The Essential Difference

[Byllie]

I'm reading a book, on and off, titled, "The Essential Difference" (Simon Baron-Cohen ,Basic Books, 2003). It concerns the difference between the feminine and the masculine brain. The author states that a feminine brain is one that is empathetic (E brain) while the a masculine brain is systematic (S brain).

The author also states that males and females have both types of brains, but that more women have an E brain while men more often have a S brain.

On reading further the descriptions for both, and how they manifest themselves during one's youth, I came away with the feeling that I was somewhere in the middle. I share neither the more aggressive aspects of a masculine brain, nor the highly attuned empathy of a feminine brain.

Therefore, I come away more informed yet more confused as to who I am. And I tire of the way folks seem to want to categorize us. I want so badly to wear and act in a way that is appropriate for my androgenous sense of self, but feel that unless I present myself either completely feminine or completely masculine I will be shunned and looked down upon.

Any comments would be appreciated.

[Holly]

...feel that unless I present myself either completely feminine or completely masculine I will be shunned and looked down upon...

Sounds like the "E" part of your brain is dominate. You said that you came away from reading it that you felt somewhere in between masculine and feminine... and you are probably right. I don't believe that any one of us, biologically female or male, are 100% masculine or feminine in nature. How about you be happy catagorizing yourself as a human being, content to experience life and the passions of it that are the most meaningfui to you!

[boy2girl31]

As Holly said:

Sounds like the "E" part of your brain is dominate. You said that you came away from reading it that you felt somewhere in between masculine and feminine... and you are probably right. I don't believe that any one of us, biologically female or male, are 100% masculine or feminine in nature. How about you be happy catagorizing yourself as a human being, content to experience life and the passions of it that are the most meaningfui to you!

I think you (and all of us) simply need to find the balance between the two that will make us happy. It takes time and patience but is well worth the effort. I hope you find your balance.

[Byllie]

Thanks, ladies, this helps. I'm one of those forum posters who is still struggling to find the balance. As a CD, I feel no inner need to "dress to kill"; frankly, given my body shape, it would never work anyway. I just want to find a comfortable zone where I can be the complete me.

It's sad how many people have an inner need to express themselves, and suppress that need. But it comes out in small ways, sometimes. The guy who spends that little extra attention to his beard perhaps as much as an women spends on her hairdo. Or the woman who has a secret passion for war movies.

You are both so dead on when you say we are all feminine and masculine inside, but it seems that in much of Western society, we must present ourselves closer to one side of the other and not in the middle.

So, I'll be dropping threads like this every so often, as I feel the need to be reassured that being a middle person is not that bad.

Toodles!
Byllie

[Donna Michelle]

My wife used to be shy, but she outgrew it. She is well educated, friendly, generous and kind. She is a web designer and programmer who was often called Spock for being practical, logical and analytical. She wears the pants in this family and I wear the dress!

I am still shy. I watched her and she actually spoke to me first when we met. I am not well educated and do labor work. I can be a big, strong farmer man wearing Brut cologne, a flannel or denim shirt and denim jeans. I can also be a lovely lady in pink clothes, high heels and other girly items.

People may think I use more of my E brain and she uses more of her S brain. I don't know if this can really be split into two categories or one side is used more than the other. I know many people who don't choose to dress or act completely feminine or completely masculine. But society tries to force people into distinct categories. There are more colors than black and white. We fall somewhere in between and that is fine with me. Life would be boring if we only had two choices.

[Karren H]

Well imho... Stop reading... Now!!! If your trying to find answers out there all your going to dredge up are more questions.. Also imho... And the more questions the more self doubt...

Just wear what you want, where you want and ignore anyone that trys to demean you!! Matter of fact.. Smile at them.. Your free and their still trapped in what ever box society has placed them in...

[Casey Morgan]

I want so badly to wear and act in a way that is appropriate for my androgenous sense of self, but feel that unless I present myself either completely feminine or completely masculine I will be shunned and looked down upon.

Dressing androgynously can get some reactions from people but if that's what you want then go for it. Others have done it and more will follow. I know from experience that it feels pretty darned good to finally be able to dress "in a way that is appropriate for my androgynous sense of self". I'm still trying to figure out my exact style but it's fun experimenting.

Now acting androgynously is something I can write a virtual book about. I found that the big thing there is to just let go and be myself. I am an androgyne so if I act like myself, no censors, then I'm acting androgynously. I just had to give myself permission to do that.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about this.

[charlie]

I believe you already summed up the way most of us are...in the middle. Probably why we are all so confused! Even dressed one way or the other I am not thinking exactly the same way I am dressed.

[Brooke Smith]

Hi Byllie,

If we can agree that every human being has both male and female qualities to our makeup and we were brought up strickly as either male or female. Wouldn't it naturally follow that in order be at peace with ourselves we would have to CD or find other ways to balance our daul genders?

Just because western culture hasn't caught up with this truth dosen't mean we shouldn't embrace it. Enjoy being who you are,you are living ahead of the curve.

[CD Susan]

I have stopped caring what other people think about the way I am dressed. I am almost always dressed 'in the middle' and find this to be the most comfortable. In fact I enjoy the looks I get sometimes. I am very passionate about my nails and they are always long with clear polish. I get lots of smiles from sa's when they notice my nails. I like to compliment women on thier nice nails and when I do they usually take a look at mine and that brings the smiles. I just love it.

[Lisa Rose]

Susan, I think most people are somewhere in the middle. However, most people also go along to get along just to be safe.

[Kate Simmons]

The biggest difference? A few years back I went to my local home center store to purchase new end fittings for some garden hoses. I noticed that the female fittings were nearly twice the price of the male fittings. When I pointed this out to the check out person her answer was: "Well, females are always more expensive."(As if we don't know that better than anyone else.) I rest my case.

[Byllie]

Wouldn't it naturally follow that in order be at peace with ourselves we would have to CD or find other ways to balance our daul genders?

I agree, but then I ask why is it that in Western society we fear what we cannot categorize? Is there something about our make-up (sorry for the pun) that causes us, as a society not as individuals, to group people with supposed common attributes?

As for CDing to seek the balance, is the need on the part of some to try to pass a need to over compensate for years of living only half a life?

So many questions, but that's what life is, I suppose. I truly believe that in seeking answers, the ability to ask the right questions is more than half the task.

Toodles!
Byllie