I received a message from a new member who wanted to discuss one of my previous threads regarding being "bi-gendered". She expressed the wish to have her femme side "win out". This gave rise to a concept I am still struggling to grasp. Please forgive me if I repeat myself.
In the final analysis, it really does not matter to me whether it is called being bi-gendered, CD, dual-gendered, trans, or any other term. So this discussion need not get into labels. But, after reading many posts here I do see that it is a continuum, from simply under dressing in secret to living full time. I believe all trans people are somewhere along the scale and it is as individual and varied as there are CDers. I also believe that CDers are at their given points depending on their life circumstances. I do think there is a tendency to grow as far as the individual CDer feels she can take it without risking losing her SO, family, job, etc.
What still puzzles me is my perception that if given the chance, the majority of CDers would want to have the femme "win out", which to me indicates a deep, secret wish to live and be full-time femme if it were at all possible. And if this is the case, and living full time is not possible without losing the afore-mentioned families and jobs, then how happy can the CDer be with her maleness? The popular notion is that CDers also wish to maintain their maleness. Would this be because they are concerned about losing these families or jobs, or because they really do cherish their male side? There are exceptions but there is an overwhelming majority of posts here that give off the sense that CDers simply cannot get enough of being femme.
It seems to be a paradox. Maybe there is much cross posting between the M2F CD and the TS sections?
I gather that many CDers don't know the answers themselves. Maybe it is a truth too difficult to face? A seasoned CDer on a different site told me once that in her opinion, CDers will never go as far as they dream to go.
Maybe I don't quite understand what "winning out" means.
I told the new member that I wish her all the best in coming to terms with expressing her femme side and finding her balance. It truly is a gift, I think. But I wonder sometimes if there is such a thing as a true happy balance.