Insecure

[JoanFlores]

I have to get this off my mind, I have been chating, mailing, caming with lots of girls just like us for more than 2 years, and have been invited by all of them to look them up if ever I am in there town. Well, I have been to 5 different places, let my friends now where I was to stay, they all promised to meet me for coffee, the day we set up to meet, everyone called or mailed, at the last minute to cancel for very silly reasons. I have come to the conclusion that these so called friends are very insecure when the time comes to actually meet with me. Does this happen to many of you girls ?
Right now I am all dolled up with wine and a nice room waiting for my friend to come visit, and she has just e-mailed that she will not make it. I am sad that many girl promise and then do not show up.
Well thanks in advace, Ciao.

[Joy Carter]

Take heart Joann. Your not alone in this. Maybe you ought to take some time to get to know them first, before you commit to something like this.

[JennyS.]

I've never been in your place,girl. But, to be honest... I'm in the closet... As most of us are. Maybe that's the reason. I want to meet some of us, too. I'm just not sure if given the chance that I would go through with it. Just being honest, honey.

[Fab Karen]

Try looking for people who actually do go out, and who show you face pics ( but you have to show yours as well ).

[Cheryl Anne]

I have to agree with Fab Karen. Those who show their face are more likely to go out dressed and meet others.

[jessielee]

dear Joan,
how sad that here in the Web, so many are emboldened to say and act as they wouldn't in the "real world," that it is tempting to think they are being false in some way. undeniably there are phonies here.
but if i were to say "let's get together!" in person, i would spell out that, personally, as attractive as so many of us appear here, i just want girl talk and companionship and shopping and discussion; its all i could do.
for, and its only my personal hangup, i am straight and would not want to mislead. no wait a minute, if i really had two x chromosomes, i'd be lesbian!
o its so confusing!
seriously, i would love to meet and i would not want to tease.
but can't see how i'd be out of town without family along anyway so its a moot point! though venturing out, still severely tied to my closet, too.
so sorry you've been hurt.
jessie

[tricia_uktv]

Joan, its nit just you, and its not just girls, the same is true of admirers. You are far better to go out there dressed and see what you can find. My best friends have been made that way.

[Eugenie]

at the last minute to cancel for very silly reasons. I have come to the conclusion that these so called friends are very insecure when the time comes to actually meet with me.

I wouldn't be so severe in such matter. Most of us have to deal with family constraints that make our planning quite difficult...
How many times did I think I could be free to go out and at the lest moment my wife would ask me something that was stopping me to do as I had planned...
I agree that there are some who are more in the fantazy than in the reality and these, when faced with the opportunity to really meet a "sister" finaly chicken out...

Right now I am all dolled up with wine and a nice room waiting for my friend to come visit, and she has just e-mailed that she will not make it.

On this second part of your message, I hope that it will go well for you. However, waiting fully dressed for someone I've never met before is something I never do. I always ask to meet first in drab mode and in public.

With the internet one is never sure of who is on the other side of the wire... Some friends have had to face some bad situation for not respecting that cautious attitude...

Once the contact is established no more problem, next time I can meet then "en femme".


Eugenie

[KayR]

I don't know if you travel around the country, but if you do, might there be a CD/TV support group nearby? You could perhaps attend one of their social events - many have weekly get-togethers - and changing facilities.
You could then build your CD social circle up in a safe (for everyone) environment. To be honest, if a stranger invited me to their room to meet them for the first time, I would be very, very circumspect. Put yourself in their place.

[Amy Hepker]

I do believe that these people are real people and I do agree with the others here. Sometimes things come up at the last minute or they can chicken out. They don't know, and there are some many people out there in this world today that are just out to hurt someone. Don't be hard on them, I am sure they have good intentions, they just could not for one reason or another.

[Emily Anderson]

As Eugenie said, meet in drab first, and in a public place. That puts a lot less pressure on both parties, because:

a) the person you are meeting might not be comfortable with getting dressed up to meet for the first time
b) it typically takes a lot less time to prepare
c) if either you or the other party needs to back out at the last minute, there is no feeling of having got all dolled up for nothing
d) if either of you don't get along, it's easier to back out from a public place than if you need to eject them from your place, or they have to excuse themselves shortly after having arrived
e) it's much safer

I would also suggest that you "meet" them on the phone first, and see if you have anything in common other than the fact that you crossdress. That might seem strange, but if the only thing you have to say to each other is that you enjoy dressing up, it might not make for a longer-term friendship. Crossdressers are just as diverse (if not more :-)) as the rest of the population when in comes to likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies etc.

[Kate Simmons]

It can be hard sometimes, especially since some have families and other responsibilities. I've met with many local folks and even some here from the Forum. I do realize that sometimes things do genuinely come up despite the best intentions. The insecurities are sometimes a "given" because of who we are. I can say though that the folks I have met with have never disappointed me and they are exactly who they say they are. As was mentioned, sometimes patience is the key as well as understanding.

[cemab4y]

If you are all that keen to meet other CDers in person, you should join Tri-Ess or a similar organization, and go to the meetings. It is also much less expensive, than driving to another city.

[Christineblake113]

I'm still in the closet with dressing but have also gotten a few invites to meet and always wondered how it would go if I had taken them up on the offer. Sorry for your experience but good to know that there is a good chance no one would show up.

I had always thought that if I did try to meet another CDer I'd plan to meet them in drab first and at a location not too far out of my way. Therefore if they didn't show up there was not a lot of wasted effort on my part.

Christine

[shannonsilk]

I am sure that I don not know the reason but of the 5 or 6 times I've made arrangements to meet other CDs they've always been where they said they would be. I'm sure that one of these days it'll turn out that they don't.

[victoriamwilliams1]

We all have some level of insecurity. I know for me I would like to go to the side door of a hotel to enter if it is in my area.

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah if your first meeting involves a motel room and a bottle of booze, that IS going to scare people off. Unless the person coming to the room is ascrazy as the inviter, things will go quite strange.

Nothing really happened one evening to me but here is one of my strange encounters -
I was at a club and saw a rather pitifully put together CD, I was also dressed, and thought "Why not, I could talk to her." Well she needed a ride back to her room. I helped, we were at the room [no intention of sex or anything.] Well, she showed me a copy of this letter she had posted in the club's restroom, wanted to know if it looked well written. While I was reading it, she was hitting a bottle of Jack and smoking crack. The letter, well, she wanted to be someone's hoe. I politely said my parting greetings and left.

People don't meet strangers at motel rooms to argue politics and religion.

You know if you are looking for a rendez-vous for the evening that is no big deal, but people want to have SOME idea of who they are going to shack up with for the night. To meet someone in a room after nothing more than camming or Skyping, it just isn't a good idea.

Think about your own safety, what if someone came to the room who was big, mean, and into something gross like potty games? Think of your own safety too.

[TxKimberly]

Yes, I'd say this is fairly common, and most of it is not really intentional. I think often people think they have the courage during the planning and talking phase but when it comes time to actually do it they come up short. You will find that many makeover places that cater to TG's will require a deposit for this very reason - they are tired of scheduling the time just to have so many chicken out with little or no notice.

[Nicki B]

I'd say it's pretty common..

Trannies have a well deserved reputation for unreliability? Some of it may be the requirements of fitting round other people who don't know, and juggling the demands of an unhappy partner - but I think much of it is probably simply down to nerves?

[Kristen Marie]

But, if you follow the various postings on these boards, you will find that there are some places, like Boston, where get togethers are happening several nights a week. Girls do meet you and go out.

I have had great experiences traveling, having met girls in Chicago, Orlando and Vegas.

[JoanFlores]

After reading every note posted, I have only this to say:
I have always shown my face to the person I am to meet, I have requested a meeting in drab in a mall for coffee first, I have been able too meet only one very good friend this way.My big problem is I live in Texas in the Rio Grand Valley, so the nearest big city would be San Antonio to meet more friends. Well since i am on the road a lot I will keep trying too meet more people, I must keep thinking positive, thank you all.

[Ciara]

I totally agree with FabKaren... No face shot chances are No show.

[Chiana]

I have met one other forum member. We were both in drab and met in a public place. It was really a fun experience with no real pressure.

[JoAnnDallas]

If you belong to a local CD group like Tri-Ess, check and see if there is a group in the area your visiting. I belong to Tri-Ess and if I was to take a business trip, I would look up and see if there is a Tri-Ess chapter where I am going. If so, I would then try and contact some of the members. I am sure they would love to meet me for coffee.

[MsJoann]

A lot of our community is comprised of those entertaining their own fantasies in one manner or another...which is okay with me.
Some choose to be what I call "phantoms". They would rather not exist in the three-dimentional world to where they would not want to meet others.
Sometimes there's nothing wrong with remaining in the safe folds of home.
I've been down that road regarding meeting others too and I try to understand without letting frustration get in the way.
Also, I can remember my first night meeting another CD fully dressed was in fact also my first night out in a public club. That person has remained my friend to this day. We go out both dressed and drab mode.
I'm fortunate enough to have a few local gals to do things with.