Do They Need To Know? Answer If You Have Children

[Carroll]

6 and 9. girl and boy. both now, and dont care

[MJ]

the thing is many of you who don't tell could be missing out on another part of your relationship . and also don't you think you owe it to them . god forbid but if any of us die ...how are the family going to feel when they discover your stash..

[KandisTX]

Should you tell your kids that you dress or is it better not to burden them with it?

I recently posted that this past weekend we told our son about Kandis. His sister has known for the last three years. The need to know came from a number of reasons. 1) Daughter had pretty much figured it out on her own. 2) Son was told as a way to help alleviate stress within the household.

Kandis

[Rachel32533]

no! How will it help them? Telling everyone may make me feel better temporarly, but it may effect our relationship forever, not to mention grandkids and possible in-laws later. I don't want to know the details of everything my kids may do as they age, but some things are just better keep private.. silence is golden..

[Joanne f]

Do they need to know, putting it like that the answer might be no as i can`t see a reason for need but the more knowledge someone has the greater their understanding of life will be.
Should they know, well that has to be your choice as you are all members of your family .
There has been a lot of talk about the right of the SO to know so should this also be extended to the rest of the family, if we want society to understand us and except us should we not start within are own family, it has to start some where, yet we have this thing about protecting are children from things that we think will harm them , so what is the best thing to do in the long run , no doubt it will still be six of one and half a dozen of the other .
By the way my children know a bout me.



joanne

[Nicole Erin]

Well we always worry about being caught by someone we know when we are out and about [except for the ones who do not go out dressed.]

One of these people you could run into would be your kids, if they are at least old enough to drive.

I would say it is probably better if the kids at least knew. I mean no need to rub their noses in it but for every person we tell, it is one less chance of an akward "outing".

If you don't go out and the kids never stop by unannounced, no need to say anything.

[Eugenie]

I told my daughter (Now 27 years young...) about a year and a half ago. She had done her own coming out as being lesbien the year before... I was tempted to tell her that I had also something to confess to her, but I refrained as I thought that she would take that for a kind of retaliatory move...

After more than a year the discussion came quite naturaly on this subject and I then told her. She accepted very well. However she said that she wouldn't like to se me "en femme" and prefered to keep the image of her father as a man...

She is cool about it providing I respect her choice.


Eugenie

[jill s]

Only one daughter, she is 19 and lives at college. I haven't told her but gave her an Eddie Izzard DVD and got lots of questions about cross dressing, she may have some idea.

[Mary Morgan]

I told both of my sons after they became adults. I didn't tell them because they needed to know about me, I told them because they needed to know about us. They are fine with it, and appreciated my confidence in them.

[Farrah]

I think its best that they didn't. especially young children. this may confuse them. Maybe when they're older. Even then, why?

[Stephanie-L]

One of the threats my wife used the last time she found out that I still CD was to tell my son(then 14) about it. He is now almost 17 and may have an idea. I have been to counselling since then, and if it comes down to a battle with my wife over my CDing, I will probably tell him and his sister (13) first so that they hear it from me calmly, not from my wife in a fit of rage. I am no longer ashamed of my CDing, and I think my kids could handle it OK. My only fear is that my wife may try to use this as a reason to deny me child visitation or custody if we get a divorce (which is a possibility). TG issues have been succesfully used here in Texas as grounds to deny child custody, and even severly limit visitation rights. Actually, being gay can cause you to lose your kids here, the state is in the middle of the Bible Belt. So I am treading carefully for now, but to answer your question, I plan to tell them eventually, sooner if it becomes necessary.......Stephanie

[Sheila]

The kids deserve to hear it from me and not find out by accident some time.

As an SO who discovered by accident ... and the pain thereof ..... I agree that the kids should be told rather than discover .. I and my DH discussed for a long time over whether we should tell the kids (mine from previous relationships), (24,22 and 11) . I wanted too, he was less sure ........... we told the youngest and my daughter (22) earlier this year .. the eldest has a rocky relationship with DH so he still has not been told .... M is worried that he may use it against him in future fall outs ... I personally think we should tell him but the final decision has to be his


The youngest has seen M dressed .... daughter has yet to .... her choice and M respects that .. we missed a window of opportunity earlier this year when she would have been comfortable seeing him dressed

[Joanne f]

skirt_lover, after thinking about it a bit more i cannot see why there is a reel reason not to hide it from them as if you do that is making it feel like we are doing some thing wrong and i am sorry if i am wrong but i just do not feel that way.


joanne

[Vicky_Scot]

skirt_lover, after thinking about it a bit more i cannot see why there is a reel reason not to hide it from them as if you do that is making it feel like we are doing some thing wrong and i am sorry if i am wrong but i just do not feel that way.


joanne

I do not think you are wrong Joanne.

Indeed we are doing nothing wrong, we are just being true to ourself.

As my darling supportive wife said to me "There is a lot of worse things you could be than a Crossdreser"

[Joanne f]

Hey skirt_ lover, you are in Scotland so you are half way there , you can wear a kilt and get way with it ( i know a kilt is not classed as a skirt ) but you can get denim ones.
I have made a kilt and been out in it but found it a bit to hot and heavy.




joanne

[Jamie M]

I have a lovely little son aged 16 months. kelly and i have talked long and hard about the different paths to take regarding diclosure of my GID. All the points that have already been made are valid and each of us has to find their own course in this life but for what it's worth this is what we've decided.

I have no desire for my son to ever find out about this part of me second hand , be it through accidental discovery at home or by a third party with malicous intent. We feel that to do so would cause much more heartbreak confusion and pain for our son than talking about it openly and freely at such time as he is able to grasp the concept that daddy is different from other daddy's but the main thing that matters to us is his well being and happiness and that no matter what daddy loves him with all his heart.

At the moment my personal situation is that identify myself as borderline TS but with no imediate plans for transition ( a somewhat funny place to be in i admit but none the less how i feel ) so rather than just a hobby or thing that daddy does in private , this is something that we feel our son would be missing out on by not knowing who his daddy really is . It's always a tough one when to decide he'll be ready for such information though and that's also got to e a decision for each individual parent but all i know now is that one day he's going to find out one way or another and i'd rather that he finds out from us slowly and at a time of our chosing which we both feel will be for the best .

[dominique]

I have two daughters aged 15 and 9. I will not tell them because they are too young and immature to understand what it means to have their dad dress like their mum and the confusion there in.

[Sandra]

Our daughter who at the time was 14, now 18, was told about Nigella. Did she need to know? we thought so she is part of our family and we tried not to keep secrets from each other, we'd always been open about things with Amy so why keep it from her.?

We were lucky she has know problem with it and is very protective of her dad.

One thing I will say is kids are not stupid, Amy told us had an idea anout her dad, how we don't know because we had been very careful.

So your kids may already know something and are just waiting for you to say something.

[yms]

I was surprised by how many gals here felt that telling their children wasn't the right thing to do. I agree with that point of view.

My feeling is that there is a difference in families between secrecy and privacy. A respect for privacy is a good thing. You can never be certain how a child is responding to what you tell them. They may appear calm on the surface but be terrified inside, not really understanding what it all means. Children need to know that the adults in their lives are OK and able to take care of them.

I have a daughter who is twenty now. She had been living with her mother exclusively since she was about 14. Her mother - I swear I am not making this up - hated my crossdressing and left me for another woman! The woman she married and bought a house with (and eventually split up with) started taking male hormones and had a mastectomy - she (he) was also TG! I passed her (him) in the street recently and (s)he was sporting a mustache!

My daughter had been through a lot with these two women. They used my daughter as the poster child for the lesbian family. Mercifully, my daughter now has her own apartment that I pay for (gladly!).

The point of this rambling is that my daughter knows I crossdress because her mother no doubt told her. But my daughter and I have not discussed it, even though she has alluded to the subject of crossdressing (in movies, for example).

If she were to ask me outright, I would not lie to her. If she is mature enough to ask the question, she ready to hear the answer. But I won't skirt the issue with her . If, on the other hand, she has no real interest, then it's just not that important enough for me to bring up. I won't turn to my daughter for that kind of support. I'm supposed to be the one who is there for her. To me, it is analogous to the way they instruct passengers on airplanes traveling with children to first put their own oxygen mask on and then their child's. The adult has to take care of herself first in order to take care of the child.

[renee k]

I have two grown children, my daugther who's 30 knows. My son is 28 and doesn't know. That's the way it's been for years. With my profession I have to kinda keep this part me of under wraps. I do as much as I can away from my job and immediate family.

Huggs, Renee

[Rachaelb64]

I have told my two, my boy is 16 and doesn't want to see my dressed and my girl is 14 doesn't really care what I wear

[EnglishRose]

No, I don't see the point of telling my son.

[Marcie Sexton]

Depending on how public you are and the acceptance of society is where you live would depend on if you need to tell them...

I have no reason at this time to tell mine, he is off at college, and we live in a small area, so I'm not out and about around here at all...

[TSchapes]

I have been wrestling with this for some time. There is one part of me that wants to protect this 14 year old kid from worrying about his dad. There is another part of me that hates being dishonest with him. We are very close.

I'm trying to understand my motives for disclosure. Is this for my convenience, so I don't have to lock myself away? Is it the fear that he may discover me dressed by accident? Am I being selfish?

Then the other part is: Am I ashamed of what I do? No, I am not. This is me. So why should I act ashamed around my son?

Shouldn't my son be exposed to diverse people? We want our children to be tolerant of other races, religions and sexual orientations, right? Shouldn't this start in the home? If your child can't be taught to be tolerant of his own parents, how could he possibly be tolerant of strangers?

And now this is the individual part that stops me. My son has had health problems since he was a child. I don't want to get into the specifics, but he has had to have some type of special education all his life. He has done wonderfully and he is in normal classes and only needs help with getting his thoughts expressed and some reading. But, by him being different, he has few friends at school. So his parents and close extended family is who he looks toward for acceptance. So at this time, I don't want to add to his burden. Honestly we have talked about gays and TG's before and he is very tolerant, he probably wouldn't be too upset. But it's a whole other ball game when it's your own dad.

Love, Tracy

[Kimberley]

I think you answered your own question. DO THEY NEED TO KNOW?

I came out to my daughter recently due to a set of circumstances that really dictated it. My son still doesnt know because the circumstances changed. She has become well informed and supportive. Did she need to know? At the time yes; absolutely. Had I not said anything did she need to know? No. My being TS had no direct impact on either her or my life; well sort of but that is another story.

Only one person can say if they NEED to know. YOU!


Kimberley