[SIZE=3]Thank you for posting your opinion Paige. I am married to a very attractive woman and she never seems to think she looks good. There is, in her opinion, always something wrong with her hair, her clothes, her makeup, etc. (in her opinion). I suppose that I am no better. My mother and my sisters tell me I look great, but I still want to look better. But I have come to accept that wanting to look better is and endless and fun challenge. I just keep trying.[/SIZE]
Then there are those of us who pass and then get freaked out and run home and get dressed as a guy because we really, really don't want to be chicks but sometimes like to be chicks but want to attract real chicks and...
Well. Whatever.
Paige,
Thanks for a wonderful post. What you said here is in fact where I am getting to, not in the sense of passing or not passing, rather, getting to that head space of being me and belonging. I have found that if I feel confident in myself and how I dress then people just seem to accept that I am a part of the landscape.
I guess in many ways this is the same as sex, mostly it is in your head. If we can get outside of ourselves then we can just go out there and live and be and enjoy the experience.
Thanks for the thread and by the way cool name,
Huggs
Melissa Paige
What stop do I get off at? Hmmm...
Thank-you Paige! Wonderful food for thought. I was on track for awhile there until I went to a bar one night (looking quite good I thught) only to be told that I looked like Robin Williams. I corrected the asshole saying didn't he mean Ms. Doubtfire? However, the bubble was burst! Out went that wig, outfit, and even how I did my makeup. Since then, in my new look, I have gotten many compliments. Even told that I was pretty by men and women. Longer skirts and dresses, longer sleeves, higher collars..,.etc. I'm feeling good again though. I'll try to follow your advice!
Charlie
Charlie
Nice post and good advice. :-)
The only problem is, I suspect it's a lot easier for an exceptionaly attractive GG to reach this conclusion about herself than it is for most of us.
having accepted myself as a crossdresser i need to take the next step and find validation from society at large.this is me and i am part of humanity!going out into the world i consider myself a work of art-i want to please the eye and soul of the audience but also leave some food for thought .passing is not an issue-in fact if i can walk that fine line where both genders are beeing expressed in an intriuging manner like my idol marlene dietrich did so well i am most happy.
i hope i made myself understood-i do NOT mean androgeny-in fact i like to dress in glamour -well put together and accesoirized!
where has all the glamour gone?
marlene dietrich is my idol
Dear Paige
Thank you for your post. I think it is one of the most inspirational I have ever read on this site. So from all of us who do struggle, who fall off our horse and climb back on again and still struggle on and have doubts - thank you !
Suzy
The DJ on the radio was taking about this on GG Celib that recently spent over $20,000 on facial surgery. He said she was a knock out before the surgery and could not understand why she would spend so much money, since she was such a bueaty alreaday.
There are some GG's out there, that no matter how good they look, they think that some part of their face or body is not perfect enough and will spend thousands of dollars to make that one area perfect, only to discover afterwards that now another area is not perfect.
Wow, what a lot of wonderful replies. Thank you all for your input. I wanted to answer you individually but there are just too many to be practical. Your comments have made me think.
I don't think anything I said is really about whether you can 'pass' or not, nor were they meant to compare CD's to gendered females in any way. But a thought about passing. Many of you seem hung up on passing and Katrina suggested that the final step to that goal, if it is one, may be in your head and your acceptance of yourself. But I think I agree with Harmony that the final barrier, or frontier is the acceptance of society as a whole, something you cannot control but you can influence.
Tracigirl asked me in a PM what it was that prompted me to express myself. I apologize Traci for reiterating here, some of my PM to you.
I am honestly intrigued than men can be cameleons, and transform themselves into beautiful women. Please understand that being with a CD is not an integral part of my life. I have had my experiences sure, but I don't ever go 'clubbing' or looking and I definitely don't have a full time interest. My personal interest and involvement is sporatic at best.
When I first joined I spent most of my time in the photo section. What I saw were a lot of pictures of men wearing women's clothes. They looked like men in a dress wearing make-up and I thought "You must be kidding." Others were absolutely beautiful knockout looking women. As time went on I noticed more and more that that to my eyes I was no longer seeing men. You all took on female aspects in my eyes, as though a transformation had occurred within myself.
Everybody started looking like real women to me. Some are fat, some are pretty, some skinny, some beautiful, some ugly, but I have become blinded to the fact that you are men underneath. I also am aware that Sweet Jane is right, up close and personal anyone can work you out. Sometimes I get a PM from someone that I think is really pretty and feminine and she says, "my male personna name is John." It throws me and knocks me out of my paradigm.
I think then, that some of what I wrote is a reflection of, and a recognition that if, to me you look like a real woman, even if it is from a distance, I have to acknowlege that. If I can come to terms with, and admit that you look like a woman then so can you. And that is what I wrote and challenge you to. Join the Army and "Be all that you can be."
"It takes a real man to dress as a woman."
Good post
Lack of self belief is a common trait amongst trans people?
Mind it seems to be pretty common amongst genetic women, too...
Nicki
[SIZE="1"]Moi?[/SIZE]
I was scared crapless when I went outside for a series of pics (1 is the avatar used in my myspace page) From a distance I look pretty good, up close maybe not so much. I try though. It was just hard to accept that to outward appearances people looking at me see female but through my eyes I see myself and am telling myself "are you crazy, you'll be made in a second! I mean, my shape was changed, I had makeup on and was wearing womens clothing from the skin - out but I still felt like someone would say "hey, that's a guy!" (no one did who walked by) I did have a guy drive by in a pickup and yell out "wooo, yeah baby" from about 30 feet away so I kinda felt good there. It's mind over matter so to speak. No one thought any different from what I can tell those times except maybe why a guy was taking pics of me outside. Great post though. Thanks
Excellent post, all should read this...the problem I see is women are used to being gawked at by everyone and many women love it and dress to get attention, guys arent used to that so when we are out as women and are gawked at, our first thought is "oh I have been read"...it takes time , but the more you go out the easier it becomes
Nice post Paige.. Passing is very important to most of us. Personally, I don't go out and try to pass. My own opinion is the only thing that matters. The more that I look like a woman the better the experience for me (and usually worse for my wife). She never gives compliments by the way.
Anyway, [SIZE="3"]welcome back Paige[/SIZE]..
Your post gives me pause to think. Kindof like getting hit in the gut. I am not an attention-seeking person in public. In fact, I truly hate it. I am the type to rudely brush off people simply asking for directions. If I ever became a celebrity, hounded in public all the time, I would most certainly be a Russell Crowe type who throws tantrums at the reporters and smashes their cameras. I hate attention.
Yet online, when posting my pictures...I absolutely LOVE attention. I get a HUGE thrill from reading posts of encouragement. I fantasize constantly about going out dressed as a woman and getting cat-calls and stares--as a woman. I post pictures here when I crave attention and enjoy every minute of it.
But to be "spotted" as a man...whew...that would be hard. I'm not the Asbergers-type who doesn't care about the social cues of others. I care. I care too much. In fact, this is a personal weakness of mine that has affected me throughout life in many ways, not just CDing.
So you're saying to convince myself that I'm a woman, and, when in public, it doesn't matter. Because I will be one. My mind will make it reality.
Man, lots to think about here. This goes pretty deep.
Been around for a while, been away for a while. On the verge of coming back...Help me!
Paige you are very wise. I think there are GG's a well that need this kind of advice. So you don't think my nose is too big, and my ears too floppy do you ?
Guilty! My brain fliters what my eyes see. Sometimes I see a man and other times I see a great looking woman...then I look at the photos I took and sometimes I see a man wearing makeup. With all these confusing signals we need to ask for a second opinion. I think showing your photo and asking for input is similar to going out in person only it is not as 'risky'.
Paige, you mention that men don't go around asking if they look like men... well they do! All the time. This is one of the things that is scary about being a CDer, we tend not to want to prove how masculine we are. Men are always telling and asking their friends if they are manly. ie: Look at my muscles, calling others names, etc. Many men don't talk much as a rule, but a lot of what they say is about being a man. So, it is scary thinking that you might encounter a bad apple that thinks he needs to prove he is more man than you, even if you are wearing a dress...know what I mean? So you want to know that you are passable as a way to reduce the risk (of being harmed, ridiculed, etc.).
Lol..! Not at all but I wouldn't mind scratching behind your ears and patting you on the head. Do you bite?Originally Posted by Joy Carter
"It takes a real man to dress as a woman."
No bite, but you might get that hind leg thumping thing on the floor, as you scratch my ear. Woof !
You're right hun.
A Member of the Revolution.
dear Danielle,
is it modesty, good stewardship, desire to excel or false modesty?
my SO is dissatisfied with her looks but is practical enough that she does well with it and doesn't let it get her down. however, and i can't say this is a stereotype or should be seen as one, she is definitely of the "half-empty" approach to life. would hate to appear to complain of her but she seems to find something to be negative about in almost everything. not her unique outlook; as we age, so many of us express disappointment or mild dissatisfaction very often, extending of course to ourselves. not all of us!
but, yes, they're used to be gawked at, compared, judged, its gotta get to you.
but i can't believe it. so many GGs i watch and i say,
"i could be her" or "i would be her" even when i see they diss themselves for not "stacking up" perhaps. sad.
so lovely and so genuine, without being magazine or viddy models.
would be so satisfied, i believe.
but, its easy to say.
thank you for a provocative thread.
jessie
butterfly girl,
[SIZE="3"]Jessie[/SIZE]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
when i have a brand new hairdo
with my eyelashes all in curls
i float as the clouds on air do
i enjoy being a girl!
o. hammerstein - flower drum song
A very interesting post. Maybe, someday, with a ton of work, I could pass. I don’t know. It has never really been important to me. I DO want to be pretty and feminine when I am dressed. But even when I am only semi dressed, I FEEL that way. When I am in full girl mode, that is dressed and shaved and made up and wig, it is wonderful! I love to look at myself that way. But I don’t feel more feminine than I do when it is only a bra or cami and panties under my man jeans and sweatshirt wearing a pair of heels and hanging around the house and doing whatever it is I am doing.
I have never really cared about passing in public. If the world had been a different place (and I had been much more brave) when I was younger, I would have lived a significant portion of my life simply being who I was; an androgynous person who was the best of both sexes who could look terrific as a masculine person dressed as a woman and wanted and desired by other women as just that and nothing more.
If I could be a “shape shifter” my fem persona would be this tall feminine lipstick lesbian who had the slightest touch of masculine features that made women even more crazy for me because of it, and my male side would be just exactly what it is. Ruggedly handsome and masculine but with a kind, gentle, and understanding soul.
It took many years of being alive before I understood why women were so attracted to me as a man. Handsome men are a dime a dozen as are attractive females. What made me so “macho” to women was the fact that although I looked it, I absolutely wasn’t. What was really puzzling was that none of the women I was ever with (except three) ever figured out that what ultimately made me so attractive to them. And that was the fact that although I fit their ideal physical idea of what a manly man should look like, what hooked them was that inside I was just like them in most ways.
Since I revealed to only a very select few what my “other” side was all about, I could never help wondering, “If only you knew how badly I wanted to wear YOUR bra and panties while I made love with you!”
They were never aware of the thing that made them want me the most; the fact that on the outside, I was this wonderfully handsome and masculine man. Inside for the most part, I was a girl just like them. The fact that I loved wearing girl things, was most probably the thing that would make them run screaming from my bedroom with their dresses over their heads saying, “Yes, but he was such a pervert, all he wanted to do was wear my bra panties!”
People can sense things about others they are completely unaware of. They are only aware of their want and the fact they feel connected on some level. She, is standing in the grocery checkout line and feeling something far beyond the fact she finds you physically attractive. You, are feeling the same thing. She, only feels a powerful compelling attraction. You are feeling the same, but the difference is, you are wondering what she looks like in her bar and panties, what they look like, and how they might feel one you. She, has no clue THIS is WHY she feels about you why she does. Get my drift?
Lara,
I understand what you are saying but I have a different situation. I sometimes have to do things that make me look more masculine when I'm in drab. Just last week, I was verbally mistaken as a woman two different times. (I was called M'aam and referred to as she.) I believe the things which contribute to that are my hair length (a couple inches below my ears), my height (I'm short), I'm clean shaven, use moisturizer on my face and don't have rugged handsome looks.
Although I'm usually recognized as a man (they call me "sir") and don't try to "act" masculine, I think that height has a lot to do with how one is initially percieved. I don't believe I act feminine when in drab either. I'm just not the epitome of masculinity. When I was younger and went out en femme, I wasn't recognized as a man until I spoke. Ironically, I attracted more women when I was dressed as one. The GG's were surprised and tickled when they realized I am a man. It's like we automatically had more in common than the average M/F couple and we didn't have a lot of the usual M/F difficulties to overcome. l didn't intimidate them at all from the start.
I spend a lot of time watching women while I'm in drab and I've noticed that there are just as many unattractive women as attractive ones. Usually the things that make the difference aren't clothes and makeup. I notice women who are confident in themselves and show it in how they carry themselves.
Of course there are little touches, most people don't recognize as being feminine, that make a difference. A lot of hand motion when talking and swinging the unencumbered arm when walking add to the image.
So basically, what I'm saying is you don't need to be dressed to the nines or be beautiful to look like a woman. It's how you behave and handle yourself that matters.
"What are you waiting for?" -
Great Post Paige
And great advice I wish i could say i had the courage to follow it all. because i know i have that Disease and am hoping and realizing this site is helping with the cure.
Paige -- You told it like it is!
When I go out dressed, I leave him behind. I know that there are GG's who are taller than I, heavier than I, bigger and broader than I. I know that I am not the prettiest woman out and about, but then there are very few GG's who can make that claim, too. Each of us has our good features and our less desirable ones.
When I go out dressed, I am happy if they have to ask themselves, "is that a man or a woman?" If I can keep them guessing, than I have passed.
Sherrie Lynn Pall
Sometimes I make sense and that frightens me.
Please don't let me be the last post on this thread
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