I messed up big time

[JoAnnDallas]

Well my wife who knows but doesn't want to see me dressed is MAD at me. She Volunteered to help out at the local library for a few hours. I thought OK, this should give a chance to get dressed for a while and go over to ROSS's. They are having a big sale and I was going to look for a new skirt to replace one that I managed to snag a hole in. Wife and I have an agreement that I can have one Saturday afternoon for myself and for this month that was back on the 5th. So I get all dressed and while I was in the back bedroom did not hear the garage door open and close. As I walked into the garage I came face to face with my wife. It turned out that she got her assignment wrong and was not on duty until later in the afternoon. The look on her face was not pleasent. All I could think of was 'OH C...P". Well we went back in and sat at the kitchen table and she asked why I was dressed and where I was going. I told her that I was going to ROSS's. She sat there in silence for a few moments and then said, "This was not part of our agreement". I answered, "Yes, you right, it is not. I just thought since you were going to be gone for a few hours that I go check the sale at ROSS." She then said, "Well are you going or not?" I told her "No", decided it was best I just change back, play on the computer, and leave her alone. Guess I am in the dog house for a while.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Yep, you are in the dog house sis.


Emily Ann

[KayR]

I don't understand why she should be so mad at you. It wasn't as if you had gone out of your way to let her see you, was it?
As I read your story, I thought you were going to end it with "...and all my family were gathered around, looking at me..." kind of thing. Nightmare!!
As it is, no victim, no crime.
Why not go and talk to her? Why not tell her she scared the living daylights out of you, and laugh about it? Maybe she'll see the funny side.

[Michelle-NC]

Yeah...you did break the agreement...That is the one thing that I think most GG's have an issue with. If they give us an inch, we want a mile. While you did nothing wrong, I am sure she is now thinking what more you have done without her catching you.

Need to beg and grovel...but that is just my opinion.

[Daphne]

After thinking about what you said, I don't belive it was entirely your fault. But not knowing the whole agreement between you and your wife, that statement maybe faulty.
However, part of the blame has to fall on your wife, for not making sure she had the right time she was suppost to be where she was. I know that sounds harsh, and I know I probbly will get razed for it.
That said, give it a few days, and then try talking to her about what happened. Who knows, you maybe able to work out a new agreement. Just a thought.

[Emily Ann Brown]

That's what men don't think about.....an agreement to a woman is an agreement, no "Well I thought..." or "But see it this a way...". The victim is the agreement....it was VIOLATED ! Geesh girls.

And JoAnn......you know I am not being condemning, just setting the record straight.


Emily Ann

[Michelle-NC]

I am with you Emily Ann...seems like everyone is trying to find a loop hole. Let's face it girls...most girls on here have SO's that wouldn't allow any of the dressing, so if one does, we should honor the agreements or commitments.

Not bashing either Joann..or at least not meaning to.

[paulaluvssz8]

yep, your in the dog house. And the agreement was violated, and if your not careful you could loose your privilage or even worse... Sorry that it happened to you.

[veroncia57]

My S.O. known i cd also, but wants to know nothing about it. Sometimes if she has been away for a night or two visiting her sister she willl call before she comes home. I feel for you and I know it is not easy facing her dressed. Hope your week will be better and do like i do sometimes and put a flea collar in your bra, (helps keep the fleas away while sleeting in the doghouse.)

[Jaydee]

JoAnn,
I am so sorry to hear this. I know things had been looking up lately, making me hopeful for my own situation. But I think you did break the agreement. An apology is probably due, and flowers should not be out of the question.
Good Luck,
Jaydee

[truknights]

sounds like your wife...is like mine...to her im a pervert...she says i make her skin crawl...and all she has seen is my hidden lingerie...shes never seen me in drag...shes very unforgiving...very...so until i leave and/or make other arrangements...my life will never the the joys of being the real me...one who loves lingerie , dresses, makeup etc...women have it so good...a sea of color at the store with every fabric under the sun...the mens deparment sucks...usually one gondola and thats filled mostly with white jockey or boxer shorts...i love looking at all the wonderful things in thelingerie department...never see many women in them...if you look at women 8 out of 10 are dressed in pants , sweats, etc...the genetic female maryland monroes i fear are extinct or close to it....long live the 40 s 50s apparell...true sensuality...garters , silk stockings, panteloons..flowing gowns...anyway welcome...and stay in touch...fondly deanna

[Shannen]

Wife and I have an agreement that I can have one Saturday afternoon for myself and for this month that was back on the 5th.

Could you explain this agreement better? Is this the ONLY time you are to dress? Is she aware that you leave the house dressed?

From everything I've experienced myself, and read on these forums, when our desires and our SO's boundaries don't agree, there is little room for error. Take it slow is a mantra that is repeated often, but we all know what shaking a soda can does before opening it up... internal pressure is usually not a good thing.

I hope you and your wife can use this as a jumping off point to go forward in your relationship and awareness of your needs. I know how it can be easier to "let it go" and not talk... but then the pressure is building up inside of her, and that's not good either.

Shannen

[JoAnnDallas]

Back last year when I came clean with the wife the agreement was

1. She does not want to see me dressed
2. She does not want to see pictures of me dressed
3. I can go to my monthly Tri-Ess meeting.
4. I can have ONE Saturday afternoon to be myself. She has gym class on that Saturday afternoon from 2PM-6PM. I can dress all I want, even go out if I want to. It just so happens that it is the same Saturday as my Tri_Ess meeting. I usually leave at 6PM since it is about a 40 minute drive. So this gives me about 9-10 hrs dressed. When I get home from the meeting, I change in the garage, put my fem clothing away, make sure my face is clean, and go to bed. Wife is usually already asleep when I get home.

So I guess I violated rule 1 and 4, since she saw me fully dressed and it was not our agreed on Saturday afternoon.

She is not into flowers, but she usually doesn't stay mad too long, only a few days. I may have to forego my next saturday afternoon, but I'll survive. I don't think I'm in too much trouble, as long as I don't repeat the offense.

It was the first time she has seen me fully dressed. In fact I just happen to have the same outfit on that is in my avatar. She did say "Nice outfit", which totally surpised me. LOL

[TV Wannabe]

Women, pff.

[Shelly Preston]

Yes you did mess up but you were caught out by the unexpected

If this had been on a day you normally dress and she had came home early, she would have realised catching you dressed was a risk

As this was not the case the shock would be worse

I hope you are not in the doghouse for too long

[DonnaT]

It'll pass JoAnn. And she'll probably think more on it, and the agreement part of not wanting to see you dressed, now that she has, will probably be withdrawn. That is, when you do get ready for your meetings, she may want to see you off. You might even ask her to join you.

[Magickman]

This whole situation is something I find very troubling.

Why do men have to ask their wife's permission to do anything?

Conversely, do women ask their husband's permission for such a trifling matter?

Granted, I have never wanted to be married, nor even had the opportunity. The idea of asking a woman what I am allowed to wear, curdles my stomach.

Out on a limb, is where I am going, here. It is not news to me, that I am not much into relationships. In the highly unlikely event, that at my advanced age, I was to marry, it would not be for the purpose of becoming a submissive child.

Certainly, I have encountered women who had no appreciation for my personal style. Some like it, some don't. But I would see no point in changing who I am, for the sake of approval of a woman.

There are millions upon millions of women, one about as good or as bad as another. Why become, or stay, attached to one who is antagonistic to me.

When I was with a woman who seriously displeased me, we parted ways. The parting thing is ever so much easier, if you do not marry, nor cohabitate.

But all this is only one man's opinion.

[dancinginthedark]

Back last year when I came clean with the wife

Sounds like you took advantage of her limited knowledge when you continued to dress at other times. That in most peoples book violates a trust.

Don't play games like, "what she doesn't know won't hurt her." Jeez if you realize the potential is there to hurt a loved one that should be incentive enough not to do it. Also need to stop justifying things that violate the trust you have if you don't want to lose your wife's trust hun. Trust can take years to build and be destroyed in moments.

the agreement was [...]

1. She does not want to see me dressed

4. I can have ONE Saturday afternoon to be myself. [...] I can dress all I want, even go out if I want to. [...]

So I guess I violated rule 1 and 4, since she saw me fully dressed and it was not our agreed on Saturday afternoon.

Justifying or plausible undeniably? Still hedging your bets or your responsibility here? You guess? It's not rocket science; you did it so own, it's simple as that. It'll help you earn back some trust if you at least admit freely, openly, and plainly you did wrong.

[...] I don't think I'm in too much trouble, as long as I don't repeat the offense.

It was the first time she has seen me fully dressed. In fact I just happen to have the same outfit on that is in my avatar. She did say "Nice outfit", which totally surpised me. LOL

Don't guess JoAnne. This is important. Lets make sure things are alright between you. Let this be a jump point for some more talking between you two. Maybe give her a day or two to calm down and think back on it herself. She's seen you dressed now. The world didn't stop spinning on it's axis and the roof didn't fall in either. Maybe by realizing you still feel you need just a bit more leeway [by this happening surely she'll see or begin to see that you need or want more] this can become a good thing.

I don't mean to sound either harsh or judgmental hun, just trying to be honest & up front with you myself.

Wishing you both the best. BTW she's right, it is a nice outfit.

dancin


~

[Jilmac]

I think if it had been me, (dressed then busted) I would have gone anyway figuring I'm in the doghouse already, how much worse can it get? Luv and Jill

[Rachaelb64]

Catch red handed, no excuses, and in the dog house.............and so life moves on, lesson learnt............be more careful when not sticking to the aggreement.

[dancinginthedark]

I think if it had been me, (dressed then busted) I would have gone anyway figuring I'm in the doghouse already, how much worse can it get? Luv and Jill

Oh Honey, you'd be amazed how much worse it could have gotten. Wahahaha I have four sons and a hubby who all had to learn that lesson the hard way. lol


dancin


`

[shalini_ukunge]

Confucious says "Woman who sends man to doghouse, soon finds him in the cathouse"

Seriously, it is time to grovel, grovel. But also the time to talk. An agreement that is acceptable to one side, but makes the other side look for loopholes, is not a great one. Negotiate a better agreement, in which you include her willingness to learn more about CDing. Acceptance comes from understanding, understanding comes from knowledge.

Good Luck.

Shalini

[Nicole Erin]

Oh Honey, you'd be amazed how much worse it could have gotten. Wahahaha I have four sons and a hubby who all had to learn that lesson the hard way. lol


dancin


`

Well I think the thing to do would have been to ask "Is that going to be a problem?"
If she said no, regardless of tone, then why not take the opportunity?

I never really did understand this "permission" thing about dressing or going out dressed. Someone needs permission to be happy?

[CD Susan]

I would like to relate my personal experience with everyone here on this subject. After hiding my crossdressing from my wife for 15 years I decided I felt miserable about it and wanted to reveal this part of me to her. It was a huge mistake. Her reaction was that she was totally convinced that I must be gay to want to do this (not true). From that day on she wanted nothing to do with me. We slept in seperate bedrooms and rarely even spoke to each other. Our marriage was doomed. We stayed together only for the sake of our son who was 9 years old at the time. After 8 years of hell I filed for divorce and I was free to be myself and be happy again. So am I better off for what I experienced or not? I don't know. I think there are people that are so closed minded that they cannot deal with something like crossdressing. In my case It was the person who I truly did love and I lost her because I thought she would understand and accept this part of me. The really sad part of this is that our son had to endure growing up in a home where there was no expression of love between his parents. I don't know if he knew why this was so as we never dicussed it but I think his mother told him everthing. At least he did not reject me over this issue. Today he is grown up and has a son of his own. I can only hope that he is happy with his life, I know I am happy with mine. Every time I read about a cd having an understanding and supportive wife or SO I think how fortunate that person is and I think back to my past and tears come to my eyes. I am not saying to anyone to not ever come out to your SO but to really think of the consequences if you make the wrong decision.

[dancinginthedark]

[...]

I never really did understand this "permission" thing about dressing or going out dressed. Someone needs permission to be happy?

I wasn't going to answer here in the thread because I don't want to take it off topic anymore by our conversation.

That said I don't think folks need permission to be happy. I do believe that we do sometimes need to compromise to make sure our happiness doesn't get paid for by someone else's.

dancin

PS Be glad to continue the conversation but it'll have to be in PM so I don't have to give myself an infraction.

Sorry to have taken things a bit off topic here folks.