Like father, like son

[VirginiaX23]

I'm in need of some advice. My beautiful son is about to turn three and he already showing signs that, much like his father, he would like to wear women's clothes. When he's at his grandparents; house, he takes naps in Grammy's t-shirts. He likes all his sleep shirts to be extra long, like nightgowns. He sees Mommy getting dresses and is always interested in what she's wearing and has even expressed a desire to wear her newest dress when he is big enough. He hasn't said much about the way we dress his baby sister. Now here's the thing, I don't hide from my children when I dress. I'm trying to raise them with the ideals that I have, that there is nothing wrong with how one chooses to express one's self (tattoos, piercings, crossdressing, etc.) so long as it does not hurt someone else. I'm raising my kids to believe in the kind of world I wish we could all live in.

So here's the question: should I encourage my son to dress in girl's clothes if that's what he wants to do and at what age? He'll be three in a month and I'm not sure if the things he's doing are just natural for a three year old or if he really is showing early signs. He's as likely to play with Little Susie the doll as he is with his cars. What I ultimately hope is that he becomes someone for whom gender is not an issue... that he is just happy and comfortable. What do you all think?

[racquel]

Sounds to me that the direction he is going is correct.Allow him to do as he wishes and do not make a big deal of it.Kids are sensitive to negative thoughts and luckily he will not experience these at home.

[pamela_a]

I don't think you should encourage him, but I don't think you should discourage him either. IMO, 3 is a pretty early age for him to really realize the differences. About the only advice I would give is let him grow up. If he decided he prefers the "finer" way to dress than also be sure to explain to him there are many people who aren't as open or accepting of those that dress differently.

-Paula-

[keena]

I wish my mother had allowed me to dress en fem. I do so now but feel, in retrospect, that I missed many good years. Go ahead and allow it. If it's just infant curiosity he'll get over it. if it isn't he'll love for it.

[KandisTX]

I would say that you should let him do what he feels like when it comes to his playing dress-up. At three years of age, there is not a real "definition" in his mind of what is a boys and what is a girls. He sees mommy dressed up and possibly daddy as well, and sees that is "normal". Let him grow at his pace, do not encourage, or discourage his desires. Let HIM grow and choose on his own.

Kandis

[lynnmcarthur]

I have one son who dressed but he never had seen me dressed so it is not quite the same as your situation.

Is it possible that he is trying to emulate male behavior in you and that is why he dresses?

For my son, we never discouraged and let him be and the behavior seemed to go away.

Better get a psychological opinion before you go very much more down this road. Being a CD is a tough road for a kid and I would try to hlep him find other ways to express the softer side of his personality

Lynn

[Donna Michelle]

I actually was upset whenever my son would try his mother's clothes or makeup. At age 3, most kids do that. He made a mess of her lipstick. This was before she knew I was dressing and I could have conveniently blamed him when I messed with her things. But now my son is 10 and he still does it.

I always wanted to be a girl, but I didn't have the chance to wear anything until my sister went to school. I was 5 years old. Whatever will be will be. I am old enough to remember Doris Day singing that song. Do not encourage or discourage the behavior. But if/when he starts school, explain to him about what things should be private.

My son is old enough to know kids will tease him at school. Unfortunately, he trusts people he thinks are his friends. He told one of his friends that I dress. Then he told his friend that he also likes to dress. His friend didn't care.

This particular friend is a boy who has two younger siblings and a single mother. He is not popular in school and is probably grateful to have any friend, but I wonder if/when he will share the secret. Our neighborhood is very conservative and religious (at least for public appearances). Can't change that now.

My wife said she preferred Tonka trucks and Hot Wheels to playing with dolls. Her mom used to make clothes for the dolls while she played with the cars. She said her mom played with the dolls more than she did! She still can be very feminine and beautiful and do things that most people categorize as guy things.

The problem with society is they think they need to say what is for guys and what is for girls. Pink is not just for girls. Silk is not just for girls. We all like it. Denim and leather are not just for guys. We all like it. Why worry about what others think when we do something we like? As long as it isn't hurting anyone, why should anyone care?

[deja true]

Little kids will emulate any adults in the house that they like, male or female. 3 y. o. is still too young to be socialized to normitive gender roles, especially if he sees both parents dressing as they please. He's not had a lot of contact outside the home yet, so really doesn't have the basis for making a 'gender appropriate' decision concerning clothes or toys if you're not already providing it.

Decision time will come quick when he starts kindergarten or pre-school. There he'll be exposed to lots of new faces and ideas, most of which have already been acculturated into a specific gender role. That's when the confusion will start for him. That's the time for you to really start to worry, I think.

Until then, you can only try to instill the ideas of equality and acceptance for all types of folks and hope that it is received and understood.

[Edyta_C]

I would not encourage your son. But even more critical is to NOT discourage him. I'm sure my CDing started with my Mother dressing me and wishing for a girl. So if he leans toward CD, don't push him, but don't discourage him. Many of the CD and TG gang here are mentally off slightly (no offense to anyone please). I've gone through alot of therapy for the screw loose and depression my growing up and CDing created (no it wasn't just the CD behavior). If its natural so be it, but don't encourage, or enable him. Also don't be negative if that's what he chooses.

Alot of the guys and gals on this forum have gone through alot of mental anguish because of the TG or CD behaviors. Partly because of society. I for one would not wish my experience on anyone else, even though I do love dressing and Fem things.

Hugs Edyta

[sterling12]

When I took my Pediatrics Rotation in Nursing School it was related to the students that children do not have memories of things much before the age of four. A significant memory ONLY if something truly traumatic happens.

Even folks who claim to remember things before that age are probably just unsure of their age when the memory occurred. All of the testing for children seems to point at that outcome.

My point is that for right now, I would just let things "play out." Neither encourage nor discourage. As the child grows older, then you and your good lady will have to decide how you are going to handle it.

I would imagine if your scenario proves true, you probably have a lot of ideas that might make "The Road" a lot less difficult. For most of us, I know we would handle the situation with a transgendered child in a different manner from the way we were treated.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Donna Michelle]

Little kids will emulate any adults in the house that they like, male or female. 3 y. o. is still too young to be socialized to normitive gender roles, especially if he sees both parents dressing as they please.

I agree. My son didn't see me crossdress until he was 10. He wanted to be like his mommy who he considers a superhero. I would love to be like her, too! Even now, I think it is a game to him to dress sometimes or he is curious because I do it. Still not sure.

[VirginiaX23]

Thanks for all the kind words and advice. Sometimes with my son I forget that he's still just almost three. He speaks as well as a lot of kids twice his age and I sometimes lose perspective on the fact that he is not as mature as his vocabulary.

Do you think by dressing in front of him I am confusing his perspective of what is male and what is female?

[Eugenie]

Given his very young age let me suggest, as many others did already that you sould neither encourage him nor discourage him...

Of course easier said than done...

But the risk of either encouragement or discouragement is that he might react positively or negatively to either attitude of yours.

So try to be as neutral in your reactions as possible...

Motivation to dress with women clothes at that age can be very diverse... They may or may not last...

Our son had associated "growing up" as "being like my older sister", for a while he wanted to wear nightgowns and dresses... As much as my wife disliked my own x-dressing, there she reacted quite well to my son's desire to wear dresses and was pretty cool abouit it...

Later on my son had no longer any interest in dresses. And as far as I can tell he is not a x-dresser... If he is, he probably does as I did (except with my wife): not reveal it... In that last hypothesis, he may have told to his girlfriend... But I doubt this second hypothesis is a valid one.

Yours sincerely.

Eugenie

[sandra-leigh]

When I took my Pediatrics Rotation in Nursing School it was related to the students that children do not have memories of things much before the age of four. A significant memory ONLY if something truly traumatic happens.

Yup, Childhood_amnesia

[lisa_e_love]

Do you think by dressing in front of him I am confusing his perspective of what is male and what is female?

By not being shy about dressing up in front of him (without mandating that he imitate you), you will probably help to create one of the first gender-blind generations ever.

I agree with other posters about not encouraging and not discouraging, letting him explore his choices on his own, etc.

But if he grows up being OK with a dad who crossdresses imagine how open he will be to the LGBT community and how children like him will grow up to be in a world where people tolerate all sorts of diversity with sexual / gender identity.

[Jilmac]

I don't know if encouraging him to wear girls clothes would be any batter than encouraging him to just be himself. If he chooses to wear girls clothes and is comfortable doing it, he's being himself. If he asks you to buy him girls clothes, I would think it can't do any harm, but at his age I wouldn't buy him girls clothes unless he specifically asked for them. Luv and Jill

[DonnaT]

http://www.helpstartshere.org/Default.aspx?PageID=1114

http://imatyfa.org/

http://www.childrensnational.org/fil...ntBrochure.pdf

[Rachel Morley]

Put me down as a vote of "he's too young to understand the connotations yet" . Just be understanding, but nonchalant and let him find his own path. Chances are he'll either grow out of it, get bored with it, or ... just maybe it's "what he is" and he'll thank you from the bottom of his heart when he's older.

[Sally2005]

All I know is that once the kid starts interacting with other kids at school and the playground between age 3 and 5 he will learn what is the norm. My guess is that if he still wants to dress up knowing that it is different from the other kids then you might have something to wonder about.

The question to ask, how would your child know that dressing up is not the usual thing to do if that how you behave around him? Kids emulate everything. My 4 year old daughter love walking around the house in my big male shoes, but she also loves her dresses.

[Andine]

[SIZE=2]Hormone delivery[/SIZE] [SIZE=2]is not a steady flow either, and things are likely to vary enormously as the child grows. The ballance is likely to shift in all directions untill puberty approaches, and even then, other factors are at play. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I think it is important to be tolerant and supportive all the way.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I started school in St Pe' De Biggore in France.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]In my case my mother made life difficult for me by dressing me in clothes she thought were appropriate for school, but with no regard for what the other boys were wearing. This put me in imediate conflict with the whole school! It was not a pleasant time for me, and it was a stupid act by my mother. It was no better when we arrived in Australia. I learnt to fight early in life.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]The good side of this was that because it happened that I was reasonably strong willed, I managed to find more self assurance as I got older, and that has served me well.[/SIZE]