Must be THAT hard!

[Donna Michelle]

My wife totally agrees that there is something really wrong with a wife who doesn't communicate with her husband. She sat here and thought it was terrible that everyone insulted the CD for wanting to wear his wife's clothes.

If he just came out last week, I could understand. But after years knowing and not talking about it, she comes across as selfish. He should simply give up his crossdressing, because SHE doesn't like it. And she deliberately got rid of clothes on HIS birthday for spite. That is NOT how you treat your spouse.

My wife is really disturbed with this story. This woman definitely has CD-phobia and possibly other issues dealing with communication. Or maybe she is jealous. Dann, do you look hotter than your wife?

Tamara, do you really think Dann made up this story? I don't.

Maybe I overreacted, but I can't believe how long she is avoiding the issue. Do they plan to spend the rest of their lives NOT talking about this? You can't close your eyes and your ears to your problems. You can't pretend it isn't there. It isn't going away. I really appreciate my wife right now.

[Julie York]

And what's your point? You only quoted me and no one else in this thread, why is that? People are posting personal attacks about his wife, I assume that's ok with you is it? but because I posted what I thought of him, that's not ok? And what's with the 'touche' edit... being a bit childish now are we?

Oh you're a star.

Maybe I misunderstand things. I believe this section of the crossdressers forum for crossdressers is called the MtF section. It's about the point of view from say....a MtF crossdressers point of view. You know the sort of thing....frustrations.....anxieties...worries...ge tting things off your chest...that sort of thing. Frustrations at seeing perfectly good things going to waste (regardless of the right or wrong of it).

No-one has yet posted anything about his wife being the "most selfish person" they've known or that "she's full of crap".

[Tamara Croft]

No-one has yet posted anything about his wife being the "most selfish person" they've known or that "she's full of crap".

She sounds very shallow and/or closed minded to me.

Ouch! What a selfish (censored)!

Oh, so this was ok to post then.... my bad...

Just because this is the MTF section, it does NOT give anyone the right to slam a SO that isn't a member here.

And again, why are you only quoting me? There are plenty of members in this thread that have said he's selfish, so just why are you singling me out Julie? or do I really need to ask that? I think I know the answer...

My wife totally agrees that there is something really wrong with a wife who doesn't communicate with her husband. She sat here and thought it was terrible that everyone insulted the CD for wanting to wear his wife's clothes.

Oh did she, so did she think it was ok for you to call the wife horrible names? (see again quote above) was that ok? seriously?

Tamara, do you really think Dann made up this story? I don't.

I don't get why you said this, where did I actually state he made this up?

[Donna Michelle]

No-one has yet posted anything about his wife being the "most selfish person" they've known or that "she's full of crap".

I did! Well, not the most selfish person I've known, but I did say I thought she was selfish. My wife totally agrees. This particular forum is for m2f to say how they feel. That is how we feel. She can redeem herself by apologizing and buying her husband something pretty.

[Tamara Croft]

I did! Well, not the most selfish person I've known, but I did say I thought she was selfish. My wife totally agrees. This particular forum is for m2f to say how they feel. That is how we feel. She can redeem herself by apologizing and buying her husband something pretty.

Seriously? I find that rather ignorant. You don't know why the wife chose to give the clothes to charity, so I'll give you a scenario shall I?

Wife has put weight on, is throwing out all her clothes that don't fit her anymore, not because she just doesn't want them... she doesn't want to give them to the SO because they would fit him better...

What if that is the reason eh? How would that make her feel seeing him wearing clothes that used to fit her and she loved wearing... it would make her feel like crap. But this is just a scenario.

One more thing to add, these clothes, they are HER CLOTHES, to do with whatever she likes, if she wants to give them to charity, that is her choice, she bought them, she can do what she likes with them. She is not happy about the CD'ing, she doesn't want to give him her stuff and I don't blame her in the slightest. Why should she? She can't get a handle on this as it is, why would she think to give her husband her clothes?

I'm sorry, but I think a few people on this forum need to get their facts straight about this whole thing.

You can slam me all you like, I'm here to defend myself, and I couldn't really care less what is said, but you are not going to come here and slam someone who can't defend themselves, they aren't selfish at all, just a struggling wife.

[Julie York]

Oh, so this was ok to post then.... my bad...

Just because this is the MTF section, it does NOT give anyone the right to slam a SO that isn't a member here.

And again, why are you only quoting me? There are plenty of members in this thread that have said he's selfish, so just why are you singling me out Julie? or do I really need to ask that? I think I know the answer...

lol

Cos I can't resist.

And the Administrator isn't supposed to be the most abrasive person on the forum. That's Ashley in Jerseys job ( I retired).

Irrational as it may seem...selfish as it may seem....childish and self absorbed as it may seem....when you crave a thing......when it is part of an inner urge you can't control and may even hurt you because of it....Then watching someone throw that very thing out, is like being hungry and watching someone throw food away.

There IS another point of view.

[Tamara Croft]

And the Administrator isn't supposed to be the most abrasive person on the forum.

I'm also a member...

Irrational as it may seem...selfish as it may seem....childish and self absorbed as it may seem....when you crave a thing......when it is part of an inner urge you can't control and may even hurt you because of it....

So in other words, you're just being an argumentative *insert word here* to wind me up... yes, that is childish...

[Kieron Andrew]

What if that is the reason eh? How would that make her feel seeing him wearing clothes that used to fit her and she loved wearing... it would make her feel like crap. But this is just a scenario.

exactly my thinking....

She is not happy about the CD'ing, she doesn't want to give him her stuff and I don't blame her in the slightest. Why should she? She can't get a handle on this as it is, why would she think to give her husband her clothes?

thats about the size of it, she needs help, not comdemnation to come to terms with her husbands dressing...and if she doesnt get a handle on it, so be it, not everyone will, and to wear her clothes might be a step to far in her head than shes ready to cope with, out of sight out of mind is easier for some, i dont see the wife as being in the wrong at all!

[Julie York]

I'm also a member...

So in other words, you're just being an argumentative *insert word here* to wind me up... yes, that is childish...

Sometimes it is safer to make people think about their actions than smack them with a lead pipe.....because they might have a bigger one.

[Wendy me]

a so or an Administrator i won't have it any more .........wow ...........i might not belong here in the MTF cross dressers forum as i am not a cross dresser............this thread gets calmed down or i will close it and should it be closed for this slamming/ bashing i will issue infractions to all that keep it going from this point forward ,.....bull SHI_T stops now understood????................

[Julie York]

a so or an Administrator i won't have it any more .........wow ...........i might not belong here in the MTF cross dressers forum as i am not a cross dresser............this thread gets calmed down or i will close it and should it be closed for this slamming/ bashing i will issue infractions to all that keep it going from this point forward ,.....bull SHI_T stops now understood????................

Quite right Wendy. Just as a matter of interest which bit was the bullshit bit?

[Jilmac]

Dann, It seems as if your wife is purposely tormenting you. My wife was always in denial about my dressing and didn't like to talk about it either. However none of her clothes fit me so It didn't matter if she donated them. My daughter's clothes , on the other hand, fit me quite well and would end up in the Goodwill/Salvation Army bags along with my wife's. I would volunteer to take them to the donation center which gave me the opportunity to "rescue" anything I desired.

I don't know what your situation is but if you get a chance to take her clothes to the donation center ( instead of her) that would be a great opportunity for you to add to your collection. Luv and Jill

[Wendy me]

Quite easy when respect is not given in the person's wish to do with her clothes as she feels fit ...... to gain acceptance one must also offer respecte.........

[DonnaT]

It's a shame is it? A shame he came here telling us what a selfish woman his WIFE is? I hope she doesn't find this forum and reads her husband calling her names.

I'm sorry, I didn't see that part of Dann's post.
<reread>
Still don't see it.

If someone reads Dann's post and comes to their own conclusion that his SO is selfish, should we really blame Dann for someone else's conclusion?

[Tree GG]

Can someone please answer why this is so adversarial?

Why are people judging the wife for donating clothes to charity? There certainly are people the charity services who will consider those items a Godsend.

Dann has allowed the relationship to be as it is for the past 3 years. He has equal responsibility for the state of affairs with his wife. EQUAL..EQUAL...EQUAL!

Sure, he came to the MTF section of CDs.com to vent, rant and get support for his hurt. Nothing wrong in wanting support or feeling how he feels, but how one-sided is it to rally strangers to agree that his wife is the most inconsiderate person ever because she didn't give him some old clothes? Geesh! Where's the respect for the wife? (Tamara's trying to get you to see it.) How is his hurt, resentful and adversarial position helpful to their relationship and day-to-day lives?
To receive respect, one must give respect.

I'm not a CD, so I believe this will mostly fall on deaf ears, but fanning flames is not productive support, IMO.

[AshleyCD]

Hum, seems like a lot of people are worried about the whole clothes thing, when there seems to be a much bigger issue that obviously there is other problems as they can't communicate with each other and I'm sure there are other problems besides the cding, but they just don't communicate it.

So they need to get some counseling, so they can communicate and save their marriage. If it just keeps on this way at least from the post, one or other is going to get fed up at some point and get a divorce. Just my though, relationships are complicated and kids make it more so many just stay together for the kids. I do think at some point your urge will hit and you will be caught by her dressed, which probably won't go over big, unless you are very lucky like the other poster here. I may totally be off though, as I said before relationships are complicated.

[CaptLex]

Hmmm . . . notice Dann hasn't returned to this thread . . .

[Kieron Andrew]

Hmmm . . . notice Dann hasn't returned to this thread . . .

geez i wonder why!

[GypsyKaren]

Dann, you can buy a jean skirt and a top at SA for $3, so cash in your pop bottles and buy your own clothes.

Karen Starlene

[Dakota]

Trust me, you don't want to get her old stuff. If she does not like your CDing and you end up with her old clothes it would not end well. Might as well take the opportunity to get a little something for yourself.

[Bonnie D]

First of all I would like to applaud all the SOs who are accepting of their spouses crossdressing and especially those are accepting and found out about it after they were married. Most would not be accepting and I cannot understand how that cannot be understood. I have been crossdressing since I was 11 years old, not only that but it didn't take me long to realize I was also a transsexual. Neither were acceptable to me because I knew society wouldn't accept it. But I continued to crossdress every chance I got and I continued to dream of becoming a female and dating boys and eventually getting married to a man. It wasn't a reality I could see happening so I dated girls and eventually got married. Prior to marrying I told her about my crossdressing but had put in the past to see her reaction. She accepted it as long as it was in the past. I have always regretted not telling her it was an ongoing thing. Soon after we were married and I was home alone for the day and I tried on many of her clothes. I felt like it was an invasion of her personal belongings and so I stopped and focussed on getting my own clothes.

I know that if I had accepted myself a long time ago I would not have gotten married, I would have put money away and had a sex change when I saved enough. I would have dated men and hopefully would have gotten married. I would not have wanted my husband to be a crossdresser. I would have wanted him to be a masculine gentleman who enjoyed my femininity.

I am now living on my own and seeing men sexually. I like crossdressers but prefer to have them as friends and not as lovers. I want to be the feminine one. So how could I expect any woman to feel any different?

Regarding Dann's wife sending her unwanted (no matter the reason) clothes to SA, which is not like throwing them in the garbage, I can understand why. When you give your clothes to a charity do you ever expect to see someone actually wearing them? No, you know someone is going make good use of them and that's it. I realize Dann would make good use of them too but it is not the same thing. It would feel like she is encouraging him to do something she does not want him to do. Plus they were clothes she wore.

Dann, you will have to deal with it. Buy your own clothes. I know it is not easy but that is how it is if she cannot accept your crossdressing and help with it. She cannot be held accountable for anything to do with it if she is not accepting of it.

Bonnie

[Donna Michelle]

I don't think everyone read the ENTIRE story posted by Dann. The wife doesn't want to donate her clothes to her own husband and deliberately got rid of them on Dann's birthday as if to rub it in Dann's face. And she refuses to look at Dann or talk to Dann. There is something WRONG there.

We didn't say the wife was EVIL or anything, just selfish and definitely insensitive to Dann's feelings. We also didn't say that Dann isn't partly to blame for staying in this relationship. I don't blame Dann for not replying to this discussion. If Dann bothers to participate in this forum again, I would be surprised.

Let's hope that Dann and the wife can finally talk about their problems and do what they have to do to make both of them happy. I just checked back to see if Dann replied. Not interested in arguing with members. Dann, if you see this, I hope you can communicate with your wife better than we communicate on this forum!

[Shelly Preston]

I don't think everyone read the ENTIRE story posted by Dann. The wife doesn't want to donate her clothes to her own husband and deliberately got rid of them on Dann's birthday as if to rub it in Dann's face. And she refuses to look at Dann or talk to Dann. There is something WRONG there.

We didn't say the wife was EVIL or anything, just selfish and definitely insensitive to Dann's feelings. We also didn't say that Dann isn't partly to blame for staying in this relationship. I don't blame Dann for not replying to this discussion. If Dann bothers to participate in this forum again, I would be surprised.

Let's hope that Dann and the wife can finally talk about their problems and do what they have to do to make both of them happy. I just checked back to see if Dann replied. Not interested in arguing with members. Dann, if you see this, I hope you can communicate with your wife better than we communicate on this forum!

Everyone has to remember there are two sides to every story

Dann's wife has known for three years and 7 months
It is painfully obvious she wants nothing whatsoever to do with Danns dressing

I feel sorry for for Dann that this is the situation but some here have faced worse by being asked to leave followed by divorce

You say she is insensitive to Dann's feelings
She may consider Danns action by continuinng to dress as insensitive

You say you hope Dann communicates with his wife better than we do

I hope they can discuss it but I fear she has no wish to talk about it

Discussions dont always have the outcome we would all wish for

So please try not to judge on such a shot post

[GypsyKaren]

Just because Dann's wife doesn't go four paws in the air over this doesn't make her selfish, it means she's an adult who has a right to make her own decisions and has done so.

Now then, there will be no more slamming in this thread, anyone who does will be blocked from it and have their post deleted, among other things.

Karen Starlene

[Angie G]

Sorry you are forced to hide your dressing I did it for years not knowing my wife would have been OK with it. So I do know you pain hun and wish you could have what I have. If you ever feel you need you are welcome to PM me hun.
Angie