ice sir?

[Mirani]

So - we went out for a meal tonight.

A chance to dress up a bit .. and I took my time, Amanda picked out my outfit (loose fitting top and knee length Wallis skirt and peep toe shoes .. 2" heels) and did my eyes .. and we thought I looked pretty neat.

We ordered a pre-dinner white wine spritzer.
The waiter looked at me and asked "Would you like ice sir?"

I said "thanks for the "Sir"", and the poor guy went bright red and apologised. I quickly said "don't worry, you are right after all" and he said "sorry sir ... er ma'am" and disappeared, Two minutes later he was back "So - er .. did you want ice?"

He meant no harm and no offence. He just realised I am a guy and slipped into automatic drive.

I laughed but .... I had kidded myself I was good at passing .. well .. it seems i'm not. Oh well.

[Holly]

You know, Mirani, that used to really upset me that I was read so easily. Now I've come to understand that in most cases it is just an unfortunate slip of the lip. Truth be told, the majority of us do not pass well. But the fact of the matter was that your waiter was not rude or intentionally disrespectful. And as transgendered people, we can be a bit confusing to the public at large. This is where we have a chance to do so good PR work... and I think you did! Whenever we have the chance to turn a public encounter into a positive experience with the public, we advance the cause of transgendered for all. A gracious smile and ,"Ice would be fine, thank-you," would have that waiter thinking to himself that you were a pretty decent and kind person, letting him off the hook for such an embarrassing gaff on his part.

Thanks for sharing your story.

[Shannen]

I always wonder if this is a bad thing... He was obviously so comfortable interacting with you, a male presenting as female, that he didnt even think about what pronouns to use...

Shannen

[Jilmac]

Passing is just a state of mind. For me, if I blend in, whether I'm read or not, I have passed. It's a thrill being called ma'am, but if someone calls me sir I just flash them a big grin. Luv and Jill

[Fab Karen]

I think at least the majority of the time I haven't had a waiter address me by a gender-word, even in boy-mode.

[Karen Francis]

I do know that the server's tip goes up or down depending upon the use of the right pronoun.

I know I am not fooling anyone here, it is kind of like a game, so play along OK? When the server comes to the table and says "you guys want anything else?", it frequently is a slip of the tongue and it is applied to a table full of GG's also.

But if a server goes slightly out of their way to recongnize what we are trying to accomplish by addressing me/us "would you girls/ladies like anything else?" they get extra points.

oh yes, what are we trying to accomplish? To get the mainstream public to understand that there are gender differences among us, and in a non-threatening way demonstrate that we can co-exist with society.
Now about that ice... Karen

[Katheryn]

I remember the first time I went out to a mainstream restaurant with my sister... was as nervous, as they say, as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.

The server was nice, and I got a thrill from hearing "Can I get you ladies a drink?" but I don't know if he read me or not.

Probably did
K

[Bonnie D]

You handled the situation quite well, Mirani. If I looked like you I wouldn't give it another thought about going out in public, whether or not I am read.

Bonnie

[victoriamwilliams1]

Thats intresting, I think for me depending on how the servers attitude is towards me I would tip them well or not so well. It seems to me the server was cool and the slip continued because of you comfort level.

[Lex]

The fact that he had to come back and ask again if you wanted ice makes me laugh. XD
Your picture looks quite convincing to me, perhaps your waiter was just more perceptive than most?

[Jamie001]

I don't understand why they have to use the word "sir"? Why can't they just look straight at you and ask if you would like ice?

[Mirani]

Holly:” But the fact of the matter was that your waiter was not rude or intentionally disrespectful. And as transgendered people, we can be a bit confusing to the public at large.”
I so agree! That’s why I saw it as amusing and not insulting.

Shannen: “... He was obviously so comfortable interacting with you, a male presenting as female, that he didnt even think about what pronouns to use...”

I so agree ..again!

Ji:” but if someone calls me sir I just flash them a big grin.”
Same again

Karen:” I do know that the server's tip goes up or down depending upon the use of the right pronoun.”

I tipped because the service was good and the food was lovely not for the use of the correct pronoun.

Bonnie:” you handled the situation quite well, Mirani. If I looked like you I wouldn't give it another thought about going out in public, whether or not I am read.”
Thanks x

Victoria:”It seems to me the server was cool and the slip continued because of you comfort level.

Yes!

Lex:” The fact that he had to come back and ask again if you wanted ice makes me laugh. XD
Your picture looks quite convincing to me, perhaps your waiter was just more perceptive than most?”

We laughed too – and thanks for the compliment - though the camera is very kind to me! - and of course - you haven't heard my voice


Jamie:” I don't understand why they have to use the word "sir"? Why can't they just look straight at you and ask if you would like ice?”

It is cultural. Just an attempt at being polite by using “sir/madam” .. a throwback perhaps – but meant as respectful, so I accept the phrase in the manner it was intended.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts X