Free yourself tell the truth

[Roberta Rain]

I think maybe a lot of us get married and then go for years without telling anyone because we keep telling ourselves it will eventually go away... By the time we figure out it isn't ever going to go away, we have, as someone else pointed out, told a lie to our spouses, either by omission or directly. At that point, fessing up isn't easy for us or our spouse.
-Roberta

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Since I jsut recently approached my wife with the idea of me dressing up as
a female....let me interject my 2 cents worth here...

Yeah it's nice if you want to "come out" and be open about this....a lot easier than keeping "secrets" I guess...but there's one factor that I need to adress here...it's what kind of relationship exists with your wife, girlfriend or SO in the first place that will more or less dictate one coming out and saying hey I want to cross dress.....

In my case several points exist in my relationship with my wife...one is we tell each other everything and with understanding that we will allow each other to be totally open and honest with each other...we also have agreed/shared the idea that we will always be there for each other no matter what and we'll always love each other no matter what takes place...and that includes everything!!!! (that's because of a few factors that exist in our relationship that I won't go into at the moment).

So for me it wasn't all that difficult in discussing this idea of me getting all "femmed" up....Did I expect her to respond with "Oh honey, that's a great idea"...glad you brought it up". Hell no...but I at least knew I could bring it up..after all it was the same person who 14 years ago asked me if I'd be interested in getting it on with a guy because she liked watching two guys together and we eventually experienced that little bit of abnomilty which she worked out for me....so I knew that this idea wasn't all that removed from her idea. So we had a foundation that we could work from on the crossdressing idea.

But the bottom line was this...I knew we had the type of relationship where we could bring this up and I know that I am not anywhere the average or norm here....I think I'm truly blessed by having someone like my wife...

I think most people are not as fortunate in having a mate like mine....
I also wanted to be open and honest with her not only because honest is one of the cornerstones of our relationship, but because I knew that in order to fully experience what I wanted to experience, I need to have her imput and help....and that was a key point....and she's done it so far...helped me shop for some items...make up shoes cloths and such, have done my toenails for me....and working on a few more items at this time as well.

Is this "the better way"? in as having your partner inolved and aware of yoru desires? Sure is....but is it going to be that way with everyone's partner????? LOL probably not....it's probably going to be a lot less frequent than we'd like or hope for....

So before you try to lift this load and "come out" you need to assess the situation and your relationship and your general attitude of your partner before you ask unless of course you have some sort of death wish self or relationship otherwise....

For me it was fairly easy...I only tossed around the idea for a week or so before I asked my wife, but I had a long history with her and I knew I could ask and not have any severe negitive responses....

So all I can say is think it over before you pull the trigger and good luck....

Steph...

[bEEb]

Amen sister

[Amy Hepker]

Telling someone is almost never easy, as most of us know it was hard for us to accept ourselves. Most, if not all of us have lived our secret life by ourselves at one point in time. Afraid to be Cast Out, Labeled, Degraded, even hurt or killed. There are some people out there that will not accept the fact that we are real people, we are but an eye sore, a desease that is trying to ruin their lives. Some will never accept the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of us and we are just starting to come out.

We do have to step lightly with friends and relatives to test the ground upon which we wish to step, for they as well, will be affected by our lives and decissions.

I do believe that a CDer wanting to get into a relationship should be open and honest with who we wish to share our lives with. True, we may lose them, but as someone else has said, you probably would lose them anyway, it will just be less complicated now.

[JoAnnDallas]

If your an older CDer like myself (60 years old), then you have to understand that when we were younger (1950-1960), Crossdressing was not only disgusting and perverted to most people but in many states was illegal to do so. You could even end up beaten to the edge of your life or even lose it. Same if you were Gay. In fact even more so for Gay's. So you hide this from family, friends, girl friends, and yes even wives. Not only did you hide it, but you lied about it. Also back then we had no Internet, so we all felt totaly alone and many thought they were the only ones that did it anyway.
So I understand why many of us waited until later in life to tell our wives. For me it was a combination of the Internet, forums like this one, and today's soceity that convinced me that I had to tell the wife. Even today many wives and girl friends will not understand or even want to understand. Hiding this for so long, it is very hard to come out and tell someone. It takes a lot of guts and hoping the other person will at least try to understand. For some it does not work and for some it does.

[Amy Hepker]

JoAnn, I could not agree with you more. I too grew you in that time period and understand wholeheartedly like you.