Why Can People Not Be Honest On Here?

[Vicky_Scot]

I know I will upset a few good number of people on here, but I for one speak my mind and if that is not your cup of tea then I do not apologise. If you want me to sugar coat my views or responses to post then sorry that won't happen.

I certainly see it on most forums regarding the TG community but it seems prevalent on here.

A poster posts a pic of themself and asks what other forum members think.

Why do so many people say "you look great" or "you are hot" or "you pass" etc etc when it is obviously not the case. They look terrible but still people persist telling them the above which IMO is actually does more harm than telling them they look terrible or they need to look at changing this or that aspect of their dressing.

What on earth is the achievment in telling someone a lie and have them believe they look great and or they can pass. The only thing that will achieve is that person thinking everything is great and they go out and get abuse, insults etc because they look terrible.

If you really want to help someone, tell them the truth............they deserve that.

So before you unleash your response, at least take a few minutes and think about what I am saying and maybe your response will be different.

Xx Vicky xX

[Christine Kelly]

I agree with you to an extent.
Those I do not find attractive, I just do not comment on.
But, still, why should the fact that they are not attractive to
me, deter them from going out?
Besides,I have seen plenty of women out there wearing clothes that, all I could say is: 'What the hell was she thinking when she got dressed this morning?'
I believe that all of us should have the opportunity to have a little fun at least once in our lives. And if going out or being dressed gives you a thrill that you have been dreaming about all your life, then I say: more power to ya!

[LACD]

I agree with Skirt Lover and the other post. I know I will never be able to pass as a woman, but I still love to dress. I won't post a picture and ask for others opinions for just the reasons Skirt Lover mentioned. I have someone here at home whose opinions matter very much to me. My wife helps me shop and is now starting to help me with make-up. She used to be ambivalent about make-up, but now she is starting to like it almost as much as I do. I guess what I am saying is that I have a really good critic right here at home. I hope one day to get the courage to go out fully dressed before I leave this world.

[veronicagirl]

....which is why I don't have a picture here. I know what I appear as. My dressing is personal and just for me. It's the softness of some items, the tightness of others, the bouncing of others. It's the scent of perfume, lipstick on my coffee mug, the heaviness of dangle earrings and attempting to do things with long fingernails. I am, who I am, and that won't change. I won't tell anyone they look like a man in a dress. And for those who really look sensual and feminine..... I'm jealous.

[bEEb]

Well put sis. Those are the feelings exactly.

[JackieS]

Though I agree that it does a disservice when you aren't candid, it is important to remember that everyone has their own tastes and styles. Being critical of someone for their choices in clothes is not helpful. Constructive criticism is. For example, if you suggest a hair style that might be more flattering to a person's face shape, or tips on improving make-up techniques, that would be welcomed by everyone, I am sure.

Just telling someone they look terrible, will only get them upset and less likely to experiment in the future.

[Sophia KT]

To be frank, I don't much care if I 'pass' as anything other than a transvestite. To be the best tranny I can be is my aim; the world can make it's own mind up but needn't bother telling me about it.

You are right though, we shouldn't lie to each other. But if we want to get on we might have to oil the wheels a bit. In any case you might like someone and become blind to their defects [the eye of the beholder, etc].

Praps well meaning encouragement should be treated as that only.

Sophia XX

[deja true]

Yeah, Lover, I gotta agree with the rest, especially JackieS.

Constructive criticism is the best thing we can do for others.

But public humiliation will only make an unsure person feel worse and maybe hurt worse than it should.

I think a lot of deeper criticism can go on, but it might be best if it were in PMs.

Face it, honey...We all started out as dogs, right?

But a few kind words helped us keep on to the goal. And that's a goal that none of us will ever really reach to our ultimate satisfaction, I think.

Bless you for your candor, but don't forget the thing about catching more flies with honey than vinegar. M..kay?

[Tamara Croft]

Don't you think some people have enough crap in their lives without having to come here and read how 'honest' you've all been how they look? Let's get real shall we eh? People don't come here to be told they look like crap, they come here to share, to make new friends, to have a laugh etc... and so what if some don't dress up to your standards, or have their makeup perfect, who are you to come here and tell us we shouldn't be telling them they look great? I think you are out of line and I love the way you posted this then logged off.... I'll tell you straight, you're a bloody coward doing that

[Daintre]

If you have some constructive criticism to make and it has been asked for, then be honest and give it. I have posted only a few pictures of myself because I know what I look like. We are asked to share our femme selves with our fellow members, I for one would never pass, but I would rather have someone tell me what I am doing wrong in a friendly way rather than them being negative.

[TGMarla]

The first time I ever posted any pics here, I was told by many of the ladies here that I was pretty. Let me tell you, that felt good. I'd never been told by anyone before ever that I was pretty. They migt have been lying through their teeth, but it made me feel good in a way that I had never felt before.

I do okay in my pics. I know that. But polish it up as I may, I am still always going to look, for the most part, like a guy dressed up like a woman, nothing more. You can tell me I pass all you want to, but the truth is, were I to go out walking, everyone would see a guy in a dress. It's just the way it is. But at lest I can post my pics here, and a handful of people will be kind enough to tell me I'm pretty. And that means a lot to me, because it's not going to happen otherwise.

So to those of you who have been nice enough to "lie" to me, thank you.

[Littlej10]

I think we all know what we look like and can lie to ourselves a little. Being what we are is difficult enough and everyone who comes here and exposes themselves to our appraisal should be given encouragement to continue with the life and gentle guidance from those more experienced to improve their pleasure. It can be difficult and lonely "out there" and although simple over emphasised comments aren't really helpful with the posters image they can give a great deal of pleasure and are unlikely to send a total "dog" out on a raving exhibitionist spree.

[Kate Simmons]

To be honest, it's a matter of perspective to me. I try to glean what a person is saying from the context. It makes me feel good when folks have the courage to post to begin with. We come here to share our feelings and adventures with like minded folks. If I have constructive advice, I usually send it by PM. Really, I do not see "pretty" or "ugly" per se but the beauty of the person's soul that shines through, which to me is the most important thing.

[GypsyKaren]

This topic comes up every now and then, and I can never understand why. Does it really bother you this much that people are trying to be nice or kind to someone else? What's the big deal? Try worrying about your own self and what you say to people, how others choose to answer a question is none of your concern.

Karen Starlene

[Deborah Jane]

The first time I ever posted any pics here, I was told by many of the ladies here that I was pretty. Let me tell you, that felt good. I'd never been told by anyone before ever that I was pretty. They migt have been lying through their teeth, but it made me feel good in a way that I had never felt before.

I do okay in my pics. I know that. But polish it up as I may, I am still always going to look, for the most part, like a guy dressed up like a woman, nothing more. You can tell me I pass all you want to, but the truth is, were I to go out walking, everyone would see a guy in a dress. It's just the way it is. But at lest I can post my pics here, and a handful of people will be kind enough to tell me I'm pretty. And that means a lot to me, because it's not going to happen otherwise.

So to those of you who have been nice enough to "lie" to me, thank you.

Nicely said Marla...
Thats exactly how i feel, i just didn,t know how to say it.

[Ayame]

There are many good points in the thread but how I feel is that these forums are like a support group. A lot of people come here to kill time however we all came here for the same reason at first.

Telling someone they look ugly is not a kind thing to do and this is coming from an arrogant kid who has had posts about what he does not like. I for one would never have the balls to make a post regarding ones looks. However if your gonna say anything just tell them something like "I love that shirt but you would look so much hotter with black eyeliner " Right there I said something that would not of been a lie that sounded nice and would of gave the person a tip in a positive way.

These forums attract all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds and reasons for cross dressing. It really comes down to we are each others support.

[TSchapes]

I understand what you are saying. I think it depends on the poster and how they ask for help. If they want specifics I have no problem telling them. I try and take a mentoring type of role. Plus, people may take a look at my avatar and pictures and say, my god why is she advising me, she's hideous, not my style or age. I like to build from one's strengths and tell them how they may add to what they are doing. My experience is limited to indoors and my own photo shoots. I have not been out in public for some 20 odd years. So for me to advise on what would "pass" and what would not "pass" is a guess on my part.

Also keep in mind, that if I were one of the real lookers on this board, and came down hard on some of these girls, it would make me look so stuck on myself that people would have me kicked off.

In addition, I don't think people take the time to check a person's past posts to see where they may be coming from before commenting on them.

I believe if we come from a point of view that when we help the other girls on this board we help ourselves. Because if we attack the people here, it looks like we're afraid of how they reflect on us. And personally, I can only be responsible for myself and how I look and act.

Here's my response to one of the girls on the board. I stand by everything I said, and I would love to take this gal under my wing and get her looking hot like I know she could be.

My Post

Here to help, Tracy

[Suzy Harrison]

Sometimes all someone may be asking for (and needs) is some encouragement ~ and armed with that they can progess a little further.

While it doesn't help to say someone looks fantastic if they really don't, it's better to offer some encouraging advice by mentioning the good points and also to give encouragement to rectify any short comings.


Suzy

[TxKimberly]

I'm with Suzy and Tamara,

People don't come here to get depressed, they come here for support and encouragement. If they ask "How do I look?" I think it is appropriate to try and find something positive to say. Now if they ask for advice, and I have something reasonably intelligent to say, I'll offer it. Something like "Does this look good on me?" or "Should I do this or that?"

[battybattybats]

Firstly there is always room for diplomacy, being blunt isn't necessarily more honest, sometimes it's just being cruel. The exact same message can be conveyed tactfully, constructively rather than destructively.

And another reason?

Look at the Tg suicide rate! lots of emotionally vulnerable people desperate for acceptance, isolated, lonely, feeling rejected, filled with inner tensions.

There is no merit in crushing fragile people, especially when such devestating consequences could follow.

People can still look great when they aren't passing. And what do women expect when they ask 'does my bum look big in this?'

You don't have to honestly say yes or dishonestly say no, you can always say something like 'that other piece works better on you'. Still true, not ego crushing.

Applying the same consideration to CDs isn't dishonest, just conscientious.

[tamarav]

[SIZE=3]Everyday in real life women (genetic, actual, born that way, etc.) come to see me and ask how they can look better. My job is to make a professional assessment that won't totally destroy their ego but be honest enough to think about some changes. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]The same thing happens when one of my sisters (from this forum or local club, a TV, CD, TS, whatever label they assign themselves) and ask me the same question in a different way. "Do you think I look pretty (beautiful, sexy)?" Most can tell by the amount of time that I take to answer their question what I and my GG co-workers think, it is obvious we are either trying to be diplomatic or we can't think of a single positive thing to say. (Not in every case but in a few) Many times if I am dumbstruck one of my co-workers will jump in with a "wow, that is a nice dress, or those boots are cool".[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]All humans (myself included) seem to see things different when we look in the mirror. We are all looking for verification of what we see and are merely asking if our own view is realistic.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]I always make positive remarks on the pictures that our sisters post simply because of the unbelievable size of their gonads to even post pictures. How many of us would never even think of posting? I for one appreciate seeing how others approach their appearance and their presentation, just as I do for every GG that comes in the salon. At least they are making an effort to improve and we (I) are there to be supportive and honest without destroying them.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]Some GG have come into the salon looking to be "made over" to look like a woman because they do not see themselves as an attractive or desirable woman. Most are moldable and they feel that the end product is a positive, just as our sisters must feel. I certainly look for approval of every change I make because I don't want to go backward and I want to keep improving. How can you learn without making mistakes?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]Your sis,[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]Tami[/SIZE]

[Jenny Beth]

I've seen this topic pop up a few times over the years and isn't it odd that those who are most critical of how someone looks don't have the courage to post photos of themselves?

Sorry but I'm just being honest....

[Deborah Jane]

[QUOTE=Jenny Beth;1267359]I've seen this topic pop up a few times over the years and isn't it odd that those who are most critical of how someone looks don't have the courage to post photos of themselves? ...:Angry3/QUOTE]

Yeah i,ve noticed that too...
Bloody cowards thats why
After what they say, they don,t have the courage to be judged themselves!!!

[Nicole Erin]

As people know, a photo may not be accurate anyways.

I tend to think that some of the ones who pass overly well might have altered the photos. Part of it maybe jealousy but also, if someone passes THAT well, they are probably not going to risk that by posting photos on CD/TS sites where basically anyone can see...

When I see a photo of a CD/TS who doesn't look that great, I always think "Well at least she is honest".

[Tommie T.]

I so wish that I could pass and am envious of those of you that can and truly are beautiful women-but I realize that so much of being TG and a cd is in our minds that I accept the reality of it.In my mind when dressed I AM A Woman and this fulfills a need that I don't understand but have learned to accept.Whether or not someone else thinks I look good is of little importance.Most of the gurls on this site really seem to be caring and understanding and that is good enough for me.