Has Anyone Been In Therapy?

[rachellegsep]

Yes. After a breakdown in our marriage over cding and other problems it was heading for divorce. In a final attempt to resolve issues, we agreed to go conselling. My wife asked me to chose someone I would feel comfortable with discussing our issues. After speaking to some of the girls on our local forum & was recomended a woman therapist who had delt with transitions before. The 1st sessions was together then the next 2 with me then 1 together and final 2 with my SO. She ask why I like dressing in womens clothes. (the feel, the colours, stress relieve and that I love the feel of satin / silk on my skin) she ask all the normal question (gay , gender dysfunction, when it started, did I want to transition etc). She asked if I would like to come dressed as rachel for my 2nd session. Things went well with our joint session with her suggesting I get some silky pj's or silk shifts or something. However her 2nd session my SO came home in tears. She said the therapist had taken my side & had said what was so bad with cding if it made me happy etc, especially as it couldnt hurt her if it was done in private and my son wasnt affected. It wasnt as if I was having an affair, a wife beater or an alcholic or such. She explained that although I could stop temporarilly she felt the urge would come back. We could either come to some rules & agreement as we still were in love or we should go our seperate ways. I think this may have jolted my wife a bit. We never went back and things have changed for the better with me being permitted to go out of town to visit some of the girls. She also lent me one of her favourite cross over dresses. She has even offered me a satin nighty on the odd occasions when my son was away from the weekend. I have shown her pics if rachel . She was quite impressed , however she did say my choice of a black dress and stockings with white stillettoes was a fahion blop. When shopping she ask my advice now on how items look and joking says its not for you.

Yes things are a lot better after therapy, as it opened up the communication channels again and made us more aware of the others feelings, needs and wants. If anything it has brought us closer together than when we were newly married 14 years ago. Pick your therapist carefully though.

Sorry about the rambling and good luck Lara.

[Beth-Lock]

I was not forced to go by anyone or any circumstances, as some of the others were. I just wanted to pursue the matter further, and going to a therapist seemed like the next step.
I went to a sex therapist, and fairly recently, one that I found in the phone book, for a number of sessions. Yes, it was possible for me to go dressed, (they would even make available a place to change), but I was glad I did not since I would have been stressed, perhaps. I got two things out of it: the advice that I was not a candidate for transition, and, was told simply to crossdress in a safe way. In some ways I was disappointed. Maybe I expected to be whisked away on pink wings to an ideal pink world, where I would transition, and have little to do but sit back and enjoy the ride.
One more thing, the sessions were not terribly cheap, and I had to pay for them myself. But it was all in all, money well spent.

[dhampir]

I was doing Jungian Analysis, for several years, but it didn't really help me sort out my crossdressing / transgender issues. I got kind of fed up, although I still like a lot of Jungian writers. The Anima issue is key here but it can get muddled into 'spiritual issues'.

So I looked for a CBT/REBT therapist in the GLBT community and I have seen him for about 6 months. I feel and think it has helped a lot.

I still do my 'dreamwork' but I also strive for Unconditional Self-Acceptance (REBT - http://www.rebt.org/ ) Albert Ellis rocks. I definitely still have issues that prevent me from fully accepting my femme self, but I am getting a lot clearer on what these are and how to overcome them.

I am considering going to a new therapist that I found via the Transgender Tapestry site. Maybe to get a little clearer on where I really want to go with all of this.

Love,
Dita

[Mollyanne]

I'm in therapy now for other issues(anger management) but have come out so to speak with my therapist. I feel VERY VERY COMFORTABLE talking to Deb about anything. I sorta' blurted out my cd'in to her on the spur of the moment but actually I'm glad I did. I found and finding that she is very professional about the whole thing. Actually I'm much more at ease with my feminine side then ever before. My other issue(s) are also being dealt with. I have gone to a few sessions underdressed wearing pantyhose, panties and bra and felt absolutely wonderful and relaxed and told her so. She just nodded and that was that. I just might ask her if maybe once I could come fully dressed, I really hope so.


Mollyanne

[Toni_Lynn]

I have been in therapy. I need help with a weight issue as my alcoholism and obsessive behaviour manifested itself in eating after I stopped drinking.

When I sought help, I knew that my crossdressing and inability to fully embrace the girl within was a cornerstone to recovery. I stated this upfront to the those I sought for help. I ended up with a therapist who specialised in eating disorders among women. It was great. For the first time we dealt with the whole of me.

She asked if I wanted to do my sessions en femme, but I declined. I needed it to be as simple as possible.

And -- hey -- it worked!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[MWCMDarlene]

I went to one. WHen I was about 14/15 years old. My mom discovered I was into wearing her undergarments (I think she found some of her panties in my drawers). SHe tried to talk about it with me, asking me if I was gay, etc. She told me to come and talk to her about it, but things like that were (still are) taboo in the family. After promising I would stop, she caught me in possession again, so she scheduled me to go see a Dr. Why? Because I was sick. When we got there, I knew why I was there, but I clammed up and told the therapist (female) that I had no reason why I was there and I didn't have anything to talk about. Wasted parents money that day. Never went back.

A couple of years later, got caught being in possession of her stuff again and was threatened if ever caught again to be taken back to the Dr., but this time she would tell all to the therapist if I didn't tell them what was going on.

The wife suggested counseling several years ago, but I talked her out of it because I can handle my Cding and don't want to do anything beyond dressing in women's clothes just for the mere enjoyment of it.

[Laura_Stephens]

Yes, I have done the therapy thing. The therapy started out with helping me deal with childhood. It eventually moved towards my issues with dressing. I had one session with the therapist where I was "dressed" -- head to toe.

I suspect that the quality of the therapy depends on ones ability to articulate to a therapist what ones issues are and whether the therapist has experience with the subject. I got lucky in that the lady I was working with had quite a bit of experience. So, for me, it was helpful. but, as is the case with many things in life, YMMV.

[minnatg]

I've been seeing my therapist (because of the dressing) for couple of years about every second month. She's really professional on this topic since she has only transgendered customers.
After first session she said that I can come dressed if I wanted and there is even dressing room where you can 'prepare' yourself. So I gathered myself and put the full gear on for the first time on front of other than my wife. It was nerve wrecking since there were other workers around. The nerveusness did not have any grounds since the people in that office are great and they all work way or another with sexual minorities (Gay, transgendered..). I've done this ever since and next visit is in 4 weeks and I am anticipating that a lot and planning what to wear and how to put my make up.

[KimberlyS]

... request of my wife. She thinks it will cure me!

Dawn, we (my wife) went in therapy with the idea it would fix me. It did and she know accepts it is part of me. She still does not like my CDing but at least now tolerates it.

... I tried to get her to go with me in hopes that she might understand the need I have to express my other self, but she says the sessions are for me. I really want her to understand but when I try to tell her she does not listen. She just wants to know when I will stop.

Have your therapist call and invite her to your next session.

[andy6432668]

No have never been to therapy Why would I go to therapy since there is nothing wrong with wearing what I want to and don't care who likes or not. If women can wear pants then I can wear a bra and women's tops period.

[Ruth]

I have been going to regular therapy sessions for nearly 2 years. My wife wanted me to go after she found out about Ruth, but the idea was not that I should be "cured" but simply understand and come to terms with what I was doing.
My wife was in therapy for a while for other issues so she is a supporter of therapy and understands, as I do, that it's not a matter of going because there is something wrong with you and you're going to get fixed.
It's been a great success for me and I often do sessions dressed as Ruth. My therapist knew very little about CDing at the beginning but has learnt a lot both from me and from her own studies.

[docrobbysherry]

Yes. After a breakdown in our marriage over cding and other problems it was heading for divorce. In a final attempt to resolve issues, we agreed to go conselling. My wife asked me to chose someone I would feel comfortable with discussing our issues. After speaking to some of the girls on our local forum & was recomended a woman therapist who had delt with transitions before. The 1st sessions was together then the next 2 with me then 1 together and final 2 with my SO. She ask why I like dressing in womens clothes. (the feel, the colours, stress relieve and that I love the feel of satin / silk on my skin) she ask all the normal question (gay , gender dysfunction, when it started, did I want to transition etc). She asked if I would like to come dressed as rachel for my 2nd session. Things went well with our joint session with her suggesting I get some silky pj's or silk shifts or something. However her 2nd session my SO came home in tears. She said the therapist had taken my side & had said what was so bad with cding if it made me happy etc, especially as it couldnt hurt her if it was done in private and my son wasnt affected. It wasnt as if I was having an affair, a wife beater or an alcholic or such. She explained that although I could stop temporarilly she felt the urge would come back. We could either come to some rules & agreement as we still were in love or we should go our seperate ways. I think this may have jolted my wife a bit. We never went back and things have changed for the better with me being permitted to go out of town to visit some of the girls. She also lent me one of her favourite cross over dresses. She has even offered me a satin nighty on the odd occasions when my son was away from the weekend. I have shown her pics if rachel . She was quite impressed , however she did say my choice of a black dress and stockings with white stillettoes was a fahion blop. When shopping she ask my advice now on how items look and joking says its not for you.

Yes things are a lot better after therapy, as it opened up the communication channels again and made us more aware of the others feelings, needs and wants. If anything it has brought us closer together than when we were newly married 14 years ago. Pick your therapist carefully though.

Sorry about the rambling and good luck Lara.

--you were dressing primarily for SEXUAL purposes! Would you still have had such a happy CD ending?

[Glenda]

I went to a therapist for 3 sessions with my (ex)wife when she was planning on leaving me. This was several years before I realized that I was a CD, so that aspect had no bearing on our divorce or the therapy sessions. I was anxious to attend the sessions because my motivation was to save my marriage. During the 3rd session I told the therapist that I didn't feel like we were working toward resolving any issues or saving the marriage. At that point I was told that we weren't in therapy to save the marriage but to help me accept that it wasn't a viable marriage. I couldn't believe it. I thought we were in marriage counseling but the whole purpose was to help me accept the fact that after 23 years my wife didn't love me as a husband but as a friend.

I realized at that point that a therapist will help you deal with the issues you want and pay for. My wife wanted a divorce. Therefore, our therapist was helping me accept that my wife was divorcing me.

I don't think therapy is wrong or a rip-off. I just think that you need to be honest when you are seeking a therapist and dealing with the issues you want addressed. Some therapists are very good and can help you come to terms with things which are adversely affecting your life. But you really need to help them understand what you are seeking.

[Lara Smith]

Very interesting range of experiences. I have always thought that it would be really great to have someone to just talk to who had nothing invested in you other than to talk with you about your life. I pay, you listen, if you have a comment or observation please interject. Wonderful.

I have gone to counseling when we could afford it for strictly family issues (first son by marriage). I found it wonderfully revealing and refreshing. My wife and son hated it. Their egos would not allow them to feel comfortable talking about any issues they may have had. The fact is it did a world of good for all of us. My wife was not aware of my CD at the time. It was just family dynamics.

Some years later, after I had come out to my wife, I met a female counselor at my place of work then (An Apple dealer) and in the course of discussing her computer needs somehow we got on the subject of men and women, and I can't remember what prompted the remark, but she said with great excitement, "Oh I would LOVE to meet a man who was really in touch with his feminine side." It was the way she said it that really intrigued me. I couldn’t not afford her at the time, and the community I lived in was at that time very small and I would have been very hesitant to talk with her about my very feminine side, but I thought about it for years and wondered how much fun it might have been to have worked with her and gone there dressed and just talked. I think it might have been very good for both of us.

[RobynP]

I have been in and out of therapy for years... Sometimes because of crossdressing and other times for all the other baggage I am lugging around...

I started in therapy when I first told my wife about my cding. She said, "Go into therapy. Go DIRECTLY into therapy. Do not pass GO. Do NOT collect $200." Sorry... I am getting a little sidetracked here... That therapist was a total putz. I went to her once and my wife went to her once. That was all we could stomach at the time. My wife and I thought we could do a better job ourselves.

Fast-forward about 10 years. Our communication was breaking down. My crossdressing was escalating. My wife thought I was out of control. She wanted to end it. I proposed trying therapy again. Went to a different therapist. After a few sessions both together and separate, my wife decides to quit the therapy. She has always hated therapy. We make an agreement "to stay together for the kids".

Jump ahead five more years. I asked my wife for a divorce. Not because of the crossdressing but because another woman and I fell in love. As a last ditch effort, we decide to try therapy to get my head straightened out. Didn't mention crossdressing at all to this therapist. Therapy lasted only a few weeks and I was outta there!

Six years go by and I start therapy for several non-crossdressing related issues going on in my life with both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. On the whole, they were very good and helpful.

After two years go by, I ended up in therapy again with my girlfriend (not the one I left my wife for). She could not deal with my crossdressing. This was the first time I actively sought a therapist that specialized in transgender issues. She was great! We went a number of times but, unfortunately, it turned out my girlfriend had a number of issues that needed serious therapy outside of the expertise of the therapist we were seeing. She professionally made several recommendations to several other therapists who could potentially help my girlfriend.

After about a year, I started seeing a new psychiatrist and psychologist for all of my issues including crossdressing. I am still in therapy. There have been some excellent break-thrus and insights this time. I have made some incredible progress in either shedding my baggage or learning how to carry the baggage I cannot shed.

Fortunately, most of my therapy has been paid for by health insurance. I have had both good and bad therapists. My only recommendation if you are considering therapy is to go for something serious (i.e. life/relationship/family/work-impacting). One does not go to a doctor for every little cut or ache. The same should be for therapy. However, if you do go to a therapist, I recommend several things:

1. Make a list of things YOU want to accomplish in therapy. What are your goals? Don't just go to a therapist and say "My wife wants me to stop crossdressing or she will leave." Why are YOU going to the therapist? (Also, a therapist will not cure anyone of crossdressing or most anything else. If they could, they would never, ever put it in writing.) This leads to...
2. Make sure that the therapist is qualified in the areas where you are looking for help. (Just as doctors have specialties, so do therapists.) Ask the therapist at the first meeting (or before if possible) their areas of expertise. It is RARE to find a good gender therapist who is also a good marriage/relationship therapist. Do not be afraid to ask the therapist if they are qualified to handle your issues. If they are not qualified, ask for a referral.
3. Put all your cards on the table face up at your first meeting INCLUDING the crossdressing even if you do not have any issues with it. If you hold anything back, you are wasting your time and money.

I hope this has been a help!

Robyn P.

[yms]

I started seeing a therapist some years ago over problems in my first marriage. At the time i was deep in the closet. I stayed with this therapist through my divorce and beyond, and when I started crossdressing again and came out to Lori, I also told him about it.

Although he wasn't knowledgeable about the subject, he was knowledgeable about me, and open-minded about the subject. His approach was that crossdressing itself is not the issue, but how I feel about it and how it impacts other areas of my life. Since I was getting married gain to a woman who was supportive, and since other good things were happening with respect to CDing, it was never much of an issue in our discussions.

[Sarasometimes]

I have been to 6 different therapists. All women and only the last 2 have helped me. i hadn't realized that the others were learning at my expense until i found knowledgable ones. This is a huge reason that many of us who would benefit from therapy don't get it. We try and the counselors take our money and offer little.
Now on to the last two. Both are in the same office and the reason I had to switch to my current one was the other had a child.
They both help me deal with this part of my life and how I can best make it work for my particular circumstances.
I have dressed for both of them and they found out some valuable info about how i feel when dressed. They were able to first hand see my body language and interpret my behavior. i now regularly wear atleast some female clothes during my sessions.
A therapist is not there JUST to listen. they need to recommend and guide. I get homework which involves my being observant during certain activities...
I found these wonderful women through a GLBT organization but I can't recall the name.
Hope this helps someone and sorry for its length. Sarasometimes

[TxKimberly]

Nah, why bother. Seems to me it would be paying a fortune to have someone tell me what I already know - I'm Nucking Futs. LOL
All kidding aside, for myself I don't see the point. I know what my problems and issues are, and I know where most of them stem from. I don't need to pay someone else a great deal of money just to tell me these things.

[KelliBennett]

I am currently seeing a therapist. She has a stronger GLB background but has worked with a lot of people in the Gender arena. She came highly recommended.

So far she has been great. The reason I am seeing here is since 11 I have been dressing as the opposite sex and prefer the person I am and how I feel as a girl. Hence we are discussing why I feel this way, what to do about it and how to handle it. I have been only been attending since March. Right now she is prompting me to spend more time as Kelli. Going to group, finding others to spend time with as Kelli and of course attend some conferences. (I have SCC booked for this fall).

She is wonderful to talk to and is allowing me to work out the steps I need to determine if I am a girl and should transition.

Also of note other then the first session I have only ever attended them as Kelli.

[DeeDeeB]

I would see a therapist to help me with problems, but I don't see my CDing as a problem for me. It's the intolerant folks of the world that need the therapy.

Dee

[adelle]

yes have been and even went in full fem once or twice and it dit no good, only heard that with meds it could be taken away so do i want it to be taken away? i fired her ass

[MalibuJenny]

I went to therapy for about 6 months approximately 10 years ago.

I sought out a therapist who was familiar with crossdressing because even though that wasn't my core issue, I knew it would be an important point of discussion and I wanted someone with more than a cursory knowledge.

I live in the Los Angeles area so fortunately for me, there were lots of options... I found information on a few people and decided to call one of them and chat on the phone. She seemed very bright and caring so I soon started the process with her.

My main issue was the inability to stick with long-term relationships, as I'd always wanted a wife and kids and at 35 (at that time) it just wasn't happening for me.

Of course, we got into many deep subjects about my up-bringing (which was generally great but with some powerfully impactful things I had not really thought about previously) previous relationships, etc.

My therapist really knew a lot about the TG community and encouraged me to be open and honest about that part of my life with my SO's. I had done so to a certain extent before but she made me realize that often the strong reaction was due to a feeling of betrayal (Why didn't you tell me this before? What else are you hiding?) than it was the CDing.

I felt she gave me the tools to deal with whatever relationship issues might come up, and I can still hear her in my head when I start to question myself. She and I had a great rapport and I really respected her insights.

So, since that time, I'm up-front about my CDing as soon as things start to get serious in a relationship. The way I see it, if we are starting to get intimate, then she needs to know.

My main goal in telling them is just so they know. I don't have any expectations about their participation as I realize I need to honor their limits, but I also know that they have to accept me for who I am on some level... Otherwise, we'll never have true emotional intimacy.

And of course, I've had a wide range of reactions but in every instance, I was glad I was honest. It's never really come back to bite me. In fact, I told my best male friend as well just so if something went terribly wrong, I didn't want him finding out the wrong way and having that undermine our very close life-long relationship.


I highly recommend the therapeutic process but you have to find someone with whom you really connect and trust, and you also have to be willing to delve into the dark corners of your psyche if you expect meaningful progress.


Jen

[Casey Morgan]

I was in therapy for a while to sort out my gender issues, which included my dressing. I had a supportive therapist who was knowledgable about CDs and TSs. I was his first androgyne though, which was interesting. But like all GOOD therapists he listened to me and was able to help me a lot. I didn't feel comfortable going dressed but that's mostly because I went during work hours. Like most androgynes I know, it didn't matter to me whether my therapist was a man or a woman; either or both (or neither ) would have been fine.

[Karen C]

on and off for 4 or 5 times and the last one told me i had manic depression and put me on lexapro , prozac and some outher meds i felt all druged out and stoped cold . ps dont do this it sucks and the crash almost killed me i almost killed myself . i have found when i am depressed karen goes away and when im not depressed karen comes back . sorry getting off subject i had one therapust that i liked and was getting somewhere and stoped seeing her to go back to collage . aney wheay am at the point dont trust them and cant aford there drugs and bullshit so dont do it anymore .

karen is me and i am karen i feel like some times i am 2 people i just dont let karen out all the time every where we all know how much we can be looked at like freaks and such and were just not understood .

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I am in therapy twice a month, but not necessarily due to my dressing up. I have a lot of issues. Mostly from a bygone era, but each time I get closer to getting better.

Zara