Transition?

[Andrea85]

Well, my fiance has know that I like to crossdress for a while now. Shes let me as long as she doesnt hafta see me dressed any. Shes helped me buy clothes numerous times, and even bought me my first wig too. I told her I wanted to transition and become a full on girl. Well, at first, she seemed ok with it and I was like, awesome. She's slowly changing her attitude about it. She doesn't want me to at all now. I've tried compromising with it, but it isn't working. I thought it was just cause she wanted kids, so I pretty much told her I'd keep my junk. No deal there. I don't know what to do now. I don't wanna lose her, but I've wanted to do this since I was really young. I've always wanted to be a woman and live like a woman. This sucks. She knows its not even a sure thing I can. I've not found a shrink to go to yet. I just wanted to rant a little so you can reply if you wanna. April.

[Stargirl]

I have to run this by Gomez. If I can get him to stop staring at that avatar. Gomez....um...Gomez.....

[Andrea85]

Ok...?

[MentalMercury]

*glare* c'mon I told her to take this out of the young people's section and ask where there's people who are much more knowledgable about this situation.

[Paula Rae]

Hey Naughty,
Most times sometimes you can't have your CAKE and eat it too.
If you really want to transition? you really need to see a shrink especially
if you want to go on Hormones to enhance your breasts.
Good luck

Paula Rae

[MentalMercury]

I might also add (and hopefully drum up some discussion) that if you're not sure why she doesn't like it, then you should be having a serious talk with her. If she's not ok with dressing on some level then she wont be ok with transition, that should be given. Sounds to me like you need to talk to her more before any more speculation on your part.

[beth ann]

I'd suggest that if you really love this woman and want to get married to this wonderful woman, have children, if you both agree. There will be time later to transition but it will mean a breakup with the mother of your children. As the old saying goes, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Quite being so selfish. You will have to make a living and we know women make less in the same employment than men. Enough said? This comes from a closeted 72 year old. Good luck on you choice. beth ann

[Andrea85]

You will have to make a living and we know women make less in the same employment than men. Enough said?

Most professions yes, but not mine. women are treated as equals to men. No sex has more rights to anything. Same as race. Everyone is equal. Thats actually why I joined a union. I understand where everyone is coming from, but Ive noticed in several other threads that in situations like this, people in my situation or similar ones are told they are selfish. Why is that? The way Ive always looked at things is that people will always come and go no matter who they are,and there will always be more. You will always be the same, and how are you supposed to make others happy, when you, yourself, are not?

[Sandra]

By transition do you mean hormones etc because if you do then "your junk" as you put it will still be there be won't be any good, as in 99.9% of people taking hormones erections disappear.

[RikkiOfLA]

As most have said, transition is a serious question. You need to be sure of what you want before you do anything, because most of it is unreversible and all of it has serious consequences on your family, job, social life, and so on.

Another thing--transition is not an either/or thing. Some (like me) choose to go full time without hormones or surgery. Others choose hormones but not the surgery. Still others do the surgery too--but it turns out there are many surgeries possible--facial feminization, breast augmentation, and so on, not just the sex reassignment surgery. Like all surgeries they are expensive, painful, non-reversible, and not without risk.

There are pluses and minuses with every path. Choose wisely.

Blessings,
Rikki

[Andrea85]

By transition do you mean hormones etc because if you do then "your junk" as you put it will still be there be won't be any good, as in 99.9% of people taking hormones erections disappear.

From what Ive researched, and what my family doctor has found, it isn't 99.9% that lose the ability to have an erection. Its different for everyone. One of her contacts told her the amount of use of it has alot to do with the ability to have an erection after hormones. I dunno tho, maybe people around here it doesnt effect that way nearly as much. Who knows. Thats why Ive said somewhere that Id have some semen saved anyway.

[Aurora27]

but Ive noticed in several other threads that in situations like this, people in my situation or similar ones are told they are selfish.

Not trying to put you down, but its true. I realised this myself while talking about crossdressing with my own fiance. Every relationship is give-and-take, and it probably seems to your fiance that she is having to give up everything while you're getting everything you want. I'm not saying thats how it is, but it probably seems that way in her mind. Yes, you have to be happy, but if she is giving up her man then she'll want and need something pretty major back. I get a sense from your posts that this transition is utterly inevitable, and probably happening soon. If you force her to go along with your own wishes and desires for the sake of your happiness then it is pretty selfish. If you rationally decide after much discussion that you can't live without being a woman, and she decides that she won't be ok with it, then the relationship should probably end for both your sakes - which would obviously be heart-breaking (and costly if you're already making wedding plans) but at least you would not both be miserable with each other for life. Everyone has to walk their own paths through life and forcing someone to follow you on yours tends to make neither happy in my experience.

I'm not trying to run you down, sometimes I try not to honey my words. Good luck with everything in any case!

[boy2girl31]

I woln't say you're selfish because I truly believe in doing what makes you happy. You just have to ask yourself will the transition or the girl make you happier? Only you can decide that.

[Nikki A.]

If your fiance told you she wanted to become a man, beard and all, but she still wanted to marry you how would you react?
You're asking her to live with someone completely different than what she hooked up with. You are being selfish,you are changing everything.
Before she had a boyfriend/part-time girlfriend now you want her to basically be seen as a lesbian (even if you still have the "jewels").
If this is what you need to do for your happiness fine but she also deserves to find her own happiness.