Outed to my Son!!!!

[Felix]

Don't know where to strart with this one except to say that because of some jealous idiot I have come out to my son and it's hard. Ok I'm rambling.... Yesterday I was out with my buddy Punkster and a load of other mates from the community cos it was one of their birthdays. I have as you all know been using the male toilets for over a year now. Well last night because of some jerk who can't deal with peeps like me I got asked to leave the male toilets...I was mortified and even though I know that legally they are within their rights I felt like yet another safe haven had been taken away from me. I have talked this threw with a good mate and he has advised that I write a letter to the management of the pubs which are supposed to be gay and trans friendly to put my case forward and express my feelings towards this matter. I may well do that.
Ok the other thing around my son he is very quiet this morning but he's probably still in shock cos his suspicions have been realized and brought to the for. He's been asking me a lot lately and this isn't how i wanted it to come out. Everything happens for a reason or so they say.I'm going to have to deal with everything now full on. Stop denying who I am and come down off the fence. I am scared hell yeah cos deep down I know I'm a man yes there it is I've said it but it makes it no easier right now cos of everything else that surrounds it. I start counselling soon its generic but I don't care I need to talk this through and urgently with someone. The whole thing is doing my head in to be honest. I feel like I'm going off my head with it all and I'm due back in work at the end of the month. Scared isn't even close to how I'm feeling right now!! Sorry for ranting guys xx Felix

[DemonicDaughter]

Its disgusting that people can't live and let live. Who cares what bathroom you use! (I'll censor myself here as a stream of obscenities spews forth) I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you and I wish you all the love and luck in the world. I am sure your son will come to realize you are still the same person he knows and loves.

[deja true]

If he's quiet but still there, I think you'll eventually be okay, Felix.

It's a lot to take in all at once for a young un, especially if there's no lead up.

Gods and goddesses protect you, dear one.

Be gentle and be forgiving.

respect & love,

deja

[Sandra]

Felix hun I'm sorry, some people just can't leave things alone.

As for your son I'm sure things will be ok, you know yourself that there will be a lot more questions, hopefully your answers will show him that this is you and how you need to be, and that throught all of this you still love him to bits and that will never change.

Sending you loads of

[Shelly Preston]

Its unfortunate will still have to live with small minded morons

I feel sure you and you son will be ok Felix
Yes it will mean answering a lot of hard questions you can only answer as honestly as possible

As sandra says he is still around
He may be thinking things over before he has more questions

[Holly]

What a bummer, Felix . Now you must rely of the years of preparation you have invested in raising your son and the values you have instilled in him over the years... the things you have taught him about compassion, understanding, acceptance, and so on. Hopefully he will realize that he is going to need someone to help him as he struggles to find his own direction and identity in this world as well. Who better than you who has faced difficult times and has demonstrated a commitment to do what is right, not necessarily what is popular? Keep the faith!

[ZenFrost]

I hope he handles it well and the whole things goes over smoothly. Try not to let stuff you can't change bug you (easier said than done, I know), it'll just make things harder.

[Wendy me]

Felix sorry for your troubles people can suck ....not only do we get to deal with our issues we get to deal with every one's issues as well...

as far as coming out with your son and head on dealing with every thing i sure you will do fine ....

Felix it scares us some times when we think we want to be some one other than who we were born as some times we find a comfort zone were it "WORKS"........ then comes the time we can't stay in the comfort zone and we have to step forward ..... lol it took me for ever to accept i was a cross dresser and make that my comfort zone ...... lol all hell broke lose when i realized i was not a cross dresser ...... listen to your heart you know what's right for you..........

[xTwo_Of_Heartsx]

I'm sorry about your experience at the pub.. I know how devastating that is.

.. I don't quite understand how you've been outed to your son, though.. you weren't very clear on that..

[CaptLex]

The world is full of morons, as I'm sure you know, Felix, and sometimes it's hard not to feel defeated by them. But we're stronger than that. Sometimes we need a moment to regroup, but we find a way to go on. Just remember you have our support.

I hope all goes well with your son. I have a feeling he will love you and accept you no matter what you look like on the outside - as long as you're still the loving parent on the inside. I think that's the bottom line. You may be concerned that he'll be teased or put in an awkward position and that's reasonable, but I think most kids just want to be sure they're not losing their parents or their love.

Best of luck to you, hon.

[Sonia Kiss]

Hey Felix,

You'll really appreciate counselling, I'm sure, but keep answering those questions from your son! I think it's so great that he can verbalize some of his concerns. Do your best to tell him what he wants to know.

Restrooms...grrr...I get angry too.

Sonia

[Felix]

Thanx so much everyone for your support on this one. As you know from previous posts I have been handling things very gently with my son after my previous experience with my older son. He has been asking lots of questions of late and I have been answering them accordingly. It was obvious when Punkster came to share our home that more questions would come as Punkster too is a trans man as you all know. As far as how this happened the other night well just lets say my son and I are very much in tune with each other and he is well aware when something is troubling me. He happened to be around when I got home from the pub and asked me if I had had a good time. He knew instantly before I had even finished that something else was bothering me. So he asked me and wouldn't let it go. So I explained as gently as I could that I had been removed from the gents. He knew I used male male changing rooms cos earlier that day I had crossed that bridge when he was with me. He already knew about my nick name as he sees it too. He has been great about things and I'm sure he will have more questions but time will tell and I will tell him what he wants to know as and when he wants the info. I love him dearly and do not want to loose him under any circumstance. Its great having Punkster around and they get on really well it makes things a whole lot easier. Hope that makes it a bit clearer XTwo-of Hearts xx Felix

[Punkster]

Things will come right, just watch this space. Jnr is strong and he is mature for his age. Also ya know I'm there too to answer any questions if he needs it and you know in your heart that he will come to you when he's ready. Too be honest Im sure he has already had an idea for a while now.

As for using the gents at the pub that can easily be sorted out,a letter or a quiet word with the staff can sort it....and if all else fails we could always blow the crap outta the pub and take our frustrations out on it lol....just kidding of course...erm yeah really am just kidding lol

[Felix]

Thanx Punkster my friend I'm sure ya right xx Felix

[sabo10]

Came a bit late to thread, but I just wanted to add my voice of support (insignificant through it may be!). Good luck Felix -- it sounds like he understands or will do after enough of his questions are answered.

-KP.

[Felix]

Thanx Sabo and your reply is as significant as any on this board Hun xx Felix

[Felix]

Just to let you all know I have been in touch with the transgender support group in Hull and I'm just waiting to talk to it's leader who is extremely pro active in matters of discrimination and equality I will let you know how it goes xx Felix

[KrazyKat]

Felix!!

I'm happy all is working out. It's always tough to tell the youngsters, but they seem to be more forgiving that we give them credit for these days!! It worked out like that in our household, anyway!!
Hooray for your "family", sounds like a good deal going on in your household, AWESOME!!

Yes, let us know how the pub "talk" goes. Sounds like the right procedure, good for you!! These are gay pubs, right? And someone there had a problem with you in the men's room? So funny, the way people have hangups. The last time I was in a men's room in a gay bar(South Chicago), we had quite a nice chat through the door, lol!! I'm being serious!! I didn't use the women's because it was CD night, and always crowded, lol!!

[Punkster]

Krazykat its like a mad house in here sometimes but we all get along great. Felix is off his head and makes me laugh a lot lol, his son is a moody teenager but we bounce off each other and even wrestle and Im a moody, yet slightly crazy person prone to long periods of solitude and loud music lol. Somehow this household works really well and we all watch out for each other, dont ask me how lol.

[Felix]

Lol ya quite right there Punkster my friend I think the combination in the house is excellent and there is much positive energy flowing around right now The house has found its heart again and it feels like it is pumping strongly and with much vibrance. Thanx my friend xx Felix