Lesbian fantasies

[DemonicDaughter]

You know, with all this "sexuality" talk on these forums, I feel the need to address something here. I find it rather amazing how some CDers express profoundly their "heterosexuality" yet make statements like "I'd like to find a GG and live like lesbians!" Ummm... hold up a second! Let me get this straight (no pun intended), you will OVERLY profess your heterosexuality but instantly presume a GG will live like a lesbian lover with you?!

You people do realize that WOMEN can be straight too, right? That not all... hell, not even MOST women are gay or bi.

Don't you think its being quite the hypocrite to state that you are "oh-so hetero" and "wouldn't dream of engaging in any homosexual" act but then want to sleep with a woman as a woman?

I'm bisexual and am attracted to both feminine and masculine. But I fully understand most people don't feel the same way.

I find it ridiculous that anyone would presume another person to engage in a homosexual act when they are not of that sexuality! Just because you find something feminine attractive doesn't mean your partner should unless this is something they came into the relationship knowing about and agreeing upon.

How would you feel if your SO dressed in an unappealing manner then expected you to have sex with them? And this is not to say that straight women cannot find feminine attractive, just that the PRESUMPTION of a straight individual being okay with a homosexual act just because the "genders are opposite"? Puh-lease!

[celeste26]

Well it seems DD, that you've stated the obvious. Possibly the source for so much of the rejection CD's get when they 'fess up'.

Since we CD's are generally in denial in the first place over our sexuality can we be so profoundly surprised when others get up in arms over our escapades?

[StephanieH]

It's cliche, but I'll dare say it again, I'm straight, happily married, but I feel like I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Does that make my wife a lesbian? I don't think so, because I don't have the equipment that would make her one. It's a fantasy thing. We very seldom make love when I'm garbed, but when we do, it certainly seems wonderful and she seems a bit more stirred up, perhaps because it's a bit "taboo" or something.

Whatever the case, we're happy, and if you're happy in your relationship and at peace with yourself, that's what really matters.

Take care!

[docrobbysherry]

because I certainly have no rite to speak for other "straight" CDs. I would like to try and have sex dressed, with an SO GG. If it was good for both of us, do it again.

The "live like lesbians" reference mite apply to a life style. Puting each other's makeup on, doing each other's hair. Dressing up, shopping, reading and watching shows about fem techniques, etc., together. This fantasy mite be just as objectionable to a straight GG as having sex with a male CD.

But, these r just CD fantasies anyway. Very few of us will find ANY type of GG to try either of them with!

[MarciManseau]

If I get to be a lesbian, then do I have to wear comfortable shoes?

[Tree GG]

...The "live like lesbians" reference mite apply to a life style. Puting each other's makeup on, doing each other's hair. Dressing up, shopping, reading and watching shows about fem techniques, etc., together. This fantasy mite be just as objectionable to a straight GG as having sex with a male CD....

Please don't take offense as I am not trying to attack you personally, but the idea of labelling that kind of relationship/lifestyle you describe as lesbian will offend quite a few lesbians. I must ask my sister if she & her partner spend much time doing each other's makeup, shopping for clothes, making each other beautiful.

No, never mind. I already have and they will both accuse you of buying into 'the man's' high-maintenance stereotype of women; walk out of the room laughing and maybe even muss your hair for fun.

I don't think there is a label for the lifestyle/relationship you describe.... I grew up with 2 sisters and we never did any of that. I did help my brother fix his hair for prom one year........

[Alison Anderson]

DD, don`t you know that from a male hetro point of view, Male gayness is bad but ALL beautifull girls would just LOVE to kiss another girl! It just makes the world such a beautifull place!

[celeste26]

Might I ask WHY so many of the GG's have this revulsion to CD?

Seems likely at least, they perceive the possible relationship as lesbian in their own minds. Even when they know it is their own husband who is dressed up in his feminine finery the perception remains.

When I engage in sexual relations with my wife we are in a state of UNdress and clothes have little to do with it (or maybe only as far as they are taken off). For me the CD thing is something completely separate from what my wife and I do.

[DonnaT]

Don't you think its being quite the hypocrite to state that you are "oh-so hetero" and "wouldn't dream of engaging in any homosexual" act but then want to sleep with a woman as a woman?

Isn't that the whole idea of "fantasy?"

[Lucy Bright]

Well said, DD. The fact that women have sexual desires and preferences too does sometimes get lost here; but I'm even more puzzled by the frequency with which posters feel the need to say that they are not GAY (it's often in capitals, too - what's with that?). In some discussions it's relevant, of course, but the defensive tone is a bit bizarre in a community like this.

Anyway... 'straight', 'gay' and 'lesbian' are rather ambiguous terms when it comes to transgendered people. I tend to think of myself as gynophiliac (i.e. attracted to women) instead. That and 'androphiliac' are very useful words - or would be, if you could count on people knowing what they meant!

Kisses,

Lucy

[kim85]

Might I ask WHY so many of the GG's have this revulsion to CD?

I cant speak for every GG but for me im not attracted to women, yes i can say that women are pretty etc but i wouldnt want to be with one. Thats why in my opinion GG's might not feel comfortable with a partner who cds

Seems likely at least, they perceive the possible relationship as lesbian in their own minds. Even when they know it is their own husband who is dressed up in his feminine finery the perception remains.
When I engage in sexual relations with my wife we are in a state of UNdress and clothes have little to do with it (or maybe only as far as they are taken off). For me the CD thing is something completely separate from what my wife and I do.

But on the other hand what if you dont feel attracted to your partner... thats half of the issue for some GG's. It not so much what you wear but how you look. To me there has to be a pysically attraction for sexual realtions. If you dont find your SO attractive when they are dressed how can we be expected to have sexual relations.

Have you ever tried to have sexual relations with someone who you weren't attracted to, i have and its not as good and half the time you cant be bothered.

[Stargirl]

I never considered myself a Lesbian, but I had attractions, and crushes on women and girls growing up. Femme and butch girls. Couldn't talk about it back then. I like males, too. Usually the smart sensitive types. So, I have to ask...as a GG, if I meet a MTF cd and find myself very attracted to his feminine persona and especially if he's in drag. Does that make me a Lesbian ? And there's always the possibility that my male side/persona likes her, too. However, my male component wouldn't be attracted to his male side sexually. My female side might be very much so. And I am sure there would be tensions. It would be like living inside a diamond ring. Hard, but beautiful. I wouldn't mind being described as a lesbian during my attachments, sexually, or emotionally. That makes me Bi Sexual. Conditional Lesbian ? Heteroflexible ? (depending on the person I am with)
Generally speaking, I am not attracted to GG's as potential sex partners. It all comes down to magnetism, chemistry, and compatibility.

[DonnaT]

That's the problem with labels, they are so limiting.

A GG being attracted to CD doesn't fit under the label of lesbianism, nor does it fit squarely under the label of heterosexism.

Should we coin a new term or should we say to hell with labels?

[Alayna]

Here's a scenario:

Your wife lets all of her body hair grow out and glues on a fake goatee. Then she steps into a blank and flattens her chest. To complete things (and this REALLY turns her on) she puts on your tidy whities and a tank top and starts talking about how she wants you so bad (in a gruff voice nonetheless). Now on top of that, she wants you to dress the same way, no femininity involved.

Here's the kicker: She wants this all the time! How many of you would be up for it? Don't you think it would strain your marriage just a bit??? What if this didn't come out until after 10 years of marriage, and you find out that your feminine, pretty wife only wants to have sex while dressed as a man? What do you say to her? "I'm not gay"???

DD is absolutely right. Far too many CD's hold this selfish double standard. It's ironic how misogynistic cultural values permeate into crossdressing, no?

[Stargirl]

That's the problem with labels, they are so limiting.

A GG being attracted to CD doesn't fit under the label of lesbianism, nor does it fit squarely under the label of heterosexism.

Should we coin a new term or should we say to hell with labels?

I would hate to lock into an iron clad definition. Things in life are always changing. People change, and outgrow one another. What seemed so endearing at one time can become a full time irritant.

[Julie York]

I'm surprised at you DD.


Being heterosexual means you find women sexually attractive. And being Cd means you enjoy assuming the persona, or at least dress, of a female.

So what's so outragious about the fantasy of wanting to incorporate the two? It's so logical. It makes total sense.


Being adamantly heterosexual and wanting sex with MEN when you are dressed...now THAT'S a contradiction.

Being disappointed that your wife/SO can't or doesn't want to fullfill your fantasy, well that's just common sense. Of course she doesn't, because she's straight. But it doesn't mean it isn't still a fantasy. There is no contradiction or duplicity in having a fantasy based on being CD and finding women sexually attractive.

[Sheila]

Might I ask WHY so many of the GG's have this revulsion to CD?

Seems likely at least, they perceive the possible relationship as lesbian in their own minds. Even when they know it is their own husband who is dressed up in his feminine finery the perception remains.

I do not have a revulsion to cds or cding ........... I just do not want to have sex with another female, either in real life, or in some cds fantasy ...... why is that so terrible, what is wrong in holding my hands up and saying " I want pure male in the bedroom" .

It seems the more we accept the more you (the cdr in general) want .... but only on your terms

[angelfire]

I think Lesbians are already offended either way.

Personally, I am still unsure of my sexuality. Bi-curious maybe? Hetero-flexible? Still not sure, guess there is no way to tell for sure unless I try.

As for other people, I speak for myself in saying I just want to live & let live. If you are gay, more power to you. If you're straight, thats good for you. Whats right for one person isn't right for everyone.

[Emily Anderson]

Deep, deep shame on us

Hangs head and walks away with tail between the legs.

[Alicia_lynn419]

Hey DD,

Another great point (one I think we've discussed privately). I can see your argument quite clearly... as well as those who take the other side. It really comes down to labels, and how damaging they are. As I've said before, we as CDs do have a certain innate responsibility. We do ask for a lot in our relationships, we want out cake and eat it too... I have often posed the question "What if your wife/GF came to bed dressed as a guy, stopped shaving, etc.." That's a point well-taken.

The way I see it is this: We CDs project a "force-fed" fantasy of what being feminine is about. We tend to assume that the ladies in our lives think/feel as we think they think and feel.... but we as men can never truly know. We can seek to be empathetic and understanding, but thats the best we can hope to achieve.

Secondly, very often when we, the CD try to communicate, we tend (at least some of the time), to be very one sided. It's so easy to make it about US, US, US... and we quite often forget that the ones we're trying to communicate with also have feelings and thoughts and we don't always hear or pick up on them. Communication is a 2-way street. BOTH people need to talk AND listen..... Communication may not solve the problem, but hopefully it will give both parties a better understanding of the other.

Just my 2 cents.. for what it's worth.... now back to the can of worms...

[sterling12]

Careful Alayna, I think that is the exact fantasy that a lot of CDs have!

Most folks have problems with admitting to fantasies that might brand them as homosexual or bi. Being bi-sexual or whatever in your mind, IMHO that's the same as actually performing the act. And so, they will make contradictory statements that go, "I'm not gay but I would really like to have sex with a _____!"

I reckon that most everybody is a little crazy. I also reckon that a lot of people hide some very deep, dark, secrets. If we had the ability to read minds, wouldn't it be a scary thing!

Peace and Love, Joanie

Here's a scenario:

Your wife lets all of her body hair grow out and glues on a fake goatee. Then she steps into a strap-on and flattens her chest. To complete things (and this REALLY turns her on) she puts on your tidy whities and a tank top and starts talking about how she wants you so bad (in a gruff voice nonetheless). Now on top of that, she wants you to dress the same way, no femininity involved.

Here's the kicker: She wants this all the time! How many of you would be up for it? Don't you think it would strain your marriage just a bit??? What if this didn't come out until after 10 years of marriage, and you find out that your feminine, pretty wife only wants to have sex while dressed as a man? What do you say to her? "I'm not gay"???

DD is absolutely right. Far too many CD's hold this selfish double standard. It's ironic how misogynistic cultural values permeate into crossdressing, no?

[Nicole Erin]

Deep, deep shame on us

Hangs head and walks away with tail between the legs.

HAHHAHA Oh gyod, do we have a smart alec here? Oh wait yeah several.


Anyways, without saying what I really think, let us observe a fact -

What goes on between consenting adults, behind closed doors, is their own business.

[DemonicDaughter]

All very good comments! I brought up this post specifically to point out that asking a woman who is not attracted to females to find a CDer attractive while dressed is going to have some problems.

Any of my previous posts will tell you I love Kayla dressed as a female BUT I'm bisexual and would find this appealing by nature.

The point of all this, is the simple fact that were the roles reversed and your SO wanted to present themselves as male, would you be so keen on having sex with them? If not, could it be because you are not attracted to the masculine? See my point?

Celeste, its not revulsion to crossdressing. Its them not being attracted to the feminine. Most straight women don't "perceive the possible relationship" at all. That's the point. They are straight and not attracted to females even if its just a presentation of one. Are there exceptions to this? Of course but the point is we are talking about the majority and that majority doesn't.

DonnaT, yes, were it simply stated as just a fantasy. But reading some of these posts makes a lot of CDers sound as if they couldn't POSSIBLY understand WHY a woman wouldn't want to sleep with them while dressed as a female. I'm merely addressing this matter in general. And I say to hell with labels but to hell with stereotyping as well! To say its perfectly "natural" or "all right" for a GG to be attracted to a CDer in female attire but not visa versa is stereotyping.

Lucy Bright, thank you. I'm posting this because it does often seem that some CDers lose sight of a GG having specific sexual attraction and desires. Its a shame and it drives wedges in relationships.

Star Girl, hunnie, you are like me where gender is irrelevant to our love of the individual. I am speaking out for those GGs who feel they are not attracted to the feminine and hopefully giving them a thread to state their peace.

Alayna, RIGHT ON THE NOSEY! If a man is not attracted to masculinity then how can he expect a woman to be attracted to femininity? You made a perfect point.

Julie York, are you really surprised? Hunnie, a fantasy is a wonderful thing and there is nothing wrong with it as long as its not imposed on another individual. I'm referencing those CDers who can't seem to grasp the concept as to why a straight GG would not want to have sex with them in female mode. Tis all. I am not shocked by the fantasy at all and completely understand why it would occur. What does surprise me is when a CDer expresses shock that a straight woman who doesn't find femininity attractive would not want to have sex with the CDer in fem mode.

All...

It comes down to understanding that how you feel might be quite similar to how another feels. If you aren't attracted to masculinity in any way, is it so difficult for you to understand how another could not be attracted to femininity?

[Becca]

Over the years, my wife has been very accepting of my crossdressing, including frequent sex while I'm dressed. It's interesting that for all of those years I had a mustache and was not making any effort to "pass" or step outside the house.

A couple of years ago the mustache went away, and I started to experiment with wigs and makeup. As I did so, my wife became increasingly uncomfortable. Not too long ago she remarked that she was tolerant, but that women didn't turn her on. It seems that the further I went towards my desire to appear feminine in public, and the less obvious my masculinity, the less interested she was in sex.

It was different when I was obviously a man in lingerie or a skirt; as my skill improved, my relationship became more complicated.

[DemonicDaughter]

Angelfire, this discussion isn't really about being gay, straight, bi or hetero-anything. Its about respecting and understanding another's feelings and realizing that what one finds attractive another may not.

Emily Anderson, there is nothing to be ashamed of. In truth, I would love to help any CDer find a loving, supportive, accepting SO. I hope to not make any CDer feel ashamed but rather make them more understanding of how it sounds to GGs when its presumed you are perfectly okay and attracted to femininity.

Alicia Lynn419, yes, we've touched on this topic in private. I honestly want to help in the matter of allowing both GGs and CDers understand each other better. I have had discussions with GGs stating how they simply aren't attracted to femininity and how it affects their relationship. And reading the posts on here often lead to the same idea as some CDers can't seem to fathom why a GG ISN'T interested in sex while the CDer is presenting as female.