are hunting for a life mate, have strong ideas about the 'perfect' man. One wearing frocks & frillies generally isn't the image most women would choose.
Thanks for reading
-Jodie Lynn
Okay, just imagine you are living/married to/dating someone who needs a lot of "alone" time, "needs" to go shopping alone, spends those countless hours without any reason, explanation nor product to explain what they are doing, hides things around the house or office or car, spends money with nothing to show for it.
THEN imagine you find clothing that's not yours but is associated with your gender, hidden somewhere.
THEN imagine how it looks with someone sneaking around, spending time away or wanting time alone so much.
THEN imagine the money being spent when they haven't brought home anything (that you know of).
THEN imagine them talking to a bunch of people they don't want you to know (such as online forums) or let you in on.
You would get very suspicious that the were having an affair, wouldn't you? But yet you cannot find anything that really gives you any other indication they are. But its obvious you are hiding this huge secret.
THEN imagine finding pictures! Who do they send them out to? Why would they share something with strangers but not the person they supposedly love?!
When a partner isn't given the chance to deal with something on their own terms and are left in the dark to let their imaginations run rapid and then it suddenly all comes out... how easily do you think you'd just forget all that time and pain of suffering while not knowing?
I think you get my point.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIZE="3"]"We're all born naked. Everything we wear is drag," said Boy George
[/SIZE]
One girl I had an relationship with for a while some years ago, not my ex-wife, broke up with me as she said I was more interested in her bras and panties than in her. I have to say she did have a point.
[SIZE="5"]Helen[/SIZE]
Ya i understand but technicly u dont lie because we might have never been asked. but if u go up to a women and say hay babe im a crossdresser do ya want to go out sometime boom ull be shut down. just like you dont go up to some one and say hay babe ive been with 50 women want to go out. You cant just come out and say everything at first it takes time relationships are about learning about eachother thats y we dont get married right off the bat.
Yes, "technically" you aren't lying, but that little bit of clinton-esque parsing won't make the situation any better. You may not be lying if she doesn't come out of the blue and ask "Are you a Crossdresser?", but you are concealing and obsfucating a large part of your life from her.
Now, just imagine your positions are reversed: YOU find out something about HER that she "technically" didn't lie about just because you didn't ask.
Think you wouldn't feel a little bit hurt? Betrayed?
And, no one is saying that you need to walk around with a billboard saying "I Like to wear frillies", but if the relationship is going somewhere, or you think it is, then you owe it to her to be honest and upfront with her.
-Jodie Lynn
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