I agree with Holly I have just gone through just about the same thing she said it had a lot to do with my crossdressing but I believe that there is more to it than meets the eye. I have a seven year old that livs with me and if my wife wants it this way it is fine with me. Maybe we will get back together someday if not Oh Well!!!!!!Originally Posted by Holly
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Nothing beats a great pair of heels...
Cathy
What I thought of saying has been said over and over in this thread and far better than I could have done.
Just know that I feel your pain and wish you well.
Edwina
Hiya CathyYou've gotten alot of good advice and perspective from others here, and I hope it is helpful. I'm not going to try to add to it other than to say that I, and many others who will read this and not reply, feel for you and will keep you, your children and your wife in our prayers going forward. Love, Tammi
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[SIZE="3"]my wish for you is peace[/SIZE]
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lo·gom·a·chy /loʊˈgɒməki/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[loh-gom-uh-kee] –noun, plural -chies.
1. a dispute about or concerning words.
2. an argument or debate marked by the reckless or incorrect use of words; meaningless battle of words
A lot of marriages fail (at least, IMHO anways) is because people DO NOT have God in their lives. PERIOD.I agree with Holly. So many marrriages fail (whether CDing is involved or not) and I believe, as long as there is no abuse involved, it is because partners do not know how to communicate and negotiate their needs. So resentments build, seemingly to the point where it may seem the marriage is irretrievably broken. And then if a third party enters the picture, it can complicate matters even further.
CDing does add to the normal stresses couples face, but if the marriage is strong and if as in your case your wife had accepted it, it does not make sense that it should be the only cause for wanting out.
Would your wife agree to counseling sessions for a predetermined amount of time given there are children involved? If not, an initial separation might be better than a divorce as it would give both of you time alone to evaluate whether divorce is truly the only option.
Marriage is (and will always be) a life-long commitment. God made it that way.
Cathy as Everyone here, I am so sorry that this has happened to you and as many have said please remember to always be there for your children as there Dad. It sounds funny that she is not thinking about the Children.
I dont understand that with the children why she would not want to try to seek help from a Marriage counselor, Also be aware if she has been talking to one person more then usual, someone that she uses as her confidant. I have seen with a great many friends both CDMs and not, that a Bitter friend male or female can escalate a situation quickly. I am sorry to say it that way. Joann0830
P.S. You will be definitely in my prayers as I type this
Last edited by Joann0830; 07-17-2008 at 11:49 PM.
Whatever happens Cathy, just remember that you are a person, with worth, and dreams, and love, and value. Even if you cannot make things work, you have to survive it, and know that one day you will be better.
I know from experience that losing a wife, a life partner, of many years is perhaps the most difficult loss we can experience. I lost my wife of 15 years in 2002. It had nothing to do with CDing, she never even knew about it. But the loss is the same regardless of the reason.
Once the end comes, we all wonder what we could have done, should have done, differently. But in the end, there is nothing that you could have done. Unfortunately, love is fickel, and it can disappear as quickly as it appears for some people.
Take some time, and rediscover yourself as an individual. It will not be easy, but remember this...you were a person before you met her. You had a life, and friends, and hobbies, and happy times then as well.
You probably will not believe me, I did not believe anyone that told me this, but it does get better. The pain will lessen over time. Grieving is normal, and you should do so...but don't lose sight of the fact that you are a person with feelings and there are still people that love you.
Morgan
“Truth Hits Everybody"
Having been thru a long divorce involving young children myself.
But u need to think of yourself now. Get help today! Make an appointment with a therapist now! I did during my separation and divorce and it helped me SO much!
As so many others have said here; your wife is most likely used your CDing as an excuse to do what she wants to do. And then she can blame it all on u!
I'm SURE it's not all your fault, and may have NOTHING to do with your CDing. But u need to hear it from a professional! Please find one rite away! You'll be SO happy u did!
This too, shall pass! Please help yourself move past it ASAP! We all care about u here! I'm sure u have others closer to u who do also! Go talk with them now!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I'm sorry Cathy
i am very sorry to here your sad news as many have said there could be more to this than meets the eye . but you know there are woman out there who just can't ever deal with the knowledge that there man likes to dress as a woman. it just turns them off Evan thinking about there man in a dress is a big turn off . they are out there . best of luck
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I wish I had some sage advice to help you through this, but,sadly, I don't. I will keep you in my prayers.
I am very sorry that this has happened to you Cathy, and wish you the best. It seems odd that this would come up after 6 years. Hopefully your wife is just in a down period and it will pass.
As far as quiting cross dressing, this is just my opinion, but I feel that we are born cross dressers and that it's impossible to quit. You might quit for a while, but it will always come back.
Since I am in the same boat with you I can honestly say that CDing is only part of the issue.
You should remember to put your priorities in place:
1) Your Kids
2) Other obligations (financial)
3) Be true to yourself
Often times people find an easy label or issue to hide behind. CDing is not your issue. She doesn't want to continue even if you quit. Therefore, the reason is something else. CDing was just an easy scapegoat.
I don't mean to stir up trouble here, but you should consider these things:
1) Affair (You won't be the first)
2) The two of you have just grown apart
3) She has fallen out of love with you.
It's not the end of the world for you. Things will eventually even out. You need to take care of your kids and your job first. Let everything else work itself out. After the dust settles, you need to take inventory of who you are. If you are like me, you will find that you acted differently while married than you really are. I don't know how it happens, but it does.
Keep your chin up. Things will improve.
Michelle
Sorry to hear this Cathy I can;t imagine what it like I don't think I could get by if I was in your shoes hun. But you must be strong for your kids hun.
Angie
I've wanted to start a similar thread, but my thoughts surrounding the issue leave me in a pile of crap that is swallowing me up like quiksand.
Perhaps no-one will even recognize my contribution to this forum because I only recently joined and even more recently experienced my relationship in the tiolet.
About 2 weeks ago, I posted with great excitement about coming out to my SO, with whom I have a small child. I was elated beyond belief. She even took me shopping for a wig and bought me a periwinkle camisole and garter with stockings. She gave me a makeup kit, stocked with her spares.
And then..............about a week and a half ago, I discovered that she was cheating me in her taxes. I told her that I would have none of that. I then told her that she would have to make the ammendments or I would take her down.
Since then, I have received a barrage of the most foul and disgusting messages and phone calls, outlining how UGLY I am, etc., etc., etc., leaving no holds barred. I have never seen or heard anybody sink to the depth that she has with me in the last week. I can hardly breathe.
Needless to say, I don't feel much like getting dressed up and taking pictures for you all. Matter of fact, I don't feel much like doing anything other than making sure my daughter is well cared for, which is largely my responsibility, and I do it largely on my own as well because she works out of town.
I'd like to puke.
Cathy's not been hear in almost a month, since posting. Hopefully she'll look in again.
You shouldn't feel guilty about something that was thrust upon you at birth. You didn't choose to be trans.
And had she been more forthcoming about her feelings, y'all might have worked it out before it got too much for her. So don't feel guilty.
DonnaT
Hi Cathy,
I am sorry as well that your relationship is ending over just clothes. I do believe that it is a convenient excuse the clothing issue, sort of a scapegoat.
Tell her that even Dr. Phil and Ann Landers said there is absolutely nothing wrong with cross dressing.
You have my sympathies Cathy , I have been there and survived only to go down the same path again. I cannot give you anymore advice than to stay strong .
I hope you didn't come across to your SO in the same way are you're relating it to us...
Yes, I did. It probably sounds a little abrupt. There is really no grey areas for me when it comes to moral behavior in relationships with me. Even the crossdressing. As soon as I realized that I felt comfortable trying it out, I told her about it. I expect that in return, but I don't get it with her. She lies even when the truth fits better. How can I accept someone stealing from me and my child?
ill have 2 agree with holly ,theres more 2 this then just cd. i wish you the best of luck in trying 2 work things out . but maybe you should start checking out what your wife is doing 4 all this 2 happen
Oh Cathy I am so sorry, but please try and get her to attend with you Relate or similar. It will help to see if there are any other issues and help you both deal with them. I was a councellor with them some years ago. If you have been together for as long as it sounds you have its worth giving as much time as possible to save the relationship.
xx
Stevie B
