Permission & why do I need It?

[Satrana]

Kylie

Are you asking us for our permission now?.......

You already know the answer. You are 100% within your rights to do what you want with your body, the changes you describe are tiny and reversible. You are just too scared of your wife to disobey her restrictions. She certainly is not respecting you.

[Fab Karen]

[SIZE=2] No, your daughter did not ask your permission to shave her legs. ... If your daughter did not shave her legs, I think ol' Dad would sit her down and have a chat with her...or you'd get your wife to do it.[/SIZE]

A father telling his daughter to shave her body would be creepy.

The point of parenting is not to tell them exactly how to look, & what to think.

[karynspanties]

First off, this is just my own opinion. I would not have married a woman who does not shave her legs or arm pits. That is just wrong on so many levels. My wife knew of my dressing habits when we first married. So there never really was a problem there. As far as shaving for me, I used to scratch at my legs constantly and I had thin areas of hair on my legs. Probably from scratching. My wife suggested that I shave to reduce the irritation. I thought she was nuts at first. But it worked. Plus she likes me smooth. She does not think it's "unmanly" at all. Maybe a little metro-sexual, but we're both happy. As far as asking permission......she would never even try that one on me and nor would I try that one her. Permission?!?! I am 43 years old and do not ask permission from anyone for anything. No way, no how. Be your own person.

[Suzie S.]

...any more popcorn Holly?

Seriously, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this, as we all come from different backgrounds and upbringings. I don't want to enflame anyone for their opinions about this.

Now, this is just my two cents. My wife and I treat our marriage as a team effort. I don't think there is anything that occurs in our lives that we don't decide jointly, big or small. (shaving and pierced ears I consider small.) Communication, compromise, love, and respect are key, these words are used alot here when discussing marriage for good reason! If your marriage has a great foundation, issues like these seem pretty small by comparison.

This forum is a wonderful resource, and form of support. I've made many friends here, learned a bit, and had many laughs. But, you can't expect a forum to solve every issue. It's fine to put this issue on the table here with us, but it's WAY more important to be talking with her about this. I hope things work out for you both!

[Lucy Bright]

I would not have married a woman who does not shave her legs or arm pits. That is just wrong on so many levels.

But this is entirely culturally determined. My ex never shaved her legs, because in her culture (or rather, her parent's culture, with which she identified) that was quite normal - and also as a feminist statement. That didn't seem weird to me.

Now I shave my legs (and most other places), and I really like the look and feel of it. I've taken the kids to the pool quite a few times since I started, and never had a problem - though I do feel a bit grossed out by the hairy men I see around me there... If you look next time you're at the pool you'll find that quite a few men don't have noticeable hair on their legs. It seems to vary by race, to a large extent, with Africans and Asians being less hairy than Europeans on the whole - though maybe the hair just shows up more on white skin. But I haven't made a serious study of it!

Kisses,

Lucy

[Nadia-Maria]

You are 100% within your rights to do what you want with your body, the changes you describe are tiny and reversible. You are just too scared of your wife to disobey her restrictions. She certainly is not respecting you.

Satrana, I don't fully agree with you. What you say appears to me as a caricature ; things are not always just black and white.

Kisses

Nadia

It seems that I have heard the 'permission' word millions of times in my life and each time I hear it I do a slow burn inside that I just hate. Most of my male friends are married and have to ask thier wife for permission to do the things in thier life that I take for granted. If I ask a friend to join the guys in a Friday night poker game and get the answer " I will ask the wife for permission" it just irks me. If I ask a friend to go on a fishing outing on a Saturday afternoon and get the response " I will ask the wife for permission" I think get a backbone and live your own life. These same "men" would never have the balls to suggest shaving thier legs or getting thier ears pierced to thier wife. As for myself I was married for 23 years and never had to ask permission for any thing. Then as now I do whatever I want, within the limits of the law, and only have pity for the spineless men who need permission to even leave the house. Shaving legs and piercing ears? Don't make me laugh!!

I would be interested to know more about your relation to your wife.

And , for instance :
- Are you the boss, and she is the one to ask the permission ?
- Is she behaving the same way as you, ending that you go no more to holidays together ?
- Is your marriage the greatest of the world and your relation the best one we can ever hope ?
- etc.


Thanks for shedding a light (I give you the permission to answer me privately).

Kisses

Nadia

[Joanne f]

You have to remember that FAB are cunning and clever they can come up with a good reason for doing anything (for your benefit )so the answer is to think like them then you will not need permission, just learn how to sweet talk.


joanne

[Sissy_in_pink]

Thank you all for the replies and advise. I will think things over for a while and let you all know how things go.
I have peirced my right ear recently while the wife was away, but took it out before she came home, yes I chickened out.
I have also shaved my whole body many years ago when I was with another girl, we were not married. It file absolutely great and my other half was cool with it as well.
Sorry got to go wifes home, she don't know about this site cheers.

[Tamara Croft]

You shouldn't need permission to do anything to your own body, my fella doesn't tell me what to do with mine and I don't tell him what he can do with his... it's not my right, nor is it his... this permission thing makes no sense to me at all *scratches head*

This quote however.... well you don't want to know what I'm actually thinking about it

First off, this is just my own opinion. I would not have married a woman who does not shave her legs or arm pits. That is just wrong on so many levels.

It's a good job it's your own opinion, because you're so wrong on so many levels to assume women 'should' shave their legs and armpits... talk about a double standard....

[faltenrock]

I don't ask my wife for permission anymore. If I need to go out dressed, I just take off and do what I feel is right and good for me.

[Carroll]

Permission? I don't need no stinkin' permission. OK, now that my fantasy is over....For the most part, I dress when I want to, have two earrings in each ear. As far as permission, we talk to each other. When I wanted to buy a new dress and didn't really want to spend the money, she gave me permission to buy it. If she said no, than thats that. This works both ways, a bit of give and take from both. I know its not that easy for some of you who have less than accepting wifes, and with that, I truly feel for you.

Carroll

[Tree GG]

Well said TGMarla & TrannieT.

Sounds like alot of self-absorbed, spoiled little brats practicing double standards. "I wanna do what I wanna do and screw you - but don't you do anything I don't like." Geesh!

For the record, the husband has asked twice when I will be letting my hair grow back out. No, I didn't ask his permission, and no he didn't ask mine to grow his out.

And overly shaved guys are just as disgusting as overly hairy ones. But that's just my personal preference, so I don't expect it to become a social norm or anything. To each his own.

Can I have some popcorn now, too?

[KandisTX]

1) From reading your last post on this thread, it would appear to me that your wife does not know about your dressing. This in and of itself makes it harder to explain why you would have a desire to pierce both ears or shave your legs.

2) "Permission" sounds to me like YOU were the one who said "OBEY" in the wedding vows. while I don't have to ask for permission to do anything, there is ALWAYS a discussion when it comes to making a change to my appearance, no matter HOW small the change is. Why? It all comes back to one key element in any good and successful relationship. COMMUNICATION! Without it, the relationship is doomed.

3) My 12 year old daughter shaves her legs and underarms. BIG DEAL. She's growing up and her hair on her legs was thick and dark, what girl wants thick dark hair on her legs that is NOT a feminist and might eventually decide she wants to marry.

Kandis

[CaptLex]

popcorn.jpg

[tamela bell]

i had my right ear peirced a couple of months ago and it took the wife 2 weeks to even notice. the only thing she had to say was that she wanted to borrow the pair when i could take the right one out.

[sissystephanie]

Permission and why do I need it, when I got married 24 yrs ago my wife did not have pierced ears she does now 2 in each, but she did shave her legs and underarms. Not once did she consult me or ask my permission.
So why is it that if I want to have my right ear pierced, I had my left one done when I was 18 or to shave any part of my body other then my face, I need to ask her permission first, but then I know the answer even before I ask, a big fat “No”.
Even my daughter who is only 17 shaves her underarms and legs, but I don’t remember her asking my permission.
What is it with women that they can do what they like to they bodies all in the name of beauty, but we men still have to look like hairy Neanderthals.
Talk about double standards.

Women have been shaving their legs and underarms for probably longer then you have been alive. If you didn't like her doing it, you could have said something. You are married to her, but you don't own her, anymore than she owns you. Permission is not required for things like that!

However, the extent to which you make yourself look like a woman certainly does require some input from your wife! After all, she married a man, not a woman! I told my wife about my CD activites before were married, and she was completely O.K. with it as long as I was still her man underneath!

From your message, it sounds as if you and your wife need to have a talk about just how far you can go!

Sissy/Stephanie

Girl on the outside, but man underneath!

[Daintre]

2) "Permission" sounds to me like YOU were the one who said "OBEY" in the wedding vows. while I don't have to ask for permission to do anything, there is ALWAYS a discussion when it comes to making a change to my appearance, no matter HOW small the change is. Why? It all comes back to one key element in any good and successful relationship. COMMUNICATION! Without it, the relationship is doomed.

Kandis, that was well said, it does comes down to communication between a couple, along with respect for each others feelings and positions.Saying that you will do what ever you want is just plain childish.

[KandisTX]

Kandis, that was well said, it does comes down to communication between a couple, along with respect for each others feelings and positions.Saying that you will do what ever you want is just plain childish.

Oh, I agree with you 100% on this one. Case in point = My Hair. Yes, it is my hair, it is on my head, but my wife likes my hair being the length it is (midway down my back). Now I keep it neat and braided daily so it appears professional at work, but should I choose to or desire to advance further up the corporate ladder it may come down to a decision to have to cut my hair, will I do it? Maybe, I will. Will I do it without consulting her first? HELL NO, a change that drastic (my hair has not been cut other than split ends in almost 11 years) to my appearance would certainly be a shocker and require discussion and acceptance on my wifes part. Sure, it would grow back, but what if I don't get an opportunity to let it grow back because of getting that promotion that I initially cut it for? What if I cut it and I don't get that promotion? Well, I let it grow back again of course. My point here is that without communication making such a drastic change in my appearance could bode badly for my relationship even though it is a very strong and secure one as it currently is.

Kandis

[JessieB]

Marla and Tree pretty much said what I was thinking as I read the other posts. I couldn't agree more.

That said, now that I've been divorced for several years and begun CDing, I seriously doubt that I would ever grant another person that sort of control over me again. Or enter into a relationship where my femness isn't accepted. Which, given the odds, probably means I'll be single for the rest of my days.

[Paige.]

In the strictest sense of the word you don't need anyone's permission to do whatever you want to do, whether it is something to do with your body or to jump off a cliff.

But, if I can read between the lines you wrote, I don't think you are asking for your wife's permission as much as you are asking for her opinion, hoping to get support and acceptance for whatever it is you do, even if she doesn't like it.

It seems that the women in your life take the 'freedom you give them' so to speak, and do things "without your permission", flouting your influence and control, and yet you still accept them after the fact. I can only assume you want some of the same respect in return.

Do you really expect or want your daughter to have to ask your permission to have sex? Afterall, that is a bigger issue than shaving underarms and legs. Did you ever consider that she got "permission" from her mother instead of you? Are you ticked because you weren't consulted?

Communicate!! Ask for her opinion but not for her permission and don't be so arrogant that you think you know her answer even before you pop the question. She might surprise you. One more thing. There are many women that are delighted that men look and act like hairy Neanderthals. Maybe she likes you like that. It isn't a double standard of what's good for me isn't good for you type of thing. It is choice.

[Emily Anderson]

Yup, it's about compromise and consequences, and I think that's where a lot of us CD's break down. We know that we have the right to do something - such as shaving our bodily hair - but we also know that if if we go ahead a) it may be going against what is considered "normal", and b) we might have to endure a "lot of nagging and/or questioning" from our SO's. So we don't talk about, we refrain from doing it, and get frustrated.

One way you can know how your wife will feel is by talking to her about it, gauging her reaction, deciding if you want to go ahead or not, and accepting any potential consequences, good or bad.

You could of course just go ahead, and that would short-circuit the initial discussion, but the outcome might be a rougher ride, unless your SO is used to you springing new things on her like this.

[Claire3]

Guess were talking socially acceptable here!Live alone,im ok!

[AKAMichelle]

This one thread has sure got me to thinking. Great Thread!

It is so disappointing that we are told that crossdressing is for freaks. My wife the other day made the comment about all of my sicko friends. More or else she thinks that I'm a sicko.

I have recently figured out exactly who I am. I have also realized that I have lived my life by someone else's rules. My wife fusses because I wear the wrong kind of male shoes to the grocery store. She is embarrassed. She isn't even there.

I'm reaching my breaking point. I am so tired of having to be someone that I'm not. I would like to hike but can't. I am always taking care of my princess. Everything is centered around her. Her needs. Her wants. Her desires. Everything that I want is stupid and she is embarrassed by me.

I want someone who isn't embarrassed by me. The biggest problem is that I have lived by her rules for so long that I feel like I lost my way. I almost don't even know myself anymore.

Who am I?

[KimberlyS]

IMHO asking permission within a relationship can happen different ways. It can be a controlling thing aas some have said. And IMHO that is not a good basis for a relationship. Or other relationships it is an act of respect for your partner to ask if something would be ok to do and than it is open to discussion. The person asking can still do what they want, but overall in a decent relationship there is give and take, compromising, and making joint decisions. And over time the some decisions may change due to the situations.

[CD Susan]

Satrana, I don't fully agree with you. What you say appears to me as a caricature ; things are not always just black and white.

Kisses

Nadia





I would be interested to know more about your relation to your wife.

And , for instance :
- Are you the boss, and she is the one to ask the permission ?
- Is she behaving the same way as you, ending that you go no more to holidays together ?
- Is your marriage the greatest of the world and your relation the best one we can ever hope ?
- etc.


Thanks for shedding a light (I give you the permission to answer me privately).

Kisses

Nadia

Nadia, if you read my post again you will see that it says I was not am married. I will admitt that I came across too strong here so I apologize if I offended anyone. My friend Jack Daniels was visiting last night and he talked me into writing that.