Well, I am definitely a 0 on the Kensey Scale. The notion of being intimate with a man is revolting to me. No offense intended.
Well, I am definitely a 0 on the Kensey Scale. The notion of being intimate with a man is revolting to me. No offense intended.
Thanks for the scale Malibu!
Both my SO and I are a proud and solid 3.
The reason I don't put myself as a 0 is that 1) I like to dress in women's clothing and present a feminine appearance, 2) that when men find me attractive in that mode I generally enjoy it (just as I do any form of positive attention), and 3) I never say never and if I found a situation where some level of intimacy with a man was pleasurable, I'd be open to it.Well, I am definitely a 0 on the Kensey Scale. The notion of being intimate with a man is revolting to me. No offense intended.
But to date, #3 hasn't come close to happening. The idea used to scare me but now it's merely out there and the times when it's presented itself -- in person and in a nice way -- I was surprised not to be 100% repulsed.
Don't know what all that means other than I'm at least .1 rather than absolute zero.
My wife and I were talking about this the other day. I have told her in the past that there I men who I recognize as being attractive. Johnny Depp is a handsome man. However, I have no desire to have sex with him. I simply recognize he is good looking. Along with my CD, she wondered if I had any latent homosexual feelings. I told her that, as I am more honest with her than anyone else on the planet, if I wanted to have sex with a man, I would tell her. But I really don't. I've thought about it and really explored my feelings on this issue. Were I suddenly transformed into a GG, I might want to just to have the experience, but otherwise, I do not see men as sexual partners. I like women so much that I like to occasionally be like them and wear what they wear. I have a gay friend who has hit on me in the past (he respects the sanctity of my marriage now) and I kindly had to remind him time and again that I go for girls.
On the Kinsey scale I am 0. I love women only.
Most of my old girlfriends were bisexual and my first wife had some lesbian experiences but didn't think of herself as bi since it was just experimentation. The experiment failed, I guess. I had all sorts of doubts about my own sexuality when I was younger, but it turns out that I'm closer to 0 than 1 on the Kinsey scale. My current wife says she never had any kind of sexual attraction or experience with another woman. The funny thing is that she is a lot more tolerant of my crossdressing than most of the others. Most of my bi girlfriends wanted their men to be manly and their women to be butch or femme according to their individual tastes. When my wife and I have sex with me en femme, she doesn't see me as a woman. She sees me in lingerie. She plays along, but it's my lesbian fantasy, not hers. By the same token, when she is wearing a ...ummm... prosthesis, I don't see or imagine her as a guy.Originally Posted by Paige.
I've always sought out sexually adventurous women because I'm a little odd in that area and didn't want to live a life of frustration. I guess that has saved me a lot of the trouble that other CDs seem to have with their SOs. I've never been able to last very long with "normal" women.
Last edited by LilSissyStevie; 05-31-2008 at 05:34 PM. Reason: spelling
Interesting discussion. I am a heterosexual GG, but have been sexually attracted to females in my past. So when I met my current boyfriend, I had no real problem with the dressing and we go out often as two girls. We even make love as two girls sometimes. But I have never envisioned my life as a lesbian so have never had a long term relationship with a female. right now, this is not an issue, because he works and has a child so does not dress in femme full time but he has expressed desire to do so. I have admitted to him my concerns about this and they are based purely on what this topic is about. I identify as a heterosexual so prefer to present as a heterosexual couple. it seems silly now that I think about but I never took the time to think about it before. thanks for bringing up the topic.
Interesting thread. After reading through a page and a half, I think my response is mostly to the original question.
I've told three women about my CD'ing. The first was an ex-girlfriend who continues to be a "friend with benefits." Her response was that it didn't matter to her how I was dressed. We've enjoyed a closer intimacy since my disclosure, both in the sense of sex and how we communicate in general.
The second was a new potential relationship, who wanted nothing to do with such a man, so that was the end of that.
The third is a recent potential SO who I told last Wednesday. We were together Saturday, and her first question to me was "have you ever felt like a lesbian trapped in a man's body?" Well, that had occurred to me, but I really feel more like a man who wears women's clothes. She says she has no interest in women, and thinks if she saw me as one, any romantic possibility would end. At the same time, she offered to give me makeup advice... We've had some discussion - it will be interesting to walk into this future.
Lee
hey Paige..never married either...wanna get hitched? We can Both wear the wedding dress! *L*
This conversation has been a part of my last two more serious relationships, though, and i found my ex's were not worried about being attracted to women *for the most part, they weren't*,but they Did find themselves greatly attracted to a femininely dressed man...and were turned on by my cleavage *loving to fondle and kiss*. I also had male gentalia and that was important to them...when we saw movies with postops, they weren't excited but were usually turned on by Preops and fairly passable crossdressers. It seems, though, that something Had to be present down below to stir their juices. As long as i wanted to keep my equipment, they were happy!
So, with some women, its all a matter of degree...and it seems mine had something in common with lots of other guys and gals...they liked breasts!
[SIZE="2"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Big Hugs!
Ash[/SIZE]
Very good post, I have had several ex-gf's that did indeed tell me they were bicurious and I do think that they liked me being dressed for sex for that very reason. In fact I even had one that would pay a lot of attention to my chest (nipples) for a long time
As a gay man who crossdresses, we face a similar set of issues and problems when we come out (yet again!) to our SO's. I don't want to derail this thread, but I would like to offer a shoulder to lean on if anyone else is interested in talking about this under-represented point of view.
I think for all of us, the most difficult thing is being true to yourself while factoring in the feelings of those who love us.
Hang in there, sisters!
interesting thread Paige. It was especially insightful when you were explaining some of your background and experiences.
From the SO perspective my wife tells me (and I've mentioned it here) that some women might not particularly like their SO as a CD because they don't care to be with another woman and even though they know their SO is in there, they have some difficulty. I have suggested that theory here before, but I don't think it was well received so I am glad you did this post.
Now speaking for myself I don't really have any attraction towards men. That really doesn't change if i am dressed or not. Ive never been in the position to have been propositioned while dressed so I think I know what i would do, but...
I am very accepting of people so if i see a picture of a CD or TS and they have their genitalia exposed it is fine, and actually looks nice when its framed by the proper lingerie for instance. (I think the lingerie may be the best part)
Last edited by darla_g; 07-29-2008 at 06:44 AM.
you hit the nail right on the head Paige..I have brought that up in some other threads. that is why i am single, I would never want to surprise someone with this, if you do , you need to accept the consequences
To get back to the original inquiry for a moment, I think there is a lot of truth in this with a great number of SOs. With a number of our SOs, there seems to be a thought or concern that accepting a CD "might" be an admission of being attracted to gg's. Thankfully, some of our gg's don't feel this way -- or some may have a concern but get over it. Communication is key!
[SIZE="4"]Sheri[/SIZE]
My wife would:
1. Be terribly upset that I kept a secret
2. Feel insecure that I have sexual desires that are outside of "her" and "us" (although technically not 'cheating' because I'm alone when I CD)
It has nothing to do with being perceived as "gay" because I pretty much pass the "straight" test with flying colors. Yes, my videos and pictures might give the appearance otherwise...but all I'm doing is having fun. A weird, self-loving kind of fun.
So her eventual discovery of my CDing probably won't kill our relationship, but it will certainly be a big bump in the road. And I would just rather put off that bump as long as possible. Because things are going well otherwise.
Fortunately, when we are intimate, all I have to do is imagine that we've switched bodies..and voila! I am instantly turned on by her and everything goes well. Is that TMI? I'm just saying that despite my CDing our sex life is still good.
But she, of course, would get uncomfortable knowing that I'm thinking about "Dana" as well as her. So I think its better just to keep that little secret hidden away.
Welcome back, Paige!
Been around for a while, been away for a while. On the verge of coming back...Help me!
I think my fear is that when I see him 100% 'en femme' in front of me, that simply put I won't be attracted to him, I fear that image will always remain there in my head and I won't want him or be turned on by him any more sexually.
Doll
[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]
Paige so young with such a philosophocal question. When I came out to my wife that was her first question and I said I'm not gay. She still fears I will leave her for another man or CD'er. I have been out to her for over 3 years now and she is very OK with my dressing. I would like to meet and talk to other CD'ers but I don't want her flipping out. Maybe one day.
This issue has so many sides to it and can go in many directions. If I only follow it down one path, here is how I think. In my mind, if I am attracted to someone, it doesn't matter what gender they are. I may be mostly attracted to a particular gender but that is just a preference. Most men don't act or look a way that I find appealing. Some women don't either. To say gay or lesbian has no additional meaning whatsoever to me beyond indicating a man & a man or a woman and a woman.
How can gender be an issue? Why should it be an issue? If two people enjoy being together and satify each other (sexually) isn't that what matters? Why should a label make it any different?
To clarify, I am not suggesting we should all be gay, I am simply suggesting we should be attracted to who we are attracted to - regardless of gender. For most people that means someone of the opposite gender, but not always.
To say "when you look like a woman I do not find you attractive" is one thing (guys are visual - we get this) but to say "that could mean I am a lesbian". Who cares? It sounds like the label is all that bothers you. I just don't get why so many people are hung up on a word like lesbian or gay. If you are already in a relasionship we can assume the attraction / satisfaction is already established. If a change in appearance doesn't kill the attraction why does a little word create a problem? Would you like your SO any less if he / she changed their name? Well, that is how I feel about it.
Gen
Hi girls,There is another fear that I have heard from some GGs, one of them was my ex. wife. They feel it is a threat to their femininity, it breaks my heart to hear that, because that is not my intention, I feel bad for the GGs who struggle with that. Paige I admire you and am glad that you are a part of our community. We love to hear your insights.
Vivianann
I really struggle with that sentiment. Could a GG really think that a CD was a threat to her femininity and if she does what are her fears. Can any one shed any light on this because I have heard some of you say this quite a few times and I really am at a loss as to How a CD can threaten a GGs femininity.
Take care and hope someone can enlighten me.
Bev
I'd like to offer to change this.
Lol!! Thank you for your life altering offer Jeni. Gosh, one never knows where a thread may take you.I'd like to offer to change this.
"It takes a real man to dress as a woman."
OK tell you what, my wife knew going into our marriage that I dressed how and again ( thanks mom).
At first it was a sex thing for my wife as she was turned on like you wouldn't believe. Her and her sister every Saturday night would doll me up and we would go out and when we got home she would take control. Then the kids came along and Carol was put on the back shelf. Now we have been married 45 years and now that we are retired and the kids are gone I can dress all I want. No not a sex thing anymore as we are to old, it's just who and what I am and my wife stills love the heck out of me dressed or not dressed.
Hi Bev,
I struggle with that also. I suspect that comments about threatened GG femininity are made my CD's and not GG's. My femininity has never been threatened and I have never wondered or questioned my gender. It almost sounds like a CD hoping that she can be perceived as being more feminine than you and therefore you should be fearful of the new competion.
I don't know but it's just a thought.
Vivianann...Did your ex really think your dressing was a threat to her femininity, or do you think she was just trying to express herself and she used the wrong words with an incorrect connotation?
"It takes a real man to dress as a woman."
OK, we all know Paige is a hottie. That's why she's in the Witness Protection Program. Besides, she has to marry me first, um, er, ok, I am already married, but what does that have to do with it!
Seriously, my wife never questioned her sexuality. Once she made a comment that Angelina Jolie was hot, I asked her if she was attracted to her, she said, "ewww!", and was shocked I asked. Girls can think of each other as hot and not be attracted to each other.
I asked her what she meant by that, her response was she thought I did not think she was feminine enough, and she thought that I was trying to be the feminine one. I told her that was not true, my ex was very feminine, that is what attracted me to her, she always wore very pretty dresses. I do not have any desire to out femme a woman because I do not think like that. Paige I really dont know if she she used the wrong words to express her self, she was really great at getting her point accross, I wish I was as good as her in the communications department. When she said that I was threatening her femininety I put my crossdressing away for 10 plus years so as to not cause her anymore anguish, it was the most difficult ordeal not to be able to crossdress. Bev and Paige, and other GGs, I hope I have not offended you by what I have said, I was only repeating what I was told by my ex. I want everybody to know that I do NOT want to be more feminine than GGs, that is impossible for a man to do. I do not pass as a woman either, I just like to be femme because that is where I am comfortable in my skin.
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