Why Gay??

[christinac]

Why does it seem that everyone thinks that a CD/TG is bi or gay? Now don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing at all against a person being bi or gay. In fact, I have some in my own family that are and the type business I'm in, I deal a lot with interior designers and a lot of them are gay, so don't bit the hand that feeds you.
The reason the issue is grinding my gears so bad is because I was just in the Yahoo Spades game room and was chatting with a lady and the subject of crossdressing came up and about (so it seemed) a thousand people started calling me a faggot, queer, S___packer, and all those other hateful terms.

[jennCD]

...just simple ignorance.


jenn

[christinac]

...just simple ignorance.


jenn

I though you have to have a brain and somewhat of a human soul to be ignorant. These people weren't from planet earth. They were pure inhuman!

I'm sorry if I'm running a little low on antifreeze. These people really boiled me over. I guess the woman in me can be a little bit of a B____h too when it comes to crap like that.

[Laney GG]

Unfortunately, you are dealing with the world of the internet where people feel safe to say whatever they feel, no matter how hateful/hurtful it may be. Plus there's a good chance you are dealing with a lot of young people who are struggling to learn who they are and when you bring up something like crossdressing, they probably feel threatened by this since they consider it out of their "norm".
As far as the "gay" issue, I have to admit that went through my head when I found out about my husband. Here it is, he wants to dress and appear like a woman--this lead me to believe he wanted to attract men. I now know better, however, I can understand why so many people would think this. I'm not saying this is correct or fair, but it's just the way the world works... I'm sorry they were so cruel to you.....

[Jilmac]

There is a stigma attached to crossdressing that those people who don't understand, equate to being gay. I know from working in the building trades all my life, and hearing all kinds of conversation, that it's automatically assumed that if a guy wears anything closely resembling feminine clothes, or uses efiminate gestures, he's gay. It's a shame that the ignorance of some people puts a stereotype on others. Luv and Jill

[pamisme]

People like that are scard that thay might be gay, or bi so thay must belittle every one. So it makes than little.and yes thay do know better.

Thay think that if you dress like a female you want to f--- like
a female so to than it is same as being gay.

[MentalMercury]

Because they've seen a flamboyant gay person portrayed on TV as running around acting feminine and/or crossdressing himself... over and over and over.

So basically where I place the blame for the misconception that all cders are gay:

1. The fact that some flamboyant gay people like to crossdress for fun
2. The fact that whenever a crossdresser is portrayed in a mass media outlet (movie, tv, etc.), almost every single time, for some reason, it's a flamboyant gay person

Thus, the mental connection is formed. I can't blame gay people for how they are, because there's nothing wrong with that, but thanks mass media for showing all sides of the multifaceted world of transgenderism! (/sarcasm)

They've also brought you such wonderful things as associating muslim people with terrorists, making women think they're fat if they don't fit into a size 4 dress, and fooling you into think anyone should give a damn about movie star's babies.

[AliciaWeb]

There is so much ignorance and nervousness due to not understanding in addition to predudice against anything even slightly smacking of sexual difference. Although many CDs do not dress for sexual reasons we are all lumped into one package with gays, paedophiles etc. Can be scary in the wrong minds.

[VirginiaX23]

I really think it's because there is a perception that all men in dressed are drag queens straight out of The Birdcage and that we all go around pretending to be Cher or Barbra Streisand. The straight cross-dressing community is very quiet and, as a result, most people just do not get a chance to be informed that many men who choose to dress/act/be as women are, in fact, happily (and, I believe if you spend a good amount of time in your wife's clothing or clothing your wife has purchased for you, extremely and totally happily) married husbands and fathers. We watch football and hang out with the guys and, sure we may be wearing something sheer and silky underneath our jerseys, have no desire for members of the same sex.

When I first came out to my wife, she asked me if I was gay. I assured her that I simply do not find men attractive (although I can appreciate attractive men in the same way straight women appreciate attractive women... there are male attributes I wish I were endowed with and some that I am working towards... I'd like to be both an attractive man and an attractive woman). She accepted that what I do makes me comfortable and relieves a lot of the stress I have and that it has, in many ways, made me a better husband. Plus, we get to go shopping together and I don't just sit around like a lump while she tries things on

[Robertacd]

Besides the mass media portrayals already mentioned.

I think it's because of this. Men think woman dress the way they do, wear makeup and in general try to make them selves look attractive only to attract men.

Therefore a man that wants to dress, look, and act like a woman must be doing it to attract men (he is gay).

Over simplified, yes, but we are dealing with a lot of simple minded people out there.

[Angie G]

All I can say about some people is how can someone be so STUPID! Don't let this skrow your day up hun. They can't help it.
Angie

[KarenCDFL]

As Jenn said, it is just ignorance.

We are part of the problem in my opinion though.

It has always bothered me that individual groups such as Gays want "Gay Right" or TG's want "Gender Rights"

I say we all need to drop the labels and just ask for Human Rights".

Why should it matter how two people or for that matter multiple people choose to live and love?

It is a matter of Human Rights just as our Fore Fathers intended when they wrote the Constitution. Yes I know it says "All Men are Created Equal" but that was the way it was at the time when talking about a group to use the male pronoun.

YES I WANT HUMAN RIGHTS! And once that is signed into law, everything will fall into place. Asking for rights for individual groups just separates us all.

[christinac]

Now that I've had a little while to cool back down. It's kind of comical in a way because I feel female and hope to one day go femme 24-7 maybe even cross over all the way and I'm still attracted to females, so I guess that would make me lesbian. A female inside attracted to females; correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that lesbianism? If that is infact lesbianism, then I guess one could truthfully say that I'm gay.

[Annie D]

My wife asked me the "are you gay" question when I came out to her and initially I explained that I was not. If she asked me that today, my answer would be the same because that type of answer would cloud or even ruin our relationship but as time has passed and as I have become more educated thru reading the many threads and posts and replies from all of you, I can honestly say that I have evolved to a point of not knowing. I can say that I have not had a "gay" experience I don't really know what I would do if I was propositioned or approached by a male. I think that I have become more interested in the type of person who might approach me rather than their gender or sexual orientation.

The only thing that would stop me is my promise to her to be faithful in our marriage because having her love is more important to me than trying to find out my sexual orientation. Although I can't deny the feelings that I might have for other people, I still can say no to either a man or a woman.

[Deborah Jane]

The world is full of ignorant people regarding crossdressing!!
I guess it,s up to us to educate them about where their wrong!!
But it,s going to be a hard job with some them, so either we persevere or just give up and leave them to their ignorance and ignore them!!

[Fab Karen]

It is a matter of Human Rights just as our Fore Fathers intended when they wrote the Constitution. Yes I know it says "All Men are Created Equal" but that was the way it was at the time when talking about a group to use the male pronoun.

YES I WANT HUMAN RIGHTS! And once that is signed into law, everything will fall into place. Asking for rights for individual groups just separates us all.

At the time of the Constitution being written, slavery was in the main still considered acceptable and "all men are created equal" did not protect black people. Eventually a new law had to be added protecting black people from slavery. Women were not seen as equal either ( & to some extent remain so ), eventually a law was added to give them the right to vote ( to this day however there is no law guaranteeing them equal pay for equal work for example ). The laws must be written out in exact terms to cover things which back in our country's beginning weren't considered. So if you want ONE law written up, it would be a very long document & much harder to pass.
If want such protections, do NOT vote for President a man who would shift the Supreme Court to more judges who'd drag this country backwards.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Simple...Cd'ing from male to female ='s feminine, then is correlated to which ='s gay...if their minds anyway...for most CD'ers it ='s N-O-R-M-A-L!!!!

Just the way it is and comes with the territory....and as they say "sticks and stones will hurt me be names never will"...

Plus personally in my opinion it takes a rare person to be of both gender both as a CD'er as well as in the sexual mode...and because of that msot 95+% can't really get it. Most of those who can't jsut aren't able to allow themselves ti be enlighten enough to be able t make that transition over to expeiencing both genders that are within everyone...and usually it's because of fear and going against the "excepted social mores" of the day...

again, just my opinion....

[DanaR]

There is a stigma attached to crossdressing that those people who don't understand, equate to being gay. I know from working in the building trades all my life, and hearing all kinds of conversation, that it's automatically assumed that if a guy wears anything closely resembling feminine clothes, or uses efiminate gestures, he's gay. It's a shame that the ignorance of some people puts a stereotype on others. Luv and Jill

I agree!

Several years ago, one of my girl friends took me out bar hopping with one of her other girl friends. We had been at this bar for a while and several people that she knew stopped by and were introduced to me.

One of these gals that I just met came back a couple of minutes later to introduce me to her husband. While the introductions were being made, this guy looked at me with this smirk on his face that I read as, look at this gay guy in a dress. Anyway this guy is looking at me and the three of us were talking. I'm standing across from him with my arm around his wifes shoulder. Then I make this statement, that most people think that we are gay, but I'm really into women.

The look on this guys face went from smirk to OMG this guy that has his arm around my wife isn't gay. It was a Kodak moment. I still think of this as one of the funniest moments that I've ever had while out dressed.

[battybattybats]

Bit of history people.

Gay and transgender people were oppressed together, marginalised together, given electroshock therapy together, thrown in jail together.

Those few places transgender people could go in the past were the few places gay people could go in the past. When those places were raided by police it was transgender and gay people arrested side by side.

And the transgender people stood out more so they got arrested first.

Stonewall? The law that the police used to shut down gay bars was an anti crossdressing law! The drag queens, the transexuals were amongst the first to fight back at Stonewall!

And the Compton Cafeteria riots before that again it was the transgender people who fought back first against the oppression faced by both the gay and transgender communities.

The reason why the two are interlinked is because the two ARE linked! By a shared history!

In fact many have argued that the basis of most homophobia is really transphobia! The gender non-conformity of gay people (at the very least in sexuality as seen from a heteronormative ignorance) being the cause of thier oppression.

Gay people and transgender people share several common bonds, shared history, shared culture of difference and non-conformity, shared experiences of being closeted and for some of coming out.

Sure we need to explain to some that transgender people come from ALL sexualities but that is it.

So long as people view gay people through a heteronormative cis-gendered bias they will still mix us up.

And besides we do have important connections and links to gay people by our history and our experiences.

Sure there are transphobes amongst the gay community and there are plenty of homophobes in the trans community too. But everyone owes everyone tolerance! Especially anyone who wants tolerance!

So everyone search yourselves for homophobic bias. Try and make some friends in all communities. And when you are faced with misdirected homophobia fight back against it and suffer the slings and arrows with pride because those gays and lesbians are your brothers and sisters too.

[Donna Michelle]

Thay think that if you dress like a female you want to f--- like
a female so to than it is same as being gay.

They think that if you want to look like a female, you want to BE a female and do what THEY think ALL females do. That means have sex with men. Yeah, that must be what they are thinking.

I feel bad that my wife got dragged into this mess. She didn't know I dressed until years after we were married and had a son. She never thought I was gay. But my niece asked my wife if SHE was a lesbian, because she didn't leave me after I came out!


My wife tried to explain that I am the same person just in different clothes and she still loves me. She doesn't have sex with me when I am dressed as Donna. It is amazing how confused people can be.

The look on this guys face went from smirk to OMG this guy that has his arm around my wife isn't gay. It was a Kodak moment. I still think of this as one of the funniest moments that I've ever had while out dressed.

That's a great story. People are so ignorant.

[linnea]

There is a stigma attached to crossdressing that those people who don't understand, equate to being gay. I know from working in the building trades all my life, and hearing all kinds of conversation, that it's automatically assumed that if a guy wears anything closely resembling feminine clothes, or uses efiminate gestures, he's gay. It's a shame that the ignorance of some people puts a stereotype on others. Luv and Jill

I've worked in a lot of different occupations, including some that many people would think of as enlightened; however, the ignorant attitudes prevail almost everywhere. Many people claim to accepting and accepting of others unlike themselves, but relatively few seem able to live up to much of that standard. It's sad, but I think that it's true.

[Patrice]

Homophobia has always bothered me deeply for while I understand the reasoning behind it intellectually, Ive never understood it emotionally. Its a null issue for me, a truly pointless discussion - I just dont see how it matters.

Im sure by now many of my cooworkers assume Im gay, and this doesnt bother me in the least. In fact in many ways I consider it a compliment.

Only a couple have actually asked me and my answer has been simple.
"Sorry, but I dont answer that question because I quite honestly fail to see how it matters in any way." Because I really dont.

[christinac]

I wonder what things will be like say about twenty years from now? I noticed from what few Alt clubs I have visited that the younger generation is very much accepting of all of us whether you be CD or GLBT. Of course you will always have "rednecks" in the south and "redneck" want to be in the north, but even they are growing more and more tolerant. In general even "normal" (if there is even such a thing) people or guess the proper term would be the general public is more tolerant than what they used to be.

[Alayna]

There's a simple response to those people online: let them know that they are uneducated bigots. It's worked for me in the past in online poker rooms. I tell them that they're no different than a racist, and that usually shuts them up.

[Ásfríðr]

yes we are kinda linked by the way we stray from the norm, the gays and the transgendered. but then why are we offended by 'gaystigma'?

if an ftm tg ladygirl were called a dyke, she might be offended because, as it turns out, she fancys men. So she's straight? or is she gay? and i suppose you could say (if you were mtf) "well, i don't want people to assume i'm gay because i fancy women" but if these females have already made up their minds about you without going to the trouble of actually speaking with you that doesn't bode well for 'on the same level'-ness (if thats important of course, i mean, im just assuming but, i'm sure tv/tgs are, by and large, about having strong relationships over loosely 'just sex' more than 'typical' men or 'pigs', to use the latin)

i guess what i want to get at is that, because of the way we work, ie 'man+woman= more of us' we have this basic idea of man wants woman, woman wants man, and this is all fine and hunky dory and we love it.
Then one day we find that sometimes man+man= good clean fun (or woman of course!)
...Then, later that day, we find 'man = woman'?, but said 'man/woman' still wants to do '+woman' for kicks or whatever lol. (shopping?)
Then another day we try woman/man+woman+woman+washing machine and hey! it works! and you've got think, 'my god we're a horny animal!', sex means so damn much to us

straight or gay or bi are too simple a set of labels to describe the way we settle into roles anymore. But what we have in common is we're attracted to an one aesthetic over another (usually) Maybe it would be nice to detach aesthetic from gender? We feel we belong to one, and we feel to belong to one from the other? (or the same, unless you are the opposite wanting the same, you see its complicated)
So to conclude, ladies ladies, gentlemen and gentlemen... who knows?! who cares? not i said the walrus! but its definatly not all the same at the end of the day, and thats whats beautiful about it

xx

(although....actually, maybe 'gender specific aesthetics' is nothing more than a set of arbitrary symbolic relationships wittled out of us over the years and we should forget about what the £$&^ we look like, and love each other in the mind?!) Brainsex!! food for thought xxxxxxxxxxxx................ something like that anyways, toodles x (wow that makes absolutely no sense)