People who do not understand something tend to respond in a bad way.
People who do not understand something tend to respond in a bad way.
That pisses me off too.Originally Posted by christinac
Why does it seem that everyone thinks that a CD/TG is bi or gay? Now don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing at all against a person being bi or gay. In fact, I have some in my own family that are and the type business I'm in, I deal a lot with interior designers and a lot of them are gay, so don't bit the hand that feeds you.
The reason the issue is grinding my gears so bad is because I was just in the Yahoo Spades game room and was chatting with a lady and the subject of crossdressing came up and about (so it seemed) a thousand people started calling me a faggot, queer, S___packer, and all those other hateful terms.
The way I see it is that children hear the words "Queer" and "Gay" in grade school, and when they ask what it means, they are told by adults (and their equally ignorant peers), that Gay means "a guy who thinks he is a girl" or "wants to be a girl"-------lord knows we cant tell kids about SEX, and would they even understand the concept of sexuality?-----A crossdresser certianly appears to fit the description in the eye of a child given that definition, so naturally they think of crossdressers as being gay.
The problem is that MANY of these kids grow up NEVER bothering to look up what "gay" or "homosexual" actually means, depending on their peers for sexual info. Oh to be sure, they learn that gays like to have sex with other men, but thats just "something ELSE" they do rather than it being the primary definition----a guy who thinks hes a girl. So we have a large number of adults who dont know what a gay actually is, much less the difference between a gay and a crossdresser.
Ironically , due to this ignorance, a fair number of them fearfully (and mistakenly) think that they might have a bit of "gayness" in them, so they overcompensate so no one learns their "dread secret"----usually by becomming "assholes", teasing and ridiculing anyone who seems to fit their childish "gay definition" Projecting a "No sir! nobody wil think we are gay! we HATE gays!" attitude.
You have a good point, Marina. I used to have a very foul and bigoted attitude to wards CD/TG because I was ashamed of the person I was in my heart. That may be the reason I lost my antifreeze with the jerks, because I used to be just as stupid.
It's a matter of understanding. Once a person understands a situation or is faced with it first hand then views tend to change.
People act in bigoted ways simply because they do not understand.
Or even they are simply hiding a little secret themselves and rather than come clean they over compensate and end up as complete jerks.
Whats so wrong about being gay ?
What types of feeling toward gays do you have that someone thining your gay pisses you off so bad.
Someones wrong opinion about you cant possably mean that much unless its something so vile to you that you can't deal with it.
Its really easy to type that you have no bad feelings toward gays etc, but if something like that bothers you so much it can't possably be true.
Gay people can be some of the best people you could ever meet. There is absolutly nothing wrong with them.
Actually it's simply logic...... and most people think simply, imho....
If you want to look and dress like a girl.... Then you must like men... otherwise why would you be doing it?
That's all there is to it... If I knew nothing else about crossdressing that is exactually yhe conclusion i would draw... Matter of fact it's kind of the thought process I went through as a child....
I love to dress like a girl, so I must like guys.... But I don't....
and it took me a long time to get over that one.... So how do you expect someone with no other knowledge except "women like men".... to come to any other conclusion....
There are but very few of us that are out to many people. Most people in the mainstream have had no contact with anyone who admits to being a crossdresser. Most people know, or know of, several gay people. There is a thread regarding famous crossdressers, aside from some entertainment figures who have dressed up for a part or who are female impersonators or drag queens we have no 'Poster Child.'
Because most people in the mainstream have no contact with crossdressers and because there is little information on crossdressing presented by the media they have little means to make an informed opinion.
It takes a real man to wear a dress.
Yes, if I was not CD then that is the same thought I would have because of socialization. Notice with all the so-called Gay Rights and so-called strides have been made just how mush HATE still exists. Attitudes in the general public have not really changed all that much.
Don't be fooled, folks are just as hateful as ever. They just can't be as blatant about until they get on-line. They hate it all, CD, Gay all of it.
And it is not getting any better, there is a backlash going on right now.
Great point BattyBatts..
Gay & TG just seems to intertwine.. Though it should not, but it will.. Our Curse..
IGNORANCE IS THE Enemy! And there is still Alot of it,.. Always.. I Really dont think it can be brought down entirely unfortunatlly.. We might get some more acceptance, but Never accepted ever in this world right now.. I hope that I am wrong, however...
For Our Coulture to flurish, Something Has to change.. Something big to make attention. Something to say that we are Human, JUST like the Gays.. They are accepted as a group now, so why not most CDs?
I Think CDs should be respectfull and dress as so in public, And not as Clowns as most DQs do in public, As I think that most have done soo.. Dont be a Clown.. Be respectfull and acceptable! Make our intrest Move, to be acceptable!, Not Pink Flamingoes! One thing that I hate is A GUY looking like a guy in a dress to make $$$! Is he not a CD Too?
Last edited by Melora; 06-08-2008 at 06:31 AM.
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I don't understand it either way - please explain to me how it makes sense intellectually.
I agree . . . nobody feels the need to ask a straight person if they're straight or to out them, but they think it their business to do just that to gay people.
I understand and agree with a lot of your post, but what's "an ftm tg ladygirl"?
I identify as FtM TG/TS and there are FtM CDs, but I've never heard any of either referred to as "ladygirl". And in reference to FtM TGs, it's usually best to check your pronouns because most of us prefer "he", though some use "she" and some don't have a preference.
As for your question, I do fancy men but I'm not "offended" when referred to as a dyke - I just correct people. Seems like I always have to correct people: when I was seen by most as a female who wore men's clothes, people assumed I was lesbian. Now that I'm seen by more people as male, people assume I'm straight (into women) because most people assume that everyone is straight until told otherwise.
There are always going to be assumptions by the general public.
But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow[SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]
Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow[SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]
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in short.. i think we can all thank the extremely far right, religious, fundamentalist, evangelical nuts for the vast majority of prejudices......
Well Being associated with gay people doesn't bother me the least...Why does it seem that everyone thinks that a CD/TG is bi or gay? Now don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing at all against a person being bi or gay. In fact, I have some in my own family that are and the type business I'm in, I deal a lot with interior designers and a lot of them are gay, so don't bit the hand that feeds you.
The reason the issue is grinding my gears so bad is because I was just in the Yahoo Spades game room and was chatting with a lady and the subject of crossdressing came up and about (so it seemed) a thousand people started calling me a faggot, queer, S___packer, and all those other hateful terms.
In fact I am far more concerned that it seems to be a lot better accepted to come out as a gay than coming out as a crossdresser or a tanssexual person.
We have a long road ahead... We would need to be a lot more activists ine the fights against the disctimination to which x-dressers and transgenders at all levels are submitted...
Eugenie
It's a crying shame that they way one dresses has to specify their sexual preference to the onlookers that can't seem to understand themselves, let alone those that are a bit different.
Does a woman that wears pants, really want to be a man? I think not!
But when a man wears a dress... Well he must want to be with a man, doesn't he.
It's just this kind of thinking that keeps most of us in the closet in the first place.
Things are finally starting to change in this old world. A bit slowly, I'll admit, but times are changing and people are beginning to ask more questions and understand more. (Thank God!)
It's been very surprising to me that what I thought the people that I know would say, isn't what they are saying about me at all. Maybe it would have been that way, say 30-40 years ago, but it seems that people are better educated now. Well most of them anyway... (There will always be people that just can't understand or don't want to understand.)
Here's looking forward to the future.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
on a lighter note,
a few years ago, i was travelling down in the lift of my bock of flats were i live i was dressed as i always am in fem jeans a fem top and a fem hoodie, all these things are of the acceptable veriaty, nothing to ostentatures,
there was one other occupant in the lift, a (straight) guy and he was absolutly terrified, berrying himself in the wall of the lift, i could have been upset at his reaction but to see this guy cowering against the wall made my day and several after, did he realy asume that becouse i was wearing womens clothes, that i was at best going to rape him and at worst probably going to murder him.
stevie 0
Dear christinac
it is normal to call you that , to them it is a voodou type of subject ...Love you do not have to be mad about it ...as the preverb says ....( you have your faith ...and i have mine ...) we love it and we enjoy it if they do not accept it .....the hell with them....enjoy it while you can my sis
i'm glad i made some sense lol, i was just using a hypothetical woman (ladygirl was a bit silly, just being lighthearted. i guess i meant a genetic female who is internally male and fancys women, like a gay man) as an example to show how gay and straight aren't enough to describe a lot of people. i have no ftms in my life so sorry to sound ignorant,I understand and agree with a lot of your post, but what's "an ftm tg ladygirl"?
I identify as FtM TG/TS and there are FtM CDs, but I've never heard any of either referred to as "ladygirl". And in reference to FtM TGs, it's usually best to check your pronouns because most of us prefer "he", though some use "she" and some don't have a preference.power tho dude xx
Most muggles have no understanding of any distinction between Gender or Sexuality. The assumption is that Trans people only "do it" because they are attracted to the same gender as themselves. It doesn't matter where you live or the culture in which you have been brought up, the assumption is the same. Check out the situation in Iran where being gay is illegal unless you have GRS and are thus a woman. This allows them to claim no gays in Iran- period.
It's as difficult for gay people to accept as straight, I've sen a it all in a couple of years; from the kindly questions genuinely seeking answers that I've had from both gay men and women through to the drunken idiots last month that couldn't keep their hands to themselves and when told "no" for the umpteenth time basically yelled in our faces that as we were dressed we were "asking for it".
All we can do, those of us in a situation to do so is to try and deliver a kindly trans 101 when ever we're asked.
We'll get there eventually but it is going to take 50 years at least in the west and many centuries elsewhere.
Girls who are boys, Who like boys to be girls, Who do boys like they're girls, Who do girls like they're boys, Always should be someone you really love
Christinac:
I'm straight myself, but it's hardly surprising people think cders are gay for threee reasons:
1. wear a dress, panties, make-up, hang out with others doing the same, use a fem name; why wouldn't someone else thing we would want to do all the things women do?
2. as someone else said, stereotypes from movies
3. Try reading these posts...apparently a lot ARE GAY, (or Bi).
Susan
As much as I dislike the extremely far right, religious, fundamentalist, evangelical nuts I can not blame them for the vast majority of prejudices. Our biggest enemy is ignorance. The best thing we can do to become accepted is to educate the public.
It takes a real man to wear a dress.
At face value, the stereotype is very wrong.
1) Gay men are attracted to men.
2) CD Men want to look like women.
3) Therefore, gay men are not generally attracted to CD men.
According to Tri-Ess, the incidence of homosexuality in CD men is less than that of the general population of men.
Given time, the media can completely screw up any and all concepts.
But tri-ess is anti-gay right from their mission statement.
I am not a member of Tri-Ess. I was merely pointing out a statistic that they present. Regardless of how wrong they might be, numbers don't lie -- only people do.
I suspect that a lot of people who don't understand the finer points of sexuality or gender think that anyone who is the least bit different is "gay". Probably most of them have no idea of what "transgendered" is, or what "crossdressing" is. Most probably don't even know that bi-sexuality exists, they think bi's are "gay" too.
Apparently I'm a "little bit different" even before the crossdressing. Before we married, my wife's adult son (and I think a granddaughter) asked her if I was "gay" and this was before I did any crossdressing. Apparently, I have some feminine qualities (my wife agrees). In fact, being seen as being different this way is part of what has convinced me that I am TG and belong this way.
Back to the OP, perhaps your response could have been "no, I'm not gay, I like women, so I guess I'm a lesbian". That would have probably stripped the gears on their brain cells trying to understand that ;-)
Patti
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