Wife don't like my boobies...sigh

[JamieOH]

My wife hates the fact that I wear a bra... I have B cup boobies, (38B) naturally, no hormones, no herbs, just good ole fashioned Gynecomastia.. She also hates seeing me wear anything feminine, she don't mind the panties too much, except the really frilly ones, and nothing lace.. of course she doesn't like to wear that kind of stuff either, she thinks lace is itchy, and she was always a major TomBoy, we actually are such role reversals, I love frilly lacy feminine things, I do the cooking and cleaning, I make her plate and bring it to her, I am always cold, she is always hot.. SIgh. I feel like the wife in the relationship. Have for sometime... I also enjoy dressing like the wife, but that's just irony... hehe.. I just wish that she could accept it.. I thought she would be more open to it too, since a while back, I actually got her to buy me a silk nightie to wear, but lately, she forgets allot of stuff too, and seems to be more angry over everything.. So I think I picked a bad time to tell her... Of course, I should have told her before we got married, or even earlier, but I only just recently really came to terms with it myself, even when I had her get the nightie, I told myself it was just for fun, sometimes, you know, anyway, I would love to go femme outdoors, and enjoy the true freedom of being me, but, alas, my lovely bride enjoys it not, so I dare not stop being discreet... sigh.. what's a girl to do?

[Tomara]

Hi Jamie , Sorry to hear that things are not going well for the both of you . Have you considered counciling ? it might help to have the both of you express your feelings to a third party. I hope this helps . Tomara

[JamieOH]

I would love to, but she dont want to hear about it... sigh

[Amy Hepker]

Hi Jamie,

I too am very much like you in a relationship like yours. Very simular in a lot of ways just from what you just told us. Anyway My Lady feels the same way as yours. I told her to go get anti-depressants. She did and we now are doing better together. I am now wearing a Bra all the time, even to work (a padded Bra). My son just got back from seeing his mother, I was dressed most of the time he was gone. She was a little iritated about it, but not really bad and we did have some great times. I would wear my padded Bra out when we go out, but wear guys t-shirts over the Bra and a western shirt over that (worn open). My Lady is getting used to me wearing the Bra all the time now. I do not wear it around her relatives or at church, but yes all the time otherwise.

I hope things work out for you and your relationship does not end.

[Jaydee]

Jamie,
I am in a very similar situation. I have been wearing panties for several years, which my wife doesn't seem to mind except she requested that they are only black, with no lace.
About six months ago I openly purchased a couple bras. She was uncomfortable but did not object. I thought I was making progress, but a couple weeks later she looked at me funny then came over and felt my chest and realized I was wearing a bra. She said "Oh that really shows"
I said "Does it bother you?"
She said "Well I guess I just will try not to look at it" (sigh)
Since then I have only worn them when she was gone, but they show up in the laundry and she doesn't make any comments. I guess that's where I will be for a while since she also doesn't want to talk about it when I try to discuss it.

Jaydee

[sandra-leigh]

My Lady feels the same way as yours. I told her to go get anti-depressants.

Before I read Amy's response, I was thinking to myself, "Forgetting things and quick mood downswings: possibly she is depressed." Been there, done that, got the medications.

[TracyH]

Before I read Amy's response, I was thinking to myself, "Forgetting things and quick mood downswings: possibly she is depressed." Been there, done that, got the medications.

Wow, even before I read anything beyond the first post, that's what I was thinking.

Jamie, if this happened after coming out to your wife, you two might need some counseling.

[janet1234]

my SO is envious of my upstanding 'C' cups and my overall prettier shape; however she is authentic; hers are real.

[Laney GG]

If I EVER had to take drugs to deal with my husband's crossdressing, I would leave first! Perhaps I am missing something here. If one party has to take drugs to deal with the needs of the other, then what's the point of the marriage? I was "lucky" enough to find out about my husband's need AFTER we were married. I have NO desire to see him dressed and he dresses when I'm not home. I guess I "tolerate" the fact this is part of who he is, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. But I would never pop pills to help me deal with it. If it ever gets that bad, then it would be time to go our separate ways to find our happiness elsewhere. Just my

[LovelyRita]

My wife says she supoorts my dressing fully but there are times when she cant hide the dissappointment or irritation. The other nite she walk in while I was painting my toe nails and she was pissed the rest of the nite (she painted my toes the week before, so go figure)

[sandra-leigh]

If I EVER had to take drugs to deal with my husband's crossdressing, I would leave first! Perhaps I am missing something here. If one party has to take drugs to deal with the needs of the other, then what's the point of the marriage?

Laney, one of the posters here did express the idea of depression with provocative-sounding wording that I surely could not agree with. Anti-depressants are not "happy pills" intended to allow you to numb out genuine reactions to upsetting or stressful events (though they are, I hear, in practice often prescribed (especially to US housewifes) with more or less that intent.)

However, as someone who has experienced acute clinical depression, I have become more attuned to the symptoms of depression, so when I read in the original posting that "but lately, she forgets allot of stuff too, and seems to be more angry over everything", my dep-dar went off and I said to myself "That could be depression!" Either symptom by itself could have numerous other non-biological explanations, but the combination of the two together is intimately familiar to me.

Depression can make one's mind very "cloudy", hard to concentrate on anything, and hard to fix short-term memories into mid-term or long-term memories. With more severe depression like I had, one starts to mentally focus only on what is immediately in front of oneself, blocking out everything else, including blocking out the little mental clock that one normally has running that reminds one that (e.g.) "Liz needs to be picked up at twenty to five to be driven to karate" or "There's a budget meeting at 1:30 this afternoon". With me it became bad enough that my peripheral vision started closing down: I literally couldn't focus my vision into the distance or to the side, only onto what I needed to see for what I was doing and for my personal safety.

When one is depressed, sudden mood swings are very common. This was one of the parts of depression that bothered me the most; not as bad as the profound feeling that I would never feel better (and who wants to be facing a life of misery?), but even when I was feeling "not so bad, relatively", my emotions could turn bad in less than a second -- a frown, a carelessly chosen word, a (legitimate) criticism of the things I wasn't doing: with the smallest of triggers, I turned angry or hurt, and I was often upset with my wife when she didn't deserve that kind of treatment from me. My depression was making me into the kind of person I didn't want to be, a harsh person upset with the world at the drop of a pin. There was no internal rational explanation for these mood swings: I'd be okay, and then suddenly I'd be crashed -- and with there being no explanation within me, I surely couldn't explain it to my wife or "make it up to her". And it was usually something connected with my wife that triggered me, so I was being awful to her while still being a mostly nice guy at work. Frankly, I would not have blamed her if she had left me over my hair-trigger emotional states.

Related to this was that my frustration threshold was very very low: I had a hard time doing even simple things if everything didn't go smoothly. For example if I had been watering the flowers and the water-hose had developed a kink in it, then there would have been a good chance that I would have just given up at that point, feeling like "This is just too much for me!". Loading the dishwasher -- I couldn't bring myself to do it for literally weeks at a time, even though it is a simple enough thing to do. I "didn't feel like it", "I'll do it tomorrow", "I'm tired right now", "I have something else to do"... always something. Even when I set my mind to it and started in on it, within two minutes I was feeling quite bad and had to really force myself to continue.


There is upset and anger -- and there is Depression. And with the few words of the original posting as a guide, it sounds to me like the poster's wife might not only be upset and angry (and with reason, to be sure) -- but also Depressed (in a medical sense.)

Could she be Depressed without knowing it? Oh Yes Yes Yes. I went through very close to a year of having a very hard time getting myself out of bed and facing the world, thinking "I'm just tired... or something, this will go away Real Soon Now", before by chance I happened to read a newspaper advertisement looking for volunteers for a clinical study on a depression treatment; the advertisement listed a dozen different symptoms and said "If you have three or more of these symptoms" you may be depressed. I had 11 of the 12 symptoms. Until then I had absolutely no idea what was wrong with me, just that I was decidedly sick. Naming my depression was a big step forward for me, as it marked the point at which I was finally able to begin to do something about it (though it took some months more to take substantive action); before that point, I was too depressed to be able to process the idea that I might be depressed!


If Jamie's wife is in fact Depressed, then it would be a very good idea for her to seek treatment for that depression. And my saying that is in no way an implication that she should "seek treatment for not accepting Jamie's CD/TG". One of the possible outcomes of treatment is that she might then be in a clear mind to decide that she definitely doesn't want anything to do with CD/TG -- or to be in a clear mind to negotiate the boundaries of what she can accept. That might be regrettable for Jamie, but that's life, and I am more concerned about the health of Jamie's wife than I am with whether she "accepts" Jamie's CD/TG or not. (No slight intended to Jamie!)

[RylieCD]

Jamie,
My wife also does not like me wearing womens clothing. She "found-out" after our marrige. We have our up and down days and yes I wish she could accept this but I understand that She did not marry the CD, She did not know the CD. But she does accept that the CD/TG is a part of me and now part of our marrige. We do talk about it and have the agreement that I may dress when she is not at home. There has even been some instances where she has bought me some clothing items. So my advice is to take it slow, this has been a big bombshell that you have dropped on her and she will need some time. She may want to talk to you and/or a counselor at some point but let her determine that. Be there for her, be her husband, respect her, and love her.

[JamieOH]

She is taking medication for depression, This was happening before I told her, so it isn't this that put her there, just probably didn't help.. Bad timing I guess on my part.. But, she does seem to be getting more tolerant as days pass, because she doesn't seem to be as nasty and rude about it as before... She used to sneer whenever she mentioned it, as if I was some sort of disgusting person she wanted nothing to do with. Now though, I was changing my clothes, and was wearing a blue bra with lace trim and she just asked where I got it, in a much more pleasant tone, not exactly like "ohh that's cute" but more like "hmm he has another one".. but it's still progress....

Also, I did decide to go out, and try my luck.. So, Yesterday, when I went to get some DQ for dinner, I snuck my makeup bag out with me, and did my makeup at the park, and decided I was going to order dinner as Jamie... well, I chickened out when I got there, and swung around behind another store and took the makeup off..... Then around 10pm I had to run out to the grocery store, so, again, snuck out the makeup bag, I was wearing Jeans, and had a bra and lace trimmed cami underneath my manshirt... Took off the manshirt, did my makeup in the car real fast, I know I wasn't fooling anyone, but damn, I went through with it.. I walked in the store, got my groceries, paid, and left... Then I stopped for a pack of smokes at a gas station, still as Jamie... WOW... I was so NERVOUS the whole time... but I did it... It was incredible.. I think I may have looked ok enough to pass through the store, but as people got closer, I know they knew.. The guy at the gas station knew.. But, everyone was very kind, and polite, and it was quite nice... I think I was too nervous though.. Would have helped probably to have someone with me, but, oh well... I did it, and it was exhilerating!!!

BTW, a side note, As I walk through the grocery store, I hear the music playing on the speakers, and could not believe what was playing "I'm Every Woman" hahahaha... I couldn't help but smile... That definitely made it a bit easier...

[Donna Michelle]

Jamie, sorry to hear about your wife's problems. There is no GOOD time to tell a spouse that you are a crossdresser. Hopefully, she can understand that crossdressing is how you deal with your feelings and it makes you happy. My wife understands and supports me.

If you were more local, I would go shopping with you. It is so much fun to go in public while dressed. Glad you had a great time and didn't have any problems. It seems like the only people who were bothered by my coming out of the closet were my family - mostly the women.

But they had this image of me as a big, strong farmer who can pull an engine by myself and didn't expect to see a big sissy who likes pink frilly clothes. My wife wasn't surprised when I came out, because she saw my soft side. I watch chick flicks that make her leave the room and use her reciprocating saw. We both have two sides and understand each other.

I hope you and your wife can be happy together.

[RylieCD]

Jamie,

Be careful, Take it slow, it sounds like you just dropped this on your wife. She will need time to understand it and even longer (if ever to accept it). Changing into a bra infront of her could push her over the deep end. I know that would be the last straw with my wife.

Good luck

[Clarissa Stevens]

I feel the same way. My wife and I are is such role reversal. Although, she doesn't know about this...yet.

Claire

[kym]

be careful, some woman will say that they can deal with a cd and not be able to and strike out in vrious ways. i just got out of a marriage like that.

[Wenda]

was[/I] usually something connected with my wife that triggered me, so I was being awful to her while still being a mostly nice guy at work. Frankly, I would not have blamed her if she had left me over my hair-trigger emotional states.

", "I'm tired right now", "I have something else to do"... always something. Even when I set my mind to it and started in on it, within two minutes I was feeling quite bad and had to really force myself to continue.

Could she be Depressed without knowing it? Oh Yes Yes Yes. I went through very close to a year of having a very hard time getting myself out of bed and facing the world, thinking "I'm just tired... or something, this will go away Real Soon Now",

If Jamie's wife is in fact Depressed, then it would be a very good idea for her to seek treatment for that depression. And my saying that is in no way an implication that she should "seek treatment for not accepting Jamie's CD/TG". One of the possible outcomes of treatment is that she might then be in a clear mind to decide that she definitely doesn't want anything to do with CD/TG -- or to be in a clear mind to negotiate the boundaries of what she can accept. That might be regrettable for Jamie, but that's life, and I am more concerned about the health of Jamie's wife than I am with whether she "accepts" Jamie's CD/TG or not. (No slight intended to Jamie!)

I agree 100 %. I have personally dealt with depression and have had to deal with it with family members. The reality seldom resembles the portayal in films and on TV. Sufferers from depression don't sit around contemplating suicide, they struggle with fatigue and lack of concentration.

It is a medical condition just as Diabetes is. It is an imbalance and can be treated. Doesn't mean that she will like your dressing, however. She may just be able to size up the situation with a clearer perspective.
All the best, the old girl, W.