Being called Sir

[noname]

Many here know I don't want to BE a woman, but I don't really want any association with guys either. So I ask, why do I get called sir even if I makeup on? It's like you go to Safeway and buy groceries, you get handed your receipt and hear, " Thank you for shopping with us Mr. ****** " or " Thanks for coming have a good day sir ". Let's see, someone is wearing girl jeans and wearing makeup, I know, I'll call him Sir! I don't want to be called mam or Ms. either. You'd think they could pick something neutral? I guess I just can't win. I'm guessing it's just one of those things you have to accept?

[deja true]

Well...if your going more andro than femme, folks will always fall to the default polite term of adress, which I guess in your case will be "sir"!

There really are only 3 forms of address commonly used: Sir, m'am, and miss.

What form of neutral address can you think of? Pal? Buddy? Your Highness?

And if they don't know you from Adam (or Eve), they're not gonna call you honey or sweetie, or darlin'.

At least they're polite, eh?

[noname]

How about, thanks for coming in? or thankyou for shopping with us. Really, that is all it needs to be.

Oh well, just ignore this post, just venting frustration.

[JennyS.]

I really thought about this, the bigger picture.. Is there a neutral term? I mean... If I walked into a convience store dressed, but obviously a man... What is the correct term for the clerk? (Hopefully, I'd be in a floral skirt!)

[kay2]

I have quite a bit of sympathy for the clerks - especially as society (slowly) becomes more accepting of the range of human expression. There are men who like fem clothing and make-up, but definitely feel like they are a "sir". And men who ..., and women who ..., and on and on.

In some parts of the US it is considered rude NOT to use sir/ma'am/miss. So, I think the right response when you get the "wrong" title, is to smile, say "thank you" and not worry about it.

New forms of address take a while to catch up with culture. I recall how long it took for Ms. to gain acceptance.

[TxKimberly]

I think many really do not know what is polite. Given that this is the case, you would hope they would default to something gender nuetral but you know what? Not everyone thinks that fast on their feet when confronted with something unusual.
I tend to think the young ones might be responding out of ignorance. When I run up against someone my own age or older who calls me sir, I'm pretty sure I didn't make them nervous, I'm probably not the first TG they have encountered, and I figure there's a fair chance they are trying to be rude or a snob.

[Melinda G]

People address you as whatever they perceive you to be. Apparently you are perceived as a "Sir" with makeup on. The world isn't a perfect place.

[Emily Anderson]

Noname,

I think it's great that you have the courage and conviction to go about life dressed as you please, and breaking the norms because that's what you want to do. However, you have to realize that society is not used to this sort of thing, especially when it comes to distinguishing between the sexes. As far as most people are concerned, if you look like a woman, then you are addressed as a woman, and if you look like a man, you are addressed as a man. It's as simple as that.

Hell, I feel like a banana when I wear my yellow T-shirt, but I don't expect people to address me as a banana.

[Rachel Morley]

Many here know I don't want to BE a woman, but I don't really want any association with guys either.

I know what you mean ... it's similar for me too. I know I'm a genetic male but I really don't like thinking of myself as a guy. I know I'm not a woman either, so where am I? .... somewhere in the middle I guess (mentally at least).

However, we live in a bi-gendered world. Almost everyone out there in mainstream land wants to "put people into one of two boxes" .... you're either male or female, you're either a Sir or a Ma'mm (or maybe a Miss). My point is we just have to live with it. People get confused if they haven't got a mid-point of reference. They go with whatever they perceive you to be nearest to ... which is a real bummer if you get "Sir-ed" when you're in girl mode! (which, so far for me, thankfully has only happened a once or twice).

When I'm dressed in my "girly boy mode" (wearing fairly obvious women's clothes in boy mode) I usually get Sir-ed. Sometimes I get called sweetie or honey (by GGs) and only once have I ever been Ma'mm-ed in this mode.

[noname]

I just feel people should use the 100% rule. It's what I use. I never sir/madam anyone unless I'm 100% certain. I use this same rule for pregnant women. Unless she is obviously pregnant, don't ask how far along she is, or when she is expecting.

[Emily Anderson]

Ah, but how can you be a 100% certain? In this day and age with so many transgendered people around, you've probably unknowingly insulted many of them.

You're applying your own convictions and not accepting those of other people. Do you think that's fair?

[trannie T]

I was en femme in line for the La Cage show in Las Vegas when the usher addressed me as "sir." I thought that of all the places in the world a female impersonator show would be more sensitive.
I guess that means that I didn't pass.

[Amy Hepker]

I really don't think it really matters, unless your afraid of being who you really are. I could think of a lot of other things worse to be called in a public place. These people are paid to be nice, and maybe even told to call you sir mam or whatever. I mean when you give them a credit or debit card they can see you are a male. I really think it is something we will have to live with until we change all the way. Could you image being a GG and have it happen to you??? I have seen a lot of GGs that could be either way, but are truley GG. Just be glad whoever it was did not use one of the labels they could have used.

[Jamie001]

That is not really completely true. I get called "sweetie" a lot by store clerks especially after they see my hot pink toenails in ladies sandals and smell my Vera Wang Princess Perfume. I love being called "Sweetie"!

Rather than calling a person "sir", why can't store clerks just say "can I help you?"

Well...if your going more andro than femme, folks will always fall to the default polite term of adress, which I guess in your case will be "sir"!

There really are only 3 forms of address commonly used: Sir, m'am, and miss.

What form of neutral address can you think of? Pal? Buddy? Your Highness?

And if they don't know you from Adam (or Eve), they're not gonna call you honey or sweetie, or darlin'.

At least they're polite, eh?

[MAJESTYK]

I dont wish to sound rude but, from this and some of your previous posts, you plainly sound as if you look and act like a man in womens clothes and makeup. People make decisions on visual perceptions IE, if it looks like a fish, acts like a fish then it probably isnt a duck. I agree of course, that we all should be free to dress as we wish but people just call 'em as they see 'em. And, being called Sir even when dressed as a Madam is better by far than being refered to as " Hey you". Courtesy these days should be taken when and where it can be found.

[Butterfly Bill]

And if they don't know you from Adam (or Eve), they're not gonna call you honey or sweetie, or darlin'.

Salesclerks and waitresses sometimes call people of both genders all three of those names in Oklahoma, and elsewhere in the Confederate south. It's part of the culture, like "y'all".

With my beard and bass voice, I am obviously male even while in a dress, and I get called "sir" and I take no offense.

[suchacutie]

... and with the metrosexual in the mix, men with makeup is becoming more common!

[RockerTerri]

I dont know how i would react...hopefully my brain would move faster than my mouth

Terri

[Ayame]

Even if I was all dolled up I'd still want to be called sir.

[Joanie B]

Many here know I don't want to BE a woman, but I don't really want any association with guys either. So I ask, why do I get called sir even if I makeup on? It's like you go to Safeway and buy groceries, you get handed your receipt and hear, " Thank you for shopping with us Mr. ****** " or " Thanks for coming have a good day sir ". Let's see, someone is wearing girl jeans and wearing makeup, I know, I'll call him Sir! I don't want to be called mam or Ms. either. You'd think they could pick something neutral? I guess I just can't win. I'm guessing it's just one of those things you have to accept?

No Name,
I have two ways to avoid giving them the knife to stab me with, so to speak. I either pay cash or use a credit card which has my female name. (I was able to request a second card for "additional authorized user" for one of my Master Card credit cards. That way you don't "out" yourself.

Of course, that will not prevent anyone from calling you sir, but at least they won't know for sure.

Also, beware of those "courtesy cards" which give you a discount at some grocery stores. If you fill it out using male name, sometimes that shows up on the receipt no matter how you pay. I sometimes just use my initials on the application for those cards instead of my name for that reason.

Hope this helps.

hugs,
Joanie B.