Separation of self

[MichelleOBrien]

I've noticed something across the board and I'm kinda curious... Why do we separate our fem selves from or male selves? Personally, I know I am both David and Michelle. I honestly act the same whether dressed or not (which does tend to get me some looks from unenlightened people, but I really don't care). But the separation of ourselves actually goes to the point where instead of just referring to ourselves as US... We refer to our other side as an entirely different person. I mean, I see posts on here where it's like "Well, I picked Michelle's name because..." or "So Michelle went out today".

If anyone can enlighten me on why this is done... please do. Honestly, my shrink would have a field day with some of these posts doing psychoanalyses. It almost seems like multiple personality or something...

[Lana_CD]

Maybe some of us don't feel comfortable with everyone knowing our business. While you may bo ok with what others tgink of you and maybe jeopardising your livelyhood, some of us have families to think of as well and can't risk having our male self's income taken away by those who are non-enlightened.
Go back and find posts about and by Donna O, also from New Orleans.

[MichelleOBrien]

Maybe some of us don't feel comfortable with everyone knowing our business. While you may bo ok with what others tgink of you and maybe jeopardising your livelyhood, some of us have families to think of as well and can't risk having our male self's income taken away by those who are non-enlightened.
Go back and find posts about and by Donna O, also from New Orleans.

So why the separation here? I mean, it's not like we're here for the money. We all know that there's crossdressers here. that's why it's crossdressers.com. We all know that most of us identify as having a prominent feminine side. So why do we refer to that part of ourselves as a whole different person, both on here, and probably in our minds?

[Angie G]

I don't do the shrink thing myself referring to Angie and removing my self from my male self is an escape from the daily BS of life So my male self takes a break. And I just love being Angie
Angie

[AshleyCD]

It all depends on the person, some like to be a different person when en femme. Myself if it was practical would be dressed 24/7. I don't want to transition, but I would have boobies if it was acceptable and remove the hair from my face. I like what is down below though, even though I would certainly want to tuck with wearing female clothes. Also if it was acceptable I wouldn't try to sound female, I already have some more female mannerisms, damn it why can't I just be in the middle and just dress how I feel fit? Damn society!

[Karren H]

I guess its a validation of the old line "the cloths make the man".... And although I don't even know if I refer for myself as being two seperate people I behave differently depending on how I'm dressed... More femining when dressed up.... More mascaline when not... When I'm out on the ice playing ice hockey I'd knock you on your ass in a heartbeat where as I certainly wouldn't if I were in a dress and heels... Guess its like playing different roles.. Variations on a theme... At least it is for me...

[deja true]

So why the separation here? I mean, it's not like we're here for the money. We all know that there's crossdressers here. that's why it's crossdressers.com. We all know that most of us identify as having a prominent feminine side. So why do we refer to that part of ourselves as a whole different person, both on here, and probably in our minds?

Well, Michelle, each of us has a little different take on our feminine sides. Like you, I think I act pretty much the same as deja or as what's-his-name. Just a little change in walking and gesturing between the two. And my male movements are what I consider the adopted characteristics. When alone, it's the deja way all the time.

But if you go back and find many other threads that touch on this same thing, you'll find that many do sorta subscribe to a 'split personality' thing, and they cultivate that, as Angie says, as an escape from their dominant male world. There are also many who prefer to be male and like that part of themselves enough not to even think of abandoning it.

It's really not much different than folks who are not 'afflicted' with our passion. Sometimes a guy is in "serious working man" mode, sometimes he's in "goofing around with the kids" mode. Same guy, different personalities on the forefront.

Some, like Salandra's experience, are actively pursuing an 'integration' of what they originally thought of as two or even moe personalities to become a unified "whole person".

But over time, and with a lot of thought and conversation, you'll also see folks, like myself, change their way of thinking about themselves. It's a kind of progression that comes to some but not others. No one way of thinking is more correct than others. We are all different people, with different rationales for our activities. And different ways of expressing something that, according to society, we shouldn't.

[Nikki K]

I have an SO who is struggling to come to terms with a side, or facet, of my personality she was previously unaware of; as a result I have to ensure that I maintain a 'male side'.
Personally I don't think of it as sides; I believe I have many facets to my personality. Sometimes I can be childlike, sometimes (although not often) I can be macho, sometimes feminine.
The psyche is a rare and complicated phenomenon and we each deal with it in our own way and in a way that's compatible with our environment; after all, deep inside, we just want to be loved and accepted whoever, and whatever, we really are.

Nikki

[Kiera]

I've noticed something across the board and I'm kinda curious... Why do we separate our fem selves from or male selves? Personally, I know I am both David and Michelle. I honestly act the same whether dressed or not (which does tend to get me some looks from unenlightened people, but I really don't care). But the separation of ourselves actually goes to the point where instead of just referring to ourselves as US... We refer to our other side as an entirely different person. I mean, I see posts on here where it's like "Well, I picked Michelle's name because..." or "So Michelle went out today".

If anyone can enlighten me on why this is done... please do. Honestly, my shrink would have a field day with some of these posts doing psychoanalyses. It almost seems like multiple personality or something...

For me the separation of my male and female identities came as a self defense mechanism.
In the earliest years of my life I was surrounded by what most people would refer to as "rednecks". As soon as I began to show interest in anything even remotely associated as gay, feminine, or basically not within the boundaries of the manliest of traits. I was verbally, and sometimes (to an extent) physically assaulted. I recall two of my older cousins, whom I would stay with while my parents worked and lived next door to me, tormenting me as a very small child about being a sissy. One on each side blocking any path I had to run. Pushing, slapping, calling me names and telling me such things as to "make a man out of me." This was a game to them and they would laugh out loud as they continued until I was sobbing and in a rage. Screaming, kicking, swinging, and biting to try and get away. I believe that this insistent bullying helped to mold my male identity and formed the separation in my personality as it was not a one time event. It had a devastating effect on me and for several years of my life caused me to have a temper management problem when trying to deal with social situations. I believe that the separation you speak of, for me at least was created to remove myself from this type of situation. While maturing, the two sides of myself did not intermingle out of fear, even though we had moved far away from that side of my family. I was taught by these things that being feminine was a weakness and therefore it became a mental impossibility for me to show such traits when in male form. Now that I am beginning to reconcile these distinctly different sides of myself and find a way to just be me, reference to "Kiera" out of first person is likely another hurdle for me to cross. I hope you do not think that I am crazy after telling you all these things. I do not think of myself as being so. If for no other reason than the fact that I am fully aware of the distinctions that I make. There is of course a lot more to this story.. details... and explanations... But in order to keep myself from writing an entire book here on the forum...
This is the reason I think that some of us refer to our fem sides as a different person. Of course I do not think we all have been thru such extremes, but the underlying reason... Incognative remnants of self preservation perhaps...
Hugs,
Kiera

Im not crazy.. everyone else is... ask Kiera.. she will tell you...lol

[Sarah...]

What's in a name? I think it is really easy to develop the notion of separate personalities because as we are usually required by our present society to have a male name if we are male and a female name if we are female, those of us who feel female but were born male will need another name other than their given name to help express that facet of their personality. I suppose it would have been great to have been named Ashley or Francis or Lesley as one name would fit all of your personality. Which would be cool! Are there any guys or gals here in the forum who retain their given name because it works both ways?

Personally I would rather respond to one name for the rest of my life. The usual perceptions people have preclude this though. And my male name, although it has a female equivalent, is in itself undoubtedly male.

Love

Sarah...

[KatrinaAshley]

My 2 cents agrees with some of the above posts. We prefer having two sides because it helps us get away from things in our other life, we get to be someone else for however long. While it's entertaining to dream about going 24/7 I don't have a desire or need to lose either part, nor do I intend to combine the two and raise questions from everybody who doesn't know.

[victoriamwilliams1]

For me I have to create a different way of thinking when dressed. If I think as a male I would be person who is dressed as a woman and acting as a man which will not work for me. I know who I am when dressed and there is a seperation when dressed for me but not in and M.P.D. way.

[MichelleOBrien]

See, this is what I was trying to get at. And no, Kiera, I don't think you're crazy. I have been through a lot myself, that I will not bore you with details. However, I finally got the answers I was seeking. Thanks to all for answering my question, because I now understand thanks to all the different angles you ladies have shown me.

Michelle

[Fab Karen]

Being sane ( just ask my friend Harvey, the big rabbit), I have no idea.

[docrobbysherry]

Well, Michelle, each of us has a little different take on our feminine sides. Like you, I think I act pretty much the same as deja or as what's-his-name. Just a little change in walking and gesturing between the two. And my male movements are what I consider the adopted characteristics. When alone, it's the deja way all the time.

But if you go back and find many other threads that touch on this same thing, you'll find that many do sorta subscribe to a 'split personality' thing, and they cultivate that, as Angie says, as an escape from their dominant male world. There are also many who prefer to be male and like that part of themselves enough not to even think of abandoning it.

It's really not much different than folks who are not 'afflicted' with our passion. Sometimes a guy is in "serious working man" mode, sometimes he's in "goofing around with the kids" mode. Same guy, different personalities on the forefront.

Some, like Salandra's experience, are actively pursuing an 'integration' of what they originally thought of as two or even moe personalities to become a unified "whole person".

But over time, and with a lot of thought and conversation, you'll also see folks, like myself, change their way of thinking about themselves. It's a kind of progression that comes to some but not others. No one way of thinking is more correct than others. We are all different people, with different rationales for our activities. And different ways of expressing something that, according to society, we shouldn't.

And u r SO rite! I've been trying to come to terms with CDing for years! Why am I doing it? Where am I going with it? I really don't know!

I have theories about myself.

I've lived my entire life as a man. Pretty much the SAME man, for 50+ years. Then, when I found out I could look like a woman, (or in my case women), I enjoyed the change and went for it!

Did many of u play "dress up" when u were kids? I didn't, and didn't want to, consciously. So, maybe I felt deprived in my old age?

I get very excited about the idea of becoming an completely different person! Not just ANY person, but an attractive young woman! I don't really feel like one, but I see one in the mirror! And I often can't believe she is me!

And that is all I understand about my CDing to this point! Sane or nuts? I have no idea!

[Kate Simmons]

A lot of it has to do with how you view yourself, your degree of self acceptance and your capabilities.

[jenalex]

I've noticed something across the board and I'm kinda curious... Why do we separate our fem selves from or male selves? Personally, I know I am both David and Michelle. I honestly act the same whether dressed or not (which does tend to get me some looks from unenlightened people, but I really don't care). But the separation of ourselves actually goes to the point where instead of just referring to ourselves as US...

some of us do, some of us don't

to put it in theoretical terms, I guess it's whether you see yourself as bi-gendered or uni-gendered — or multi-gendered or flexi-gendered or whatever — they're all valid

personally there's only one of me and neither "he" nor "she" feels right

[bgirl]

Hey Michelle
I understand entirely. It dawned on me one day that I was fractionalizing myself into two different people.
There is only enough room in my noggin for one confuzed individual not two. So am I a man that likes to feel and look like a woman? Am I a woman trapped in a mans body? Or am I a person that has traits and desires, actions and feelings usually associated with gender all mixed into this one package that doesn't conform to the 'norm'. Whatever the hell that is.

Answer number Two
We are a Culture Club. A society of crossdressers. We have structure and expectations' make judgements, just like any other society. When most of us arrive here we are searching for answers about what is happening to us. We find out we are not alone. We learn the language. The terms of engagement.
Develop personas, names, avitars. We play the parts,why some become stars!

I have been trying to intergrate not seperate myself. I have called myself Beth. My real name could get me a little ribbing. "My girl Bill" I can't be Billie cause mom used to call me that and I hated it! In drag, if asked I say Beth, even though when my Visa says Bill and my DL has a bearded man on it.
We are the same person and my money spends either way.
You can call me anything you want but you doesn't has to call me Johnson.

[Deborah Jane]

Shut up Debs, i,ll answer this...

No you shut up, they,re my friends not yours..This has got nothing to do with you!!

Typical woman..Won,t let me get a word in edgeways!!

Why don,t you just go and do whatever it is that guys do?......Anyway... As for my answer...I don,t believe i have a split personality, just differant facets to the same one!!

[Joy Carter]

Shut up Debs, i,ll answer this...

No you shut up, they,re my friends not yours..This has got nothing to do with you!!

Typical woman..Won,t let me get a word in edgeways!!

Why don,t you just go and do whatever it is that guys do?......Anyway... As for my answer...I don,t believe i have a split personality, just differant facets to the same one!!

LoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLoLo Lo


Myself I'm pretty much Joy as I'm J--, no matter what I'm waring. It's only in defence or daily living that the male side shows.

[MichelleOBrien]

Shut up Debs, i,ll answer this...

No you shut up, they,re my friends not yours..This has got nothing to do with you!!

Typical woman..Won,t let me get a word in edgeways!!

Why don,t you just go and do whatever it is that guys do?......Anyway... As for my answer...I don,t believe i have a split personality, just differant facets to the same one!!

OMG!!! I SO needed that! Today's been hellish with work and babysitting... Thanks for that.

[Lara Smith]

Well...I was born a guy. I was born that way and can't change that and don't want to. I want to be a girl. I was born that way, and can't change that. Anymore, I don't want to change that either.

So, to recap, I’m a guy. I want to be girl. I can be anything I want, depending on how I feel, or dress. It's all in my mind anyway. And when I am dressed or dressing, I get more out of it than girls do because I have more tactile surface area exposed to the pleasure of wearing girl things than girls do, so I am way ahead of the game. I know more about being manly than most men do, (because of my girly side) and I get more out of my girly side than girls do, so who is the looser here?

If you think about it, it is the best of all possible worlds. It just depends on whether I’m wearing panties or not. Thus the separation of my male and female self

[deja true]

... I am way ahead of the game. I know more about being manly than most men do, (because of my girly side) and I get more out of my girly side than girls do, so who is the looser here?

If you think about it, it is the best of all possible worlds. It just depends on whether I’m wearing panties or not. Thus the separation of my male and female self

Lara! This is brilliant!

You've got something there that sounds soooo right...

Our opennness to the feelings and expectations and sensations and emotions of both male and female can make us appreciate both sides better. With more knowledge and sensitivity to all the different points of view...

What a good insight....!

[tricia_uktv]

Actually, the further I take this, the more the two selves merge. Trish is now borrowing skills Iain has, and vica versa. Both benefit. I still see them as two separate characters because I can only dress away from home (children and work) but they are definately getting closer together

[VirginiaX23]

I look at Virginia as the me that I am when I have the freedom to be me as I want to be. I cannot always be who I want to be. Life just doesn't work that way sometimes.

We all wear masks. I used to imagine that when I was born, I was a GG with a life threatening illness and I could only be saved if they sealed me into an artificial skin and the only one they had was a male skin, so I got stuck inside this male skin and no one ever told me about it but, because of it, I was always bigger than everyone else and overweight. I used to admire the ingenuity of the device they had placed me in but I knew someday they would find a cure for what I had and let me out of it. I would look for seams on occasion (never found them!). Someday, perhaps, when I've lived a few hundred years in this life support suit (I'm not just trans-gendered, I'm also trans-human!), I'll finally be able to take it off and be Virginia all the time.


However, I can be here in the now and when I am here, writing on this board or reading this board, I am always Virginia and that is quite lovely.