I just came out of about three weeks of strictly enjoying my guy side. The purpose of this experiment was to see what my comfort level was with doing that. I've never had a problem with the femme feelings but since I have integrated the feelings under one umbrella, I wanted to give it a good test by letting the body hair grow, wearing a mustache and all just to see how solid the foundation of Salandra really was. This is how I appeared when Melissa came for her visit. I really felt no different as to the effect that I didn't turn into some kind of macho idiot and was simply myself, albeit from a little different perspective.
The main difference was that I was being Rich totally on my own terms and in my own way and my basic self did not change one iota, mostly because I had come to the point where I was never again going to compromise who I was based on what I look like. To give it a real good test, I finally shaved last week and did the whole nine yards with clothing, makeup, wig, etc. When I did this there was absloutely no "buzz" or euphoria, in fact everything felt completely natural and normal. What this tells me is that I am fully capable of fulfilling either role and it is all 100% me and I am comfortable either way. So, now that I feel this way, what do I do with that?
I had discussed with Melissa the possibility of performing but maybe with a slight twist. Up at the club the other night I asked a friend who is a DQ just how he felt when he was performing. He told me he just felt like he was performing a part and creating a character and quite frankly, most of these guys just can't wait to get out of the "stuff' when the show is over. For most of us it's different as we are expressing part of who we are when we are dressed and the feelings kind of enrobe and encompass us when we are presenting en femme, much more than simply playing a part.
Now that I have these abilities and feeling the way I do what I may attempt is to further debunk stereotypes by having fun at the same time. Whether we believe it or acknowledge it or not, even within this community many of us wittingly or unwittingly perpetuate steroetypes sometimes in a lot of ways. It seems to me that true acceptance for ourselves and others being who they are will only come about by being totally free to be ourselves, whoever those "selves" may happen to be and attempting to set "standards" one way or the other will always be counter productive to an extent, no matter how the pie is cut. True acceptance by definition has to be on an individual level and my message is and always has been to be true to ourselves, no matter what we choose to do.
Anyway, the possibilites are endless and are only limited by our own imagination and I have a lot of different ideas. One thing I may do is work on my cross crossdressing as Eric again. I become Ericka, then tone it down (which ain't easy, believe me). I did it a few times to the reaction of gaping mouths and comments like: "What do you want to do that for?" My answer was something like: "This is Ericka, this is Ericka in drab. Any questions?" Fun is fun if you know what I mean, not to mention earning the right to be yourself and I've always been kind of a "gender outlaw" anyway.We'll see how things go. Always an adventure in any case.
Originally Posted by Salandra
Salandra