what do you think?

[geri]

hey ladies,

i have some questions and would like your opinions.
i am a crossdresser who wants to go further in my development. can i be considered a woman if i have castration, hrt therapy, ffs surgery but not srs?
i feel like a woman now but i want and need further stuff done for the " appearance " factor.
i have thoughts about men and women so if i continue on my journey, would i be considered gay if i wanted to have sex with both? would i be a queer or a lesbian?
OR at my age ( 65 ) or should i stay as i am and pretend? AND be frustrated.

i am very confused because a marriage of 44 years would be destroyed plus family and friends.

please do not be critical of me or be sarcastic. this is very important to me but your valued opinions may help.

thank you and many hugs,
geri danielle

[DonnaT]

You don't need any medical intervention to be considered a woman. Some merely start dressing and living 24/7 according to their desired gender, and choose a new name.

Now, if you are talking about legal IDs and getting an F on the ID, there are different rules for different states.

As for labeling your sexuality, I suggest you don't label it.

[Joy Carter]

First. Does your spouse know ? And would you be happy being yourself, part time away from the house ? Myself it didn't go well in my situation. It really upset her. But we compromised and I go where I want, when I want as Joy. Just as long as it's out of town. You have allot to learn about your self, it sounds like. Maybe join the transsexual forum, and get idea of what full timers go through. Where here for you anytime you need to talk.

[lottarosie70]

"i have thoughts about men and women so if i continue on my journey, would i be considered gay if i wanted to have sex with both? would i be a queer or a lesbian?"

as far as i am concerned (and mr. webster agrees with me) you are not gay if you want to have sex with both men and women...you are bisexual. this would be true whether you continue on with your journey or not. you would be neither a queer or a lesbian. the only time you'd need to ask that question (assuming the labels are important to you) would be if you only wanted to have sex with one or the other. if you are a woman, and only want sex with women, you're a lesbian. if you are a man, and only want sex with men, you're (to use your phrasing) queer. if you want sex with both than whether you're a man or a woman, you are bi.

be true to yourself, be safe, and good luck in your journey, however far you decide to go.

[DawnRodgers]

I would tell you to find a therapist who specializes in the area of transexualism. Your questions cover some complicated areas and some simple but confusing ones.
If you are serious about even considering transitioning ro a full time woman in the states I believe it is necessary to undergo some sort of consuling before any hormone use or surgery can take place.

[Eugenie]

These are very complex questions... So there are no easy answers...

Being about your age, just a few years younger, I can empathise with your feelings...

We have indeed several tremendous dillema in front of us.

Our body and our souls want to be as female as we can and on the other side we have a sense of responsibility towards all those who love us...

I don't know if you spoke about your crossdressing to your wife. It eases a little bit the situation, at least it did for me... But I told her about 40 years ago... She still doens't like the fact that I am a crossdresser. She understands that I would love to be "femme" full time but can't live with it, so I don't...

In addition, I wouldn't feel like living "en femme" full time in my own region, too many primary school friends around who would just give me a hard time... I know them, they are very conservative and close minded...

I also had the desire to go all the way with a surgical operation. But, for several reasons, I didn't pursue this avenue... One of them being that the "cost benefit" analysis wasn't favourable at my age. Well, that was according to my personal situation...

The other reason is that I began to feel "femme" more and more without the need for such a radical operation. As I did more and more coming out to friends and coleagues, as I went out "en femme" in public, the feeling to be feminine became very strong without having the need to go through an operation.

I hope that you will find your own answers... Feel free to PM me if you think a private exchange of experiences might be of any help...


Eugenie

[Melinda G]

If your crossdressing is sexually driven, like most of us, you might want to hang onto your nuts. Castration is irreversible, and you might lose all interest in crossdressing. Then what?

[Seville]

If you're really 65 yrs old and STILL confused and
apparently unaccepting of your gender, I feel
sorry for you. As a senior myself, I accepted
myself 30 years ago, and have never been
happier.

Pity.

And I am not sarcastic or making light of your
situation, either. At our age, all the questions
and doubting should be long past us.

[geri]

why a new name? what is wrong with geri danielle. it's my initials.............

[geri]

eugenie,
thanks so much for your kind words.
we are between a rock and a hard place ( excuse the pun ).
my wife knows about my crossdressing but doesn't accept it at all which is my biggest problem.
i wake up and go to sleep thinking of my femmine ways and what i should do. i know that if i get rid of my little family jewels that won't be no BIG deal. there are latex "v"'s that do look athentic. NO SRS for me because it's a pain in the neck and hurts like hell. i want to go on hrt therapy so i can have my own breasts instead of the fake ones. there ok but my own would make me feel better. if they don't reach the size i think they should be, i'll get implants.
i intend to get some ffs in panama because they are reasonable in costs. something minor to look more femmine. ie. brow lift, lip enhancement, butt augmentation and some tightening.
with that being said, i've been married 44 years to a wonderful gal and this would end up in divorce, i believe. so do i follow my selfish wants knowing i will hurt alot of family and people or become an old unhappy person?

i don't know how hrt affects the pyscie but i know it makes you calmer. i need that even if i don't do what i plan.

i have been thinking and IF i do these things to my body, i honestly feel like i would be 95% a female and whatever my sexual orientation would be, i can live with that. in retrospect, i realized from other comments, that i am bi-sexual and that is ok.

please send me your thoughts,

hugs,
geri danielle

[geri]

joy,

my wife knows but does not accept my life style. if i do what i want to do, it would probably end up in a divorce.
so do i take the road to be a happy person or not take that road and become an old unhappy person?
the rest of the crap will fall in line. i know that i wake up and go to sleep every day with femmine thoughts. so i do know who i am........................

thanks for your comments,
hugs,
geri danielle

[geri]

seville,

i'm not confused at who i am. i've known along time but marriage, kids, grandbabies, and jobs has kept me from doing what i'd like to do.
my wife is very vintictive and would probably try and take everything. that's why i hesitate.
so i have to ask myself at 65, do i want to be a happy person or in 15 years, be an unhappy 80 year old?

thanks for your comments. they mean alot to me,
hugs,
geri danielle

[Fab Karen]

Heed what Dawn said, a therapist can help you get clear on what you TRULY want. & I doubt that you could find a surgeon to just do castration & not grs.

[geri]

melinda G,
good point..................however, i have been sexually inactive for sometime ( cold wife ) so the sexual desire as a male is not there.
and with hrt therapy, you change psycies and you develop femmine features. heh, if women can fake orgasms, so can i. haha.

every day i wake up and go to sleep thinking femmine thoughts.
my question to myself is, " do i become a happier person by changing my body at 65 or do i do nothing and be unhappy at 85"?

thanks for your thoughts. they are much appreiciated.

[geri]

fab karen,

there is a surgeon in philly that does castration without grs. his name is dr. kimmel but he is expensive ( $2000.00 ) or ($2200.00 ) if he takes the sacks.

i guess one has to decide if the little pain of loosing the jewels is better than grs. at my age, who needs that much pain and dilating.

thanks for your comments,
hugs,
geri danielle

[RikkiOfLA]

Dear Geri Danielle,

This is perhaps going to sound harsh. And it's not easy advice, for sure. Please don't try to make easy advice out of it. Think about it, long and hard. Talk it over. Maybe with a mental health professional or a wise friend.

Why is it all about your wife?

On the one hand, you call her "a wonderful gal." Then you call her "vintictive" [sic--that means I'm quoting you even though I believe you misspelled the word.] Granted she's important in your life, and her opinions matter. But then you have temptations to cheat on her, both with men and women. And she doesn't accept your crossdressing, and would be sure to divorce you if you transitioned, and you'd be unhappy then. See what I mean?

It's important to understand why you crossdress. Is it sexual? If it is, surgery, even hormones, will take the fun out of it. Is it gender dysphoria? If so, you have to take it seriously. Is it both? That does happen, in spite of what "the experts" may tell you. It's that way for me. If so, search the web for "autogynephilia." Read up on it. Be a woman, but keep the family jewels intact.

You're a woman if you think you are. It's that simple. Change only those things (name, gender on drivers' license, genitalia, etc.) that you need to change to truly feel like yourself. In my case, my picture on my license is femme but my name is still unchanged. I might change the name, but no rush for me.

I think until you are very sure of what YOU (not she) want to do, you shouldn't do anything permanent.

As a retired person, you have a lot more freedom than you give yourself credit for. You can move anywhere you want. You can do things your way even if your kids don't approve. What would they do, disown you? Who's leaving the money to whom?

I've lived full time as a woman for 10 years. I love it. Never been happier. Granted my spouse accepts, even prefers me this way. I've never needed hormones or surgery. The trick, of course, is to accept yourself. And now I'm retired, which is just even better.

I've watched several people my age and younger pass away. That has taught me that life is short. Life is too short now not to be happy. Every day is a gift--a unique and special gift. Every morning is a victory. Every night is a celebration. That's my philosophy.

It's your turn to be happy. Think about it!

Blessings,
Rikki

[Nicole Erin]

Whatever you need to do to be happy.
And like another said - don't worry about labels.

If your crossdressing is sexually driven, like most of us, you might want to hang onto your nuts. Castration is irreversible, and you might lose all interest in crossdressing. Then what?

I know it was not your choice of words, but isn't there a better term than "castration"? Castration sounds like Lorenna Bobbit running around with a pair of bolt cutters.

[geri]

rikkiOfLA,

your words were not harse at all.
i guess what i meant was when we first got married, she was a "wonderful gal" but as the years went on ( 44 ), she became like her mother, who is a vindictive person. sorry for the confusion. you see, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
it's very difficult to express my feelings in a forum because somethings don't come out correctly. i have these feelings which i can't explain but they do not arouse me sexually. they make me feel good, they calm me and i think thoughts about men and women but i don't consider that cheating. that's just me.
i admire you for being who you are and have an accepting wife. you're very lucky.
at the ripe age of 65, my health is not the best but i would like to be happier than i am NOW and not totally unhappy when i'm 85 ( if i live that long ) i hope that's clear.
i don't worry about my children or friends and family. they will accept it or not. if a person is a REAL friend, they will not leave your side. it's the ones who call you their friends and abandon you when you're outed. they are the phony people. i have no need for those hypocrites.

thank you for your comments. they were welcomed.

hugs,
geri danielle