But her ability to maintain a tolerence of it had obviously faded. I can't blame her for her feelings.Since then, we've been in limbo.

I still can't help but to think that there was at least a shred of malice in the way she did what she did with those clothes. I just wish we could even talk about it. We've gone from one side to the other.
She actually went from sharing her clothes and tolerating your femme side to totally ignoring that side and trying to make it go away. She can give you clothes or you can buy them. You will still wear them. She can't change who you are. You were born that way.

I wish she would talk to you about this. It seems like she tried and gave up. She just can't accept you. Does she really want to spend the rest of her life avoiding these issues? Or can you get therapy if talking to each other doesn't solve your problems?

Each of you need someone you can trust who cares about your feelings. I think your story bothers me, because a friend of mine has a wife who does her own thing while my friend does his own CD thing. They don't seem like they belong together. We don't know the whole story, but if the wife doesn't like "queers", why did she marry him? Why are they still together? Are they happy? Would they be happier apart?

These are tough questions to answer. If your wife is participating in this forum, it sounds like she gave things a try. Why did she hurt you on your birthday? Why won't she talk to you? If she isn't talking, does SHE have something to hide? Is she seeing another man who she thinks is a "better" man? Or does she just avoid issues? I see people who would put off until tomorrow what should have been done today.

Tell your wife to stop avoiding things, because you love her and miss her. You want to spend better quality time together instead of avoiding, arguing or getting the silent treatment. You were happy before she knew about your CDing. What changed? Her perception of you? You are the same person, only now she knows you wear prettier clothes sometimes.

This may sound crazy, but... did you try crying in front of her? Do you think she still cares about your feelings? Maybe she can have a good cry, too. And you can finally try to talk to each other. Maybe you can be a man and take her to dinner, then talk to her at home. Is she not getting enough time with the man she married?

I still don't understand how she could live with you this long, then change her mind. Unless she was faking tolerance and got tired of it. Or something else made her change her mind. If she would make friends with Dann instead of ignoring her, she could have a new best friend.