My wife told her son about me

[Tree GG]

Thanks Rachel, I like the glass half full perspective myself.

It seems, IMO, that those who expect...heck, demand...a certain level of behavior to declare 'acceptance' are being over-controlling and looking for external validation of their femme self. My husband and I have spoken of this so I don't think I'm speaking out of turn, but he's looking for someone to love Darlene. Forget the guy exists and make 'her' the most important. It does seem to have diminished a bit in the past 4-6 mos as I encourage him to like his male self equally, (NOT asking him to stop dressing or get rid of Darlene, but to like the guy, too) but it still is a source of disappointment for him. And on occassion turns to bitterness and anger.

Thanks for you realistic and loving perspective. Respecting how your son feels without finding insult is admirable.

[Dawn D.]

Rachel, Perhaps what I posted yesterday may have seemed a bit hard line. That really was not what I wanted it to be percieved as. I do think that anytime a CD/TG/TS is willing to out themselves to their family members or even friends, the level of acceptance on the recipients end is an unknown and WE accept the risk of being accepted by them or not. If however, we are told in effect by that recipient "I think it's ok" or "that's cool" or fill in your own term given for acknowledged acceptance, at some point after that I don't feel that it is too much to expect that, WE may wish not only to be known, but, as well to be seen.

I think that this revelation the relative or freind just learned about may so catch them off guard that initially they respond in a manner to allow us to feel a level of acceptance. However, after having more time to digest on the issue, they tend to build displeasure and/or ambivolence over it and then the resistance to a meeting of the individual grows and might never happen. After all, they have only, always had a percieved notion and vision of the individual as the person they already know them to be. Now that you have told them that you aren't that person it becomes quite a shock to their idea of who you are to them. Hence the resistance to actually meet your femme self.

I would desperately love for my son and daughter to actually meet me. I truly think they would like Dawn. I know that I am a different person en femme than I am as a presented male. My wife and my therapist have both told me that I am a different person en femme as well. At first I didn't believe them. But, then as with Tree's husband it would seem, I have issues with my "guy" side. To me this person (guy side) is dying. So, who will that leave when he is gone. Will the one's I love still not want to see me then? Perhaps. Though, I would like for them to get to know Dawn gradually before that happens. But, somebody has to make the first move. Will it be them or me?

Sorry Rachel, I am not trying to hijack your thread. I think you have developed a very workable situation for yourself, Marla and your son. I do think that is awesome. It is good to know that there is respect on all sides. Someday when I can get to Sacramento I'd sure like to meet your group if that is possible. It sounds like you all have such a wonderful time!




Dawn

[KandisTX]

I cannot seem to find the thread I thought I started when I posted about the conversation had with our daughter (she's my step-daughter). She was 9 years old at the time (I think), and had pretty much figured out for herself, but we held a nice open conversation with her and the first thing she asked when we were done which told us both (myself and GlitterGG) she was okay with it was "When can I buy you a bra and panties".

Kandis

[Dawn D.]

KandisTX, Now that's what I call acceptance!



Dawn

[Nicole Erin]

So how old is your son Anthony now anyways? You had said he "was" 12 when you got with your wife... but didn't really say how long ago it was.

I don't know if my son knows or not, even if he knows I wouldn't know how he would react to seeing me dressed. I imagine he might not really say much of anything. It would probably be like "Yeah, whatever, hey dad, there is this one part of my game I can't figure out, do you know of any..."

I am not real good at "sitting people down to explain". I could be announcing that the world is about to end and say "Yeah so on [whatever day] I hope we all die quickly when the world blows up so we don't feel anything..." My approach is almost like "didn't you know...?"

[Priscilla Ann]

Glad to hear you got that out and had good results, Rachael

[Rachel Morley]

So how old is your son Anthony now anyways? You had said he "was" 12 when you got with your wife... but didn't really say how long ago it was.

He's 17

[Phoebe Reece]

Rachel, I think that things went really well for your situation. Being honest with young people almost always has good results.

Both of my kids have known about my crossdressing all their lives. My wife and I decided before our daughter and son were born that having such a major secret in the house was not a good idea. It was never a problem for them and I am still just "Daddy" no matter how I am dressed. Our daughter is 32 and married (her husband knows too) and our son is 28 (and still living at home).

[DonnaT]

Congratulations Rachel. Good to hear y'all are respectful of his wishes. Eventually his curiosity may peak enough that he won't try and avoid seeing you dressed.

After telling our son, and him saying he's fine with it, there was no more running and hiding if I was dressed and he came home unexpectedly. It's progressed now to where I can dress however I want, whenever I want, and he's never had a problem with it.

[Sallee]

Rachel, Marla did a great job I am sure that is so cool he was cool with it. I told my kids a few years ago actual after they came across some pictures. One daughter said she try's to ignore it. I have been dressed in from of them yet accept for one Halloween. I am glad it worked out

[Paulette]

Once again Rachel you and Marla have set the bar for acepting and effectivley dealing with a situation that is so mis-understood. Knowing you both personally I can attest that you both are very considerate and kind people with concern for others in such a selfless manner. I am so happy for you both, the work that you do for the River City Gems is so invaluable to so many in our community. See you on Friday at our makeup class.

The Gems have had many socials both at a members home and in public places. They organized a shopping party at a local Dress Barn while I was able to attend the actual event, based on the information from the group It paved the way for my solo over two houor shopping spree at the store. The sales associates did not hesitate to ask if I wanted a dressing and helped me coordinate several outfits.

[windycissy]

Rachel,

That is so great! Kudos to you and Marla for the sensitive, thoughtful way in which you handled this situation...by being proactive, you spared your son a potentially traumatic experience should he have discovered your secret by surprise. I am so happy for you.