Who are we really?

[Kate Simmons]

This is a question I have been asking myself lately, especially since the integration of my feelings. I can be Ericka, I can be Rich but I have developed into a combination persona, which is Salandra. This encompasses all of my feelings, both masculine and feminine and I can be who I want to be when I want to be regardless of presentation and that gives me a great deal of satisfaction as I dance to the beat of my own drum and find it unnecessary to fulfill any set of "standards" as far as conducting myself and this gives me a great deal of freedom and latitude when dealing with the world in general.

I do see, however, that many here have the need of validation for the feminine aspects of who they are and this is shown in experiences and adventures en femme, usually with the resulting encouragement which is fine. I do wonder, though, if this Forum did not exist how many would go about finding that needed validation. Before I came here I did pretty well on my own but I saw the value of learning about the feelings of others and how they address the issues concerning crossdressing and the like.

So my question is, how do you really view yourself as a person and who are you really? Do you more acknowledge your femme self or guy self or are you somewhere in between? Any more I just consider myself as the whole person and the duality aspect has gone by the wayside. This gives me much more empowerment as an overall person and has opened up endless possibilities. How do you feel about this?

[DeeDeeB]

There you go again, making me think...

I've always been less than macho, sissy I think was the term often used in elementary school. Always preferred playing with the girls, hated boys games, team sports and still do. However I dressed as a boy, later as a man, and learned to do many of things required of my sex, and continue to enjoy doing much of them. I've denied myself much of who I really am to what I thought society expected of me. Then came mid-life crisis. It occured to me that I was old enough to make my own decisions about myself. I also bought the obligatory convertible, but I digress. It's been a slow transition to where I am, a reasonable happy, guilt free, closet CDer. The changes continue, and I can't say where the journey will end.

To finally answer your question, I think I am the same person in either external attire, I just think the CD side is a more accurate representation of who I am inside, which is an effeminate guy in a dress, trying to look pretty.

Dee

[Jodie Wexler]

I am one person with a very wide range. Sometimes I dress one way sometimes not but I am always me no matter how I look and present myself.
Once I accepted that I was a CD, I no longer thought of myself as having two different sides. I did not come to this conclusion until about a year ago when I joined this site and benefited from all of the warmth, support and knowledge I have received here. For that I will always be thankful to you Salandra and to all of the members here.
Jodie

[deja true]

I think I'm standing on the same side of the fence as DeeDeeB and Jodie. In that I never thought of myself as two different personalities or psyches in one body. I was always me. But before finally coming across the wise and calming counsel of people like you, Sal, and DD and Capt Lex and numerous others here, the dressed me was an embarrassment and a guilt ridden depressive.

Shedding that guilt was the first great step. Accepting myself, or working on it, was the next. It wasn't really a matter of uniting two personalities.It was a matter of actually sloughing off a diseased skin in order to be healthier in mind and spirit.

Somehow I'm working my way to a similar place as you. Not by a unification of two spirits, but by the soul cleansing baptism of self-realization that heals an ailing one.

There are many paths to the sunny clearing in the dark tangled woods. And all who are tryng to reach there, by whatever path, deserve our

respect & love,

deja

[Amy Hepker]

I know before I found this site and blong before it existed I used to go out dressed, when I lived in Iowa. Maybe only about 20 times, but each time was great.

[cindybarnes]

Well, I present myself as my guy side most of the time but my girl side is always right there below the skin,, grease, cuts, and all.
It took a while to figure out that this is me and Im not ashamed or confused like in my early days. The internet info and meeting others like myself, and others that were transisitioning, or seeing those in their early stages of discovering who they were. kinda put my own situation into perspective. Yours may vary Im content as things are ,,nothings perfect but Im content
Cindy

[bobi jean]

I am one person with a very wide range. Sometimes I dress one way sometimes not but I am always me no matter how I look and present myself.
Once I accepted that I was a CD, I no longer thought of myself as having two different sides. I did not come to this conclusion until about a year ago when I joined this site and benefited from all of the warmth, support and knowledge I have received here. For that I will always be thankful to you Salandra and to all of the members here.
Jodie

COULD NOT say it better, more acurately or thouroughly than this. this is me reguardless of what clothes I wear. Besides the clothes I wear are not womens clothes,,,,,, they are mine,,,, mens or womens, depends on what I am at the time.242.jpg

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[charlie]

Hello Salandra!
I always love your probing posts. When I dress, it is not into any type of persona. I do feel feminine and enjoy the clothes, however I am still Charles. I still think and feel the same. When a pretty girl walks into the club or room I notice and react to her whether I am dressed or not. I am sexually attracted to her still as a male. When dressed, however, I also appreciate compliments from both males and females, something that I usually do not get or notice. I always try and be proper and feminine when dressed, something that I may not always do as a male. I do kindly reject male suiters when I am dressed. My transformation is really only one of esthetics. It is not really cerebral (at least I think I do not think of myself as a female) I just try and act like one. I do need to dress though. It is a need that I cannot really control as well as I wish I could. It cannot be denied. How did you get around all of this? For a time were you really two complete different people, Rich and Erika? And from this you have made Salandra? Is it Salandra that now has given you peace because she/he encompasses all that is you? I ask this to learn. If I could stop the need to dress I would!
Charlie

[tricia_uktv]

Hi Salandra,

I suspect we are all works in progress. What I notice though is that the male and the femail inside are joining up for me. The femail side of me is not yet properly out everywhere. It needs to be but takes time.

Internally the female side would win every day if I had a choice - but I don't. I am conditioned by the male side.

Too hard at the moment (sorry)

Hugs

[Lydia Hamilton]

In response to Slandra's question, here are my thoughts. I was 49 years old before I came out to myself and quit feeling the massive amount of guilt associated with being transgendered. God, I hate labels. The internet was the main driving force behind this decision. Using it I discovered I was not the dirty family secert I thought I was. The best I can say is, I am me. Take me or leave me. I made this clear with my wonderful wife before we became too serious. I am at the age where other people's opinions don't bother me like they once would.

I spent all my life proving how manly I was to the world and proving how much of a man I was. Finally, I realized the only person I was trying to impress was me. My wife asked me one day how it felt to have a skirt on and I replied "well, normal." I don't know why I am this way but I can now accept myself and love myself. L.

[Kate Simmons]

I had started a different thread yesterday but somehow it got lost in cyberspace. It described how a little boy (myself) decided he was himself but with both male and female aspects. It was simplicity itself, although my family and my contempories did not appreciate that. Even so, with the onset of puberty I continued expressing myself as such and into adulthood, albeit mostly in secret. I more or less secretly considered myself a female tomboy. I survived school and the Army this way and had intended to get a sex change operation but then I met my wife and decided that maybe I was a guy after all and could forget about all of this.

Nothing was farther from the truth but despite the constant pressure not to have those feelings, they persisted. This is how the duality developed and it basically separated me into two people because I had to be a functioning husband and father to care for my family. This was not only confusing but risky and the two personas were polar opposites and it was literally tearing me up inside.

This is when I began therapy and soon realized it was okay to be myself and that, really, I had never permitted all of my feelings to develop and so was handicapped in a sense since I was not a complete person. I realized this had to change and so came "out" as Victoria and expressed myself in that way as much as possible. Most of the rest you know. My family was turned away and I lost all of my friends. The alternative, however, would be to lose myself, so I kept going. This was "radical" real life therapy on my part as I totally embraced my femme feelings and desires which is how I know just how potentially dangerous the pink fog can be.

After a time I tempered my femme feelings as I was going too far in that direction and became Ericka who basically was my tomboy self grown up. Still, I realized I could not deny my guy feelings as they were a big part of me and started working on balancing the feelings and integrating them. The name Salandra came to me for this as not only is it kind of a generic name and can be male or female but it seemed somewhat familiar somehow. Many things happened when I adopted that name which is really a title that means "keeper". My real new femme name is Arianna which has a very special meaning to me and is somewhat powerful in itself and the name infers understanding.

Basically what has happened is that I have come full circle back to the the feelings of simplicity I had when I was little. I have given myself permission to be me with no middle man or interference from others. My purpose is to promote tolerance and understanding and my message is to be yourself, whoever that self may be. It's what truely made me free once again.