My head hurts
My head hurts
If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
That's the crux, particularly in this community, isn't it? And looking feminine and acting/thinking in a feminine way can also be poles apart - but we may as individuals have different objectives?
If we, as a community of M2Fs, want to avoid being 'judged' ourselves, it does seem strange to so often pass judgements on others? There is always the teensiest possibility that we could be wrong, for starters...It was meant as in how strange it was for a group of people to demand acceptance but not show it at the same time (this is not in reference to all cders).
Nicki
[SIZE="1"]Moi?[/SIZE]
Certainly, but doesn't admitting it make crossdressing a joke? Even those of us who are OK just being accepted as a weirdo trying to be feminine would prefer to be accepted as a woman. That's the Holy Grail of crossdressing.
Again, I agree that many here (probably including myself) have said unfair/unreasonable/inappropriate/unacceptable things regarding GGs, and I'm not defending that. I'm saying that the motivation is rarely malicious. What manifests as an overt attack on women is just frustration -- frustration at what the poster sees as a great cosmic injustice, so responding to negative comments could be hard to do without really setting some people off.
edit -- Oops. Looks like Nicki said about the same thing, and I'm just a copy-cat!
Last edited by Raquel June; 07-06-2008 at 11:32 AM.
But not all MtF express wanting to be a woman, correct? I think they all express wanting to be feminine though. I suppose in a lot of ways its very difficult to distinguish what it is to be a woman and what it is to be feminine. That was the hardest argument I had when responding to my friends email. I certainly don't think everyone who has ever said, "GGs don't dress feminine" is saying it to be malicious but when words like "hideous", "grizzly", etc. are used, meant vicious or not, it would be difficult for someone outside this community to see it as anything but. And that was the point really. Just a sort of "heads up".
A little, if you didn't mean what you said then you should say what you mean. If you don't want others to assume you feel the same, you should voice what you do feel (with tact of course, lol).
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIZE="3"]"We're all born naked. Everything we wear is drag," said Boy George
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There's plenty who would and plenty who wouldn't. What doesn't get addressed very often is everyone's bigender feelings. Even if they don't identify as CDs, most people would like to see what life was like as the opposite sex for an afternoon. Femininity aside, 95% of CDs I've talked to, even if they don't want to be a woman permanently, would greatly prefer to be accepted as one while en femme. The ones who wouldn't are perverts who just dress for the kink factor.
Yeah, and I'm with you in hoping more people will give that needed heads-up. I think a lot of the regulars don't even bother clicking on threads with topics that tend to degenerate like that, though.
In essence, CD's dress in a deliberately extra-feminine way to compensate, both to try and pass or come closer too it, and to feel more like a woman, or at least feel that they look more like a women.
Maybe that is part of my problem personally. I tend to dress more like a regular woman does, and end up looking particularly unpassable. Still worse, if I wear women's pants, and a shortish wig, I end up being addressed as 'Sir,' by strangers I have to deal with.
Those comments do have a real world ring of being factual.
That may just be a phase.
I used to like the ultra-girly look and tried to squeeze into a lot of clothing that could only be worn by the slimmest and fittest of women. Needless to say, I looked like, well... not much!
Nowadays I know more or less what could look good on me, and avoid the fantasy stuff... It does better over time. I think it's a bit akin to teenage girls trying to find a style that suits them, and going through a lot of trial and error.
Not a copycat..
Speaking for myself - I believe I'm feminine in many ways, but I'm also comfortable being accepted as transgender.. To me, that feels more honest? For many people who meet me though, who can only deal with a binary, they are more comfortable treating me as a woman. I see myself as an 'in-betweenie'?
I don't think I fit your definition - but I'm certainly not in it to get my rocks off..
Last edited by Nicki B; 07-06-2008 at 04:42 PM. Reason: Changed smiley
Nicki
[SIZE="1"]Moi?[/SIZE]
Nicki:
I was actually kinda thinking along the lines of what you just said after I posted, but I'd already been thinking about it too long.
When I'm at an accepting place -- where people know what I am and they're OK with it and nice to me and not freaked out, I'm happy. To be honest I'm not sure if I'd be much happier if I was a real girl and treated as such.
It's just so hard for me imagine that feeling in everyday life. What if I could just walk around town like that without getting creepy looks? Maybe that'd be all I was looking for.
That makes me think of something that happened a month ago... There was a drag show on a college campus that I went to, and it started at 7pm. When you're on campus at 7pm, you run into a lot of people in their 30's and 40's taking evening classes. All the classes I've taken have been on the south side of campus, but the drag show was on the north side. I parked and was looking for the correct building. I was dressed a little strangely in a Hello Kitty shirt, a short pleated velvet skirt, fishnet arm warmers, fishnet stockings, and knee-high 4" boots. Two ladies walked past me and tried very hard not to make eye contact, then a little boy (probably about 4 years old) ran up to me and said, "Hey, lady!" and just kinda gazed up at me with a big smile. I said, "Hey!" back in a really friendly voice, and then walked over to his mom and asked her if she knew where Fawcett Hall was. She just said, "no," and tried not to make eye contact.
I'm not sure why that little kid made me so happy, though. Was it because he called me "lady," or just because he was nice? It has to be a little bit of both.
The next day a friend of mine (who I'd told about the show) said, "Guess what? Peter said he saw a transvestite on campus Friday."
Anyway, sorry to get OT.
But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]
Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]
Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . . - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
So DD you want to be insulted? Alright then, first of all, let me remind you that Yo mamma so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck! And yo brother so ugly, he had to tie a steak to his neck just so the dog would hang around him!
And if that doesn't rattle your nerves, then check this out - Yo computer so old, it still uses DOS! HA!
Now, don't you just feel violated? Insulted?
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
"I dwell in possibility."
"Say what you want and be who you are, because those who matter don't mind, and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss
"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."
George Bernard Shaw
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[SIZE="3"]"We're all born naked. Everything we wear is drag," said Boy George
[/SIZE]
And you gets to decide which ideas are ridiculous? You? Does that mean people who think crossdressing is ridiculous should attack you? Don't you want to be able to express yourself as a CD and if others don't like what you are doing then you would want them to keep their thoughts to themselves. However you argue otherwise that if they don't tell you what they think of you then they are weak.
How is this different from someone saying I am smarter than the average bear? I happen to think that anyone who needs to express superiority over anyone is an insecure person but I let them hang themselves by allowing them to gloat and letting others make up their own minds. The only person who gets hurt is the one gloating since nobody bothers to listen to them anymore.
How can we as a community demanding tolerance of a lifestyle that the majority of society believes is abhorrent or a joke take the moral high ground if we are so ready to be intolerant ourselves. Weakness comes through intolerance of others, tolerance of differences is strength. And comparing such persons to Nazis only demonstrates the true weakness of your argument.
Well here is my .02..... This is an internet message board and there will always be someone that will offend you. Personally I think you have to look at the WHOLE picture. This site has helped me and many others to come to grips with who they are. Since finding this site my wife now knows about my femme side, I have been out in public a few dozen times, met some AWESOME friends here both in person and just through the board. SO as a whole this site is GREAT. That being said, I think some of the offenses may come from less mature CDers, not because of their age, but more from being couped up and then either taking or being given their freedom to express their femme side. Lets face it, when most of us were first able to buy the clothes and gurl things we wanted, it was on the "****ty" side of things, but as we mature that seems to tone down, at least for me it did, BIG time. I really admire ALL GGs. I especially admire a woman who can dress in a t-shirt & shorts or jeans with little or no makeup and although just casual wear, they look great. I am at a point in my life where I want to dress more conservative and draw less attention to myself. Living in the phoenix area in the summer nobody wants to get too dolled up anyway, its too flippin hot. I just want to say to ALL genetic gals that come here, WELCOME and please dont let a few, or maybe not so few offensive posts speak for all of us.
Erika
Erika Leigh
Some of the things written raise my hackles too but I don't comment on them. I don't embrace this forum for confrontation but to interact with others interested in CD'ng or Tg. You mentioned that your freind only lurked on the site. Perhaps more interaction might have pointed her to only those with whom she preferred to communicate.
It must have been somewhat embarassing for you you,hon. Thanks for trying.
Margot
DD don't give up please I love you to much for you to. I don't know where to begin to say what I feel about this.
I will follow my heart