Have you been reluctant to join a face-to-face group?

[Beth-Lock]

Wonder how many of you have also been reluctant to join a face-to-face group? I know there is a group where I live, and indeed the sex therapist I went to recommended it. But joining it proved difficult, and there seemed to be some sort of reluctance on the group's part to accept me, (the meeting place was kept a private secret). Eventually, my own reluctance started up, and I realized that I would not likely be comfortable in a face-to-face group.
Luckily I found this site much later, and it seems better to participate on-line than in person.
What have your experiences been with face-to-face groups?

[CD Susan]

Personally I have never joined one but am thinking about doing it. I am very curious about them as I have heard some very positive comments on them. Recently I visited the Tri-Ess website and requested membership information. I don't feel that I am ready for that just yet but maybe in the future. Going to one of these groups for the first time would be easier with a friend.

[Adrianamireasa79]

It's a no for me
At least for now, i don't know about this is my town.
But who knows, maybe i will give it a spin

[sterling12]

In my Tri-Ess Group We keep the meeting site concealed from people UNTIL they go through a screening interview and sign certain papers that will hold them responsible if they should ever decide to go crazy and "out" other members. I've never seen it happen, and I think it's pretty rare, but it's a safety measure.

If you joined a group, it would be for your protection too. Keeping a member's privacy is very important in Tri-Ess Groups. Many members decide to go more public on their own, but the protections are always in place.

I can't speak for all support groups, but a lot of groups have some sort of apparatus like this. I am reasonably sure that's what your prospective group is trying to accomplish. I don't think they were trying to be exclusive or exclude you, just want to make sure people are protected.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Gemma Rhodes]

My local support group have been fantastic to me. I'd even go as far to saying that they gave me the confidence to go out and about as Gemma.

I've not been for a few months due to ill health but i'm planning a return visit in June. They re a very friendly set of girls and always like to make newcomers welcome.

[karinels]

i attended a support group meeting back in 01 as a gesture to my so at the time. although i was extremely nervous and did not dress except for the hose i was wearing under my drab clothes, i did feel i would go back, and dress as well. the group was very easy going and friendly, and no pressure was brought to bear about anything. but soon after that meeting, things happened and i placed other priorities in front of the group i wanted to see again. and then, yet another change happened, and visiting those with similar interests became a lost item. but then, last year, i stumbled onto their website somehow, and im not sure if it was guilt or just wanting to attend a meeting again, i made contact, they contacted me back, we talked, and i recieved instructions to the meeting place. long story short, i have been very scared to show this side of myself, as well as my work schedule has seemed to interfere with my attending, but the kicker was this past saturday night. a special event that only happened once before, an evening at a salon where we ts/tg/ cds could get the help from professionals on a personal basis. i live about 1 1/2 hours away, and cleaned up, underdressed, packed 3 outfits, and headed out for my first night out. and then all went wrong. i took a wrong turn at first, overcorrected and missed my best turnaround, then somehow found myself an hour away at the time they said the night would probably end there, and move on to a club. i found my way home and with tears in my eyes, i questioned if i am meant to live this lifestyle. its tuesday morning now, and having dwelled on this night the last 2 nights, i will go again, and not just to a special event such as sat night, but to a meeting. just so i can express myself with others like me. i need it, just as im sure quite a few others out there feel the same way. i know my fears have kept me back, and then having bad directional sense sat night, im not gonna dwel on any of that, im just gonna go forward, and i know ill be happier for that.

[Paula Rae]

Hey Beth,
The best thing that ever happened to me in my long long CD life was joining a support group called
"The Diablo Valley Girls" (DVG) we meet informally every 1st and 3rd Monday at a Gay Bar
and go out to dinner every 5th Monday, we also have 2 or three BBQs every year. Membership is about 90.
This group has become a very important part of my life and I urge anyone of you serious CrossDressers
to seek out simular groups. (there are a lot of them out there)
If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, PM me if you need some recommendations or more information.

Paula Rae

[Di]

I think you have to find THE group that you feel comfortable in. A friend of mine a few years back visited prob 4 before finding the one . She has to drive a few towns away but feels it is worth it and she is now the secretary for the group.

[JoAnnDallas]

I belong to Tri-Ess here in Dallas, TX. It has been a real asset to me. It has allowed me to meet other CDers and has really helped me in my presentation and such. Like others, they have a screening processes, which is good. The only hard press rule they insist on, is if your married, your wife has to know about you. This rule is in the Spirit of National Charter. It is one of the reasons I finially told my wife last year, because I want to join so badly. 2-3 weeks ago when my wife finially saw me fully dressed, we had a long long talk. I also called some of my Tri-Ess sisters and talke to them about what happen. They all gave me guidance as to how and where to go from that point on. When I went to the May meeting and I told them what had happen up to that time, all of the members were thrilled for me.
Their support along with support from sister on this site and a couple of others have helped me with my ongoing relationship with my wife over my CDing.

[Joy Carter]

Went too one and they really were not very friendly. The GG host and my friend who invited me were the only friendly faces there. Not much fun to be with a buch of GMs, just sitting around in dresses and skirts all evening. But I'm undaunted. I will try again given the right group.

[Emily Anderson]

I think it depends on your personality, what you expect out of a group, and what you can contribute to that group. Some people are more "group friendly" than others.

For my part, I don't like groups because I'm very picky about the people with whom I associate. I'm quite judgemental, and get easily bored.

Still, I can well see that for some people (most people?), groups can be a means to have a good time and feel a sense of belonging.

[Deborah Jane]

I have considered joining a group, but im not really sure what to expect and i,m quite shy in real life [despite the way i sometimes appear here].

[Kate Simmons]

Nope, when I joined my former group I jumped right in. I came to know most of the members both in and out of femme. I thought it was great to be flexible like that.

[Beth-Lock]

About groups having a screening process and this being something I might not have been aware of: No, though that was the reason they gave, but several times they did not reply to my emails, the whole thing dragged on for months, and in the end, they did not want to interview me over the phone which was their stated procedure. I think I must have said something in the emails that made a bad impression.
Eventually they invited me to a discussion group, rather than any of their socials, but it was the occasional social that i was really interested in attending. By then I had other problems and could not go at the time, and since have thought better of the whole idea. Eventually I wondered if I belonged there anyway, and if a group experience was for me at all.
I have been pondering at times getting more counseling and other help, but it is expensive and hard to find the right kind. i did talk to one person, (MTF), who confirmed my fears that you are likely to get the sort of answer that the counselor specializes in giving according to their world view, so it is all determined by selecting a counsellor.
These days I have been thinking of giving it up, but I am torn. Perhaps that was their problem with me, that they did not want someone who was ambivalent amongst them. Now, it is all water under the bridge, and I do not consider going to a face-to-face group a viable or desirable option anymore. I think the window of psychological opportunity to join a group has come and gone. I tried to approach the priest at the church to talk about it, but that led nowhere useful, though the conversation was friendly enough. It was just one-sided, with me making up all the things to say.
As for the matter of choice, there is not much to choose from here. There are only two groups in town, and the other is limited and more for transsexuals or those transitioning fully. So it is not as if I have a lot of options. But I would like to meet others socially, one on one, in a safe environment, just not in the kind of group that we have been referring to. Going to a group alone would make me very nervous now, and I would not know how to dress, etc..
So, that is my tale of woe!

[Joanne f]

I sort of stared to try and join a group a few years ago but i was having computer problems at the time so i could not send some of the things they were asking for and i also thought that the leader of the group was being a bit to "i`m the boss do as i say or else" so i took the or else and i was also worrying that it might be a bit to close to home.
But i still do think about going to one some times as the thought of being around other people when dressed has that certain something that i would like at times .


joanne

[Nicole Erin]

Wonder how many of you have also been reluctant to join a face-to-face group?

I know there is a group where I live, but joining it proved difficult, and there seemed to be some sort of reluctance on the group's part to accept me, (the meeting place was kept a private secret). Eventually, my own reluctance started up, and I realized that I would not likely be comfortable in a face-to-face group.
What have your experiences been with face-to-face groups?

My very first time to a CD group they were accepting and fun.

Thing is, there ARE some CD/TS groups that are stringent or have anal rules. These types of groups, you should steer clear of. Especially if they act like it is some big secret or they seen reluctant to accept you. That means something else is going on with the group, things you might not want anything to do with.

Do not put up with a group that makes it hard on new members.

I have been to a few different groups and normally, they are cool. I have been to one group that gave me a bad feeling, and while I still think "F" them, they can have their group, it has not discouraged me. Another group I go to in my town is full of good people, so I will stick with them [Is also the same group that I went to once, 10 years ago]

I am wondering if this reluctant group is one of the ones known all over the USA that I, for one, would stay away from membership.

[Vieja]

I went to a couple of meetings with two TGs but as we really had nothing in common it kind of fell apart. I am a Tri-ess member and there is a group forming in my area though it has been forming for at least a year and still hasn't made it to reality. If it ever gets formed I will certainly give it a try.

Vieja

[RobynGirl]

Hi, I would love to find a support group in my area, Bucks County, PA. It would be nice to be out with other people in a safe and supportive environment.Robyn

[TerriM]

I have found support groups helpfull when you are 1st getting out. I met some life long friends through them.

Terri

[sterling12]

About groups having a screening process and this being something I might not have been aware of: No, though that was the reason they gave, but several times they did not reply to my emails, the whole thing dragged on for months, and in the end, they did not want to interview me over the phone which was their stated procedure. I think I must have said something in the emails that made a bad impression.
Eventually they invited me to a discussion group, rather than any of their socials, but it was the occasional social that i was really interested in attending. By then I had other problems and could not go at the time, and since have thought better of the whole idea. Eventually I wondered if I belonged there anyway, and if a group experience was for me at all.
I have been pondering at times getting more counseling and other help, but it is expensive and hard to find the right kind. i did talk to one person, (MTF), who confirmed my fears that you are likely to get the sort of answer that the counselor specializes in giving according to their world view, so it is all determined by selecting a counsellor.
These days I have been thinking of giving it up, but I am torn. Perhaps that was their problem with me, that they did not want someone who was ambivalent amongst them. Now, it is all water under the bridge, and I do not consider going to a face-to-face group a viable or desirable option anymore. I think the window of psychological opportunity to join a group has come and gone. I tried to approach the priest at the church to talk about it, but that led nowhere useful, though the conversation was friendly enough. It was just one-sided, with me making up all the things to say.
As for the matter of choice, there is not much to choose from here. There are only two groups in town, and the other is limited and more for transsexuals or those transitioning fully. So it is not as if I have a lot of options. But I would like to meet others socially, one on one, in a safe environment, just not in the kind of group that we have been referring to. Going to a group alone would make me very nervous now, and I would not know how to dress, etc..
So, that is my tale of woe!

OK Hon, I'll try and give you another "plausible" reason that you might have not received the response you wanted.

Having done quite a few interviews, been Secretary for a Group, and been around for a few years, here is what we find. About 1 in six of the inquiries we get, ever actually sets up an interview. About 1 out of four of those interviews actually shows up at a meeting within 3 months. After a year, the odds might be a little better, but not much. One of the chief assumptions is that the person who does not follow up and show some desire to actually take some action is: 1.)ambivalent, 2.)doesn't know what they want, or 3.) is never going to take the necessary steps. It seems to be a pretty safe assumption.

If you drug things out over several or many months, they are going to give up on you! This is all volunteer work, it's time consuming, and sometimes it's frustrating. This may or may not be your situation, but I would recommend to anyone who is READY to join a Group, do not diddle around! Step forward, be positive, let them know you are committed and ready to go! I'll just bet things will happen very quickly.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Laurelanne]

Id love to if there were one close Years ago there was one met every 1st tuesday of the month alot of fun. If u hear...call.

[sandra-leigh]

Reluctant? Yes and No.

I wasn't at all reluctant about giving it a try. I'd had no idea that there was such a group in town before I started dressing, but within about 2 months of starting to dress, I had found a link to their web site on a different site I was looking at. I emailed them, they didn't really get back to me, so I missed the first opportunity I had to go. The web site didn't say where the meetings were, but the next month in reviewing some of the old newsletters they had posted I found the location, and I found that just in time to get to that month's meeting. So off I went and forced myself upon them

They did explain that they preferred to interview people first outside before the first attendance, so when I showed up, I was an unknown factor, not even someone's "guest" -- I didn't know anyone there. So that concerned them a bit, but they recovered from that fairly quickly. If I recall correctly, I did wear a dress or something like that to the first meeting, so it was clear that I wasn't there to cause trouble or be a "trannie chaser".

So, going at all: no, no reluctance.

I did, though, have some trust issues to get through the first few months: I didn't know these people, didn't know what to expect at the meetings, didn't know the extent to which I could trust them not to leak my secret or get too nosy about who I was. The first few meetings, I called myself "Anonymous": they took that in stride.

But it turned out to be a good group of people. Some of them I know better than others. I can't say that I trust them all equally, but that is to be expected with any group of people.

[Shawna13]

My wife and I are currently searching for a group for socializing and for support. We live in the Boston area and are very eager to fin d a nice group.

[Nicki B]

There seems to be such a huge difference in cultures here....

I just started going to a bar known as a trans meeting place, talking to people one on one, going for meals together, before I ever came to the internet?

Honestly, the concept of hiding away and putting people through a vetting procedure fills me with horror - it says more about the fears of the group, than anything else?

[sandra-leigh]

Honestly, the concept of hiding away and putting people through a vetting procedure fills me with horror - it says more about the fears of the group, than anything else?

My local group is getting more relaxed about it (and never was as strict as Tri-ess sounds to be), but they have told me that when they started up, they did have some problems with "trannie-chasers" attending and hoping to succeed in propositioning one of the attendees.


My local group (and note I'm in Canada, where there is no Tri-Ess) does things differently than Tri-Ess

1) We do not ask that the spouse know; we do not by any means promote dishonesty or lying but we understand that for some telling isn't yet the right thing to do, and that for others it may never be. I would not have worked up the courage to talk honestly with my wife if I had not already had the support of the group for a couple of years.

2) If I understand correctly, Tri-Ess is only for heterosexual cross-dressers, and that non-hetro can at most be associates, not full members. Our local group is not concerned with sexual orientation: we just indicate in our mission statement that we are not a place to meet the meat. What people do outside of the meetings, we don't ask. Our membership includes gay and bi members; some of our members have dated each other. As long as the meeting is kept clean we're just glad to see
people find some happiness.