It's not enough any more

[Natasha2]

Hi all.
having been cross dressing on and of for the last 8 years, but more so the last month as i have had the opportunity to, do some of you feel you get to a certain point and feel that dressing just isn't enough any more.
for the last couple of days i have been wanting more than just dressing like a girl, does this happen to any one.
I'm in the state of mind to just bite the bullet and go and see a therapist about it all, but where i live they doesn't seem to be any gender therapists at all, the closest i have found is 300km away.
i guess what i am asking is, is they many people out there in the same boat, do a few of you feel that dressing just isn't enough, would you like to take it further.
Nat
xox

[Maddie22]

I often feel the same way. I have been seeing a therapist, and I actually went today to see her dressed. That was the first time I have went dressed, but it was a great experience, and I will be going again next week as well.

I expressed to her today that I do somtimes feel like I could be dressed like that forever as well and she asks me the right questions and this is her first time dealing with this issue as well. (The only reason why I am able to go is because it is free through my university)

So maybe it might help for you to start to see one as well.

[Paula Rae]

Hey Natasha,
No it's not enough for me either, about a year and half ago I decided to live as a woman 24/7.
I didn't go into therapy but I did get all the support I needed from The Diablo Valley Girls (DVG) a transgender support group.

I love my life now and wouldn't trade it for anything.

Find a support group in your area, you'll be supprised of the number of people just like you.
you'll get all the help you need and make a lot of friends at the same time.

Paula Rae

[Angie G]

I think I'm just easily pleased I'd like to dress more then I do but need my manly time for the family and that a good thing. I do get a lot of dressing time. If you feel you want or need more then see what you can do to get it it's your life so live it the way that makes you the happiest
Angie

[Karren H]

Nope... Not at all... I so enjoying the stage I'm at...reaching a balance between my two sides... Karren and anti-Karren!! Lol. And the way I see it.... I'm having way too much fun living in both genders, to have to pick one permently...

But hey.... its definately not a one size fits all solution!! So if your unhappy with your current situation... Go on and change it!!

[Tomara]

I have dressed more regularly over the past year than any other time in my life , but I am pretty happy with the ballance between male and female that I have and am not looking to go further at this point in time Tomara

[Suzy Harrison]

I've never seen a therapist as I know what I want and can't see someone else telling what I don't already know after all this time.

But I agree, often I feel I need more and more. Enough is never enough !

[Kate Simmons]

I thought so years ago and had prepared to go the whole nine yards with transitioning. Something held me back though and I got married and started a family instead. I had felt at the time that transitioning was my only option but I realize now it would have been a mistake for me. To be honest I've realized part of my purpose is to keep the feelings and energies balanced as I can accomplish much more in this respect and going too far one way or the other upsets that necessary balance.

While I did go to therapy, it was not due to any dysphoria on my part as I never had a problem with the femme feelings. It was mostly to try and figure out how to manage the feelings and how to deal with my family and others who did have a problem with them. I realize everyone is different but this is how I dealt with it. A good therapist can help you to sort out the feelings though and then you can decide the best way to proceed for yourself.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm assuming u r refering to living as, or transitioning into, a woman. Serious, life changing decisions.
Compared to the, " Should I buy some new breast forms"?, decisions, most of us have to make!

[RikkiOfLA]

I too felt that crossdressing wasn't enough. Specifically...

1. Crossdressing was wonderful for me, but I wanted to do it more and more.

2. My wife was fine with my dressing (YAY!!!) but was getting tired of us hanging out at GLBT nightclubs most of the time. She experienced them as a bit creepy, and I could see her point.

3. We were both concerned that Rikki had all the fun, and Rick (my male identity) did all the work. That didn't seem be giving manhood a fair shake.

4. She was concerned that Rikki was becoming too ditzy, too passive, too dependent.

So we decided that we should go to more romantic, comfortable places with me as Rick some of the time, and Rikki should do more work. Rikki should experience the work, and the conflict of being a real woman, rather than just the silliness and fun of being a "gurl."

It was a fateful decision. Very shortly, the personalities of Rikki and Rick became integrated. I was able to be romantic with her when dressed as Rikki, and Rikki became used to dealing with a wider range of situations, not just having fun all the time.

BUT--I also found that dealing with people was much, much easier for me as Rikki. I was more comfortable being assertive dressed as a woman, and I was more patient with hard, tedious work than I was as a guy. I did find there are gentlemen out there who don't let ladies carry heavy loads (nice, but no big deal for me), but that, in general women have to work much harder in more situations than men. And I didn't mind that!

That set me on the course that led to going full time. It really helped to understand my motivations (all of them, not just the gender ones), my sexuality, and so on. Because I understood and accepted my sexuality, I knew that for me, hormones were out of the question. Because of that, and because of my size, I would probably never be able to "pass" in the sense that most people would always be able to read me as some kind of transgendered person (even if they didn't know the words for it). So I knew that it would always be my responsibility (not theirs) to make it clear to people that I am transgendered, and that I expect to be treated respectfully as a woman, and that I have to make all this clear to everyone in a positive, approachable way. Dressing appropriately, by the way, doesn't mean dressing frumpy or conservatively at all times. It means being neat at all times. I can't leave the house with a stained shirt ever. I have to keep up with fashion, not because I'm always fashionable, but because fashion is a tool for knowing what can and can't be worn this week in this social situation. (The rules, in fact, are constantly changing). Appropriate also means knowing what looks good on me (with my body shape, tactfully referred to as "straight line" meaning my measurenents are all about the same), and using those two things (fashion and my own body) as a guide to what attractive, cute, and fun things I can wear. I can wear short skirts (and I'm in my upper 50s) but I don't wear them everywhere. I have to be careful how I sit in them (everyone should, of course). So I am always careful to wear makeup, dress appropriately, and be positive. If I get good service in restaurants, I tip well. I try to be polite, especially when I am tired and upset. I smile a lot and try to be engaging and helpful. And I try to carry my own weight and then some. I try to avoid being the boss when that's someone else's job. As I got ready to go full time, I broadened my wardrobe. I added more work clothes, and gear to handle the weather.

Going full time meant changing jobs (in my same field). I didn't accept a pay cut--in fact, I got a reasonable increase. I looked around for a company that was TG friendly and interviewed with them. Voila! I got the job as an openly transgendered woman and was full time, as easily as that.

I've never looked back. Ten years later, I still love my life, and wouldn't change it for anything! All the guy things I ever did I still do, I just dress as a woman (and that usually means bluejeans and sneakers). That includes landscape photography, railfanning, model railroading, and hiking. In our new house, that will mean gardening and yardwork as well. I will tie my hair back and wear my old shorts and sneakers and full makeup.

But there is a price to pay for going full time. Some family and some co-workers aren't going to accept it at all. They will try to crush you and those who support your decision. My wife's father disowned her. A boss got me fired from one job. I've learned to be less patient with abusive people and situations, and to seek out accepting people. In short, going full time has made me a more well-rounded person.

Life is great!

Blessings,
Rikki

ps. (Standard disclaimer) Going full time is not for everyone. You should be completely comfortable being out in public as a woman, using women's washrooms, talking to people, riding buses etc. before attempting to go full time. Your family situation needs to be taken into account. Your motivations and needs are not the same as mine. A therapist can be helpful if you're unclear of your motivations and emotional needs.

[susie evans]

i agree with karren on this i have way too much fun enjoying the best of both worlds and am very comfortable where i am

susie

[CD Susan]

I have been cd'ing for about 50 years so I have a lifetime of experience doing this. During these many years I have had thoughts of taking it further than just the dressing up and creating an illusion to have fun. I always come back to the realization that I am content on living both sides of my sexuality and do not have the desire to transition to become female only. I am only speaking for myself and understand we all have different feelings about ourselves and also have different desires and goals in life. If someone is no longer content with just the dressing part of all of this and wants to take it further I support thier decision and wish them happiness and fulfillment in thier quest to achieve this goal.

[Joy Carter]

Denying my Joy self was the worst. I literally hated what I saw in the mirror every day. I finaly faced up to who I was a couple of years ago, and I have found peace for the most part, for both sides. The only thing is my married life means I stay male, till death do we part. I'm unhappy about that that part. In reality, it's a small price to pay, for her happiness. Guys take the hit right ?

[Alice B]

I would have to say that Karren describes me to a tee. Sure there are times that many of us want more, but then once you do a honest reality check you realize that things are fine as they are. But that is just my opinion. Good luck in your decision process.

[jill s]

I usually feel that way right before the pendulum swings and I go looking for "The Cure" or do the "I'll Never go to this forum again" thing. For me it is the high before the big crash into self loathing. Many others seem to have found the balance point or have gone onto some self change. My head is way too full of dark stuff today see you all later.

[Dorisnycd]

I can't get enough of Doris. I have pretty much only had sex with men as doris for 3 years now. There is nothing better tome than being dressed sexy as her and enjoying men as her. I did a modeling shoot as Doris and I wouldlove doing more of that sort of thing.

BUT....i also like being my male self and having a full life as that. Although I would love top have breasts I know I don't want to ever not be a man also.

I think all of us here are brave souls and are lucky to be whatever it is we are. Hugs and kisses to all.

[postal_rebecca]

When I was just about ready to get out of the service, I hit, what I consider, a plateau. I was an active member in a TRI-ESS group and would go out on a regular basis. I miss those days.

Now...almost 12 years later, I am living in a small community where I know so many people, based on my job...a mail carrier. Back then, I was just recently divorced, and now I am happily married to a wife who "wants me to be who I am." So, this mens dressing more...and more...and more. Finally, the "manly version" is not enough (dressing in clothes, wig, jewelry...lipstick and maybe some eye shadow) and I CRAVE the full REBECCA.

After this stage...this seems to "fill my desire" for a bit and I am happy to be.."anti-becca" for a time. Then the cycle starts up again....

I am seeing a therapist...who is helping me "blend he best of both worlds" so to speak...in a way that I don't have to feel "shame" in dressing, and allowing becca to "come out and play" while at the same time blending the ale with becca...

I am not seeing the therapist to PURGE the "crossdressing curse" but to encourage and be more comfortable with her..and me...

I hope this helps....

becca

[Ellen Ross]

Rikki of LA,

Thanks for taking the time to write a bit of your story. That helped me allot.

Ellen

[SherriePall]

I don't get to dress often enough and sometimes I wonder why I don't go full-time or more. But then I have been a guy for so long, there are some things I know I would miss. So, I try to strike a balance however fragile it may be at times.

[Claire3]

Ive been dressing most of my life.Guess its finding a balance between your two lives and the desire if you wish ,to move over to your femme side a little more if you're comfortable enough to see it through,allowing yourself a get out clause.then why not?

[CharleneT]

I'm glad you brought this up. For me, for many years, under dressing was more than enough. If you had asked a year or two ago if I would go out to anything but a costume party dressed, I would have laughed and told you know way. Now, after having done exactly that several times, I look forward to the next time with great anticipation. OOOppppsss !! So, if you ask me now, will I ever go full time, I would laugh and tell you no way..... and likely that will stay true. But we all evolve over time and our needs/wants change. Best to keep an open mind about the future and hope for the best!

Charlene

[KarenCDFL]

I have found the same thing. And the fact that I have an incredible SO and a great therapist, I have found a close to perfect place in my inner me so to speak. I know I will never physically transition but thats ok.

[Patti Girl]

When I first started dressing, I wondered if I wanted/needed to go "all the way".

But looking at the total results that would mean, I don't think so. I believe that I am "somewhere inbetween" and want to stay that way. At this point, my only real wish is that I had some small real boobies, small enough to not be noticed in male garb, but enough to feel more feminine.

Patti

[idashine]

I have had the benefit of reading the thoughts of many different men on one major similarity to me. Although, it hurts to try and come to terms with myself, I know I am not alone. For the past 18 months I have done things to make me look and fell more like a women than a man. And just this week a person who is helping me ask a question I can not answer. "What do you want to do next"? I can't go back and I can't go forward. So, I will just read and dream of the next stage until a miracle happens.

[Patti Girl]

And just this week a person who is helping me ask a question I can not answer. "What do you want to do next"? I can't go back and I can't go forward. So, I will just read and dream of the next stage until a miracle happens.

Sometimes patience is helpful. Give yourself time and maybe things will work themselves out to some level of satisfaction.

Patti