Have you been reluctant to join a face-to-face group?

[sterling12]

I don't think of myself as a spokesperson for Tri-Ess, but when I read something that doesn't run quite true, I feel I have to say something about it so that others don't get the wrong impression.

I belong to 2 Tri-Ess Chapters. My understanding is that each chapter is allowed quite a bit of latitude on rules, so it's possible that a particular chapter may have some special rule I don't know about. However, NEITHER OF MY CHAPTERS HAS ANY KIND OF RULE THAT SAYS YOUR WIFE HAS TO BE INFORMED ABOUT YOUR CD! Tri-Ess encourages couples to participate, but we have many members in my chapters that are single, or the wives DO NOT KNOW. At least in the two chapters that I belong to, we do not tell anyone how to run their personal lives.

What you do outside of your Chapter is your own business. I personally know many Gurls who are bi-sexual or gay. What everyone is told upon joining is....1.) This is a Social/Support Group, keep your nose clean when you attend. This is not a place for predators, it is not a dating service. 2.) You need to respect the privacy of other members, if you want to bring a guest you will vouch for their behavior and you are to let some person on The Board know that they are coming to a meeting.

Someone mentioned TS Gurls. As far as I know, we have no problem with them, and I know many who are current and past members. WHEN they begin active transition, boob job, SRS, etc., they understand that they will have a change of status and become an associate member. Doesn't mean they are shunned, or can't attend meetings. Many of them still attend even after transition, because they have made a lot of friends and seem to get some comfort from being with people. All persons are asked to "cool it," about talking about hormone regimens all the time, or having sexual relationships. And that is done to placate other persons (wives,) who can be very turned off by that sort of talk. Many GGs view that sort of thing as a threat to their relationship with their hubby. Everybody understands the rules and we all seem to get along OK. By the way, The Orlando Chapter was originally started by a Gal who is TS and has since transitioned. The Board of National Tri-Ess had to give their approval for that Group's Charter 20 years ago. Does that sound like an Organization that spends a lot of time worrying about everyone's sexual orientation?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[KarenCDFL]

I tried quite a few years ago and never went again. Was a Tri-Ess Dinner and the attitude was very bad.

Never went again.

[sandra-leigh]

I don't think of myself as a spokesperson for Tri-Ess, but when I read something that doesn't run quite true, I feel I have to say something about it so that others don't get the wrong impression.
[...]

Someone mentioned TS Gurls. As far as I know, we have no problem with them, and I know many who are current and past members. WHEN they begin active transition, boob job, SRS, etc., they understand that they will have a change of status and become an associate member. Doesn't mean they are shunned, or can't attend meetings. Many of them still attend even after transition, because they have made a lot of friends and seem to get some comfort from being with people.

My local club (in Canada, not part of Tri-Ess) does not have an "associate member" status. Pretty much anyone polite and respectful is welcome at the meetings, whether they are currently paid-up or not, Dressed or not. Non-members can't vote, of course, but little is put to the vote at the regular meetings. And if there's a non-paid member attending that we've known for years, chances are they'll be given a complimentary door-prize ticket, in recognition of past contributions to the club.

Officially the policy is that you don't have to come to the first few meetings dressed, which tends to imply that you should come to later meetings dressed, but what the club really wants to know is whether you are sincere about your crossdressing or are just there to get a thrill by looking at the members dressed up. Once people in our club know you are serious about your crossdressing, they aren't concerned about whether you are dressed any particular night. There were many months were I attended not dressed or barely dressed (e.g., maybe just forms), and left the meeting after 15 minutes or half an hour: they understood that I was doing the best I could under my life circumstances and any comments were strictly light teasing intended to let me know that they were glad to see me.

TS Girls: we have a few members who have completely transitioned, and a few who are somewhere in the process. They are as much a part of our club as anyone else is. There is a more specific transgender support group in town, but I am told it is more of a "how to" kind of meeting, with not a lot of socialization going on.

It's a good group, locally, and the GLBT bar that is our current meeting place has treated us quite well -- they even donated funding to offset costs for several of us to attend an out-of-town crossdressing conference. We cross-promote them, they cross-promote us, a good time is had by all.

[trannie T]

I have been to meetings of several different support/social groups in different cities. Each one has been very friendly and I have always been made to feel welcome.
A favorite is the Diablo Valley Girls as mentioned by Paula Rae, they are a wonderful happy group, I wish I lived closer so I could get to more of their events.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm not sure I would want to join a group that would accept a weirdo like me!

[Nicki B]

I'm not sure I would want to join a group that would accept a weirdo like me!

You've been here since Sep 07....

[Teresa Amina]

I went to a group meeting back when I was first getting out into the world. The group had potential but were going through a reorganisation after the previous organisers dropped out. They met in a church basement and did little of interest.
I guess it was a good thing for me, though, since it showed that if I were going to get out I would have to get up the nerve and just do it on my own.

[susan2010]

Robyngirl:
King of Prussia, is that too far? Check out www.ren.org and go to the Phila chapter. There is also a Lehigh Valley, and a Wilmington, DE group. Rennaissance is very accepting of the whole spectrum of cd-ts people, and you just show up. There's no pressure to act or dress a certain way. See you next month?

[unclejoann]

I have been encouraged by a friend to join a group and have recently contacted a group that I would join if I lived close enough. Unfortunately, I will only rarely get to that area to follow up with them. Locally (San Diego), I haven't found any group.

I have never been a joiner in any sort of group for any interest I have. But I would love to learn from others about makeup and dresses and just have a chance to be relaxed around other girls like me. My concerns are (1) my age and the fact that girls 30 years younger won't relate, and (2) dressing up for the first meeting (I'm still in the Bozo-stage of makeup).

If I could find a group I would attend events like makeup workshops and shopping and casual wine parties. Is that what others are looking for too?

[JennyS.]

I'm relatively new to this... Not dressing; as I've been doing it all my life. But, I'm new to the politics of all this. I didn't realize that there was so much distaste, confusion, and untrustful sentiments among us. And that makes me sad. I was hopeful that if I wanted to join a group or meet somebody with my interests, I would be fully accepted. It is sad that we have groups and people that judge us before actually meeting us. I understand the need for privacy as I don't want to be outed by another, either. But, to accept us... you have to meet us.

Just saying.

[Dr.Susan]

I used to be but after reading various postings I have changed my mind.
It appears there is just to much complication involved and they seem more like an AA meeting group than an uplifting experience. Also from reading it seems there is a bit of jealousy involved with whatever your stage of passing you present as at these groups.

[Beth-Lock]

Things got dragged out, initially, apparently because my first email got lost in a computer glitch. A subsequent email resulted in no initiation of the interview process, perhaps because they simply thought I was not a prospect because of ambivalence, and thought that following up was superfluous.
But I thought that an ambivalent person, assuming deeply conflicted, was just the sort of person such a group would be most helpful to support. Apparently not. Which takes us back to my eventual conclusion, that I might need more individual and private therapy but not group participation. (Though my last therapist specifically recommended group participation, at the group where I tried to initiate membership.)
That's where it stands now. I should next try a private therapist. I am not enthusiastic about trying a group again.

[JennyS.]

I am saddened by some of the responses here. Some of us don't fully understand the complextities of our lives, including me. Therefore; group help, influence, and understading are a major part of what we need. I don't think we need to be fixed, per say... But, we definately need support. Why is it that a person that wants support cannot find it in a place that advertises support? Makes no sense to me.

[linnea]

I have been coming to this site for quite awhile; so far it is my only group, though of course it is not face-to-face. I would a face-to-face group if there were one in my area. Alas, there is not. At least, as far as I know there is not one near me in southeastern Washington state.

[Claire3]

I joined the beaumont society a while ago.Went 2 a couple of coffee evenings and a xmas function,they were amazing.Got a little scared and gave it up.Seriously considering joining again.All the girls were fantastic on a face 2 face basis.guess there the ones who give us all hope along with this site.I was so nervous when i arrived 4 the 1st home meeting,but changing facilities were there,it was fantastic.Truly want 2 be a girl amongst girls

[Jeannie]

I have been reluctant in going anywhere dressed. I have this discussion with my wife and we are thinking I could go to a large meeting like Southern Comfort or something maybe after retirement. The thought of being outed is not very pleasant for me and I would be very humiliated if it ever happened. My big question is what happens when you meet outside of the group. If you are all from the same place odds are you will meet again and I'm just curious about of what happens. There are some very vindictive people and they love to see others suffer. It's just a thought and maybe I am sometimes a bit paranoid, but still I can't help from wondering.

Jeannie.

[jessielee]

if there was one, i'd join it.
but, around here,
it would probably be a trap to draw me and other "affected" souls out for a good ol' fashioned lynchin, even if they bought that i wasn't "one o' them sorts," i am this sort.
if you catch my drift.
proudly, to you,
in hiding, to them.
freaking chicken hypocrite,
jessie

[sandra-leigh]

The thought of being outed is not very pleasant for me and I would be very humiliated if it ever happened.

To paraphrase Dear Abby,

"Nobody can humiliate you without your permission."

You know you dress. Your wife knows you dress. If you haven't been going around bad-mouthing cross-dressing (which would leave you open to accusations of hypocrisy) then you should be able to meet comments with a response along the lines of "Yeah? So what? I suppose you are going to tell me that you don't have any bedroom excitement that is really no-one else's business?"

There are some very vindictive people and they love to see others suffer

There are, and you can deny them their pleasure by refusing to suffer. In many situations, the big damage does not arise from an action itself, but rather from the cover-up. A US president does not get impeached for an affair, but rather for lying about it under oath.

Is there a particular reason why you might already be unpopular with people? Been a criminal defense lawyer or an executive for a tobacco company or promoted a seal hunt or been a partisan politician or something like that? If you've just been a "good guy", participating in your neighbourhood, then even if you have noticeable public status (e.g., perhaps you are well-known as the best kitchen refurbisher in town), then unless you live in a pretty uptight community, chances are the great majority of people have better things to do with their lives than to even think about picketing your house to get you to move out of town. In your community, are gay people fairly well integrated? If so then chances are excellent that your community can tolerate known cross-dressers as well.


Is it possible to lose your job just for being found to be a cross-dresser? In the USA, I gather the answer to that is, in general, "Yes". The workings of the US "at will" hirings are a mystery to me here in Canada, but it is clear that if you are in an unprotected situation in the USA and some "moral majority" group decides to start picketing the business fearing that you will "contaminate their children" (c.f., the school dress-up day reported on in the Media forum a month or so ago) then the business might choose to let you go as a pure business decision, even if they'd prefer to keep you on. I wouldn't say that that sort of thing never happens in Canada, but in Canada it would have much more the character of a "buy-out", so as to avoid a wrongful termination suit under the Canada Human Rights Act.

[Raychel]

There are several groups inthis area. I doubt that I will ever join one of them. Being a neck down dresser, I will never pass at this point. SO going out surely is not an option now. I would love to meet some of the others in the area. But I doubt that it will ever happen.

[TxKimberly]

Many years ago I made contact with TriEss in the Austin Texas area and ultimately made it to one or two of their meetings. They were a bit as you describe the group you contacted. I'd only been out a couple of times at that point, and those only to gay bars, and they insisted on meeting me in a very public place first. So I screwed up my guts and met them there on the way to my first meeting.
Right or wrong, that sort of left a bad taste in my mouth. In the end I suppose it wasn't really even their fault. After all, I made the decision to go to this first interview dressed so I guess I shouldn't blame them.
Anyway, one of the things I noticed was they seemed maybe a little . . . umm . . .militant about crossdressing. That's not the right word but it's the best one I can come up with. It seemed to me a little as if they wanted to make DAMN sure you knew they were men that just happened to like dresses. I think if you might have implied that it may be more than just crossdressing for you, they might have been a bit stand offish.

[TxKimberly]

My wife and I are currently searching for a group for socializing and for support. We live in the Boston area and are very eager to fin d a nice group.

Shawna,

I get to Boston once or twice a year and there is a GREAT group there. In fact, it's pretty much my favorite group to hang out with. It's called "Sisters of Boston" and they meet once a week. Actually, it started as just Sisters of Boston and now it's branching out all over the area and there are now many Sisters groups. Anyway, here is their web page - give 'em a shot. They are the friendliest and funnest group of Tgirls I've ever had the pleasure to hang out with.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sisters_of_boston/

[boy2girl31]

I wish I knew how to go about finding such a group and if there is one in my area (warren OH) any ideas let me know. I have been feeling alone to find others like me would be nice.

[boy2girl31]

I feel alone here (Warren OH) and wish I could find a group of like minded people in this area sometimes I am afraid to be in public as a girl but having others with me would help me feel comfortable as me. So if I could find a group I think the screening process might be worth the effort.

[Glenda]

I think support groups are vital for some people. Just like some people need to visit a therapist on a regular or occasional basis. If the alternative is sitting in your closet thinking you are some kind of weird freak, then you should visit or join a group which will provide some positive support and let you know that you are not defined by the morals and attitudes of a society which shuns those who are "different." If you are too concerned about being outed in your area, plan a trip once or twice a year to a city far away and attend a group there. No one will write about it in the local paper. You should be safe.

I am not a member of any face-to-face groups myself. I'm lucky because all of my friends have been very supportive. That doesn't mean that people don't make fun of me. They do. It's just not done in a malicious manner. My friends won't tolerate someone else making disparaging remarks about me though. Its kind of like two brothers may fight with each other, but if someone else tries to fight one of them, he'll have to fight both of them. I think we are sometimes a little too sensitive about what others may say or think. We tend to expect the bad and that influences our perception of what we hear.

Yesterday I had to do some shopping and decided to do it enfemme. As I was returning home, a friend called to say that she and her husband were boiling crawfish and were inviting some people over. She knows I'm allergic to shellfish and couldn't eat but wanted me to come over too. I did. As Glenda. No one made any remarks other than to say how nice I looked. So I don't feel the need to join a local support group when I have accepting friends. But if I was locked alone inside my home, I guarantee that I would seek a group to help validate my feelings. We all need some support, even if it is just as a member of this forun.

[SweetCaroline]

Shawna,

I get to Boston once or twice a year and there is a GREAT group there. In fact, it's pretty much my favorite group to hang out with. It's called "Sisters of Boston" and they meet once a week. Actually, it started as just Sisters of Boston and now it's branching out all over the area and there are now many Sisters groups. Anyway, here is their web page - give 'em a shot. They are the friendliest and funnest group of Tgirls I've ever had the pleasure to hang out with.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sisters_of_boston/

Amen Kim. I can give a huge endorsement for the SISTERS since not only were they the group that got me out the first time, I've since become a moderator of my own group. The SISTER aren't as much of a support group as they are a social group, but we do support each other and provide a network to all sorts of resources. Where I'm from, there are a lot of options as far as clubs and support groups, but most of the other ones I was told about or looked into either charged a membership fee or were more serious groups geared for trans-sexuals. SISTERS is more about girls getting together and going out and having fun. There is no membership process, like some of the other girls have described. All you have to do is show up at one of our gatherings, and the rules are pretty simple--no lewd behavior, no using the group for "hooking up" or hitting on people. And some of the venues have certain restroom protocol we have to follow, but we're open to everyone, including supportive friends and family. Just about everyone who has been to one of our gatherings has come back, so that should tell you something there.

Peace out Sister.